Two weeks
By
Zaen
for
The first night—the night of—they
all stayed at Justin’s house, glued to the television and the telephone like
everyone else in the country. Cursing
and sobbing and asking why and holding on to each other, like everyone else in
the country. They eventually fell asleep
in Justin’s bed, the TV on low, wrapped up in arms and legs for comfort and
warmth. Justin was the hardest to
console, so he was blessed with the most arms around him. He finally fell asleep with Joey at his back
and JC holding him tightly to his chest.
Joey and Lance went home the second
night. Chris fell asleep on the sofa
clutching his cell phone. Justin covered
him with probably too many blankets for mid-September and went to bed. He tossed and turned until JC knocked on his
door. He stood in the doorway, biting
his lip for a while before Justin pulled back the bed covers for him. Justin had a hard time falling asleep, but
when he woke up in the middle of the night with JC wrapped around him, he fell
back asleep almost instantly.
The third night Chris went home and
JC went to one of the guestrooms, designated as his and only his the day
Justin moved into the house. Justin
didn’t even bother trying it alone. He
stood in front of the guest room door for what seemed like hours, touching it
but not having the balls or the sense to knock.
He tried not to smile when he heard “come in, Justin” from inside the
room. He went in and crawled into the
bed like he belonged there. JC’s arms
reassured him that he did.
Justin called MTV from the den on
the fourth day. JC sat next to him the
whole time, saying nothing and rubbing Justin’s back. When Justin was done he replaced the receiver
and immediately crawled into JC’s lap, where he stayed for some time, being
stroked and held and comforted. That
night they both headed for the same bed, Justin’s bed, without hesitation. Justin spooned JC, holding him tight all
night long, even when his arm fell asleep and his sex swelled
against his best friend’s back.
When it happened again the fifth
night, Justin worried and tried to pull away.
JC only sighed in his sleep and pulled Justin closer to him. Justin woke up in the middle of the night
with one hand inside JC’s shirt and the other on his inner thigh. He fell back to sleep in the same position.
The next night was the last before
JC was to fly back to LA. Justin came to
bed late on purpose, sighing heavily, remorsefully, when he lay with his back
to his friend and tried to fall asleep.
When he woke up JC was spooning him tight, and apparently had the same
problem Justin had the previous 2 nights.
Justin breathed a sigh of surprised relief and pulled JC closer.
Justin spent the seventh night
alone. He offered to take JC to the
airport and wait with him. Then he
remembered that he couldn’t do that anymore.
No one could. So they waited for
the driver near the front door, JC fidgeting with his one bag. He’d only packed for a few days, but ended up
spending a week with Justin. A lot of
people had ended up in places they never expected or intended to go. JC was lucky enough to be “stuck” with
someone he knew and loved and could lend him clothes. Justin blushed when JC told him that. Suddenly the driver arrived and it was time
to go, and they hadn’t even hugged goodbye yet.
They smiled wearily at each other as JC reached for the door. He whispered something like, “I’ll see you,
man” before quickly kissing Justin on the cheek and slipping out the door. Justin held his hand to that cheek as he
watched the car pull away. He couldn’t
get to sleep that night until JC called, as promised, to say he was home
safe. Justin fell asleep with his arms
and legs wrapped around JC’s pillow.
Well, the pillow JC had slept on.
It was a poor substitute.
It occurred to Justin that the
sheets needed changing on the eighth night.
He started to pull them off, but stopped. He stared at the disheveled bed for a while,
not quite knowing why, before fixing the sheets back. Justin sprawled out in the middle of the bed
and inhaled the weak scent of boy and organic shampoo and nervous sweat and
closeness and he fell asleep smiling.
The ninth night Justin stuffed his
face in his pillow to stifle loud moans as he made himself come, thrusting into
the boy-smelling sheets and wrapping them around his body. He wasn’t too surprised at the word he cried
out as he spilled all over his stomach.
He kicked the damp sheet to the floor and decided to just forget the
name that dropped from his lips. Just like he had been doing for years.
The tenth day and night Justin
didn’t answer the phone. He did errands,
he worked on some songs, he touched based with management, he checked on
friends, family, and loved ones…loved ones.
He let the machine pick up when the caller ID showed
Justin went out with some friends
the eleventh night and tried to have a good time. He would have if he hadn’t been so preoccupied
with…things. He’d called JC earlier, but
he either wasn’t home or didn’t answer.
Justin tried not to think about what JC was doing…with her. He danced and laughed with friends and
flirted with girls, but it was still there in the back of his mind. No amount of alcohol could stop it, and he
didn’t know why he hadn’t been able to stop it yet. After so many years, so many girlfriends, so
many one-night stands, both JC’s and his, he still couldn’t stop it. Later that night as he watched a recording of
the national telethon for heroes of the tragedy, he counted his blessings and
realized something. He didn’t want
to stop it.
He’d already started to pack when
Chris called the next morning to ask him if he’d heard from JC in the last two
days. Justin talked normally, finished
packing normally, drove to the airport normally, but the whole time his heart
was beating out of his chest. After the
last twelve days and nights, he’d realized that anything was possible, and that
meant anything horrible. He almost felt
sick to his stomach, but he parked his precious car in long-term parking. And as he walked away from it, and it got
smaller in the distance, he realized that it wasn’t so important after
all. And he could always buy a new one—a
fleet of new ones. He couldn’t
replace… He walked into the airport,
sans security, donning his emergency Billy Ray Cyrus mullet wig and dark
sunglasses, and prepared for a long, long wait.
He’d learned to pack from years of touring, so he didn’t have to check
any bags, thankfully. When he took off
his glasses to look at a magazine with JC on the cover, he could see some teenies ogling him in the corner of his eye, and he started
to panic. When the girls passed by and
snickered, “Nice hair,” he knew he was safe. He sat at the gate and boarded into first
class without incident. He snuggled with
the blanket and pillow offered to him and fell asleep. He dreamt about the
Three thousand miles and it was
almost dark by the time Justin drove his rental car up JC’s driveway. The house was dark, but JC’s car was
there. Justin told himself he had
nothing to worry about, but he couldn’t help worrying anyway. The thought crossed his mind that JC was
working, and not answering his phone, and perfectly fine, and not being held
hostage by boyband-hating murderers or locked in his
basement with only 2 hours of oxygen. It
took the thought nearly ten hours to reach his brain, but of course by then it
was too late. He was already at JC’s
front door with the extra key he’d never used in his hand. He remembered when he first visited the house
when it was barely moved in, all drying paint and boxes, and JC had given him a
key. “It’s not like I live down the road
and can water your plants for you,” Justin had said. JC had just smiled, and Justin took the key
gratefully. A few months later they’d
had a nasty fight at Justin’s house, and JC stormed out and took his stuff over
to Lance’s. Justin moped for a whole day
before driving over and begging forgiveness.
When he told JC to hold his hand out, and he placed an extra key to his
own house in it, JC hugged him for a glorious five full minutes. It was all very sitcom-esque,
but Justin didn’t care. All he’d cared
about then was that his Josh—his Josh—was back. All he cared about now was…
Justin rang the doorbell 1 time then
he put the key in the lock. He knew it
didn’t make sense, but nothing was making sense lately anyway. The door opened and just as he was about to
call out, the alarm started screaming in his ear. He looked at the keypad next to the door like
it was just going to tell him the code.
