Episode 49: Truth be Told
Toshiya opened his eyes as
the first rays of sunlight shone through the window. He was so
tired and sore. He didn’t want to leave Kaoru’s
embrace; so warm and cozy… Toshiya stared at Kaoru’s
face and felt tears gather in his eyes. ~ You love Miyabi that
much, don’t you?~ He lightly stroked Kaoru’s
cheek; then sighed. He should get up before Kaoru realized that
he slept with him and not Miyabi.
Toshiya slid his lean body
toward the edge of the bed, but was detained. Kaoru wrapped his
arms around the blue head tighter.
“Mine.” Kaoru
murmured in his sleep.
Toshiya smiled. “Gomen,
Kao-kao.” He whispered tearfully. “You’ve got the
wrong person.” He gently pushed the arms away and got out of
the bed. He slowly walked to the full length mirror by the closet
and stared at himself. He felt his face and stared at his body.
Strange. After last night, everything felt different.
Toshiya gave a heavy sigh. He
went to the closet to get dressed. Right now, he needed coffee.
Lots of it.
****
Toshiya reached the coffee
shop in haste. He immediately went to the counter and asked for
an extra large dose of coffee, then sat on a stool and brought
out a pack of cigarettes. He accepted the coffee in one quick
gulp as he took one cigar and lit it. He started smoking while
drinking coffee.
“Stressed?” A voice
called out behind the pretty boy.
Toshiya quickly turned
around. “Takeo?”
Takeo smiled and sat beside
him. “Surprised? I’m here every morning.” He
motioned to Toshiya’s coffee and cigar. “I can see you
have problems.”
Toshiya gave a humourless
laugh. “You could say that.” He puffed a cloud of
smoke.
Takeo ordered a cupof coffee,
then turned back to the blue head. “I take it, you had hell
of a time during the ball. Not everyone gets up this early after
a night of partying. Especially you.”
Toshiya sighed.
“I’m not sure what to say. There’s so many
feelings I feel, but words can never do them justice.”
Takeo nodded.
“Understandable. Emotional stress can be unbearable. This
has to do with Kaoru, am I correct?”
“It’s obvious,
isn’t it?”
“Not really. Care to
talk about it?”
“Well….”
Toshiya stubbed his cigar and sipped more coffee. “Alright.
I need to get this out anyway.”
In a matter of minutes,
Toshiya explained to Takeo the situation.
“I see.” Takeo
leaned on the counter. “Toshiya-kun, you shouldn’t be
inclined to believe all you see and hear. Kaoru, as smart as he
is in the filed of academics, is not that intelligent or
experienced when it comes to practical matters.”
“But Takeo.”
Toshiya protested. “What I see and hear is evidence enough
to point out that Kaoru does love Miyabi!”
“Toshiya, many times,
detectives solve cases due to the amount of evidence. But
sometimes, seeing and hearing is not enough. There are times when
a detective solves a case by disregarding substantial evidence
and listening to their instincts.”
“What are you trying to
say?”
Takeo smiled. “I’m
saying to ignore the evidence. Ignore what you see and what you
hear. Listen to your heart and what your heart alone tells you.
Maybe what happened last night has a reasonable explanation, as
crazy as it was.” Takeo crushed his now-empty cup. “Now
if you’ll excuse me, I have to take Jun to the grocery
store.”
Toshiya waved. “Thanks,
Takeo-kun.”
“Take care.”
Toshiya watched as the man
left. He turned back around and smoked some more. Then, on the
corner of his eye, he noticed hakuei and Miyabi sitting together
in the corner. Toshiya stared with a slight feeling of jealousy.
Both of them were smiling and laughing together. How sweet.
Toshiya closed his eyes and
stared at his empty coffe cup once he opened them again. He
thought about what Takeo just said. ~Listen to your
heart…..~
He put a hand on his heart.
It was hurting. He sighed. He could never understand Kaoru.
Never. Why would kaoru want him?
The blue head ordered more
coffee. He brought out his wallet and fumbled for cash. Suddenly,
a piece of paper fell on the floor. Toshiya cursed and bent down
to pick it up. He took it and stared at it.
It said:
‘Mrs. Tanaka’s
Designer Clothing’
Toshiya blinked. Once. Twice.
He sat there and stared at the card for a few minutes.
“Sir, your coffee is
ready.” The cashierist said.
“Oh. Sorry.”
Toshiya got up and paid for it. He quickly grabbed the cup and
went out the doors. He immediately flipped his cell phone open
and dialed Mrs. Tanaka’s number.
*****
Kaoru woke up with the
biggest headache ever. His whole body ached and he felt
–very- tired for some reason. He groggily got up and stayed
there until his mind began to clear. Slowly, realization dawned
on him. He immediately looked around the room.
~Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.
Oh shit.~ he said over and over again. ~Did I dream it?
Where’s Miyabi? Oh shit. Where’s Totchi?~
Kaoru managed to put some
clothes on amidst his panicked state.
