Everest - Vol 1
By Jason Granado
Page One:
Jack really couldn't understand where things went wrong, for that matter he doesn't even know why. All he knows is that at this very moment, he is the saddest he has ever been in his life... and the fact that he is laying on his best friends couch at 3am, listening to his snores penetrate through the walls surely does not help any. Her final words to him still run through his mind like the energizer bunny on speed, "Jack, things haven’t been okay with us for a long time, so don't act like you didn't see this coming. We don't talk anymore, hell we barely even see each other anymore and we live in the same damn house! We need some time apart, I need some time apart. If you ever loved me, you’ll at least grant me this much, just go." The words, along with the adamant expression on her face, still burn into him like a sharp knife.
It didn’t take him long to pack, especially since his wife had already packed most of his necessities before he even got home. Jack had barely taken off his coat when he noticed his duffel bag and a couple of boxes in the adjoining living room of their simple two-floor home. “Honey? Sweetie are you home?” he hollered as he always did after an extended stay away from home. More so now than ever, Jack is often called out of town for one work related matter or another. Granted, the extra work and salary has allowed him and his wife to purchase the extra space they needed so they could start a family, but little has he noticed that the space had yet to be filled because he hasn’t been home enough to actually make that family.
Coming down the stairs with a red Marlboro duffel bag, filled to capacity, his wife, Emma hands him the bag. “Jack, you’re home early for once.” She says with a slight tone of annoyance and regret as she hands him the bag. “Figures, the one night you’re supposed to be late, you get here when you’re actually supposed to.” Jack, usually not an astute man when it comes to “catching on” to things, notices his wife’s tone instantly. “Sweetie, what’s going on? Why all the bags?” The third astute thing Jack has noticed is that fact that she has yet, to look him in the eyes. “Emma...”
“Jack I’m sorry, I was planning on spending the night at Jessica’s so I wouldn’t be here. I can’t do this anymore Jack, I can’t keep pretending to be a family anymore, I want more, I need more.” She doesn’t have to look up to know that he has a very confused expression on his face, much like one has after just being shot from behind. “I love you Jack, more than you’ll ever know, but I can’t spend the rest of my life as your second love. I...” “What are you talking about, being my second love?” Jack interrupts, “Emma, you’ve been the only woman I have ever loved. Do you think I cheated on you?”
He tries to take hold of her hand, to gain some level of intimacy, but she pulls away. “Jack, I know you’ve never…” She trembles slightly with a sigh, “I know you’ve been faithful Jack, but you just don’t understand.” Tears begin to form, misting her vision, and for the first time in years, Jack is reminded of why he hates to see her cry. "Jack, things haven’t been okay with us for a long time, so don't act like you didn't see this coming. We don't talk anymore, hell we barely even see each other anymore and we live in the same damn house! We need some time apart, I need some time apart. If you ever loved me, you’ll at least grant me this much, just go."
Not wanting to further agitate her, he grabs his bag and walks out to the still cooling car. After throwing the first bags in the backseat, he looks out at the dead midnight streets wondering if this is all just a dream. When he returns to grab the next couple of bags and one of the boxes, his wife has already gone back upstairs. Picking up the box housing his work journals, small sobs bounce down the stairs, coming from the bedroom they have shared for two years.
By the time he has gotten the last box, the sobs have become silent and the truth of it all burns in his heart. To simply walk away without a fight would probably show her that he doesn’t care, but to go up there now would probably upset her far worse than she already is. He reaches puts a small bag on the counter, grabs the remaining box along with his coat, and walks out of the one place he has ever truly called home.
Long after the sound of his car disappeared, Emma walks down the stairs to find exactly what she dreaded to see… an empty house that would not be filling up anytime soon. Walking into the living that was moment before filled with her husband’s life, now only a single bag remains on the counter. Checking inside, the well of tears burst open as she sags to the floor, broken hearted.
Curling up into a ball, Jack presses his knees to his chest and closes his eyes thinking, "After four years of marriage, I end up sleeping on Phil's couch ... all cause I was too busy working my ass to please everyone else ..." He tries to push the thought away, and for his efforts opens the gates of tears that have been fighting to hold back the flow. Phil snoring drowns out the sound of his best friend's cries, as Jack's heart finally breaks into a million pieces.
The night drags on, and Jack finally cries himself to sleep, while miles away in a small suburban home, the woman he married four years ago does the exact same thing. Emma sleeps with a stuffed bear clutched close to her chest, a bear that her husband won for her on their very first date to the state fair. Deep in her heart she knows that it is for the best, but she still finds comfort in the smell of his cologne. She needs to be alone tonight, to see how far this will go, to see how far her will can last... because deep down she knows that if she can make it through this first night without him, then she can survive the many to come. As sleep finally finds her, she slips into a dream much like any other, a time and place where all is right, and the man she loves holds her gently.
Miles apart, two hearts find each other in the heavens, and weep down as they witness a future's past has come and gone.
of a love they both created.