He wondered quickly if JC had ever told him what it was, but couldn’t
remember. He hastily pressed some
buttons on the keypad, spelling out N-S-Y-N-C, S-T-I-N-G, and H-A-I-R, but none
worked. Just as he was starting to
wonder what his mug shots would look like on the cover of the National
Inquirer, JC appeared next to him and slowly closed the front door. He entered the code and the siren
ceased. Justin opened his mouth to lay a
thousand apologies at JC’s feet, but stopped.
JC’s eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks wet, his entire being looked
broken. Or at least
his heart. Before he had the
chance to ask, JC simply said, “Me and Bobbie broke
up,” clearing his throat before saying it again. Justin dropped his stuff and wrapped himself
around his Josh. They stood there for
some time.
Normally Justin would have tried to
cheer JC up with lighthearted jokes and tickles, but something told him that it
wouldn’t do this time. He took JC’s hand
and led him to the kitchen, turning lights on as they went. He sat JC down and put the kettle on for
tea. He asked JC if he’d eaten, knowing
that he hadn’t. He poked around in the
refrigerator and the cupboards while JC just stared at him blankly and slouched
on a barstool. Justin mumbled something
about grocery shopping, then stopped to look at JC’s
sad face. He walked over and leaned his
forehead against JC’s, and then his Josh broke down. “It’s ok, baby,” Justin sighed as he pulled
JC’s trembling arms around his neck and wrapped his around JC’s waist. JC cried louder with each gentle word of
endearment Justin spoke, but he pulled Justin closer, too. Justin rocked him slowly, patting his hair
and whispering things like “let her go, man, let her go,” into the beautiful,
wild curls.
“I never meant for it to be like
this,” JC sobbed. The crack in his voice
made Justin want to cry himself. “I
never meant to hurt anyone.”
“I know you didn’t, sweetie,” Justin
whispered as he kissed JC’s forehead and wondered where the hell sweetie
and baby had come from. He knew—he
just didn’t want to admit it.
“I wanted to…I really wanted to—”
“Shh, I
know. It’s ok, honey,” Justin
whispered. Honey. Justin fought calling JC darling, but
lost the battle to withstand calling him sugar when he looked down into
those sad blue eyes. Even filled with
tears they were beautiful. He touched a
lone tear on JC’s face just as it fell across the pinkness of his lips. JC sniffed softly, then kissed Justin’s
finger. Justin could tell JC hadn’t
meant to do that, because his eyes widened and his brow crinkled like he was
going to break down again. Justin shook
his head and cradled JC’s tear stained face in his hands. “It’s alright, Josh. I’m here for you, man.”
“I’m sorry I’m like this,” JC
whispered.
“Like what?” Justin said, not knowing where he was going
but that he should probably stop. “I’m
not sorry, C. You’re…you’re…wonderful.” He gulped.
JC gulped. Justin was suddenly
more scared than he had been earlier that day, not even knowing why he was
scared or of what, but he didn’t let the fear keep him from taking JC’s hands
in his and pressing his lips to them. JC
watched him, at first looking shocked, but then looking just as scared as
Justin felt. Justin was afraid to move
their hands away. Afraid of what he
might do. Afraid of what JC might
do. Afraid of what JC might not
do. He started to tremble
when he realized JC was pulling their hands out of the way and cautiously
leaning forward. Justin ignored the
thundering of blood in his ears and leaned forward, too. He felt JC’s sweet breath on his lips. Three more inches and he’d be there. JC licked his lips, and Justin started to
actually pull, and then…the kettle went ballistic. Justin pulled away and quickly went to making
the tea, not knowing whether to feel relieved or to throw the damn thing across
the kitchen. He made JC some chamomile
and himself some black, 2 sugars. He
gave JC his tea without looking him in the face.
“Thanks, Justin,” JC sighed. The pain in his voice made Justin want to
scratch JC’s ex-girlfriend’s eyes out.
Then, as he looked down into his tea, he realized that she was, indeed, JC’s
ex now. He felt like kicking himself for feeling good
about that. Justin finally looked up at
JC, who was sipping his tea and looking right at him. Wonderful, honey,
sweetie, sugar, baby.
“Jace…let’s
go get something to eat.”
“I can’t, Justin.”
“Sweetie, you need to eat, and I’m
starving. They don’t feed people on
airplanes like they used to.”
“No, I guess not.” They shared a commiserating look, one they
and everyone else had been sharing for the past twelve days.
“I gotta get my
eat on. C’mon, ba—JC.”
Justin caught himself that time, but the small smile on JC’s face made
Justin wish he had called him baby after all.
Justin took them to the first
McDonald’s they could find. He’d almost
forgotten his mullet wig, and when he put it on at the last minute before
driving up to the window, JC actually laughed.
He held the bags and their chocolate shakes all the way home and just
laughed. Justin didn’t laugh. He wanted to hear every tinkle, every sweet
sound out of his Josh’s mouth. So he
just smiled and swallowed the lump in his throat. When they got inside and JC began the
inevitable kitchen-wide search for ketchup packets, Justin thought he’d make
things even better by doing a little song and dance to go with the wig. Right dance, wrong song.
“You can take my heart…my achy breaky—oh, Jace, I’m sorry, man,”
he said to JC, who just watched him with a blank look on his face. Justin looked down at the floor, feeling very
stupid. “I didn’t mean to be
insensitive. I just wanted to hear you
laugh again.” He looked up to find JC
staring at him in all his mullet-wigged, French fry holding glory. And JC laughed. Justin smiled weakly, and when JC came over
to him and kissed his cheek, the smile grew 100 watts.
JC managed to eat all his junk food,
encouraged by Justin’s explanation that they were being patriotic. McDonald’s, Justin explained, represents all
that is
Justin opened his eyes to find an
impotence infomercial on the screen. He
started to get up to turn it off, but was surprised to find he couldn’t
move. JC was asleep in his lap, his face
nestled snugly into Justin’s abdomen. He
was breathing evenly and he looked so peaceful, Justin hated to disturb
him. He watched him sleep for a while
and tried to resist touching his face and hair, but gave in right away. The skin was so smooth, the nose so
beautifully prominent, the lips…Justin traced the lips like he’d never seen
them before. Like he’d
never stared at JC when he was sleeping before. Like he hadn’t been staring and wondering and
wanting to taste for the past million years.
Age 12 or age 20, it was still the same.
Justin looked at the television.
If those men can admit they can’t get it up, Justin thought, then I
should be able to admit that I get it up daily…hourly…and always for the same
g—gu—guy.
Justin froze. He’d said it. In his head, but he’d said it.
“Oh my God,” Justin squeaked.
“What is it, hon?” Justin looked down to find JC looking back
with suddenly awake, scared eyes. Wonderful, sweetheart, baby, Indy, hon. Justin shivered and mumbled something about
bedtime and made JC get up with him. JC
looked kind of disappointed. Justin
kissed his cheek and told him to go to bed, and that he’d come to tuck him
in. JC smiled wearily. “Promise?” Justin kissed the other cheek and whispered,
“yes.”
The twelfth night found Justin in a
different time zone, a different state, and a different bedroom. He gave JC time to brush his teeth once and
his hair a hundred times before going to his room. He pulled back JC’s covers for him and
fluffed his pillows around his head. JC’s
soft curly hair fanning around his head on the pillow looked almost like a
halo. Justin knew it was all over right
then.
“You’re gonna be ok, C,” Justin
whispered as he sat on the edge of the bed and stroked JC’s side. “I promise, baby.” JC smiled at the word, then curled up and
yawned. Justin continued petting him as
they gazed at each other. They were just
lazy, soft strokes meant to soothe him to sleep, but Justin couldn’t deny that
he was enjoying feeling JC’s body. JC
arched into it, his muscles flexing under Justin’s touch, and sighed contentedly. Justin unwittingly let his gaze move from
JC’s eyes down his strong, bare chest to where JC patted his tummy slowly. Justin swallowed hard.