~Baka. Baka. Baka. Baka. I
can’t believe I slept with Miyabi!~
~No. It might be a dream.~
~Shit. What’s going on?~
He picked up his keys and ran
out the doors. He ran up the stairs and pounded on Die’s
dorm. “DIE! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Die opened the door.
“Kaoru, you’ve got the worst timing.”
Kaoru saw Shinya sitting on
the couch inside with one of Die’s shirts on. “Gomen.
But this can’t wait.” He grabbed Die’s arm and
lead him to the hall.
*****
“Sou…sou…my
husband mentioned you the last time I talked to him.”
Toshiya blushed as he spoke
into his cell phone. “Sou desu ka?”
Mrs.Tanaka laughed.
“You’ve got the job. I’m in need for a few models
for my new designs.”
“Hontou?”
“Hai. When can you
start?”
“Anou….”
Toshiya hesitated. “…can I start right away?”
“RIGHT AWAY?!”
“Due to circumstances
here, it’d be beneficial.”
“Do you have a place to
stay?”
“I have a brother in
Paris I can stay with.”
“You do realize that
this is a very strenuous job that requires a lot of
traveling.”
“Wakarimasita.”
“Are you certain to give
up your schooling for this?”
Toshiya bit his lip.
“Things are too chaotic for me at this point. I believe I
need time away from here. I know you can help me.”
“But---.”
“Onegaishimasu.”
Toshiya pleaded.
There was a short pause.
“….. Alright. I’ll arrange the plane tickets.
I’ll reserve the first flight from there to Paris. I’ll
call you back.”
“Arigatou gozai maus.” Toshiya said, then hung
up.
*****
Die shook his head. “Damn…are you sure you
weren’t dreaming any of this??”
“Look.” Kaoru lifted his shirt up and Die saw
the large scratchmarks on the purple head’s back.
Die winced. “Geezuz. You’ve gotta talk to
Miyabi then.”
“But I don’t know where he went! And what am I
supposed to say? ‘oh, miyabi. Sorry about yesterday. I
didn’t mean to have sex with you.’”
Die shrugged. “Why are you asking me? I’m no
good with words. You are.”
Kaoru grabbed the red head’s shoulders and shook
him. “Die, you’re supposed to be my best friend!!”
Die: @_@;; “Alright. First of all, calm yourself.
Take a few deep breaths.” He patted his best friend on the
back. “Now, I heard from people that Miyabi is with Hakuei
at the coffee shop.”
“Eh? How do you know?”
“Because I’m Die.” Die went back in his
dorm and grabbed a jacket. “If it makes you feel better,
I’ll go with you.” He glanced at Shinya’s pouting
face. “Gomen, Shinchan. A friend needs my help.”
Shinya took a deep breath. “understandable. How
about I go with you guys? I need to grab some sweet tea and it
looks like Kaoru needs some too.”
“Are you sure you’re not just coming because
you can’t stand a second without me?” Die teased.
Shinya made a face and hit Die’s chest with his fists.
“MOU~! Bakabakabakabaka!”
Die laughed.
Kaoru stared at them with sad eyes. He wiched he and
Toshiya could be as happy as those two. With what happened the
night before, things seem more impossible between him and the
blue head. How could Toshiya love him back after sleeping with
someone else in their dorm?
Kaoru paused. ~’Love???’~
~Where did that come from?~
~When did I ever think that….?~
kaoru thought about all the things he and Toshiya shared
together. The room, the heartaches---everything.
~’kaoru, aisheteru.’~
Kaoru closed his eyes and clutched his chest.
~Totchi….I….I…~
“KAORU!” Die yelled.
Kaoru looked up and blinked. Die and Shinya were looking
at him peculiarly. He looked to the side. The front doors of the
coffee shop were already there.
“Kaoru, you ok?” Shinya asked.
“Ah, hai.” Kaoru nodded.
“Alright.” Die opened the door and motioned
the other two to go ahead. “Dozo.”
Kaoru took a deep breath and went in.
******
Miyabi and Hakuei were chatting happily as Kaoru
approached them.
“Ano….are you sure you didn’t’ dream
any of it?” Die whispered to him. “Miyabi
seems….slightly unaffected….”
Kaoru observed Miyabi. He was smiling sweetly at Hakuei.
~Maybe there was a mistake….~ Kaoru doubted himself.
“Miaybi-kun.”
“Ah! Kaoru-kun! Ohayo!” Miyabi greeted
cheerfully.
Hakuei frowned, then greeted Shinya and Die with a nod.
“ne, did you have fun last night?” Miyabi
asked innocently.
Die and Shinya looked at each other as Kaoru turned
pink.
“Ano….O.o;;” Kaoru stuttered.
“Hakuei and I were just talking about how you left
the ball early. I didn’t even get the chance to thank you
for escorting me there.”
“I………left early???”
Miyabi nodded. “Hai. Hakuei and I were trying to
find you all over the dance floor for about an hour. Then we ran
into Prof.Pata. he said he saw you leave.”
