In with the New Out with the Old

I would first like to start out with who I am now.  Before I had met John, my wardrobe was nothing but "baggy" and I was so concerned about what I looked like.  When I met John, it completly changed because he wore what I wanted but I couldn't do it because I couldn't adjust to it, but once I seen that it wasn't so bad to wear tight jeans, tight shirt, and boots I had changed what I wore and I felt so much better and my self-asteem was much better.  My attitude was so rebel like that I couldn't handle it anymore.  My mom was always nagging at me for something and I would just get so annoyed that I would yell and lash out at someone.  Once I seen how John and others delt with their anger and emotions, I took that into consideration and mixed it.  I figured that I should use an old phrase "Pick and choose my battles wisely".  It changed me alot and so did John.  He is a major part of why I am who I am today.  When we first started talking on the net, I was engaged for my 2nd time and I was almost 3 months pregnant and I smoked and he got concerned and he worried about me.  March I had a miscarriage and my ex didn't care about me because he turned around and slept with my best friend and now her and I are no longer friends.  John was there with me the entire time I had to go through that.  A few months later my ex tried crawling back to me, but I refused to go back to him because I wanted to see if something between me and John would spark and it did.  One night when I was on the net, he told me that he loved me and that he always has and at the time I was with my ex.  Well, I thought about it and when him and I talked on the phone, he asked me to go out with him and I said yes and I knew right then and there that spark hit me and I felt nothing like I did from previous relationships and I knew that I was more in love than ever and it felt so good that I wanted even more and that is when I had met him in person.  It may sound strange, but when I met him, that spark made flame and it felt great.  The reason that I tell you this is because the time that I was in IN. I had only 1 cigarette and I told him about it and since then I haven't had one for a month, but now the stress is even greater and I am smoking, but not as much.  Well, you are probably telling me I'm stupid for smoking because I'm pregnant.  Well, I am doing my best to quit and don't get me wrong.  I will quit because I have the support.  I stoped drinking long before and I haven't had a sip since then.  It's funny though because my parents blame me for stealing cigs, but why would I want to do that when I can go buy my own, and my dad was trying to tell me that I smoked pot.  Well, I don't and I don't plan on doing it.  I have been through so much shit in my mom's house and in my life that a poor person would feel better than me.  I know that may sound rude, but just try to lead my life right now and in the past, it isn't and wasn't fun, trust me.  Well, another thing that I would like to mention is that some people have screwed me over and I won't mention any names.  They have gone from accusing me of stealing, to stealing my boy (friend's in general), to sleeping with my ex's.  These people are no longer in my life and it feels so good.  Another place I should mention would be Hardee's and Taco Treat.  That is where I used to work.  I dont't want to even say anything because that was a hell hole and what happened would take up atleast 4-5 pages of this thing, so I will make this short and sweet, they screwed me over and over many times.  This page is dedicated to those who helped me get my head out of my ass.  THANKS GUYS.  You taught me alot and helped me in general.