writing
To Know, to Will, to Dare, to Keep Silent
-velvetandlace
copyright CT, 2003
TO KNOW
The night didn't seem especially different, the stars weren't all that bright. It was she herself that glimmered. Rose gently tinted her cheeks. "Anticipation", she thought "Makes me nervous." A slender hand reached out to strike the match,trembling slightly. The wick took hold; the wisp of illumination danced in the breeze. By the same, soft, hands the candle was lifted, and she lit the rest in turn, bathing the clearing in archaic light.
She sat back and took in her surroundings a moment. This was her favourite place: The willow trees bowed to the calm lake, and the moss hugged the willows possessively. The grass was lush, and - what she thought most important of all - it was quiet. Barely anyone wandered to this part of the lake, and she could guarantee herself some privacy.
She leaned against a tree, wrapping a green wool shawl about herself. Only then did she allow a smile to cross her face. She closed her eyes and relaxed. If one had chosen to study her face at that moment, they would have been surprised. She - Tessa - was a quiet girl, and tried hard to create an unnoticeable persona, to be colourless. There was nothing bland about Tessa tonight. Her tranquil face was smooth, and long, dark lashes framed her closed eyes. If she were to open them, perhaps they would notice the golden flecks that danced in her brown eyes. Her hair, the colour of cappucino, fell to her shoulders in soft waves.
She was a picture of content and glorious feminity. If the viewer were feeling sentimental, perhaps the phrase "wood sprite" would come to their lips, and they would whisper it into the wind as a caress.
In the world, Tessa was a shadow. Here, in her place - she was a goddess.
******
TO WILL
Melliflously, she stretched a hand to the lake, letting it drift and ripple on the surface. She shivered slightly as the cold water came into contact with her warm skin, enjoying the tactile sensation. She'd never felt anything more glorious than the grass under her small toes and the water on her skin. Tessa had always believed in the sense of touch. For her, it was sensuous. She believed it to be a language, and had often attributed tactile properties to people she knew. Her boss, for example, was polyester. Cheap, but adequate. One only looked down on it when they had tried better. Her sister Georgia could be nothing but wool - soft, warm, and kind. "Yet", Tessa mused idly, "I've always been too afraid to think of one for me." She lifted her hand from the water, teasingly shaking the droplets over the slight gap of bare skin showing at her stomach. "I wonder..." she thought, opening her eyes slowly in revelation "If I might be water?" And surely it could be true. She moved with grace and fluidity and, while she mostly moved serenely and unnoticed, she had a tempestuous, wildly primal streak. "Yes..." This time her voice was audible, a low tone that seemed to dance before her. "I am water."
******
TO DARE
She could feel that rawness rising within her as she reached this clarity. She had an affinity with water, and her smile blossomed to know this, that she had finally found a place for herself within her own language. She belonged in her own mind now, spoke her own created language.
Tessa wanted to merge with her sensation. it was this simple idea that compelled her to declothe. With shaking fingers - this time from thrill - she unbuttoned her brown blouse (she wore no bra), and stepped out of her long cream skirt and simply cut underwear. She had stepped out of her shoes over an hour ago. Now Tessa was entirely naked. And she uninhibited. The water, this place was her enchantress, and she a willing servant. She herself felt bewitching as she extended a foot, touching it to the lake's surface, the ripple running through her own body. She giggled with delight and removed her foot. Moving back a few paces, she took a running leap and dove into the lake.
She resurfaced, hair plastered to her skin, swimming a few strokes before turning on her back, floating. Her lips parted, and she began to softly sing, staring at the moon.
******
TO KEEP SILENT
Tessa felt...Right. This was indeed her perfection, her Paradise, and this was magic. She knew she couldn't hide this now. Tomorrow, she couldn't just be quiet, faded Tessa. She realised that this was the purity of her spirit, and it was not erasable.
No matter what happened with her now, it wouldn't matter. She had her own sense of belonging. That would never change. Tessa did not have to prove who she was to anyone. She had proven it to herself, and that was more than enough.
Let her reticence be a gift, and let her revel in touch, and grace, and liquescence.
*******