And its passing on they'll find,
that their love was not fated.
Truth be told that in the end,
nothing lasts forever.
But sorrow's touch can linger on,
to places time can never ..."
Page Two:
The alley is cold and dark, lit only by the light of the passing cars and the full moon hanging overhead like a beckon. Jack doesn’t know if the chill he feels is coming from the cold damp weather… or the fact that he’s scared shitless of this alley. The only sounds he can hear are the rapid beats of his heart, and the occasional splash as he steps into a puddle of what he hopes is just water. Too scared to even breathe, he slowly walks onward.
The rational part tells him to turn around and get the hell out before something bad happens, but his legs don’t listen as they walk onward. With his eyes open wide, he searches the shadows for any sign of movement, any sign that he is not the only living thing in this alley, but they find nothing. All seems dark and quiet, not even the passing cars making a sound.
That silence is shattered as a scream of anguish pierces the still, a woman’s scream that sounds frighteningly familiar … “Emma!” His fear forgotten, Jack runs towards the source of the scream, his heart beating furiously in his chest, pounding as if seeking to find release from the constraints of his ribcage. With heavy breathes he runs to the sound of his wife’s voice as she utters another scream from within the shadows,
“JACK! … JACK!”
“EMMA, I’M COMING! WHERE ARE YOU, EMMA?!?” he shouts back to the shadows but gets no response. The alley seems to stretch farther then any alley should be, going on forever to no end. A light in the distance shows the way out, and beyond it, two shadowed figures colliding together. Jack recognizes his wife instantly, her long back length hair and small frame wrestling against a much taller and burly shadow. “GET AWAY FROM HER!” he shouts, trying desperately to scare the attacker away.
Jack’s legs hurt from the forced running as he inched closer and closer to the wrestling shadows in the distance. With each step closer the shadows get larger and yet seem just as far as when he first started. “EMMA I’M COMI…” caught off guard, Jack falls head first into the ground. His face landing in a puddle of … something cold and wet, water perhaps? He tries hard to get up but feels something pressing down on him, keeping his face in the puddle.
While he struggles to get up and grasp for air, he hears his wife screaming in the distance. “JACK! HELP ME!” Fear and desperation grip him tightly as his instinct for survival and the need to save his wife struggle for dominance. Right now, all Jack knows is that if he doesn’t get up, his wife could be killed along with him!
His lungs scream for air as his face is pressed harder into the puddle, keeping him firmly at bay. “JACK! HELP ME! GET UP JACK!” he hears the voice and tries harder to rise from the puddle but can not force his head out to even see.
“JACK! HELP ME! GET UP JACK!”
Reflexively he inhale but finds himself sucking up nothing but cold water. He coughs up the water along with the rest of the air that he had in his lungs. His logical mind tell me that he is drowning, the irrational part of his mind is telling him that he needs to get his ass up already. Knowing that he has only one last chance, he puts everything he has into this final effort… it is now or never. Either he pulls his head out of the water and gets up to save his wife, or he’ll not only drown in this puddle but his wife will also be hurt by her attacker.
“JACK! GET UP”
Putting ever ounce of strength he has left, Jack yells with a force he didn’t knew he possessed and fought back against the force holding him down. Little by little the hold his attacker has on him weakens. “JACK!” Little by little his head rises, still buried beneath the water. “JACK! GET UP!” He burns with a new determination as he feels his head rising out of the water, first his eyes. “JACK!!!!” Rising further he takes a breath through his nose as his shoulders rise higher. “JACK” And finally … “JACK!” with one last push … “JACK HELP ME!” Jack raises higher, forcing back the weight on top of him. “JACK GET UP” and much to his dismay Jack rises out of the puddle,
“JACK GET UP”
And finds himself falling ass down onto the dog that was sleeping right next to him on the floor near the couch. “Jack, what the hell are you doing to my dog, get the hell off of him!” Not knowing what the hell is going on, Jack feels the mongrel beneath him yelp and scamper off to find comfort with from master. “Jack get up, I wanna get some breakfast before we start working on the computer room. Come on dude you gotta quit doing this to yourself, you haven’t done a thing in over a month, you gotta start moving your ass again or you’re gonna become a part of my couch… and I liked it a lot better with you attached to it.”
Jack looks up at his friend and wonders if he will get arrested for shoving that dog up his bulbous ass. His heart still racing from his nightmare, Jack sits up and find himself covered head to toe in sweat. The sound of Emma’s voice fading back into the subconscious from which it came. “Jack! Help me! …”
But some things never mend.
The shattered soul can slowly start,
To twist apart and bend.
Though the mind can say move on
The adamant spirit stays.
In the bosom of loves spawn,
To nurse on yesterdays.”
Page Three:
Jack couldn’t believe the mess of fiber optic wires and cables that were thrown from wall to wall. The room resembled a thick spider web; which reminded him of something his wife always said when people visited, “Welcome to my parlor said the spider to the fly”. When Phil asked him to help setup the computer room, Jack was thinking that he would only have a few computers to network, possibly do some wiring, but this is totally more than just a simple “Hey Jack, wanna help setup my computer?” Once again, Jack realizes just how much of an idiot his friend really is.
