You Bring Me Joy
(Like a Best Friend Should)
by Zaen
1. Monday Morning
Monday morning. Justin watches his computer monitor come to life
as he sips his hot Dunkin Donuts coffee.
He sighs for no particular reason.
He’s only 5 minutes late today, and his supervisor’s office door is
closed anyway. Justin bites into an
apple fritter and opens up the project he’s been working on for the past 3
weeks. He types about 4 lines of code
when Lance and Chris sneak in on tiptoes.
They relax when they see that Johnny’s door is shut, and immediately
start babbling as they turn on their computers.
Justin has to stand to see them over the blue shag carpeted dividers of
his cubicle. They wave happily at him
and motion in the direction of the cafeteria.
Justin holds up his coffee, and they stick their tongues out at him and
run off in search of an unhealthy breakfast.
Justin sits back down and sucks the apple filling from his fingers as
his eyes travel to the empty cubicle across the room. Last Friday there were boxes of supplies and
reams of dot-matrix paper scattered all over that desk. Now it’s cleaned off and there’s a new stack
of empty in-out trays. New blood.
Johnny’s door opens and everyone’s
monitors quickly change from FreeCell to Excel.
Justin overhears Johnny introduce the newbie to everyone in the
department. He can’t see anything over
the top of the cubicles but Johnny’s bald head and a heap of longish brunette
curls. There hasn’t been a woman in
their department since before Justin started at Zeeks
Technologies 6 months ago. Justin had
been her replacement, and now that woman is a junior vice president in some
other department. That thought
encourages and frightens Justin, as he doesn’t want to think of himself tied
down to this, his first job out of college.
Justin takes a sip of his now cold coffee, makes a face, and stands up
to pat his pants for loose change. When
Justin looks up he sees him. He’s at
Joey’s desk, smiling brightly and talking animatedly with his hands. Justin is confused for a second until he sees
the hair. It’s the new girl—guy. He looks over at Justin and smiles cordially,
and Justin looks away quickly, grabs his empty coffee cup and hurries off to
the cafeteria. There he stares at the
coffee vending machine, contemplating vanilla or mocha, purposefully not
thinking about those eyes. They were a
strange silvery blue, penetrating, but in a good way. Appealing.
Justin squeezes his eyes shut so he can no longer see those eyes…those
lips…that face. He sighs and pushes the
button for decaf.
Justin takes his time returning to
his desk, stopping to flirt with some of the female interns on the way. When he finally gets back, Joey is talking to
Chris and Lance. He—the new guy—is
sitting in the chair at the previously empty desk. The desk directly across from Justin’s. In plain sight of Justin’s desk. Justin sits down at his desk and takes a deep
breath. Soon enough Joey is at his desk
with the new guy with the silver eyes.
“Hey, Justin,” Joey exclaims,
smiling brightly. He wraps his arm
around the new guy’s shoulder, Justin notices, for some reason. “This is Justin. He’s the baby of the department, hasn’t even
been here a year, right?” Justin nods,
staring at Joey and nowhere else.
“Justin Timberlake, this is Josh Chasez.”
“Nice to meet you, Justin,” the new
guy—Josh—says as he extends his hand.
Justin glances at him and looks down at his hand. Those eyes.
Justin shakes his hand firmly.
Then he realizes that he hasn’t said anything and he tries to keep from
blushing.
“Um…ahem. Nice to meet you, too. Josh.”
Justin clears his throat; like that’s the reason his voice is so weak. He looks back at Josh’s face, their hands
still together.
“Yeah, Josh and I go way back,” Joey
says, then slaps Josh lightly on the back.
“All the way to high school.”
“Is that right?” Justin asks,
managing a small smile. Josh smiles back
and finally pulls his hand away. Justin
pulls his back too and instantly grabs his coffee cup, so his hand won’t miss
the warmth.
“Yeah, but we went to different
colleges and I lost touch with him,” Joey replies with a yawn. He pokes Josh’s shoulder. “You went, like, far, far away right?”
“You could say that,” Josh says with
a smile, but something sad sparks his eye.
Justin notices it, but doesn’t think Joey does. Or could.
“Yeah, well,” Joey says warmly, not
even noticing Josh’s awkwardness or Justin’s nervousness. “Justin’s a really good programmer, so, if
you need anything, he’s your man.”
Justin fights to keep from blushing, and Josh just looks at him and nods
slowly. “C’mon, Josh, I’ll introduce you
to the some of the hotties in the pink collar
ghetto!”
“Ok.” Josh turns back to Justin. “It was nice to meet you, Justin.”
“Yeah.” Justin doesn’t know whether to go for another
handshake or not. They smile at each
other awkwardly until Joey pulls Josh off in the direction of the secretarial
pool. Justin sits down and stares at his
computer screen until his eyes burn.
Even for a Monday Justin doesn’t get
much done. He bows out on lunch with the
guys so he can catch up on work he should have done in the morning. Joey doesn’t push, he just shrugs and leaves
with Chris, Lance, and Josh in tow.