Kaoru’s eyes widened. “I….I left??”
~But…Miyabi was with Hakuei…Then---.~
“Ano…is something wrong, Kaoru?”
“Ah…er…” Kaoru blinked. ~Maybe I
dreamed it all. Impossible! Those scratch marks….!~
Die stepped in. “Did you see Kaoru leave with
someone else?”
“Nope. We didn’t see him leave.” Hakuei
replied as he lit a cigar.
Shinya made a face.
“Why don’t you ask him?” Hakuei motioned
toward Kaoru. “He’s right here.”
Kaoru, still in a daze, didn’t’ say anything.
Die sighed. “Gomen. We need to know because
it’s an important matter.”
Shinya swiftly grabbed Hakuei’s cigar and stubbed
it out. “Sorry. Couldn’t think with that there.”
He turned away from Hakuei’s scowl and looked at Miyabi.
“Where’s Prof.Pata’s office?”
“In the English building, room201.” Miyabi
replied.
“Alright.” Shinya grabbed Kaoru’s arm and
dragged him out.
~I could’ve sworn I saw Miyabi’s face….~
Kaoru thought. ~ Did I ….did I dream the whole thing?~
*****
Toshiya got back to the dorm with a heavy heart. He
placed his purse on his bed and lay down. He looked over to the
other bed. He remembered the hot searing kisses and the warm,
loving touches from Kaoru. He touched his lips.
~Kaoru…~
He sighed. This was tearing him apart. Too much has gone
on at Diety Hall. From the break up with Hakuei to Kaoru’s
“infatuation” with Miyabi.
~It’s just better for me to leave for the time
being.~ Toshiya closed his eyes. ~Like my father said, I’ll
end up a failure anyway.~
Suddenly, his cell phone rang.
Toshiya immediately picked it up. “Moshi
moshi?”
“Hara-san desu ka?”
“Hai. Hara desu.”
“This is Mrs. Tanaka.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize your
voice.”
“It’s alright. About your flight, I’ve
reserved a ride for you to come here.:
“Ok.”
“Hai. But I’m personally going to go to NYC
for business matters. The plan is for you to take a train to NYC,
and meet me at JFK airport. I have your plane tickets at hand, so
we can both go to France together.”
“When should I leave for the train station?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“WHAT?”
“You said you needed to leave as soon as
possible.”
“….Yes…I did… Arigatou gozai
masu.”
“Dooitasimasite. See you then, Hara-kun.”
“Hai….” Toshiya slowly hung up.
He stayed staring at the phone for a few minutes, then
sighed. “Guess I’d better start packing up.”
*****
Die, Kaoru, and Shinya reached Prof. Pata in haste. The
Prof. Let them in the office and they all seated themselves on
the leather chairs.
“So, what brings you here?” Pata asked in his
monotone voice.
“Well, it’s more of a personal importance,
Prof.” Kaoru said. “Do you remember what happened at
the ball last night?”
The Prof. raised an eyebrow.
“I mena, you saw me leave early, right?”
“Yes….”
“Did I leave alone, or with someone else?”
“Hmmmm…. Frankly speaking, I saw many people
leave. I can’t remember you all.”
“But you did see me leave?”
“Yes. I do recall you leaving, but the reason I
remembered was because you looked incredibly wasted.” {Heh.
I can’t see Pata use the word ‘wasted’. ^^; yk2}
“I did?”
“I was wondering if you had too much punch or if
you sneaked in alcohol.”
“No, I wouldn’t sneak in any beer, but I
remember drinking punch.” Kaoru scratched his head.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Prof. Pata leaned back on his chair. “After the
ball was over, Takuro inspected the punch and said something was
wrong with it. I assumed he was being his own over-acting self,
but I’m not so sure right now.”
“Was anyone helping Kaoru leave the hall?”
Shinya asked, trying to get back to the subject at hand. “If
he was that dazed, I don’t think he could’ve made it to
his dorm.”
Pata rubbed his fingers on his chin in thought.
“Actually, I do remember someone escorting Kaoru out of the
ball, but I don’t know his name.”
“Can you describe him for us?”
“All I saw was an Egyptian headdress.”
“That’s impossible.” Die said. “If
it’s an Egyptian headdress, then that means Miyabi was the
one. He was the only one with a Cleopatra outfit.”
“I heard someone saw Prof. Yoshiki in an Egyptian
outfit.” Prof. Pata informed.
Kaoru choked. ~I fucked Prof. YOSHIKI?!?~
“No. That’s impossible. Kyo said they spent
the night together.” Die said indiscreetly.
“Kyo AND Prof. Yoshiki!?!?!?” Kaoru and Shinya
exclaimed.
“And Sugi.” Die added.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
“Come in.” Prof. Pata said.
Ayumi came in with a stack of papers. “Prof., I
need to….” She stopped once she sa the 3 men.
“…oh… what’s going on here?”
“Ayumi, do you remember anyone with an Egyptian
outfit last night?” Prof. Pata asked.