“So what do you think Jack, do you think we can get this done by tonight? I know it’s a little messy and all…” Raising a single eyebrow, Jack tries his best not to show just how annoyed he is at the moment. “I won’t dignify that with a response.” Phil of course, failed to notice the tone.
Inspite his feelings towards stepping further into the web of doom, Jack can’t help but feel the twitch of excitement that he always gets when he’s in his element. Computers are his field of expertise and it is the one job that he has the most confidence in doing. He’s vaguely aware that he’s being spoken to, his overworked mind already figuring out how to get everything set up. “We’re going to have to disconnect all the wires firstly and get the equipment situated before we can get these wires placed. After we figure out where everything goes, then we’ll know just how much of that cable we’ll need so we can start trimming it. Lets get these cables wrapped up and out of the way first, and then we’ll go on from there.”
Phil, who was in mid-sentence when Jack started his battle plan, just gave up asking his questions and did what he was told. It took over an hour to get all the cables disconnected from the four computers, router, and printer which only made up part of the dicombobulation of technology. Once Jack was satisfied that everything was safely stored for the time being, he began to plan the next stage of his battle plan.
“Alright, now that we can actually see the room… by the way Phil, that’s the ugliest carpet I’ve ever seen. Is that baby-shit green?” Before Phil could utter a word out of the hurt expression covering his face, Jack continued. “Anyway, you did a good job of placing everything, the only thing I’d move would be the router, you don’t want it too close to the air conditioner, and you’ll catch too much EMI. Aside from that, you’re good.”
Phil, god bless his soul, just nodded his head as if he understood a single word, but in reality only knew that the air conditioner was loud and thus, he assumed that’s what he meant. “Okay, now that we have room, let’s mark the tables where the computers and monitors will go so we can move them out of the way for now.”
They spent the better part of a half hour just marking the tables with masking tape, and writing the names of each computer. After they moved everything out of the way, it took another two hours of laying and trimming the cables and making sure that none of them would hang loosely. By the time they were ready to start bringing in the first of the computers; Phil called for a lunch break. In the time that it took the pizza to get there, Jack had already connected three of the computers and flat panel monitors, and was working on the fourth when Phil called up the stairs. “Jack, come on man leave that shit alone for now, get some pizza before I eat it all.”
Phil’s kitchen looked a little more feminine than one would expect from a football watching, grease monkey; though Jack didn’t mind because it reminded him very much of his wife… ex-wife. The walls that were white when Phil brought the place are now a shade lighter than pastel blue, which combined with the hunter green of the counter give the room a nice homely vibe. Jack finds himself sitting in this room often with a cup of coffee as he just thinks of everything that’s happened. Something about this room makes it easier to sit without the pressing pain that keeps him up at night; and it is this reason that these two heartbroken men sit with their pizza and talk about things that most people don’t know that men talk about.
“So you’re still thinking about moving your business to the computer room, Phil? I mean, once we get that mess straightened up anyway?” Four-Leaf Clover Designs is the web designing business that Phil started after college, which has grown quite a bit in the past couple of years now since Jack and Emma began backing him with financial support. Without their help, Phil would probably still be doing small contracts for his neighbors while working part time at the local burger joint. When he started, all he had was the laptop his parents brought him for college, and a very slow dial-up connection.
There was a long silence while Phil chewed on his completely full mouth of extra cheese and pepperoni. “Yeah, I figured it would be easier and cheaper to just run everything from here instead of renting out that office. Now that Kevin is going to classes again he’s barely at the office so there’s really no need to keep it, I get everything through e-mail or fax. I’m gonna miss the place to be honest, it was the first thing I ever did right, and the first time my father ever told me he was proud of me was in that office. But life goes on, and I won’t mind saving the three-hundred a month.” Jack couldn’t help but notice a slight mist collecting in his friend’s eyes, but afterwards just went back to staring at his plate.
“We had some good times in that place, but you’re right, life goes on.” The room grows silence once again, as both Jack and Phil think about the many nights the two men sat working on a project, while their wives studied quietly in the main room. From time to time, the women would come into the work area, and insist that their husband’s take a break; which normally just consisted of sitting close to each other and chatting about nothing at all, and everything. To Jack, those nights seem like nothing more than another chapter from one of the stories he writes as a hobby. A couple that is very much in love, and content just to be in each others company. Inwardly, he smiles but deeper still, his heart aches.
Jack notices his friend staring at him from across the table, and for the first time, he’s aware that tears have been running down his own face. “You still haven’t signed them have you Jack? You need to do something man, you can’t keep going on like this. Either you sign those papers, or you put your pride aside and go see her, or call her or something.”