Justin watches them, averting his eyes quickly when Josh turns around to
return to his desk.
“Are you sure you won’t come?” Josh
asks with a friendly smile as he pockets his forgotten car keys. He stops at Justin’s cubicle and lightly
touches the miniature toy basketball hoop hanging from the divider wall. “It’s a beautiful day, even if it is cold.”
“Um, no. I’ve got a Powerbar,
so I’m alright,” Justin says, his eyes glued to Josh’s tapered fingers on his
precious Nerf basketball net. He looks
right into Josh’s silvery blue eyes and says, “Thanks, though. Have a nice lunch. Josh.”
“Ok.
See you later.” Josh walks away
and Justin has to force himself to not look.
Justin doesn’t get much of anything
done the rest of the day. He does manage
to change his desktop color to a very specific shade of silvery-blue.
Josh is in training sessions all
Tuesday morning. Justin knows this
because A) he’d done the same thing when he started at Zeeks
Tech all those months ago, and B) he couldn’t help noticing the empty desk
across from him.
“So, uh, how’s the new guy working
out so far?” Justin asks Joey as they pour over a Chinese takeout menu. Joey looks up at him with a curious grin.
“You mean Josh.”
“Yeah. Josh.”
Justin doesn’t know why it’s such a hard word to say.
“Well, considering that he’s only
been here one and a half days, I’d say it’s a little hard to tell,” Joey says
sarcastically.
“Whatever,” Justin grunts as he
grabs the menu. “I think I’ll get the cold
sesame noodles—”
“Why are you asking about Josh
anyway?” Joey asks as he pulls his wallet out of his pocket.
“Huh?” Justin just ignores the embarrassment he
knows must be apparent on his face. “I
was just asking, jeez!”
“Well, ask him yourself.” Justin shudders, blushing from ear to ear
when Joey looks past his shoulder and says, “Hey, man, Justin was just asking
how you’re working out here.”
“Oh yeah?” Josh asks softly, coming up behind Justin and
gently nudging Justin’s elbow with his own.
“Are you worried I’ll steal all the good paperclips?” he asks with a
huge smile.
“No.” Justin hopes he doesn’t sound as pathetic as
he really is. “Just being neighborly.”
“Right,” Joey laughs. “I’m gonna go see what the other guys
want. Pick anything you want, guys. Lunch is on me!”
“Whoa, big spender!” Josh
chuckles. Joey walks away with the menu
and gives him the finger, leaving Justin and Josh alone. Justin is suddenly nervous, and feels stupid
for feeling that way.
“So,” Justin says, patting his
pockets absentmindedly. “How do you like
Zeeks Tech so far?”
“I like it fine,” Josh says. “So far, I mean. The people here are very friendly.”
“Yeah.” Justin looks at Josh briefly, but Josh is
smiling at him so bright and blue and pretty that Justin looks away. Joey rushes back with his cell phone.
“What did you want, Josh?” Joey says
as he flips open his phone.
“I’ll just get my usual—the cold
sesame noodles,” Josh says.
“Oh!” Joey almost laughs, and Justin blushes. “That’s what Justin’s ordering.” Justin waits for the earth to open up and
swallow him. “You guys want me to just
order a quart and you can share?”
“That’s fine with me,” Josh
says. Justin pretends to change the time
on his watch so he won’t have to look into Josh’s sweet blue eyes. “Uh, is that ok with you, Justin?” Justin nods, afraid to say anything, and Joey
giggles and runs off toward Chris and Lance.
Justin can feel Josh’s eyes on him, so he forces himself to meet his
gaze. “Good taste, man,” Josh says, his
eyes twinkling, actually twinkling. He
walks away, and Justin is completely mortified.
When Josh walks past Justin’s desk
at 5PM, he says, “Goodnight, neighbor,” with a silly grin. When he’s gone, Justin bangs his head on his
desk.
Wednesday and Thursday are busy. Joey, Chris, and Lance spend a lot of time
with Josh, getting him up to speed on the company’s latest projects. Justin has a Friday deadline, so he is spared
the extra burden of spending time alone with Josh, pouring over printouts,
squeezed into the tight space of Josh’s cubicle. Justin looks up from his screen every once in
a while, when he hears a silly giggle or a programming question that he just knows he knows the answer to, or just
any old time. Usually Josh is deep in
concentration, learning, reading, typing code.
Justin thinks—he can tell already—that Josh is dedicated to his
work. He likes that in a person. Josh’s laugh is pretty pleasant too, Justin
thinks after hearing it a few times. In
such close quarters it’s important to be comfortable with one’s coworkers. It makes the day go faster if you get along,
if there’s some reason to look forward to getting up Monday through Friday,
Justin thinks.
Sometimes Justin looks over at the
formerly empty desk, expecting to see dust and accumulated debris, only to find
a chestnut mane of curls. Or steel blue
eyes.
Justin tries not to look too
much. He tries.
**********
2. First Friday at 5 PM
Friday at 5PM on the dot, Joey,
Chris, and Lance descend upon Justin’s desk.
