I
know, he told me not to message him unless he messages me first… but today
is Thursday. A week ago, we shag. I would have said we made love but now
it’s clear… we just shag. It was indeed the best shag of my life but
still it was just a mere shag…
It’s not like I didn’t know. I knew. I just chose to be a fool
and believe… hope… It was all me. He didn’t do anything nor said
anything I could hold on to. It was rather quite in the contrary. Perhaps it
was unconscious but I saw it in his eyes. His eyes spoke so much of his love
for someone else. I was aware that I was just there to be use and to use
him…. we both just had needs… it was so clear… I was just a fool.
Why did I believe? Why did I hope?
Why, when I knew from the very beginning?
I don’t know… it just is…
I
could still feel his hand on my hand… our palms on each other’s palm,
fingers entwined… his warm breath on my neck… I could still hear his
shallow breaths—breaths of sheer pleasure… the way he called out my name
in whispers… we held on to each other… our body one, moving in unison…
his sweat dripping on to me… our eyes close, we could just feel each
other’s intensity… making our hair stand… electricity shooting from
every part of our body…
On top… Bent down… Legs up… Side ways…
My mouth on his mouth…
Exploring… swirling… twirling…
I could feel… energy mounting… his grip tightens… pain, such
sweet pain!
He
spoke of him ever so lovingly. Eagerly, I listened. Stories of his love for
him, his past life, to how he learned about love… He talks with such
casualness, such ease… without shame. I wished it was me he was talking
about. Would he talk about me…?
I guess not… I was of illicitness… an affair that should be
forgotten… could he?
It’s
been a week already. But I could still feel him… longing… every time I
close my eyes, vividly, I’m back there in his room… in his arms… his
warm breath in my neck…
I know he said not to message him until he messages me first…
“I miss you… please reply…”
No reply.
I
close my eyes…
I
could feel…
When
would it end?
