Dear Rude Lady in the Gym,
You have annoyed me for the last time! You just think your so damn cool with your cell phone on the Elliptical machine. Well guess what, YOUR NOT!!! No one wants to hear you have your silly self serving conversations while we sweat. Does anyone really care that you are going to see Charlies Angles tomorrow? NO! Or that your son got perfect attendance? NO! Half the little rats in that school got perfect attendance Miss Goody for Me Cell Phone Bitch! And when you sit in the locker room and yell into the phone like you the other person is deaf just makes me want to smash your stupid $400 peice of shit cell phone. Why do you need a phone that costs that much? HUH? So you can show off the rest of us paupers that your better? I bet there wasn't even anyone on the line. How pathetic are you? Well the jokes on you because we hate you and your loud cackle laugh. So why don't you just do us all a favor and join some other gym.
Sincerly-
An Annoyed Member
Dear Universe,
It's me Jennifer Lopez, I'm here to talk to you about these allegations placed against me by the british tabloid The Daily Behind. Apparently I am being labeled as a Super-Diva-Mega-Bitch. Well when you are as beautiful and rich as I am of course the destitute of America will try and place labels on you. But come on I mean don't I deserve to have things my way? After all I am gorgeous and rich and oh so bootylicious. How dare some of these people that come up to me on the streets just assume they can look at me straight in the eyes. I have better things to worry about than you, like SARS the deadly disease that is surely going to target me seeing as my ailing would crush the spirit of the world. I just can't stand the thought of all those plague zombies coming into contact with me. This is the reason that I am moving my movie from the cesspool Toronto. I don't want those infected Torontonians hacking there plague spittle all around me. Just because your not as beautiful and rich and gourgeous and famous and RICH as me doesn't mean that you have to be bitter. Stop laughing peasant and avert your dirty little eyes.
Dear Stupid Gas Station Lady,
So I gained some weight? So freaking what? You make it seem like it's a crime to want to buy a pack of cigarettes now. Why don't you just go back to your own contry and leave all us fat Americans alone! This is a free country and I have the right to get as fat as I please! I just want my Doral's in peace and not have to be remindedthat I don't look anything like my picture. What do I have to do to get some smokes around here? I'd take up drinking but it's getting harder and harder to find the liquor stores with the rednecks who don't hold it against you for not looking like your picture anymore. We are in America now lady! Go back to whatever country your from and leave me the hell alone!
Sincerly-
Pissed off in Akron