“It has nothing to do with Pride, Phil; I don’t even know what to say to her anymore. Last time I saw her, she just handed me my bag and threw me out of my own house. Hell I didn’t even have enough time to get angry or anything. What am I supposed to say to her? … All she said was that I should have seen it coming. Bitch didn’t even have the balls to tell me she was divorcing me, she just hid the papers in my bag. No, it’s not that I don’t know what to say to her, I don’t have anything to say to her.”
Phil takes a sip from his “Kiss me I’m Irish” coffee mug and waits until he’s sure Jack is done before saying, “Okay, then just sign the fucking thing, wipe your ass with it, and get it done with.” Jack doesn’t look at his friend; because he knows that deep down, those are the very same words that he said to Phil when Jessica and he decided on a divorce. Things were different then, at least Phil had a chance and a choice in the matter, and all he had to do was tell her that he loved her and they would have cancelled the divorce. Emma didn’t even give a moment to say goodbye before she chose to end four years of marriage, and over seven years of being together.
Neither of them said a word to each other since Phil tried to give him some advise, and Jack did everything he could to occupy his thoughts. He personally reinstalled the operating system into each computer, and loaded the software that Phil would need for his business. By 8 o’clock that night, the entire room was wired, plugged in and ready to start making money. An hour ago, Phil asked him if he wanted to go see a movie and grab a beer or two, but Jack declined and just continued setting things up. A half hour after Phil left, he found himself sitting in front of the main computer, and surfing the internet through the high-speed cable modem. Not really knowing what to surf for, he found himself logging into a familiar chat-room, hoping to run into one of his online friends.
He started chatting online over a year ago, when his job started to send him out on business more and more. Normally he’d think of calling his wife, but since she was always busy with her book club, her friends, and her studies; he just didn’t want to bother her. In hindsight, he realizes that maybe if he had called her anyway, just to say hello and that he loved her, maybe he would still be sleeping in his own house, next to the woman he loved since day one. When the loneliness of work started to kick in, he found himself visiting a chat-room for adults with martial and relationship problems, it was more of support group than anything else. It took him three tries to actually find a chat-room that didn’t include woman baring their breasts on a webcam, begging her viewers to tell her what to do with her orifices. Though he had no interest in those rooms, it took him over an hour to leave the first one.
Setting into his comfy chair, Jack scans over the names of people logged into the room, and he finds himself smiling when he finally finds her, “Starlis Angelis”, the one person that Jack has been able to openly talk to her. Maybe it was easier to talk to her all this time because deep down he knew that when it was over, he would sign offline and not have to face her judgment.
Emerald Torrent: Hi there Starlis, how are you doing tonight?
Starlis Angelis: Well hey there yourself! Long time no type. *Tight hug and kiss on the cheek* I’m doing pretty good tonight, no complains. How about yourself?
Emerald Torrent: Eh I’m good, it’s been a long day and I’m glad it’s finally over. lol
Starlis Angelis: Awww poor baby, I hope you’re not too tired to talk to me properly. *Winks*
Emerald Torrent: I’m never too tired to talk to you, you know that. I’m just glad to be sitting in a chair for once, my back is killing me.
Starlis Angelis: What have you been up to today? *Sits behind you and rubs your shoulder gently*
Emerald Torrent: *Smiles* Thanks. A work mate of mine is moving his company, so he hired me to do the computer work. When I stepped into the room, there were literally wires falling down the ceiling, it looked like a damn spider web. Lol
Starlis Angelis: Poor baby, good thing you didn’t end up hanging yourself on one of those wires then.
Emerald Torrent: Nah, that’s your job remember. *Winks*
Starlis Angelis: It’s been so long since you last popped online, I was beginning to think you found someone new for that job. Besides, we both know I’d rather use the wires to tie you up.
Emerald Torrent: Who are you trying to kid? You wouldn’t use them on me; you’d beg me to tie you to the bedpost.
Starlis Angelis: Well that too. *Blush*
Starlis Angelis: So where the hell have you been? I’ve missed talking to you. I really could have used your shoulder to cry on a couple of nights ago.
Emerald Torrent: I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to take care of few things. What’s going on with you and your husband?
Starlis Angelis: Oh man, where do I start? Lol Things haven’t gotten worse or anything, but I have to admit, I’m seriously starting to reconsider staying with him. I love him so much, but he doesn’t seem to remember I’m even alive sometimes, you know?
Emerald Torrent: Yeah, I can empathize, I imagine that’s how my ex-wife felt when she finally divorced me.
Starlis Angelis: So you signed those papers?
Emerald Torrent: … No, not yet. I know I know, I should get it over with, that’s what everyone seems to tell me, but every time I try, I just keep remembering the day I met her, and the years we have been together. It’s hard to let go of something like that. Whatever she was feeling, it must have been a lot of hurt to decide something like divorce, especially since she never did anything without giving it a lot of thought.
Starlis Angelis: Maybe you should talk to her, you might be able to salvage things. I know from what you’ve told me, that you and her don’t seem to discuss anything anymore, but you might need to get out of your comfort zone a little and suck it up.