“Ready to go?” Chris asks Justin, who looks frazzled as he squints at the lines of code on his monitor.
“I…ugh.” Justin sighs and looks at his watch. “I think I’m gonna miss out on happy hour
this week, guys.”
“Aw, c’mon,” Chris groans. “You can always come in tomorrow morning and
finish that project, man. The ladies of
“I’m sorry, guys,” Justin says, just
as Josh approaches them, putting on his coat, wearing a broad smile.
“Hey, Justin. Ready to go?” Josh asks.
“Justin doesn’t think he’s gonna
come with us,” Joey says, rolling his eyes.
Justin looks from Joey to Chris to Lance to Josh, whose smile lessens in
intensity a little, but not in brilliance.
“Oh, that’s too bad,” Josh
says. “Joe tells me you guys go every
Friday for happy hour.”
“Yeah, we do,” Justin says
sadly. “I just…I really need to finish
this. And I could use the overtime
anyway.”
“Don’t be a party pooper,” Lance
gripes, looking at his watch.
“C’mon! If we don’t get there
soon, all the free hot wings will be gone!”
“And the half price lap dances!”
Chris adds. Justin notices Josh’s
eyebrows rise. He wonders which of those
statements Josh is reacting to.
“You guys go on without me,” Justin
says miserably. “Maybe if I get enough
done I’ll meet you there later.” Chris
starts to protest, but Joey stops him.
“Ok, man. We’re leaving.” He pushes Chris and Lance forward. “Come on, guys. See ya, J.”
“Have a good time,” Justin says to
their retreating backs. Josh stares at
Justin as he zips up his coat.
“I’m sorry you can’t come along,”
Josh says. His face is hard to read.
“Yeah, well. Hopefully I’ll be able to go next time,”
Justin says.
“You have a deadline?”
“Yeah. I really need to finish this ASAFP.”
“I see,” Josh says with a
smile. He moves, and suddenly he’s right
next to Justin, leaning one hand on Justin’s desk and the other on the back of
Justin’s chair. Justin suddenly feels a
little warm. “Maybe I can help you out?”
“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that,”
Justin says, his voice weak. He clears
it as he looks at Josh’s hand on his desk blotter. Josh’s thumb covers Justin’s dentist
appointment at the end of the month. His
pinky brushes against Sunday brunch with an old college friend. Nice hands.
“Are you sure? It’d be no trouble,” Josh says as he casually
scans the monitor. Their eyes meet, and
Josh smiles warmly. Nice smile. Very nice eyes. Smells pretty good. Justin shivers.
“Yeah, yeah. You, um, you go ahead. Have fun,” Justin snaps as he turns from
Josh’s gaze back to his monitor. Josh
hesitates, his hand still on Justin’s chair.
Justin leans back without thinking, and feels Josh’s knuckles graze the
back of his neck. Soft knuckles. “Just go, ok?” Justin groans inwardly at how silly he
sounds. “Have a lapdance for me.”
“Sure,” Josh says with a crooked
smile. He walks slowly back to the front
of Justin’s desk, sliding his gloves over his hands as he moves. Justin tries not to watch Josh smooth the
leather down his graceful hands. He
looks away quickly when Josh wraps the strap of his satchel over his
shoulder. “Well…see ya,
Justin.”
“Yeah. Have a good time.” Justin musters up a bright smile as he
watches Josh walk away. He curses to
himself and looks at the screen. The
characters suddenly seem to make no sense, and before he knows it he’s getting
out of his seat. He grabs his coat,
rounds the wall of his cubicle and almost runs into Josh.
“Oh!
Sorry,” Josh says, his hands in front of him defensively. They step back and look at each other
curiously.
“Weren’t you leaving?” Justin asks
nervously, fighting the blush creeping up his face.
“Yeah, I. I just…um,” Josh says, sounding nervous
himself. “I thought I forgot something,
but…no.” He runs his gloved fingers
thought his curls, and Justin has to look away for a second. “So, I guess I’m off. Unless you, um, changed your mind?” He looks from the coat in Justin’s hands back
to Justin’s eyes. His smile is bright
but inscrutable. Justin takes a step
back.
“No, I gotta get back to work.” Josh nods and steps back, too.
“Ok.
Have a nice weekend, Justin.”
“You, too.” Justin watches Josh turn and exit the
building. Then he returns to his desk
and plays FreeCell for half an hour.
Justin spends his weekend wishing he
weren’t wishing it were Monday
already.
**********
Justin catches himself staring at
Josh sometimes. Not in a bad way. He doesn’t even notice until it happens. It’s unavoidable, really. With the wall to his right and the cubicle
behind and in front of him, the only free space around Justin is on his left
side—the side facing Josh’s desk. Justin
tries to force himself to stare up at the ceiling or down at his hands when he
needs to look at something other than his monitor. That only lasts so long, and soon enough he’s
glancing in Josh’s direction, if only for a moment.
Sometimes, if he lingers too long,
he catches Josh looking back. Always
smiling.
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© KTA December 2, 2002 – June 2, 2004