My New Quote Page!

Here's a list of interesting quotes from my friends and me (warning: may include puns):

New Quotes!!!

The SAT is the white men's way of suppressing the immigrants. -AA

SL: ...But you're not one of the gangsta type
AA: I am, I'll name myself Butch. You can be Bitch
SL: Why do I get called Bitch
AA: That's just the difference between you(u) and I(i)

A convo:
Fedya: I had a weird dream yesterday. I dreamt that I was swimming in an aquarium with my pet fish. And we met another lawyer fish, which turned out to be my fish's childhood friend. And my pet fish decided to get the lawyer fish to sue me for mistreatment... That's all I remembered.
    Me: That certainly sounds fishy.
    Kelvin: Hmm... Marine Biology Case Study nightmare?
    Fedya: Yep.

Old quotes:

Chess Club stuff:
Chess is a racist game, because white goes first. - AA
I'm serious, 74% of the total chess game recorded result in white winning. - Hellscream
Join the Chess Club! Because chess players mate better! - Gunn Chess Club Motto

Math stuff:
I did the calc homework; I'm proud of myself. - Will-o-the-wisp
This stuff is too hard; I'm going back to the olympiads. - originally by ???, reiterated by me, after seeing a lecture on linear algebra.
"Math" Proofs:
1. Girls are evil by whoever that started it:
     1. Girls = Time and Money
     2. Time = Money (by adage)
     3. Combine 1 and 2: Girls = Money and Money = Money squared
     4. Money = the root of all evil (by SAT II prompt)
     5. Girls = Money squared = (root of evil) squared
     6. Conclusion: Girls = Evil
2. All horses are the same color, by SM:
     1. Assume that all horses are the same color. In other words, every set of n horses is the same color will be true for all n = j, where j = 1, 2, 3, ... , k
     2. Check for n = k+1. If it's true for n = k, then every group of k horses will be the same color. Because EVERY k horses is the same color, then every k+1 horses will be the same color. (Let all the horses be contained in set A, since every subset of A containing k horses will be the same color, then every horse in the set is the same color. Therefore, every k+1 horses is the same color)
     3. We just proved that if it were true for n = k, then it will be true for n = k+1.
     4. Check for n = 1. Yes, one horse is the same color to itself.
     5. Combine 3 and 4. Since it's true for n = k (in this case, 1), it will be true for n = k+1 = 1+1 = 2. Because it's true for n = 2, it's also true for n = 2+1 = 3. Because it's true for n = 4, ... etc. It is true for every n, as n -> infinity.
     6. Hence, all horses are the same color. Proven by induction.

Paradox:
Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? -Anomynous.

Word playing:
Why are all the Yevgeniys afraid of all the Khrusyhevs? Because they crush Yevs. -Hellscream
The opposite of pro is con. Therefore, the opposite of progress is congress. -US Government Theory 1B
     Corollary to US Gov Theory 1B: The opposite of Constitution is Prostitution. -AA

"Others":
An conversation:
Subtext: me, Anomynous, and MB sitting in a library, "studying". *one or more part of the conversation might have been recreated from memory.
Anomynous: Come on, let's do some physics.
MB: No, physics is too hard.
Anomynous: If you do it, I'll give you my lollipop.
MB: Ooo, I want a lollipop. Come on, teach me!
Anomynous: That's right, learn from the master. Cause I'm damn sexy!
MB: Yes you are. Now teach me!
Anomynous: Okay, listen closely. As this object moves, (pulls out a sausage) use this sausage for example, it experiences a friction.
MB: That's when you have to put more force on it. (trys to grab the sausage)
Anomynous: Hey, that [sausage] is mine!
MB: But I want it!
Anomynous: No, mine!
MB: Then give me your lollipop. (reach in for the lollipop)
Anomynous: Come on, be serious here!
MB: But I want it!
Anomynous: If you don't do this, then I'm leaving.
MB: No, don't leave! I need you...
Anomynous: Okay, let's do this thing. You have a force here, and it is going against a surface. Therefore it has an equal and opposite force coming back at it.
MB: So essentially, you have a force constantly going back and forth.
Anomynous: (gyrating)
MB: Okay, now I get it. Can I have the lollipop now?
Anomynous: Sure, have my lollipop.
MB: (sucking on it)
Anomynous: Want another one?
MB: Sure, do you have another one?
Anomynous: Of course, I have plenty. (Flashes his trenchcoat)
MB: Cool! Let's do more physics.
Anomynous: Where were we? Yeah, forces and friction. So, because the force of friction is constant here, you will need a minimal of...
MB: Penetrating force?
Anomynous: Exactly! (Pulls out the sausage again, simulating the penetrating force)
MB: (Tries to grab the sausage again)
Anomynous: No! You can't have it! Mine!
MB: You know I want it.
Anomynous: Of course you do.
MB: Then why can't I have it?
Anomynous: Cause I'm damn sexy!
Me: Okay, you know what, I can't study right here. (stands up)
MB: Finally! He's leaving! Now we can do this without someone else here.
Anomynous: That's right, leave.
Me: yeah... I'll leave you two to do your thing...
MB: You mean our things?
Me: (leaves)

Actual Quotes:
   If you were my homework, I'll do you slowly on the table. -Frijoles
   Everything will have a completely different meaning if you just add "in bed" right after it. -Splowey
   ...That's what you do to fortune cookies... -Red Beheemoth

More Convos:
    Anonymous: Flash sucks?
    Me: yes.
    Anonymous: I flash, and you suck?