The 3 Diety Hall residents stared incredulously at the
prof.
“I don’t remember much what happened last
night. I got hit in the head by that blonde midget, then when I
woke up, everything was fuzzy. I do remember the guy that played
MacBeth had a headdress on.”
“Who else? There had to be another person.”
Shinya insisted.
Ayumi made a face. “Why is it so important?”
Prof. Pata sighed. “It seems a personal matter is
involved.”
“IF you’re thinking of who won the costume
contest, then you’ve got no luck. That Mana guy won first
place for dressing up as himself.”
Die laughed. “Does that mean Gackt had 2nd
place with his vampy outfit?”
Kaoru frowned. “Could we get back to the Egyptian
outfit. I need to know if anyone other than Prof. Yoshiki or
Miyabi had it on.”
Ayumi scowled, but remembered Prof. Pata’s
presense. ~Guess I’d better behave well.~ “There is one
other person that I faintly recall with an Egyptian outfit.”
“Who?”
Ayumi pouted deeper. “Toshiya.”
Episode 50: Sayounara,
Totchi?
Toshiya packed his items in
his large luggages thoroughly. He dragged them all to the walk-in
closet and shut the door. Then, he threw himself on his bed from
sheer exhaustion.
Ring. Ring.
The phone.
Hoping it wasn’t Morita,
the blue head answered it. “Moshi, moshi?”
“Toshiya-chan?”
“EH? Oka-san?”
“What is this I hear
about you going to France? Your brother just called me a while
ago saying you were staying with him. Toshiya-chan, what is going
on? I thought you liked it there despite your father’s
protest. Oh, don’t mind your father. He’s a bit dense
and quite a stubborn man, but…. Blah, blah, blah,
blah………..”
“^^; Oka-san…”
Toshiya continued to listen, knowing that his mother would keep
talking until there wasn’t anything to say.
“NE, Toshiya-chan. Are
you sure about going to France? I mean, it’s so far
away….”
“Daijoubou,
Oka-san.” Toshiya reassured.
There was a slight pause.
“IS this something you really want to do?”
Toshiya stared out the window
and watched the falling leaves. “…h-hai. “
“Toshiya-chan…”
his mother hesitated. “…if there is something going on
over ther, you know you’re always welcome to come
home.”
~And be sneered at by my own
father?~ Toshiya felt tears well up. “Oka-san,
arigatou…”
“IF…if something IS
going on, is it so bad that you’re willing to give up
college?”
“I…i…I just
need to leave for a while.”
“I hope you’re not
running away from anything.”
Toshiya gave a fake laugh.
“OH, Oka-san! You’re worrying too much. It
shouldn’t be a problem, Oni-chan will still watch over me in
France. Don’t worry.”
“Oh, alright.” Mrs.
Hara sighed. “But you’ll have to call me everyday,
understand?!”
“Hai. Hai.”
“Sayounara.”
“Sayounara.”
Toshiya slowly hung up. He sadly looked out the window again. It
was a beautiful fall scene in full bloom. The same season that he
and Kaoru met. He remembered Kaoru’s first dorm party at
Die’s. he also remembered Kaoru’s annoyed expression
every time he would pester him. Nevertheless, Kaoru always
accompanied him everywhere.
~’I hope you’re not
running away from anything…’~
~’A lot of things happen
in the road of life.’~
~’You got rejected by
Harvard?!?!?!’~
~’Listen to your
heart.’~
~’….just make the
best out of it….’~
Toshiya felt tears flow
silently down.
~’….Kaoru,
Aishiteru….’~
“Kaoru…” he
sobbed. “…doshite?”
The door suddenly opened.
Toshiya immediately wiped the tears clean and turned around. All
the blood rushed to his cheeks once he saw Kaoru standing there.
“K-kao….”
Kaoru closed the door and
faced Toshiya. “T-totchi, did I…. Did I….?”
Toshiya turned back around to
stare at the leaves. He hoped Kaoru didn’t notice his
crimson cheeks. “What are you talking about, Kaoru?”
“Did I leave with you
last night?”
Toshiya clenched his hands
into fists. “I…I…”
“What happened last
night, Totchi?”
Toshiya felt another wave of
tears coming; he quickly tampered down the urge to cry.
“Nothing.”
Kaoru blinked.
“Nothing?!”
Toshiya gave a fake laugh,
but didn’t turn away from the window. “You weren’t
feeling well at the ball, so I took you here.”
“…and….?”
Toshiya gave a fake smile and
turned around. “You were dreaming such strange things,
Kao-kao. Strange, strange things.”
Kaoru’s eyes widened.
“….Yume….?”
Toshiya nodded.
Kaoru stared at
Toshiya’s eyes, thinking that it must be a joke, but he saw
no humor in the roommat’s eyes. He saw…..sincerity? No,
sadness. But why?
Toshiya turned back to the
window. “after I settled you on your bed, I went to bed.
There was no reason to go back to the dance. I was tired
myself.”
“….oh…..”