“I know it hurts, C, but tomorrow
will be better,” Justin whispered, leaning closer, his hand firm on JC’s
back. “I promise it’ll be better.”
“Thanks, Justin,” JC whispered. “Thanks for taking care of me.”
“Always, baby.” Justin said it before he could stop
himself. His face burned, but he didn’t
want to take it back.
“C’mere.” JC sat up and pulled Justin to him. They held each other long enough for Justin
to know it was too long, too good, too sweet. He wanted to pull away when he felt their
nipples touch and harden between them.
Instead, he sighed deeply and held JC tighter. They breathed deeply, in time with each
other, which only increased the sweet friction between their bodies. Justin was happily surprised when JC pressed
even closer.
“Don’t worry, C,” he whispered into
JC’s neck. “You’ll find love again.”
“Justin.” JC pulled out of the embrace but kept his
arms around Justin’s waist. He looked
down at his lap. “It’s…complicated.”
“I know, but—”
“No, you don’t know.” JC looked up again. “It’s my fault we broke up. I couldn’t…I never…I wanted it to work with
her, I did. I couldn’t make it
work. I couldn’t…lie anymore.” He pressed his forehead against
Justin’s. “I couldn’t lie to myself
anymore. Why do I always want something
I can’t have, Justin? Why doesn’t it ever
work for me?”
“Sweetie, it will,” Justin said as
he caressed JC’s cheek. He wasn’t sure
if he believed it, though, because he’d asked himself those same questions
every day for the past 8 years. JC
closed his eyes and leaned into Justin’s hand.
He sighed and slowly caressed Justin’s waist. For the first time, Justin almost allowed
himself to lean forward and taste the lips he’d been starving for nearly half
his life. Perhaps he really would have
this time, and there had been so many times like this over the years, but then
JC opened his eyes and Justin lost his nerve.
JC’s face was hard to read. If
Justin didn’t know better, he’d have thought JC was expecting something.
“Get some sleep, C.” Justin watched as JC, looking almost
disappointed, lay back on his side and shoved his hands under his pillow. Justin fought the urge to crawl in with him,
and then tucked his Josh firmly into bed.
When JC closed his eyes Justin leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Don’t worry,” he whispered, “you’re not
alone. You never will be.” He allowed himself to kiss JC’s cheek and
linger there. He wouldn’t deprive
himself that any longer. “I know it
doesn’t mean much, but you still have your friends. You still have me.” He swallowed hard and whispered, “You always
will.”
“Justin, you’re wrong,” JC said
softly. “That means so much to me…that
means the world to me.” He kissed
Justin’s cheek before whispering, “You mean the world to me.” JC turned his head a little, and Justin
nearly died when he felt soft lips just barely brush against his, just for a
second, just the slightest touch, like a feather. Justin pulled away quickly and stood up to
turn off the bedside lamp. He didn’t
want JC to see how much he wanted that accidental kiss, didn’t want JC to have
to feel uncomfortable for merely moving too slow or too fast. In the darkness he wouldn’t have to see JC
surely cringing from embarrassment, trying to push him away. He couldn’t fathom that perhaps JC was
reaching for him instead.
“Ok, man. Good night.”
Justin exhaled, found his feet, and headed for the door.
“Just?”
“Yeah?” Justin turned and leaned against the
doorframe.
“Why did you fly out here?”
Shit, Justin thought. “I guess I was worried about you,” Justin replied
slowly, hoping that would be enough.
“Why?”
“I…I don’t know.” Justin could tell JC had turned over in bed
and was looking at him. “I guess I just
missed you.” It wasn’t so hard to admit,
not when he’d already practically outted himself to
himself, and he didn’t even know he was in.
Not when he’d almost allowed himself to take
advantage of an innocent, awkward kiss.
Not when he could admit to himself that he yearned to rock JC to sleep tonight. Every night.
“Oh,” JC responded. Justin nodded his head and turned to the
door. “I missed you, too, man.” Justin turned back into the dark room, and
even with the lack of light, their eyes met.
“It was nice…the past week…you know…at home with you.”
“Yeah,” Justin sighed, wanting so
badly for another night like the past 12.
“I really got used to…being
with…you,” JC said, barely above a whisper.
“I’ve never slept better than in the past 2 weeks…when I was with you.”
“Oh,” Justin said. He cringed inside at the thought that he’d
been nothing more to JC the past weeks than an oversized pillow and
sedatives. “I’m glad I could help you
sleep.” JC made a strange face. Justin couldn’t take much more. “I’ll let you get to—”
“No, Justin, that’s not what I
meant,” JC said quickly, sitting up in bed like he was going to go after the
slowly retreating Justin. “I meant
that…I liked it, Justin.” His eyes
became soft, almost pleading. “Every
day…all I could think about was…going to sleep.
With you.”
JC clutched his knees to his chest.
“I really wanted it. I needed
it.”
“I…I see.” Justin couldn’t say anything else. He was too flabbergasted. And too light-headed. He needed to get away before JC could see
what he was doing to him.
“Justin,” JC whispered, swallowing
hard. “I still want it. I want y—”
“I’ll be right down the hall if you
want—need me,” Justin stammered, turning away, embarrassed and excited at the
same time. “Night,
sweetie.” He was nearly out the
door before he heard a faint, “Night, baby.”
That was the last straw. Justin
was head over heels.
It took him a while, but JC finally
crept into the guest room. Justin pretended
he was asleep facing the wall, pretended he wasn’t waiting for JC all night, all
week, for years. His throat went dry
when he heard JC say, “I need you, Justin.”
Justin turned over and stretched his trembling hand out, sighing when JC
took it and crawled into his bed. They
lay on their sides facing each other, close but not touching. Just breathing each other
in. “I couldn’t sleep without
you,” JC admitted, his hand in the small space between their chests. Justin covered that hand with his and shook
his head in agreement. “I should have
stayed at home…with you.” Justin smiled
broadly. He thinks of my home as his,
he thought. He brought JC’s fingers to
his lips and kissed them softly, watching JC’s face
for any sign that he should stop. JC only
stared at Justin’s mouth curiously…hopefully.
Justin pulled JC’s hand open and pressed his lips into the palm. JC sighed and moved closer. A tiny moan escaped his mouth when Justin’s
wet lips surrounded his thumb. He
slowly, cautiously, pressed his leg against Justin’s, gingerly touching knee to
knee before sliding it between Justin’s legs.
Justin trembled with 2 of JC’s fingers in his mouth, but he didn’t
stop. He was scared and he still didn’t
stop. He wanted to face his fear and do
it anyway. He wanted to be like a
fireman.
“Josh,” he whispered as he placed
JC’s wet fingers over his heart, “I need you, too.” He closed his eyes and let JC feel the
thumping in his chest, uttering a quiet “oh…oh” when JC touched a nipple. It was so gentle, like JC was afraid. And then it occurred to Justin that maybe he
really was. Just like him. “It’s ok, baby,” Justin sighed as he scooted
even closer and touched JC’s chin.
“Touch me. Touch me, baby.” He leaned back and sighed, shudders engulfing
him when JC squeezed one nipple, then the other. JC rubbed them, then licked his fingertips
and pulled on them until Justin moaned deeply and pressed his body fully
against his best friend’s. Justin
embraced JC’s lithe body and snuggled up to him, hiding his face in the crook
of JC’s neck. JC wrapped his arms and
legs around Justin and sighed against his scared friend’s cheek.
