No, they haven't moved Christmas, Easter is not canceled and Thanksgiving Day is still on. I'm talking of course about the opening day of "Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones". Now, you can call me sacrilegious if you wish. But let's face it. I think more people have been anticipating this movie in the last three years, more than they've anticipated Christmas, Easter or Thanksgiving (I'm on the fence about Halloween).
The fallowing tome is my record of the anticipation, the blood, the sweat, the tears, the pain, the agony, the excitement, the elation and the pure joy that was my experience with "Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones". Let's go back some, shall we?...
May 19th, 1999
Having just left Southshore Cinema's 7:00pm showing of "Star Wars, Episode I: The Phantom Menace" on opening day my mind is reeling, trying to take in all of the digital effects strewn throughout this visual beauty. This massive Science Fiction fairy tail and the 6 month hype surrounding it have me in a trance-like state. During the current weekend, I would see the film three more times and come up with this opinion...
"Star Wars, Episode I: The Phantom Menace" is an excellent science fiction/action/adventure movie that is painted with wonderful colors and spiced with incredible action sequences. It is first and foremost a FUN film, one of the most FUN films I've ever seen!! A sit-back-and-relax-'cause-you're-about-to-be-taken-for-a-wild-ride-type movie. But as a "Star Wars" film, the movie left much to be desired. It didn't quite hold up with its previously released trilogy for quite a few reasons...
-The movie was slow in many parts. There was some politics, some introductions and a lot of set up for the two stories to come (not to mention Episodes IV, V and VI) that was needed for the rest of the SW saga, but still slowed the movie down a tad.
-The acting wasn't as spot-on as it could have been. Many of the seasoned and talented cast seemed to be reading from a teleprompter rather delivering lines that meant something to the characters.
-The movie didn't seem as much of a "Star Wars" film as it did a Walt Disney film. It seemed to be aimed strictly to the Tele-Tubbies crowd, leaving many adult and original SW fans left out.
-Which brings us to Phantom's biggest flaw... Jar Jar Binks. I have to snicker to myself every time I watch the documentary of the making of the film on the DVD and see producer, Rick McCallum, and director, George Lucas, just gushing over this character and how fans are "just going to love him" and how he's "the funniest character that's ever been in a SW film before". Don't get me wrong, Jar Jar Binks, the aquatic bunny rabbit (known as a Gungan) is quite funny? IF YOU'RE 5 YEARS OLD!! Keep in mind that the humor that was represented in Episodes IV-VI was Han and Leia's witty, sarcastic banter between each other, which both adults and children could enjoy, but not a giant, yellow lizard juggling cups and tripping over its own tongue constantly. I don't think he was quite as terrible as many other die hard SW fans felt. I don't feel he ruined the movie. He was, however, overused and his slap stick antics were incredibly distracting from what was going on in the story.
I wasn't heartbroken or depressed or disappointed at all! In fact I really enjoyed "Phantom Menace" an awful lot!! It just seemed to be missing something as a Star Wars film.
Many fans theorize that after Lucas adopted a few children between the release of "Jedi" and "Phantom" he seemed to view the world through more child-like, innocent eyes and wrote the script with that as a major influence. I don't know if that's true or not, but it makes sense to me.
Anyway, after that opening weekend of being in pure Star Wars bliss, I realized that it would be three more years before we'd get to see, "Star Wars, Episode II". THREE..........LONG..........YEARS.
2000 - 2001
The following two years the net is buzzing with rumor after rumor about the characters and plot concerning the next Star Wars movie. Titles are being guessed at by eager fans... "Rise of the Sith", "Anakin's Fall" and "Fall of the Republic" are all strewn about by anxious geeks trying to sweep up some news on the secret script George Lucas is busy creating.
I am not going to make the same mistake, I made last time. After reading a bit too much off the net, I sort of had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen and when it was going to happen, plot wise in "Episode I". There was one major plot piece I didn't find out... until I bought the soundtrack shortly before the movie was released and read the track listing on the back of the cover... 15/Qui-Gon's Nobel End, 16/Qui-Gon's Funeral. Woops. I decided to be a bit surprised this time around and not be so eager to be a spoiler addict.
August, 2001
While I'm attending the Gen Con Game Fair, a convention for role playing gamers as well as other Sci-Fi, Horror and other Fantasy driven genre's (see Zangz's Gen Con Journal 2001 elsewhere in the Journalz section), I go to a seminar given by Steven J. Sansweet. Sansweet is a huge Star Wars fan who has, what is believed to be, one of the greatest and vast collections of Star Wars memorabilia ever. He has written quite a few books on SW collecting as well as resource books on the films themselves. He was hired by Lucasfilm to be sort of a liaison between Lucas and the fans. His seminar was a quick preview of the upcoming, "Episode II". I vividly remember the little video he brought with him. It was a music video to "Duel of the Fates", but this time instead of scenes from "Phantom Menace" it had quickly edited behind the scenes footage of Episode II!!