~But the scratch marks?~
“You must’ve fallen
a lot during your dream.” Toshiya said quietly, as if
reading his mind. “Sounded like you were having fun.”
Before Kaoru could explain
anything, the door opened.
“Kaoru-san!
Toshiya-san!” Levin burst in.
“Levin! I told you not
to barge into other people’s dorms!” Hyde protested.
“Demo! I wanna try my
Polaroid and nobody’s in the dorm right now.” Levin
whined. He held a brand new Polaroid camera.
“Ano…” Kaoru
and Toshiya blinked.
Hyde sighed. “Levin won
3rd place in the costume contest last night. The prize
was that camera.”
“Ne. Ne. I wanna take a
picture of you two ^.^!” Levin insisted.
Kaoru and Toshiya stared at
each other a moment. “Er…OK…”
“Wai!!!!!!!!!” he
held the camera up. “Ichi. Ni. San!”
Click.
Levin pulled out the pic and
waved it around. “Kakkoi! Lookie, lookie! The picture turned
out good.”
They all stared at it. Kaoru
pursed his lip while toshiya paled. The picture did turn out
nice. Despite both their stresses, they were both smiling at the
spur of the moment….like a happy couple.
“you guys can keep
it.” Levin said. “Maa~. Kyo-san should be back by now.
Let’s go, Hyde-san.”
Hyde: -_-**; How did I get
stuck babysitting?
They both left as quickly as
they came.
Toshiya placed the picture on
the table.
Kaoru watched the blue head
place it there. He felt so many emotions that he couldn’t
describe. One thing he knew for sure was a definite feeling of
confusion. ~It couldn’t be a dream!~ but then he looked at
toshiya’s unaffected state. ~but……..~
“Kao-kao.”
“Hai?” He blinked.
“I….I’m going
to be leaving tomorrow.”
“WHAT?”
Toshiya stared at him with
sad eyes. “I’m going to France to see my brother.”
He half-lied.
“………………..”
“I don’t know how
long I’ll be away….”
“WHY!?” Kaoru
exclaimed. “Why so sudden?! I don’t’
understand.”
Toshiya smiled. “I need
to see my brother, that’s all. I’d rather not talk
about it. It’s a personal matter.”
“……….oh………….i
see……… can I at least help you with your
luggage?”
“Ii desu. I can handle
it. I have to leave early morning.”
“To….tochi…”
Kaoru whispered. He didn’t know what to say.
Toshiya hugged Kaoru tightly.
Kaoru blinked in surprise.
“Kao-kao. You told me to
make the best out of everything.”
Kaoru couldn’t
understand what Toshiya meant. “To…….”
Toshiya held him tighter,
then released him. “Heh. Don’t worry.” He took the
Polaroid and handed it to Kaoru. “You keep this with
you.”
“But-but you can’t
just……I……… There’s no way for you
to stay here?”
Toshiya closed his eyes and
shook his head. “Remember when Shinya left? He had to do
what he had to do. If we were meant to…. I mean, if
we’re destined to meet again, we will.”
“Can’t I walk you
to the station?”
“You have a morning
class, remember? Ii desu, kao-chan.”
“But---“
Toshiya shook his head.
Kaoru pursed his lip.
“Don’t you want to go somewhere for dinner? As a
farewell present?”
Toshiya shook his head again.
Kaoru suddenly reached out to
him, then pulled the younger man into his arms.
“Totchi.”
Toshiya was shocked at first,
then slowly relaxed. “You were always so sweet….”
He whispered.
“Please let me do
something for you.”
Toshiya gently pushed him
away. “Alright. You can escort me to the station,
agreed?”
Kaoru stared at the beautiful
blue head. ~Totchi, do you realize how beautiful you are?~ He
cupped the pale cheek and ran his thumb over it.
Toshiya felt his cheeks burn,
but kaoru didn’t see it. “Kao---?”
Kaoru nodded. “OK.
I’ll go to the station with you.”
Toshiya looked at his feet to
avoid kaoru’s gaze. He hoped he didn’t just make the
worst mistake of his life.
******
Kaoru woke up as early as he
could then jumped out of bed. He was ready to change when he
noticed Toshiya’s empty bed and the disappearance of his
luggages.
~He…he left…~
Kaoru felt an indescribable
wave of pain he’d never felt before. It felt as if a dagger
struck him in his chest mercilessly, and he bled until no more
blood was left. He never thought such pain existed.
He shifted to get out of bed,
but stopped once he felt something stabbing his thigh. He stood
up and noticed a metal chain on the bed sheets. Kaoru picked it
up and examined it. It was Toshiya’s dreamcatcher bracelet
that he gave him.
~How did it get here?~ Kaoru
wondered. ~As messy as he is, he always put his jewelry in a
case. And he wears this everyday, rain or shine…~
Kaoru sighed, then placed the
bracelet on the table by the Polaroid. ~Did he reject my
gift too?~ He slowly picked up the picture and stared at it.