“I missed this,” JC murmured,
kissing Justin’s cheek and caressing his bare back. “I missed…us.” Justin met JC’s eyes and mouthed “me, too,”
kissing the tip of JC’s beautiful nose before he could lose his nerve. JC returned the favor before pressing nervous
lips to Justin’s chin and the very corner of Justin’s open mouth. Then with a simple “Justin…I want to…” he was
there. Their lips trembled against one
another, dry and nervous until Justin licked his lips, then JC’s, and they
kissed for real. Justin moaned, much
louder than he would have liked, as JC sucked his tongue into his mouth and
licked his lips and teeth. Justin tasted
JC’s mouth, eager to learn its distinctive flavor and commit it to memory. He licked the chin hair that seemed to be
growing across JC’s face, much to his and female
“Fuck, Justin,” JC sighed, obviously
getting too hot too fast. “You feel so
good, baby.” Justin opened his legs
wider and gasped as that increased the friction between their bodies even
more. His thigh found JC’s cock, and he
knew right then that he wanted it.
“Josh.” Justin sighed the
word over and over as he touched and kissed and tasted the beautiful creature
on top of him. He sank his fingers in
the soft mane and pulled away, staring open-mouthed at JC’s serious face. “I want to feel you.” JC smiled a little as Justin pushed him onto
his back. Justin pressed his body along
JC’s side and took a long look. “Have I
ever told you how beautiful you are?” he whispered as he caressed JC’s
face. Justin studied him, seeing him as
if for the first time. He slid his thumb
across JC’s lips, feeling his cock swell and stiffen when it was met with a hot
wet tongue. They stared into each other’s
eyes as Justin continued his education of JC’s body, tracing the angles of his
face and neck before moving down to his chest.
He sat up and straddled JC’s legs so he could touch him with both
hands. He was an eager student. His hands swept across JC’s shoulders and
down his arms, softly tickling the goose bumps that arose. “Does this feel good?” Justin asked somewhat
timidly, because he really wanted to know what his Josh liked. JC didn’t answer, but the look on his
face—the shimmering in his eyes, the trembling lower lip that he kept
licking—answered for him. JC reached for
Justin’s face, but Justin pushed his arms down flat at right angles to his
body. He leaned over and whispered, “My
Josh” before gently kissing JC’s right nipple.
He cupped the muscular pectorals in his strong hands, squeezing them
until JC moaned and the nipples petrified between Justin’s fingers.
“Just…oh, sweetie,” groaned JC as he
watched Justin lick and suck one nipple and gently roll the other between his
fingers. Justin enthusiastically licked
circles around both nubs with the tip and then the top of his tongue until JC
arched his back and pressed his pelvis up.
Justin froze for a second when he felt JC’s cock between his legs. JC noticed and was about to pull away until
he saw that Justin had stopped not because he was scared. His mouth open, he leaned up over JC and
slowly pressed back, moaning deeply as JC’s erection skirted across the wet tip
of his.
“Oh…Jace…baby,”
he sighed and moved with JC, thrusting his sex against JC’s, the soft material
of their boxers the only thing between them.
He was so damn hard he was afraid he might come right then. He pulled away and caught his breath as he
rested on his haunches and stared at the tent in JC’s lap. “I want to see you.” He moved his hands down JC’s heaving ribcage,
smiling that he finally got to touch that marvelous 6 pack that he’d been
eyeing over the years. The muscles
flexed under his hands, and if he hadn’t been in such a hurry to undress JC he
would have tasted that washboard stomach as well. Later, he thought as he gently tugged down
the boxer briefs. He dug his hands
inside and underneath, cupping JC’s firm ass before continuing to disrobe
him. He glanced quickly at JC’s anxious
face.
“Ok?” Justin whispered, hoping to
God it was.
“Yes, baby,” JC said with a
smile. He lifted his hips briefly as
Justin pulled the boxers all the way off.
Justin smiled back, then blinked slowly as his gaze went to JC’s tight
abs…the crease of his hip…the soft dark curls between his legs…the…oh. Justin was almost afraid to touch the cock,
like he wasn’t quite sure if he had the right.
He massaged JC’s quivering stomach and bit his lip to hide a silly grin.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he
whispered, more to himself than to JC, who quickly touched Justin’s slowly
descending hand as if to stop him.
Justin smiled, leaned over and kissed JC, then said, “Finally.”
“Finally,” JC echoed. He took Justin’s hands and placed them on his
waiting erection. “Touch me, Justin,” he
said as he laid back and rested his hands on his chest. Justin blushed despite himself as he held
JC’s sex for the first time, gently stroking with fingers and palms like it was
the most fragile thing in the world. He
stroked it long and slow, the way he liked to be stroked, the way he’d always
imagined JC would stroke himself. Justin
reached over to turn on the bedside light, ignoring JC’s giggle when he did
it. He wanted to see all of this
beautiful man, his Josh.
“It’s so much better than I
imagined,” Justin admitted, still smiling broadly as he massaged JC’s genitals with
both hands. JC watched him, a look of
utter fascination on his face. Justin
lay down beside him, leaning on one hand while the other continued learning the
subtle curves, dimples, ridges, thickness, heat, firmness, throb of JC’s
cock. “You’re so…”
“So…what?”
JC sighed, shivering when Justin leaned down to suck his nipple into his mouth.
“So…so…” Justin nibbled his way up
JC’s chest and the response was lost in a deep kiss. JC groaned as Justin pumped him harder.
“Jus,” whispered JC as he rolled on
his side and pulled Justin to him, still sucking on Justin’s lips and tongue
hungrily. Justin slowed his hand on JC’s
cock, unable to concentrate with JC’s hands all over his chest and stomach. He looked down at the penis in his hand with
awe, getting hotter and harder himself as it leaked
all over their stomachs. “What are you
thinking?” JC asked as he licked Justin’s chin and squeezed his ass.
“I’m thinking,” Justin sighed, his
gaze moving from JC’s cock to his silvery blue eyes, “that you look good enough
to eat.” JC paused for a second before
whispering “sweetness” and assaulting Justin with feverish kisses as he reached
into Justin’s underwear. At first it was
just a brush of fingers. Then a gentle trace up the underside. A friendly nudge of thumb. A noncommittal caress. When JC took all of Justin in his hands,
there was nothing platonic about it.
Justin gasped, eyes wide open and fixed on JC’s
lips hovering near his. He whispered
something that even he couldn’t understand and swallowed hard. JC was jerking him off. His Josh was stroking his cock in the most
unbelievably slow, languid, hot, illicit way.
His best friend, his best guy friend, was kissing and touching
and tasting and sexing him up, and Justin was loving
it, wanting it more than he’d ever wanted anything. It was Justin’s worst fear come true—and his
greatest wish.
“Damn…you’re so hard, baby,” JC
whispered. Justin wanted to laugh, to
say something like I could say the same about you. He couldn’t say anything. He was afraid whatever was in his head would
come out wrong and could possibly stop JC from touching him, at least slow him
down or throw him off. And that would be
very, very wrong. All Justin could
manage to get out with his hands full of dick and his sex covered with hands
was “kiss…me…please.” JC obliged
him. He absolutely purred when he
covered Justin’s mouth with his own.
Purred as his tongue glided between Justin’s lips and caressed and
tasted and swirled. Sighed
as he pushed Justin’s boxers down his legs and kicked them off the bed. Hissed as he held Justin’s
hips and thrust against him.
Moaned as he rolled Justin on his back and rode him slowly.