Emerald Torrent: I don’t think she’d talk to me anymore. I mailed her a letter a week after she kicked me out, asking her to talk. The letter came back unopened.
Starlis Angelis: Maybe she did open it and sealed it back up. I do that all the time with those mail-order movies, that way I don’t have to pay for them.
Emerald Torrent: I don’t know…
(Ten minutes later)
Starlis Angelis: Are you still there?
Emerald Torrent: Yeah I’m here, sorry, I’m a little lost in thought.
Starlis Angelis: Is there anything I can do to help?
Emerald Torrent: You can put a bullet in my head that might help.
Starlis Angelis: Don’t start that, you know I don’t like it when you start talking like that.
Emerald Torrent: Sorry, just being a smart ass like usual.
Starlis Angelis:...
Starlis Angelis: Okay let’s change the topic, have you been working on any new stories?
Emerald Torrent: I have a couple I’ve been working on, but work has been kicking my ass so I really haven’t had the time to sit and type it up.
Starlis Angelis: Well, will I get a chance to read it when you are done? *Sad puppy dog face*
Emerald Torrent: You’ll be the first person I send it to, I promise. Honestly, you’re the only person that even knows I write them. My wife never knew, I was waiting until I got one published before I told her. I wanted to surprise her but the editor rejected my idea.
Starlis Angelis: I think you’re a great writer, you have a great imagination for different things, I’m sure you’ll get published.
Emerald Torrent: Thank you. Well if I do, I’ll make sure to dedicate it to you.
Starlis Angelis: Awww… from time to time you can be the sweetest man I’ve ever met. *Kiss on the cheek*
Emerald Torrent: Shh, don’t say that too loud or people might start thinking I’ve gone soft.
Starlis Angelis: lol Soft, or softer?
Emerald Torrent: There’s a difference?
(Five minutes later)
Starlis Angelis: Do you think I should leave my husband? Be honest.
Emerald Torrent: Honestly? I think you and him should have a talk. I know you love him, and you’re in love with him very much, and I think it’s worth fighting for.
Starlis Angelis: ...
Emerald Torrent: Look sweetie, I know you feel like your husband doesn’t appreciate you, or love you anymore, but that’s not necessarily true. I did a lot of mistakes with my wife, and I know now that I hurt her a lot by focusing too much on my job, and not enough on our marriage. I love my wife still and I’d give anything to tell her that I love her just once more. I wish she and I had talked, I wish I could have told her just how much I love her, and how much I can’t imagine my life without her, but I messed up … we both did. You still have a chance to give your marriage a fighting chance, I’d hate to see you regretting that you didn’t.
Starlis Angelis: Maybe I should take my own advice for once huh?
Emerald Torrent: Couldn’t hurt.
Starlis Angelis: Thanks. I need to think about it some more, but I’ll leave a letter in his coat, letting him know that I need to talk with him. Guess I’ll just go with the flow from there.
Emerald Torrent: Just follow your heart sweetie, you’ll be fine.
Starlis Angelis: I’ll hold you to that. *Smiles*
Emerald Torrent: I’ll bring the wires.
Starlis Angelis: lol Thanks, for everything.
Emerald Torrent: Right back at ya. *Tight hug*
Starlis Angelis: *Tight hug back*
Starlis Angelis: I should get some sleep. Will you be around within the next century?
Emerald Torrent: Yeah, I’ll be around this weekend.
Starlis Angelis: Okay, I’ll talk to you then.
Emerald Torrent: Okay Hun, take care of yourself. And good luck.
Starlis Angelis: Thanks, I’ll need it. Take care of yourself honey. *Kiss*
Starlis Angelis: Buh bye for now
Emerald Torrent: Bye Starlis
Jack doesn’t bother to sign offline; he just closes the chat window and shuts down the computer. Emotionally and physically exhausted, he heads off to veg-out on the couch for a while until Phil gets home. Though still logged into the chat server, Starlis Angelis isn’t aware that he left, and she doesn’t know that he never received her last messages.
Starlis Angelis: One more thing before I go?
Starlis Angelis: I know we’ve kept our personal info from each other out of mutual respect, but I just wanted you to know that you’re a great friend, and I wish I had more like you in real life. You don’t need to tell me yours, but I wanted to know that my name ...is Emma. Don’t know why I wanted you to know that, just thought it was time I told you.
Starlis Angelis: I’m sorry if I crossed any lines with you Emerald. I guess I’ll talk to you later. Bye
Starlis Angelis: Starlis Angelis, has just signed offline.
To help us get through life.
But when we fail to see the signs,
All we’re left with, is strife.
Once we go against the stream,
We’re left there on our own.
To deal with things in our own way,
Inevitably, to doom."
Page Four:
This day started off much like any other day, a couple of cups of coffee in the kitchen, Phil’s annoying rambling coming from his bedroom when he can’t find his other shoe on account of the dog hiding it again, and a deep sigh. The drive into work was traffic full as always, though today it seems to irk him even more than usual. After uttering every cuss word that isn’t written in the bible, he finally parks his car and steps into his own personal heaven/hell. Today he has a meeting with the head boss, and from the tone of the message, boss man isn’t very happy.