Toshiya looked so beautiful and enchanting. He wanted to feel the
smooth skin and touch that silky blue hair. He wanted the feeling
of warmth and comfort only the blue head can give.
Kaoru couldn’t help but
stare at those lips. So luscious…. Then his eyes trailed
down the jawline, drinking him in.
Kaoru stopped and blinked.
He stared at the slender
neck. ~Maybe it’s just dirt on the pic….~ He rubbed the
picture, but the spot was still there. ~NO, it’s not
dir…it’s a……….!!~
A hickey.
Toshiya’s collar was
slightly pushed down in the picture, revealing the deliciously
bruised flesh.
Kaoru stared at the picture,
then stared at the bracelet, then back at the picture. Toshiya
didn’t have his bracelet in the Polaroid…..
Kaoru’s brain started
churning, and he began to put the pieces together.
“………holy
shit………”
**********
Toshiya stood by the ashtray
and smoked his last cigar. It had been a difficult night, and one
hell of a morning. He had a hard time sleeping because he
continually woke up to steal glances at kaoru. And that morning,
he felt terrible for leaving him.
~Kaoru, gomen. But
you’re going to make things harder for me.~
Suddenly, a train whizzed by
and slowly halted to a stop.
Toshiya stubbed his cigar and
picked up his luggage. He took a very deep breath.
“Ikimasu…….”
“TOSHIYAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~!!”
Toshiya froze. He slowly
turned around to see the purple head standing a few feet away.
“Totchi. I know.”
Toshiya felt the color drain
from his face. “S-sou ka?”
“Why? Why did you
lie?”
“I didn’t want you
to know. You called me Miyabi” Toshiya’s vision blurred
as he clutched the luggage handles tighter.
“But I---.”
“—You made love to
me with so much passion and care that I didn’t want to
destroy it for you. I know you love Miyabi, but you had sex with
the wrong person. I was wrong. I should have stopped you from
making a mistake, but I let my feelings get in the way. I took
from you what should have been given to someone who deserved
it.” He looked down at his feet. He couldn’t bear to
look at Kaoru.”
Kaoru bit his lip.
“Toshiya……”
Toshiya closed his eyes to
keep the tears from falling. No, he didn’t want Kaoru to see
him this way. Not now….
Suddenly, he felt a warm hand
clasp his wrist. He stared at his arm. He saw kaoru’s hands
gently clasping the dreamcatcher bracelet on his slender wrist.
“Gomendasai, Totchi. I
don’t know what caused me to act so stupid that night. It
might’ve been the punch, or I might’ve been sick with a
fever; but I know for sure that…. That you’re the one I
want.”
Toshiya stared at him.
Kaoru finished hooking the
piece of jewelry and looked keeply into Toshiya’s eyes.
Toshiya blushed.
~’Listen to your heart…’~
Before he knew it, he felt
soft lips gently pressin on his. He wanted to respond; his body
yearned for more of the electrifying hot touches, but something
held him back.
~’You’re the one I
want.’~
Toshiya’s body
stiffened. Kaoru felt it and pulled back. “Totchi?”
Toshiya stared at him as
tears flowed down his cheeks. ~You say you want me, but you never
said you loved me~
Kaoru searched Toshiya’s
face, worried by the sudden stiffness.
The station’s loud
speaker: “Last boarding call for Gate B-241!!”
Toshiya gave a sad, sweet
smile. “Kaoru….Sayounara.” Without another word,
he pushed Kaoru roughly away, picked up his luggage, and ran into
the train.
“TOSHIYA!!!!!!!!!!”
Kaoru screamed. He couldn’t let him go like this. He
couldn’t let him go at all.
Kaoru got up and ran after him as quick as he could; but his movements felt as if he was in slow motion. Every part of his body was heavy, and not quick enough. People turned their heads to stare at him; as well as bump into him. The train whistle blew and the engines began to chug in low, hollow sound. Kaoru lunged forward to reach the door, but a train attendant closed it shut. Kaoru banged the doors as hard as he could; hoping, in his state of insanity, it would break open for him. But it did not. Instead, the train began to move forward. Kaoru tried to run after it, but he was tackled by the station’s security. He struggled and fought. He thought he clawed someone’s eye and broke someone’s nose. It just couldn’t end. Not like that. Not ever.
Yet, he knew in his heart he was gone. Once he saw that the trin is nowhere to be seen, he stopped fighting. No point now. He couldn’t go on anymore. He sank into his knees.
And he cried.
OWARI???
Episode 51: Totchi, Aishiteru ~ the Epilogue
“We want to believe that we have control of our lives. But we don’t. We can’t even promise our time. The best we can promise is our hearts. And the most we can hope for is to live each moment as if it’s our last.” –Richard Paul Evans (from Carousel)
*From Dr. Kaoru Niikura’s Point of view*
I came out the airport with one briefcase with me wondering: Why am I here? It’s been a long 10 years since, yet, I haven’t forgotten the experiences I had. I already acquired my PhD in internal medicine two years ago and set up my own small clinic in NY. The success was deservingly achieved, but I wasn’t happy. I felt that something was missing; like all the hard work was for nothing. I was an empty shell.