“Ohhh…Justin,”
JC meowed before kissing the man underneath him—the man suddenly parting his
legs and tilting his pelvis up and twisting his hips—anything to get JC’s cock
to dance against his harder, faster, more.
Justin closed his eyes and breathed deeply, or tried to with JC on top
of him, kissing him and tonguing him and grinding him and letting his fingers go—fuck. Just when he thought he couldn’t take
anymore, he felt fingers stroking circles in that wonderful, hypersensitive
space behind his balls. Justin whimpered
when the fingers left to massage his scrotum, and that felt like heaven as
well, but then they came back, gently stroking his perineum. Oh God, Justin thought to
himself. Josh is going to make me
come. It was so good it was almost
scary.
“Fuck, C,” Justin groaned when JC
thrust against him real slow and strong, arching his back and leaning on
his hands. Justin wrapped his legs
around strong thighs and leaned back, the friction between them, the hardness
between them, the trickling heat between them almost too much to bear. JC looked down at sparkling blue eyes.
“Come with me, Justin,” he whispered,
still grinding his cock against Justin’s, but not as slow, not as
controlled. He bit his lip, grimaced,
and said it again. “Come with…oh, baby,
come with me.” They kept it up, the
frottage, the rubbing, the intense pulsing of two bodies and stared into each
other’s eyes for as long as they could.
And then they couldn’t any longer.
“Jo-Josh…ooooohhhh.”
Justin closed his eyes and arched his back, squeezing JC’s ass, pulling
him closer, pressing their stomachs and pelvises and erections together as he
began to shake. He wanted JC
closer…closer…with him…inside him. Wonderful,
baby, sugar, sweetie, come inside me.
He screamed when he thought it, sighed it, said
out loud as he arched his back and came.
Shuddering, squeezing JC between his thighs, spurting
hot jism all over his stomach. He was still in the throes of his bliss when
he felt JC come on top of him, moaning his name and shooting hot liquid all
over them. Justin closed his eyes
and…just…breathed.
“Jus?” JC
whispered, touching Justin’s face as he caught his breath.
“Yeah?” Justin swallowed hard, eyes still closed,
hands immobile on JC’s back.
“Justin.”
“Yes.” He didn’t want to look at JC. It would make it too real. But when he felt soft lips on his, pressing
for just a short moment, he knew he couldn’t go back. He didn’t want to go back. He opened his eyes to sweet, sweet blue. Honey, baby, sugar,
love. Oh, God. Love.
“Justin…is this…for real?” JC looked so desperate and hot and beautiful
and exhausted and so fucking perfect.
“I…Josh, I…baby.” He couldn’t say anything else. The lump in his throat wouldn’t let him. The siren going off in his head screeching this
is your straight best friend on the rebound wouldn’t let him. He kissed JC, but even he knew it felt wrong. JC kissed back for a second, then stopped,
made a small, strange noise in his throat, then rolled away a little.
“Don’t worry, sweetie,” JC
whispered. He pulled the covers up
around them and cuddled close to Justin, laying his head over Justin’s thumping
heart. “It’s all right. It’ll be all right, ba—Justin.” Justin waited for JC to go to sleep. Then he let the tears fall.
Justin ran 10 miles the thirteenth
morning. He’d slipped out of bed without
waking JC and pulled on his sweats, sunglasses, and hat in record time. Somewhere around mile 5, he was distracted by
the sunlight reflecting off something nearby.
He looked down and nearly stopped in his tracks when he saw what it was
blinding him—his promise ring. The one
his girl, his woman, his lady had given him a few weeks after he gave her a
similar one. He thought about the day he
bought it, here in LA, and how he refused to let JC accompany him to the
jeweler. He never thought about
why. Why he never really talked about Britney
with JC, why they never double dated, why he sometimes flew to LA and stayed
with JC instead of her, and why he’d lie to JC, saying she was out of town,
when in fact he knew she wasn’t. All
that thinking was ruining his run, so he pushed it out of his mind for the 5
miles back home. Home?
When Justin returned, exhausted and
dripping with sweat, he found JC awake in the den, sitting on the edge of the
couch in a bathrobe, clutching the remote tightly in his hands. Justin stood back in the next room and
watched JC watch a news program on the TV.
The sound was down low, but the images of people crying, holding up
pictures of missing loved ones and American flags was
moving enough without the audio. JC
watched it, the
“I…I can’t imagine,” JC said, his
voice nearly breaking. “So horrible.”
“I know, Jace. It’s gonna be ok,” Justin whispered. But he wasn’t so sure. After 13 days, after last night, he didn’t
know anything anymore. And he didn’t
know why he was so afraid, when all he wanted to do was hold JC and comfort him
and call him sugar and make lo—Justin stopped that thought right
quick. He had to…didn’t
he?
“We need to do something, you know?”
JC sat up straight but still looked down.
“We should…do…something—”
“We will, C. You know we will.” Justin covered JC’s hands with his. They were so warm, just like last night, and
the past 12 days, and the past 8 years.
“We’ll do whatever we can. I
promise.” JC finally looked at Justin
with sad but determined eyes.
“If…if anything had…if anything ever
happened to you…guys—”
“Don’t even think it, C.”
“If anything ever happened to you,
Justin,” JC said slowly but emphatically, “I don’t know what I’d do.” Justin’s throat constricted, and he wanted to
look away from that penetrating gaze, but he couldn’t. “I just don’t wanna take anything for
granted…you never know when something could happen, or you could lose someone
you lo—”
“I know,” Justin cut in
nervously. “If I’ve learned anything
from this…it’s that…we have to learn to appreciate what’s important to us.”
“You’re important to me.” JC said it very quickly, not looking away,
owning it. Justin smiled because it made
him happy to hear it. “You mean a lot to
me.”
“Josh…me, too.” They gazed at each other for a while, and
Justin wondered when they would talk about what happened the previous night.
“Justin, I just want to tell you
that—”
“No, don’t. I’ll understand if you don’t—”
“Justin,” JC whispered, shushing the
young man with fingers on his lips. “I
just want to say that…in case I never told you…I’d hate if you never knew that
I…you…guys…love you guys.” He took a
deep breath and whispered, “I love…you.
All you guys. You. I love you, Justin.” He stood up, not looking his astonished friend
in the eyes. “I just wanted you to
know.” JC turned and walked away,
leaving Justin on his knees in front of the couch, his hands still up where
they were holding JC’s hands. From a
distance, it looked like Justin was praying.
Justin was quiet for a long
time. He managed to shower and get
dressed and eat some cereal without saying a word. JC went back to bed, and Justin quickly
grabbed his keys and jumped in the rental car.
He drove around for hours, almost hoping to get lost, but somehow always
finding his way back to familiar roads.
He drove around and around, looking at people living their lives, going
to and from church, having brunch outside fashionable southern Californian
eateries, shopping, anything and everything.
After an hour or so he rolled down the car’s tinted windows. Some time after that he removed his safety
hat and dark shades. Eventually he found
himself in JC’s local specialty food store, buying cereal and free range chicken
and toothpaste and extra cereal and flowers and tofu and bean sprouts and JC’s
favorite wine and more cereal and organic chocolates and that sweet smelling
shampoo JC loved so much, and, just because it looked kinda neat, some
all natural cherry-flavored ginseng and yohimbe
personal lubricant. No wig. No hat.
No bodyguards. He spent way too
much money, signed 2 autographs, took a picture with an embarrassed
31 year old fan, and even bought a teeny magazine. He smiled so much that his face hurt by the
time he got to his girlfriend’s house.