“Jack, have a seat, I’ll be with you in a minute.” Jack takes one of the two brown leather chairs in front of the big mahogany desk, and waits as his boss rummages through what looks like evaluation papers. After waiting five irritating minutes, his boss finally goes back to speaking to Jack.
“Okay Jack, you know I’m not a man of many words so I’ll just get to the point. I have your evaluation report here, and I have to say, you’re work has been shitty, and that’s putting it lightly. I understand you’re going through a terrible divorce, and I’ve tried to cut you some slack in the past couple of months, but you’ve just been slipping more and more. As much as I hate to say this, Jack, we’re gonna have to let you go. I’m sorry.”
Jack’s jaw drops and it’s only after a minute or so that he realizes he hasn’t taken a breath. “Robert, you can’t fire me, not after I’ve done for this company. My work hasn’t been that bad, Robert and you know it.” Jack takes a breath to calm himself down and realizes that he is now sitting on the edge of the seat. “Jack, I know you’re upset, but you should have seen this coming. We’ve talked to you about your performance and you haven’t done anything to improve on it. I can’t have a worker who doesn’t know how to leave his personal problems at the door. Now you can take as much time as you need to clear out your desk, but don’t take more than hour.”
Robert left those words hanging in the air, with no more care than someone who takes candy from a baby would leave a passing laughter. Jack’s calm fades as Robert goes back to his paperwork, physically showing him that he is done with him. Clenching his teeth, a little voice in the back of his mind tells him to choke the life from this man, but instead he stands and walks towards the door. With his hand on the door knob, Robert calls without even raising his head from the papers. “Oh and by the way Jack, you had a project to hand in today. Leave the materials with my secretary before you leave.”
Reaching into his coat pocket, he pulls out a zip-disk with all the programming code for the new web-browser his company has been designing for their new line of Windows based PC’s. Squeezing the disk hard enough to crack the casing, he walks over behind Robert’s desk and grabs him by his over styled hair. “Listen you little shit, I spent the last five years working for your God Damned company, doing every little fucking thing you asked whenever you fucking asked, and I never once complained. When I lost my wife, I came to work the next day because you were too fucking busy fucking the secretary to do the work yourself, but I did it anyway because it was my job. And now that this piece of shit job is all I have, you have the fucking balls to fire me because I haven’t been doing YOUR job! You want this fucking disk so badly?...” and without finishing that sentence he pulls back Roberts head and shoves the disk roughly into his mouth. His hands trying to pry free from Jack’s grip, but with no luck… Robert doesn’t know that Jack spends each night exercising in Phil’s weight room. “Here’s your fucking disk Robert, I hope you cut your ass when you shit it out you son of a bitch.”
Letting go of the disk, Robert spits it onto his lap with saliva and blood. “You fucking …” the next few words are mumbled as Jack slams Roberts head into his desk and the mountain of papers that are now covered with both blood and tears. Leaning close to Robert’s ear, Jack whispers in a voice that is far calmer than he should be. “You take that disk and shove it up your ass Robert, and if you want to sue me, you go right ahead. I’d love to see you explain those pictures of you fucking your secretary at your daughters wedding.” Robert didn’t raise his head from the desk, and as Jack walked out of the room, he could almost hear a muffled sobering coming from Robert, and with a shrug he closed the door on the last part of his past that he was holding on to.
Still livid from his encounter with his boss, Jack piles the contents of his desk into a cardboard box, and starts removing the pictures from the walls. In the years that he has worked for the company, the walls of his office had become a shrine to his life; a collection of the things and people he most cares about; but the most important pictures lay on his desk, a welcomed comfort on those nights when he was alone working. Pictures from his wedding in Maine, a montage of pictures of his wife, another of his family that he hasn’t seen in years, and a picture of Emma, their child, and himself that he pasted together using Adobe Photoshop. Grabbing that last picture, he finally sits down and the gravity of everything hits him with a force that leaves him breathless.
A half hour after he began removing every trace of his existence from his office, Jack clocks out of work and in many ways from his life, for the last time. Driving in silence, he reaches Phil’s house and goes up to the computer room. He finds comfort in the quite hums of the systems, much like a child that finds comfort in the sound of their mother’s voice. A multitude of thoughts run through his head, but nothing sticking around long enough for him to truly think about. Thoughts of his wife, his job, the many friends that are no where to be found when he needs them, and Phil, the only person he could ever count on. And then there is Starlis, a stranger he barely knows, but who knows more about him then he does.
Before he realizes it, Lunch time rolls around and he had been sitting there for a few hours. After running quickly to the bathroom to pee, he calls for a pizza and notices a message on the answering machine. “Hey Jack, it’s Phil. Listen buddy, I’m not gonna be coming home tonight, I met up with an old friend so she and I are gonna do some catching up... if you know what I mean. Anyway man, don’t burn down the house. Talk to you later. Bye.”