It’s strange, isnt’ it? I still think about him. After 10 years….
I finally got a cab and hopped in.
“Where to?” the cab driver asked.
“The university.”
“Where at the university?”
“Diety Hall.”
“Okey-dokey.” The driver started the engine and drove off. “So, are you some professor or something?”
I shook my head. “No. just a former student. I lived in the dorm 10 years ago.”
The guy whistled. “That’s a long time. So why are you here now?”
“I’m actually here for a wedding.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Wedding/ at a dorm?”
“Actually, it’s taking place outside the dorm. Most students would be on Spring Break right now.”
“Hmmm. So, one of your friends getting’ married.”
I nodded and took out an invitation. “A former friend of the dorm. I wasn’t that close to him, but a friend, nevertheless. I was wondering when they’ll tie the knot.”
“Well, some people simply take longer than other. Alrighty, sir. We’re here.”
“Thanks much.” I paid, and got out.
Thelot of grass still looked fresh and green, while the trees beared fruits or flowers in full bloom. There was a crowd of people clustered in an area where chairs, tables, and decorations were.
I didn’t know what to expect. Would he be here? Would he talk to me? I shook my head. This is supposed to be a joyous occasion; it’s selfish for me to think such foolish thoughts.
I noticed everyone sitting down. I didn’t know where to sit. First, I scanned everyone there. Most were former Diety Hall residents; some were unrecognizable. I thought I saw Levin, still small, but more mature with age. I saw Akira and Ryutaro, holding hands and whispering to each other. I also saw Kirito and Aiji, somewhere across the lot, still doing their business.
But I didn’t see Toshiya. I sighed.
“Kaoru?” Someone familiar called out.
I turned my head. “DIE??!”
Die looked his old self, only he looked much older. His hair was chopped off short and his muscles weren’t as tone as before. Shinya stood beside him, as radiant as ever. He was starting to look a lot like Mrs. Terachi.
“Shinya? Is that you?”
“Kaoru-kun, you look so old!”
I pouted. “Thanks.”
We exchanged greetings, and some other residents joined in. I even talked to Mr. And Mrs. Terachi, who sat beside Shinya. I sat beside Die as soon as the music began to play. Of course, the music was played by Mana, who no doubt never changed nor aged through time. {O_O;;}
The procession began.
Koji stood at the beginning of the isle while Megumi and an older man, who I assumed is her father, marched down the isle.
I will never forget that event in my life. It was fairly simple, yet, it produces a warm feeling in my heart. Though I felt happy for them, I also felt lonely. It felt like everybody had somebody but me. I talked to my mother about it, but all she said was: “Time will tell….”
After I stayed at the reception a few hours, I decided to leave for home. I couldn’t leave the patients for that long.
I went back to the airport and jumped on the first available flight to NY. Once the plane took off, I let out a sigh. My heart felt really heavy, like something was stepping on my chest. I hoped to see him. I really prayed that I’ll see him again, even though I know that he wouldn’t want to talk to me.
I knew I had to do something about my depression. I finally decided to take out my journal. No, it’s not the same journal I had 10 yrs. Ago. I’ve gone through several since then.
I grabbed a pen from my pocket and rigorously wrote. I saw the shadow of a stewardess hovering above me. Damn isle seat.
“Excuse me, sir. Would like some coffee?” a sweet voice said.
I didn’t’ bother to look up, too busy writing. “Yes, please.”
The stewardess began to pour on the cup, but it slipped between the slender fingers and landed on my journal. The hot coffee dripped and splattered all over the pages and my shirt. I wanted to throttle and scream.
Yet, I stopped.
“Gomendasai.” The stewardess exclaimed and began dabbing my shirt with a cloth.
I swiftly grabbed the wrist and looked at it. There was a bracelet. A dreamcatcher bracelet. I immediately looked up. I felt blood rush out of my head and my heart pump eratically on my chest.
“T-totchi?”
The ‘stewardess’ opened his eyes wide. “……kaoru?”
I held to his tightly, afraid he’ll disappear again. “It’s..it’s really you…” I whispered.
Toshiya looked as beautiful as ever. I didn’t care about the dark circles under his eyes, or the fact that he dyed his hair brown. He is Totchi. My Totchi.
“AHEM! Is there a problem here?” someone interrupted.
I turned my head, expecting an elderly head-stewardess. But instead, I saw an aged Ayumi glaring at us. I noticed her uniform was slightly different than all the others.
“You’re the head-stewardess?!” I exclaimed.
“Yes, sir. If you’d like to file a complaint on the steward, feel free to do so. I had to hire him because we’re short on people, but he’s always so clumsy and careless!”
God, she didn’t recognize me at all! Of course she didn’t. my hair was hacked off and I dyed it brown. I shifted my eyes toward Totchi. He was looking nervously down at his feet with his luscious lips pursed. I felt like protecting him.