JC sat alone at the table in his kitchen
thirteen days after he’d lost a friend and his sense of security. The sun had started to set when Justin came
in, jiggling the key JC had given him and toting several plastic grocery bags. JC couldn’t help smiling as he watched Justin
put the food away in the wrong places and corrupt his pristine cupboards with
childish, sugary cereals.
“What’s all this?” JC said softly,
amused but still feeling blue.
“I went grocery shopping,” Justin
said matter-of-factly. “You…um…we needed
stuff.” He blushed and turned away from
JC.
“We…did?” JC smiled, and Justin could feel JC’s eyes on
him. It felt good.
“I’m cooking dinner.”
The 2 men feasted on Justin’s
special American meal: spring rolls, knishes, baba ghanoush, collard greens, spaetzles,
fried calamari, tandoori chicken, fajitas, Navajo fry
bread, and baby quiches—all ready in less than 20 minutes from frozen box to
oven and/or microwave. And for dessert…Hostess apple pies and Cherry Garcia Frozen Yogurt. JC just smiled, stuffed himself, and stared
at the beautiful flowers Justin brought him.
They had a great time, eating the finger food and laughing and
reminiscing and talking about everything except what they needed to talk about.
“That was great,” JC said looking
around his kitchen at the empty boxes and bags.
“I really…needed this.” He turned
back to Justin, eyes sparkling. “Thank
you, Justin.”
“You’re very welcome.” Justin looked down at his hands. “I called 3 French restaurants looking for frogs legs, but no luck.”
JC chuckled.
“Is that why you were gone so long?”
“Um, no,” Justin said slowly. He steadied himself, looked up at JC, and
said, “I…I had to go see…someone.” When
JC looked confused, Justin sighed and said, “I had to see Brit.”
“Oh.” Justin smarted from the pained look that JC
tried to hide on his face. JC ran his
fingers through his hair and quickly jumped up and went about clearing the
dishes. “How…um…how is she doing?”
“Pretty good,” Justin sighed,
looking at his feet, “considering we just broke up.” JC froze for a long moment, looking out the
window, plate in hand, water running.
Justin couldn’t see JC’s reaction.
“Josh?”
“Why…I mean…did you…have you been
thinking about it?” JC asked lowly as he finished loading the dishwasher. He closed the door and slowly turned to face
Justin. “Is that what you wanted,
Justin?” he asked as he wrung his hands.
Then he wrapped his arms around himself, like he needed protection from
Justin’s words. Silly, Justin thought as he got out of his chair and walked over to
JC.
“I couldn’t give her what she
needed. I could never love her the way
she deserves to be loved,” Justin answered, standing tall and self-assured in
front of his Josh. “I guess I knew it
all along, but I was trying so hard to make it work.”
“I know the feeling,” JC said. Justin came closer, and JC reached out to
touch him, but drew back. “You get this
idea in your head for what your life should be…who your love should be—”
“And you refuse to see that what you
really want is right in front of you.”
JC looked down bashfully, and Justin thought it was the cutest
thing. He thought JC was the cutest, the
hottest, the sexiest thing, and for the first time he didn’t feel guilty or
scared because of it. And when he said
this out loud, JC sighed and closed his eyes.
“Since…last
night?”
“Honey,” Justin whispered as he
cradled JC’s face in his hands, forcing their eyes to meet, “since…day 1. Since the day I first laid eyes on you.” He could barely get it out, but as he said
the words aloud he knew they were true.
All the denials and wet dreams and groupies and cold showers and guilt
and promise rings couldn’t make it untrue.
“Justin, are you sure?” JC
whispered, taking the hand on his cheek and kissing it gently. “Are you sure, baby?”
“I am. Finally.” He kissed JC’s cheek and pulled him close,
waiting until he felt JC’s arms around him to say another word. “What about you?” he whispered against JC’s
cheek. He closed his eyes and braced
himself. “Are you sure…you’re not still
in love with—”
“Honey,” JC sighed, and kissed
Justin’s chin, “I never…ever…loved her…the way I—” Justin cut him off with his
lips. They kissed frantically, tongues
pulsing in and out of each other’s mouths insistently before JC pulled away for
a breath, whispered “love you” and dove back in.
It took them about six minutes to
get upstairs. Two minutes of kissing in
front of the dishwasher, Justin pressing JC against it over and over before
picking him up and setting him on the counter.
Minutes of loud, wet mouths on lips and necks and shoulders, fingers in
hair and over muscles, JC’s legs wrapped around Justin’s waist. Grunts and groans and sighs and “want you so
much” and “you’re luscious” and “let me make you happy” for two more minutes as
they moved from the countertop to the wall by the steps. Justin gnawed on JC’s lips as he held him
against the wall and touched every part of JC’s body within reach. JC let him touch wherever he wanted,
encouraging him with soft sighs and not so soft cries of “yes” and “right
there” and “like that” and “please.” It
was his turn to debauch Justin as they scrambled up the stairs, Justin lying
semi-comfortably on his back, hard wood steps lodged
against his spine as JC sucked on his neck and ripped open his shirt. Justin slid up as JC slid down, until Justin
was sighing at the top of the stairs, his jeans unzipped, JC kissing his cock
through his underwear. It took another two
minutes or so to get from there to JC’s bed, what with all Justin’s panting and
hip thrusting and JC’s licking along inner thighs. Eventually he allowed Justin to stand up, and
they rushed to the bed with their pants falling down the whole way.
Justin sat on the edge of the bed
and pulled JC to him, his kisses landing on tight abs. JC removed both their shirts as he watched
Justin suck on his skin, licking inside his navel and squeezing his swollen
nipples.
“Josh, Josh, Josh…” Justin repeated
the name over and over between kisses and licks. He looked up into heavy lidded eyes as he
removed the rest of JC’s clothes. “You’re
so damn hot I almost can’t stand it,” he whispered as he gently stroked JC’s
erection. He continued to watch JC’s
expression change from pain to ecstasy to desperation as he brought his lips
close to the head. JC breathed deeply
and caressed Justin’s face and lips.
“Is this ok?” asked JC, polite as
ever, despite his raging hard on. He ran
his fingers across Justin’s pursed lips, sighing when Justin sucked them into
his mouth. “Do you like…this?”
“I like you,” Justin moaned, a soft
smile crossing his face. He never
thought he’d ever be going down on another guy, and at the same time, he always
thought about going down on JC. Like, JC
wasn’t just a guy—he was just JC.
He could have thought about the implications of all this on his
sexuality for hours, but at that moment he really didn’t care. All he wanted at that moment was to please
JC, his Josh, and that meant wrapping his lips around the penis he’d been
staring at up close for nearly a full minute.
Justin pressed his lips to it, and both men sighed with relief and
anticipation. It was strange and
wonderful at the same time. He took his
time, parting his lips slowly, wanting to memorize the size, the shape, the
texture, the essence. And sweet, sweet JC
was patient, not hurrying him or begging or prodding at all. Justin thanked God for that. He wondered briefly if it was blasphemous to
thank God for JC’s soft moans, JC’s gentle hands on his face, or the tang of
JC’s sex in his mouth. He’d been sure
for years that it was, but now that he actually was here, kissing and sucking
and tracing JC with his tongue, he had second thoughts. JC was too beautiful, with his hair falling
in his eyes and his abs flexing under Justin’s fingers, too damn beautiful and
wanting and needing to resist doing this.
He was too wonderful, sweet like honey, the honey oozing onto Justin’s
tongue, to not want to taste. And he
tasted wonderful.