With a shrug, he heads over to the dresser that Phil put Jack’s clothes in, and he changes to blue Jeans and a t-shirt. After making some coffee and drinking a cup, he sits on the table, wondering if he should see if Starlis was online. Deciding against it, he kills time by taking the boxes out his car and threw out some of the things he won’t need anymore. The pizza arrived on time, thirty minutes or less as advertised, and he sat down in front of the television to eat a slice and try not to think about what happened.
Sadly, as much as he didn’t want to think about it all, the thoughts still found a way to surface and before he could do anything about it, he finds himself sitting once again on Phil’s couch, crying himself silly. Someone up in heaven must have found pity on poor Jack, because somewhere between the many tears and aching heart, Jack found sleep there on the couch which has become his vessel of sorrows.
Sitting in his in-law’s living room has never been easy, especially since they openly let it known that they didn’t have much love for him. Somewhere off in the small house, he can hear Emma laughing in a way that deep down seems foreign and unnatural. Feeling lonely and bored, he gets off the plastic covered cushions and goes in search of his wife.
Something in the back of his mind tells him that he won’t find her, but he just shakes his head and looks in the kitchen to find no one there. The voice in the back of his mind keeps nagging that he should quit looking for her, but stubbornly he continues on. As Jack peers through the kitchen windows at the empty back yard, he tells the voice in his mind, “I need to find her; I have to ask her something important.”
Looking through the hallway that leads to the bedroom, he hears the sound of her laughter once again and figures that she went to her old bedroom. Opening the door, the sound of her laughter dies, and he finds nothing but an empty room that looked exactly the way it did when he first snuck in that one moonlit night back when they were in high school. The pastel pink walls, covered wall to wall with posters of pop icons and movie stars. As if in a trance, he stares at the stuffed animals guarding the bed, and just as quickly he snaps out of it. “I need to find her, I have to ask her.”
The door closes on its own, as he heads back to the living room and the plastic covered couch where he finds Emma sitting. “Emma, there you are. Where were you?”
“Jack, you have to go back if you want to go on. You have to go back.”
Grabbing a seat next to her, he smiles and laugh, not quit understanding what she means. “Emma, you have to tell me, I can’t go until you do. Tell me now, Emma.” Staring stoically back at Jack, all she says is, “You have to go back now.”
Feeling an uncalled for anger rise from deep inside, he shouts at her in a harsh tone. “I’m not leaving until you tell me dammit. Tell me now!” When all she does is sit there stoically, Jack reaches his arms out and grabs her around her throat. “TELL ME DAMN YOU, TELL ME NOW!”
Even with his hands crushing her throat, blocking the flow of air, Emma keeps staring stoically at him. Lost in a rage that he has never known before, he squeezes his hands tighter around her neck, feeling the pulse beneath begin to thin. “TELL ME NOW EMMA! TELL ME! TELL ME!”
“You have to go back” she croaks one last time as Jack stares deeply into eyes that show no emotion what so ever.
With his heart racing, sweat covering his back, and tears stinging his eyes; the only words he could find for that nightmare are “What the hell was that about?” Thoughts and questions run through his head as he runs to the bathroom to throw some cold water on his face. Staring at his reflection in the mirror, the voice of his wife’s choked words run over and over in his mind. “You have to go back.” In that moment, he makes a huge decision. Heading over to the computer room, he fires up one of the systems and while Nickleback’s “Someday” plays in the background, he writes a final e-mail to Starlis.
For the first time in his life, he writes her an e-mail worthy of a poet. The words coming straight from his heart, things he should have told his wife before, things he should have done; all the words of a man who has had his life torn apart through his own folly. With the final goodbye, he signs offline and heads to finish up some last minute things.
Phil came home to a house that was far more quit than he’s ever remembered it being before. “Ripper, you home buddy?” Ripper being the nickname he gave Jack long ago when they first met. Not getting a response he figures that his buddy is probably still at work or something, so he heads to the kitchen to get an after sex beer but never makes it to the fridge because of the doorbell. After opening it he wishes he had gotten the beer first.
“Emma, what do you want?” he notices the tear stains on her face but doesn’t care to ask. “Phil, I need to talk to Jack, is he here?” Not bothering to offer her entrance he just stands with his hand holding onto the doorframe, subconsciously giving her a sign that she’s not welcome inside. “I just got home, but I don’t think he’s here cause his cars not in the driveway. I’ll let him know you came by.”
Before he could even step aside to close the door she steps forward. “Phil, I really need to talk to him, can I wait here please?” Long ago, Phil and Emma were really close friends, but all that ended the day she kept a dark secret from him that eventually caused his marriage to end badly. Some part of his heart hated to see her so tormented, and another part of his mind found this as a perfect reason to send her ass packing.
Of course, his mouth told another story, “Come in, I’ll get you a beer.” Stepping aside to let her in, he couldn’t help but put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Leading her to the kitchen, he notices a couple of envelopes and a piece of paper on the counter with his name on it. “Help yourself M.”