“Excuse me.” I said to Ayumi. “I’d like to have a word with this ‘clumsy’ steward.”
Ayumi put her nose in the air. “As you wish, sir. Can’t guarantee that any talk would get through his thick head.”
I ignored her. I simply clutched Totchi’s arm and dragged him down the isle. We ended up between the first class and economy isles. I pulled the dividing curtains closed on either side and stared at him. “T-totchi.”
“Kaoru. I…………….”
“Totchi, how did you end up here? What happened?” I couldn’t resist. I lifted my hand up and stroked his haid.
“I-I---. So many things happened.” Toshiya’s cheeks suddenly streamed with tears.
“Shhhhhhh. Start from the time you went to Paris.” I said softly.
“I became a model for Mrs.Tanaka. at first, I really liked it. I got to wear pretty things and expensive jewelry. I even met a lot of top designers from Paris. For a while ther, I was in heaven. I made lot of money on my own and I gradually became more and more popular. After 3 years of modeling, I became tired of it. Everyday, people told me what to do, what to wear, and how to act. Tons of people asked me on dates, or told me how much they admired me; but it wasn’t me they admired. It was the model on the magazine cover they all loved. Nobody wanted my personality or my lep. Everyone just wanted a nice body to stare at.
I quit at one point. I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Mrs.Tanaka wasn’t surprised, but she urged me to go back to school. But I was so stupid.” He sobbed. “I became so depressed, I spent money on shit…. Oh God, why am I telling you this? You’ve probably got a new life and your own family. I shouldn’t dump my problems on you…..”
“Totchi…” I whispered. I bent down and kissed him lightly on the forehead.
He stared at me and blinked twice. “Wha….?”
I smiled. “I’ve been out with other people before, but it just wasn’t the same. No matter who I dated, I could only see your face and yearned for your warmth.”
Toshiya’s cheeks pinked.
“I know now how shitty circumstances were 10 yrs. Ago. I did something that hurt your feelings a lot, and for that, I am sincerely sorry.” I sighed. “I understand why you couldn’t stay at Diety Hall when I asked, but now, I’m going to ask you a similar question: will you stay with me?”
His pretty lips indicated shock.
“I-I know this is awkward and I know I’m asking too much of you. You have the right to reject me, but I ----“ I couldn’t believe I was rambling on. I felt so much emotion that I couldn’t keep my head straight. “I-I can’t live like this anymore. I know I can’t offer you much. My God! I’m so dense and stupid, but I promise you. I will not hurt you again. I’ll love you with all my heart. I’ll------.”
Before I could say anything more, Toshiya kissed me passionately. When he pulled away, he smiled shyly at me.
“I take that as a yes.” I stammered out. I smiled then pulled him close.
“Kaoru, aishiteru.” Toshiya whispered.
“Totchi, aishiteru.” I said, while holding him tighter. I kissed him again and again, loving the pliant lips that are easily melded into mine.
Toshiya moaned as he began rubbing his body against mind. His curves were so tantalizing, I couldn’t stifle out my uncontrollable desire. He plunged his tongue against mine in a rhythm that made my heart beat faster. How could I have been so blind to such beauty? I kissed him again and again. Then, I felt him sensually bit my lower lip. I groaned.
He slowly led me to the side and opened the restroom door. We stumbled in there and locked the door shut. I attached myself to Toshiya with my lips and touches. I just couldn’t stop myself. He still had such beautiful dark eyes, tasty lips, and creamy-smooth legs. He was still so very Totchi from 10 years ago. Except one thing was different: I have him to love for the rest of my life.
********
Outside the restroom, the line piled on from one end of the corridor to the other. The passangers, angry, and irritated, tapped their heels to the floor or gave sighs of frustration. The head-stewardess eventually intervened and knocked on the door and asked what was going on inside the restroom. But the only answer she ever received was passionate moaning.
*******
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER DIETY HALL RESIDENTS?
(Closing song playing while credits roll: ‘Misty’ by Blue)
Art Marju Duchain:
GLAY
L’arc~en~ciel
Malice Mizer
Luna Sea
Plastic Tree
La’Cryma Christi
Pierrot
Xjapan
Jpopers
Penicillin
Due le Quartz
Dir en Grey
~OWARI~
Author’s afterword:
Many many thanks for all those who commented. Even if it was only once or one line. This HAS been quite a long series, and I’m forever greatful to commentors because it is what kept me going. I really did not think I would finish this; and I certainly did not plan on having it so long. It just sorta happened. I was planning on writing all the names of everyone who has emailed me, but it’s quite a long list. So you know who you are if I say right now that I really appreciate it. I hope you have all enjoyed this series. I’ve had a lot of fun myself. I’m plan on continuing writing, but unsure as to when I will be done with my newly thought of fic. I need a break too ^^; and the school year grows rough ahead. I’m going out of town for a while too, so don’t expect replies from me so soon. I will try my best to read other fics and comment. Neverthelss, everyone keep writing, reading, commenting, and support Jrock fics =+).