“Ohhhh,”
JC sighed as he shivered and thrust just the smallest bit between Justin’s
lips. Feeling encouraged, Justin nuzzled
the phallus with nose and lips before moving down to taste the scrotum. When JC growled, Justin progressed to
tonguing JC’s balls while he slowly pumped his hands up and down the length of
his cock. JC seemed to really like that,
as he grabbed the back of Justin’s head to urge his friend to take more. And Justin did, wanted to, liked to, excelled at opening up and sucking the flesh into his
mouth. “Ohh…Justin,
that’s so good,” JC moaned as he watched Justin suck and lick him all
over. “I want you so much.” Justin looked up at him, licked his lips, and
opened his mouth around the head of JC’s penis, never losing eye contact as he
took more and more into his mouth. JC
froze, mouth parted, lips quivering, as he watched Justin swallow him.
“Fuck…fuck…yes…that’s it, baby,” JC
whispered once he finally found his voice.
Justin could tell JC was resisting thrusting down his throat. He could tell from the way JC’s fingers
pressed down hard on his shoulders, the way JC licked his lips anxiously, and
the way JC’s ass cheeks contracted under his hands. But he knew JC wouldn’t, not yet, because
this was so new to Justin. Because JC wouldn’t want to hurt him. Because JC loved him. That made Justin want
to do anything for his Josh, even swallow this huge tangy, musky, pulsating
cock. He took it as far as comfortable,
not wanting to gag. JC purred his
appreciation.
“Justin…sweetheart…you’re amazing,”
JC whimpered as the novice in front of him slurped up and down his dick a
little faster, closing his mouth around it tighter until JC couldn’t help
driving his hips forward just the slightest bit. Justin took the cock out of his mouth and
grinned up at the beauty attached to it.
“You like this?” Justin
whispered. He kissed and licked JC’s
stomach as he jerked him off, slowing down when he flicked his tongue into the
sensitive meatus. JC groaned and begged
for more. Justin happily gratified him,
slowly licking the slit at the tip of JC’s organ until it dribbled all over his
tongue. He smiled, accepting that he really
liked this. He liked getting JC off, he
liked the sensation and flavor of hot flesh in his mouth, he liked feeling and
watching JC squirm when he teased his cock and tickled the space behind his
testicles. When he bent down and teased
that wonderful place with his tongue, JC cried out the most beautiful words.
“Ohhhh…Justin,”
JC whispered, trembling, “make love to me.”
Justin stopped. He closed his eyes and pulled JC to him,
burying his face in JC’s stomach. He
listened to the sound of JC’s breathing, shallow and quick. Nervous. He listened to the sound of a steady
heartbeat, and then realized it was his own.
He kissed JC’s sex and looked up, finally.
“Jus…I…I understand if you don’t
want to,” JC said meekly, his face showing resignation already. Justin stood up and gently kissed JC’s lips
until they stopped trembling. He pulled
away and looked at his Josh, really looked at him. JC blinked slowly and kept trying to say
something, but would bite his lip and just stare back. Justin touched his best friend’s lips and
face and chest, looking him over from toes to head and back to his eyes. JC was the most perfect thing he’d ever seen,
and Justin knew absolutely that he wanted him. He’d always known.
“JC,” he said, wanting to say
something more, but couldn’t find the words.
He was overwhelmed. So he kissed
JC’s cheek, turned him around and sat him on the bed. He smiled at him and rubbed his hot
cheek. He whispered, “Wait for me,” and
then backed out of the room, watching JC’s look turn from one of confusion to
one of hope.
It was in the last of the 8 bags
from the grocery store. Justin had put
it aside, not because he wanted to pretend it wasn’t there, just…because. He took out the small tube and slid it in his
back pocket. It was a strange
feeling. He stood in the kitchen, topless, jeans unzipped, hard as a rock, and let it sink
in. He took a deep breath and smiled.
Justin walked back, wanting to savor
this, but also not wanting to tire himself out by dashing upstairs. He found JC sitting on the edge of the bed in
the same position, biting his lower lip nervously. Justin was on top of him immediately.
“Are you sure?” JC asked as Justin
thrust against him, sprawled on top of him, cradling his head. Justin smiled and stood back up to get
undressed. JC stopped him so that he
could do it himself. They tried to not
smile too much, but it was a losing battle.
Justin kicked his clothes off and let JC pull him down on his side. JC kissed him until Justin thought he would
explode just from that. Their mouths fit
together perfectly, their chests, their stomachs, JC’s
hands between Justin’s legs. Justin felt
like his entire body was pulsating with want and need and hunger to be one with
the man in his arms. He was so used to
denying his feelings for his best friend that he almost didn’t know what to do
now. It was like he was becoming someone
new; someone who goes after what he wants, fuck the fear and the danger. JC was peeling the shell on a new, improved
Justin that would accept who he is and who he wants. With every touch, every teasing lick across
his nipples, every gentle nibble on his skin, each agonizingly slow stroke of
his cock, Justin was metamorphosing into a man.
A man strong and wise and brave enough to say
“I love you, Josh.”
And he was done.
JC had been kissing his way down
Justin’s stomach when he heard it, and Justin could feel him smile against his
skin. Justin swallowed hard as JC came
back up to meet him. They stared at each
other for a few moments, Justin gazing at his love with complete wonder. “I don’t know what took me so long,” Justin
whispered. He took JC’s hand, kissed it,
and placed it over his heart. “I’m
telling you now…but I’ve been giving you my heart for 8 years. One piece at a time.” JC sighed like the hugest weight had been
lifted from his shoulders, then he kissed Justin sweetly and caressed his face.
“Baby,” JC whispered between kisses,
“you’re my hero.”
Justin almost came seconds after
feeling JC’s lips on his cock. JC held
still, opting to whisper sweet, innocent nothings to Justin instead, things
like “your cock is so beautiful” and “you taste like heaven” and “I’ve wanted
you forever.” Justin breathed deeply,
trying not to come yet, but it was so hard.
JC’s mouth and tongue on him was nothing short of glorious, and JC
giggled when Justin said so out loud.
Justin thought he heard JC say something like “beginner’s luck” but he
wasn’t sure. He never really thought
about JC being with other guys, and he sure wasn’t going to start thinking
about it then. Justin smiled to himself
when he heard “Yes, Justin…you are” from down between his legs. Not that it mattered. He loved JC no matter what. But knowing he was JC’s first man made him
swoon.
“Mmmmm,”
JC murmured as he swirled his tongue around the head of Justin’s penis. He licked up the underside, grinning when
Justin scratched at the sheets and arched his back. He kissed and licked every inch of Justin’s
genitals before slowly taking the cock in his mouth and descending, tightening
his lips around it until the tip touched the back of his throat and Justin
nearly screamed.
“Jace…oh,
baby, c’mere.”
JC crawled up Justin’s body and let him taste himself with a searing
kiss. They kissed frenziedly and thrust
against one another, squeezing their cocks between their bodies until JC
gasped, “Love me, Justin,” and moved Justin’s hand from his back down between
his legs. He moved Justin’s fingers in little, flirtatious circles around his tight cleft and
repeated, “Love me. I want you to love
me, Justin.” Justin rolled JC over on
his back and grabbed for his jeans on the floor. He smiled to himself when he realized that he
wasn’t nervous anymore, wasn’t afraid anymore.
He was too turned on to be nervous about opening the small tube of
lubricant and squeezing some on his fingers.
He was too hard and hungry for JC to feel self-conscious about nudging
his best friend’s legs apart. It seemed
like the most natural thing in the world for the new, improved Justin to lie
down between JC’s legs and slide wet fingers between his buttocks.