While she grabs a beer for both of them with shaking hands, he reads the letter addressed to him.
Phil,
I’m sorry I didn’t have more time to talk to you about this, but I knew deep down that if I did, you would find a way to talk me out of it. I decided to go away for a while, I’m not really sure where I’m heading to, but I’ll call or something when I get there. There’s no need to call my job, they fired me today so I’m sure they don’t care.
Phil, I need to get away for a while and do some thinking. Things are shitty right now and it’s all my fault, I messed up with Emily and now I lost my job. I need some space to just get my thoughts straightened out. Don’t worry about me though, I’ll be ok.
You’ve done a lot for me Phil, and I’ll never be able to thank you for it. I left you some money to help you with the rest of your business, and I hope that things go well for you. Maybe when I get back we can work together? Make sure Emily gets the other envelope, she’ll need those papers.
Anyway, I need to get going; I need to see someone before I head out of town. Take care of yourself Phil; I’ll be in touch eventually.
Thanks for everything,
Jack
PS: I fed the dog already before I left.
PPS: You’re out of milk.
It took him over an hour to get Emma calmed down enough to actually listen to a word he was saying. “Emma, he’ll be back, he just needed some time to get things cleared out in his head. You know how he can get sometimes; he’s over emotional right now.”
“Phil you don’t understand!” was all she managed to say before she started crying hysterically into his chest once again. Doing his best to comfort her he finally gave into just holding her tightly. When she calmed down again he waited until she was ready to talk on her own. “I’ve been talking to someone in a chat room, for adults with marriage problems. I was hoping to meet someone there that could help ya know? Give me some advice on everything. I got an e-mail from my online friend today, that’s why I came over…” Once again the tears flow, but Phil doesn’t give her time to wallow in them for long. “Emma, what are you getting at?”
“It was Jack! I didn’t know it was him and I didn’t know it, Phil. I’ve been talking to Jack and he told me… oh God Phil I fucked up…” Phil held her tightly remembering the talk he had with Jack about the online chatting he’s been doing for months now.
Phil spent much of that night comforting Emma as much as he could, and eventually told her to try and get some sleep. Knowing that she wasn’t in any condition to drive, he just let her sleep in his bed while he crashed on the couch. All he could do was lay there thinking about the divorce and bank information that Jack left for Emma in her envelope, and of the e-mail she showed him from Jack.
With tears in his eyes, he prays to the ceiling, “I hope you find what your looking for, Jack. Get your ass home.” He falls asleep while upstairs in his bedroom, Emma clutches tight to a sheet of paper, while tears stain the pillow, and the wind carries her cries far across town a single navy blue Dodge Neon driving down the interstate.
Epilogue:
“Hey Babygirl, I know it’s been a while since I came by to see you, and I’m sorry. I know I don’t need to tell you how insane things have been lately, but I know that’s not a real excuse to not see you. I brought you some flowers, I hope you like them. Lilacs, cause they are my favorite, and Lily’s because they’re your mom’s. It’s a nice day today, kinda like the day you were born. Man I wish you could have seen the sky that day, all bright and clear, even the sky was happy because you were born.
Sweetie, I really messed things up between your Mom and I, really badly too. I tried so hard, at least I thought I did, though I guess I wasn’t doing the right things. I messed up with you, and I messed up with her. Great father I turned out to be huh? I’m sorry… I know you’d say I did a great job but I just don’t feel that way ya know. There are so many things I wish I had said, so many things I wish I did, and many more that I wish I hadn’t. But there’s no point in going over the ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’s’. Time goes on I guess.
I know you’re up there, somewhere, looking down at us, so I probably don’t need to tell you that I’m going to be away for a while. I’m not really sure where I’m going really, but I wanted to see you before I left. I think I might see your Grandpa along the way, I’ll make sure I say hello to him for you. I haven’t seen him in twelve years or so, so that should be interesting. You’re Mommy told me to go back, and I think I understand what she meant.
Abi, I hope you can forgive me for my mistakes. I never wanted to hurt anyone, least of all you. I know it wasn’t my fault that this happened to you, but I wasn’t even there to say goodbye. I didn’t do what was right, and I missed my one chance. I didn’t see you grow, or any of the other things that a father should. I let you down so much, and I’ll never be able to make things better. I’m so sorry Abi…”
With the sun shining down from the heavens, Jack finally faces his biggest mistake, and as the breeze blows gently upon his face, some deep part of his soul knows that he is forgiven. A mix of emotions fight for dominance, as the soullessly silent father remains kneeled before his daughter’s grave, in bowed reverence.
Driving away from Saint Raymond’s Cemetery, the clear blue skies mimic the clarity of his soul, and for the first time in years he finds himself at peace over the loss of his Princess. The sins of his past become the fuel for his future, and as the hours melt away, he drives down the interstate once more, in search of answers to questions that are unknown.
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