“I’m almost there, sweetie,” Justin
whispered when JC moaned and tilted his hips, wanting Justin to come to
him. He traced JC’s anus with one
finger, then with each circle around it he pressed a little, until his finger
was inside, and JC gasped. Justin held
there and pressed his lips into JC’s perineum, and JC gasped again, but calmed
quickly. Justin slowly pushed his finger
inside JC’s tightness and bathed his entire pelvic region with kisses. When JC opened his legs wider Justin added
another slick finger, inserting it slowly and gently.
“Ooooh…ohhhh,” JC sighed, tensing up until Justin reached up with
his free hand and stroked calming circles on his stomach and chest. JC covered Justin’s hand with his and
whispered encouraging things like “that’s good, baby” and “it’s
alright…more.” Watching JC’s face
closely, Justin began to slowly pulse his fingers in and out. When JC started to revolve his hips, Justin
moved more insistently. JC’s gasps
turned to sighs and gentle cries, and when Justin sucked JC’s cock into his
mouth, the cries turned to purrs.
“Jus…Justin…sweetie,” he said as he
thrust up into the heat of Justin’s throat, “I’m…now…I want you now.” Justin gazed down at his Josh writhing in pain
and ecstasy, burning for him…begging for him.
“Please,” JC whispered as he reached out for Justin’s face. “Please…take me, Justin. Take me.”
“Yes.” Justin was there quickly, hovering over JC,
kissing him deeply as he rubbed lubricant all over his sex. He tossed the tube away and placed JC’s hands
on his cock. They stared at each other,
panting, as they prepared each other, slick hands pumping hardness, gentle
fingers stretching tightness.
“Are you sure?” Justin asked just to
be safe, polite, but he knew the answer.
They were both buzzing with need to be together, it was almost beyond
their control.
“I love you. It’s time.”
Justin opened his baby up to him, wrapping JC’s legs around him, letting
JC squeeze him between his thighs. He crushed
JC’s lips with his, sweeping his tongue deep inside JC’s mouth as he guided his
penis between JC’s quivering cheeks, and finally against his anus.
“I love you, too,” Justin whispered,
staring JC in the eyes. “This is how
much.” He opened his mouth to swallow
JC’s gasp as he entered him, slow and careful.
He breathed in JC’s quick, surprised sighs and pushed a little further
inside. Justin tried to kiss him, but JC
turned away, wincing and gnawing his lower lip.
“Relax, baby.” Justin kissed and
licked JC’s neck, caressed his sides and lifted his
hips up a bit. “Ease up.” JC shook his head and relaxed his grip on
Justin’s shoulders. He took a few deep
breaths and kissed Justin, biting at lips and sucking tongue into his mouth
until Justin moaned and thrust his cock deeper.
“Oooooohhhh,”
JC sighed and sank his fingers into Justin’s ass.
“Is it alright?”
“Oh…oh…yes, sweetness.” JC curled up, resting his soles on Justin’s
hips, and whispered, “Come inside…I want all of you…now, Justin.” He bore down, relaxing his sphincter as much
as he could, and opened up to Justin, whimpering when Justin penetrated him all
the way.
“Uhhhhhh!” Justin leaned back and groaned,
overwhelmed by the warmth and tightness swallowing his sex. As good as it felt the first instant, the
first inch inside, this was even better.
JC clung to him, his back, his hips, his cock. There wasn’t a space between them.
“Ohhhh…Jus…you’re
really inside me.” They smiled at that
before kissing again, Justin trying to go slow, but it felt too good. Especially with JC rocking against him,
meeting his every thrust, pinching his rock hard nipples—it was just too
fucking good. He slammed into JC with
long, forceful thrusts, reaching deep inside, grazing every inch of his
welcoming, snug heat. JC moaned with
him, tightened around him, fucked him, loved him.
“You’re amazing,” Justin whispered,
fucking JC faster and with less restraint, bending JC more into him, getting
deeper.
“Justin…we’re finally…yes. You feel so good,” JC whimpered and groaned as Justin thrust
into him shallow then deep, pulling nearly all the way out before sinking all
the way back in, murmuring “I love you” over and over. Now that Justin had said it, he couldn’t turn
it off. Wouldn’t.
Justin licked into JC’s mouth and
wrapped his hand around JC’s cock trapped between their stomachs. He squeezed it, watching JC sigh as it
drooled all over his fingers. He slowed
down his movements and brought his fingers to his mouth, looking JC in the eye
as he licked the precum hungrily, wetting his fingers
even more before offering them to his lover.
He arched his back, leaning on one arm as JC sucked and licked his
fingers and palm. He smiled wickedly and
grunted, “You like how you taste?” When
JC nodded his head, Justin brought his slick hand down to wrap it around JC’s
sex, pumping it and thumbing the head faster, in time with his own
thrusts. JC shrieked and arched into it,
begging Justin to fuck him, take him all the way, love
him forever.
“I will, Josh,” whispered Justin as
he pressed his body against his lover and rode him, faster…harder…louder. He panted as he fucked and masturbated JC into
a dizzying state that matched his own.
“I’ll never stop.”
“Promise?” JC’s face crinkled up as he started to shake.
“Promise.” The toes curled, the eyes squeezed shut, the
bodies glued together by stickiness and heat, JC came, going rigid as he
erupted all over them, calling out his lover’s name like a song. Simply watching that beautiful sight was
enough to push Justin past the brink, and he thrust once more and came deep
inside JC as he held on for dear life. Which was what he wanted in the first place.
“Oh my God, oh my
God, oh my God.” JC whispered it
over and over as he came down, shuddering and holding Justin tightly. Justin was quiet but echoed his lover in his
head. He tried to move but JC held on
tight, whispering, “stay…stay…stay” and kissing him. Justin began to move down, but JC would have
nothing of it.
“Don’t…Justin…I love you in me.”
“I wanna taste you,” Justin murmured,
his breathing returning to normal. He
whispered words of love as he slipped out of JC’s body, then kissed down his
neck and chest and stomach. JC sighed
deeply as Justin licked his cock and belly clean of his warm stickiness. Justin licked his lips when he was finished
and smiled up at his best friend. Baby, honey, salty, sweet, wonderful…Josh.
“Mmm,” JC
sighed as he rubbed Justin’s cheek. He
closed his eyes and whispered, “My Justin loves me.” Justin lay down beside his lover and gazed at
his contented face.
“Josh?” Asleep. Justin watched him breathe evenly for a while
before kissing his cheek and whispering, “You’re my hero. Thank you for rescuing me.”
The fourteenth day was busy. They spent the morning giving blood at the
Red Cross. They spent the afternoon on
the phone with the guys and management and friends and contacts to discuss a
possible benefit concert in October.
They took a cereal break around noon, a kissing break around 2…a sex
break around 2:30. Evening found them
having dinner at a local Middle Eastern restaurant, and both were happy to find
the place teeming with patrons. A fan
stopped to ask for an autograph, and to inquire how they were coping. Justin said something about learning to not
take anything for granted, and regretting that it sometimes takes a tragedy for
people to realize what they want and where they belong. The fan walked away smiling, and JC grasped
Justin’s hand under the table. He let
the tears show, though.
They got home after picking up more
cereal and toothpaste and deodorant and shampoo and stuff that Justin would
need in his second house. They walked
in, dropped their bags, and started to kiss just as the alarm started blaring. JC started to reach for it when Justin asked
to see the code, seeing as how was going to be…well…there a lot
more. JC blushed and slowly punched the
keypad, curling his other hand around his baby’s, his honey’s, his lover’s, his
hero’s waist as he typed in J-U-S-T-I-N.
The
end
Copyright
© October 9, 2001 by KTA