-A character looking much like a sleeker version of Boba Fett dancing in a rain storm with an umbrella with a huge green screen behind him.
-Hayden Christensen, the new, young actor picked to play the rebellious Jedi, Anakin Skywalker, along with Natalie Portman and Ewan McGreggor sitting on this huge mechanical apparatus that is covered in blue cloth.
-A number of martial arts and stunt performers leaping around with sticks practicing cool-as-heck light saber fights.
-Samuel L. Jackson in full Jedi garb swinging his light saber around with green screen around him.
NINE MONTHS AWAY... NINE MONTHS AWAY!
Later, I overhear people in the dealer's room of the convention saying things such as, "You mean that's gunna be its title?" and "That's kind of a cool name for it?"
These statements didn't sink in until I got home and turned on E! Entertainment Television on my cable and see news anchor, Jules Asner say, "It's official! George Lucas has named his next entry into the Star Wars saga as..."
"STAR WARS, EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES"
She then gave a cute smile and they cut over to an E! reporter who is interviewing Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGreggor (Obi-Wan) while at the Australian premier of "Moulin Rouge". They're on the red carpet and the reporter asks Ewan if he's heard the news about the title. Ewan says, "No, what is it?" The reporter tells him. Ewan says, "No seriously, what is the title?" The reporter repeats it. Ewan has a complete look of confusion on his face and says, "...Really?" The reporter confirms it once again for Ewan. Ewan responds by saying, "Really" well... how 'bout that?" But his face says, "What the frell was George smoking?"
There are a lot of mixed feelings about the title amongst fans. Some feel it sounds too hooky and silly and isn't dramatic enough. Others, myself included, realize that Lucas named the movie with the old Saturday afternoon movie serials he watched as a kid in mind. It has a cool pulp feel to it. Granted it's not as cool as "Die Another Day", but it fits in... "The Phantom Menace", "Attack of the Clones", "Whatever the heck Episode III is going to be called", "A New Hope", "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi". Works for me.
November 2nd, 2001
My friend Jen and I high-tail it to the West Point Cinema to see a goofy, computer animated, kids movie called "Monsters Inc." Now, I really have little interest in the movie. As a matter of fact, although the movie did rake in big bucks that opening weekend, it wasn't because of the voice acting talents of Billy Crystal. The reason tons of geeks, like Jen and myself, are flocking to this film is because of a 2 minute trailer that is shown before the feature.
We Star Wars fans finally get our first look at what "Attack of the Clones" will look like. With the sound of Darth Vader's breathing we see quick glances of scenes that seem to pulsate with each gasp of Vader's breath. Incredible! It ends with the words "May 16th, 2002" across the screen. Jen and I dry ourselves off while horrified parents who brought their kiddies gasp at the sight of us. Oh why, oh why can it not be May 16th tomorrow? GOD MOCKS ME!!
Within the next 6 months there will be a plethora of trailers, ads and magazine articles leading up to the true countdown. With each one, the anticipation mounts. Like a crack-whore who needs a fix, I start to break out in sweats at night and suffer from memory loss along with a slight drooling problem. I try and keep telling myself that it's just a frellin' movie, fer crisakes!!!
April 23rd, 2002
The official Lucasfilm approved media hyped frenzy starts today. Much of the "Attack of the Clones" memorabilia will hit store shelves and many a fanboy and toyscalper alike will be out in droves.
Last time (1999) my friend Meech (Hey, Meech! Are you still alive?) and I went to the local Toys 'R' Us and stood outside of its doors for two hours before they opened at midnight. Once they opened the doors, toy hoarders rushed in and made a human wall around the Star Wars action figures, forbidding others from coming near them, grabbing the rare ones for themselves. I also saw some crazy old lady trying to pull a scalper scam. She would stand over one of the big basket bins they had figures in and grab what she could out of them. Whenever anyone would come within a foot of her or the bin, she would start to scream, "HELP, HE'S HURTING MY BACK, HE'S HURTING MY ARM!! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!" This would prompt the poor soul to retreat away from her personal hoard. The ol' bat probably sold the figures for twice their price on E-Bay.
I wanted to avoid that madness this year. So I decided to hit my local Toys 'R' Us later in the morning (11:30am). There probably wouldn't be anything left, but I might get lucky. I arrive at TRU right on time with an extended lunch hour and head straight to the Star Wars section. To my surprise, the shelves are stocked full of figures and toys!! YeeeHaaa!!
Now, ya gotta understand, I'm not a toy hoarder. I don't grab the rarest figures for the sake of being rare. I don?t give a frell about "variants" or which figure was short packed. I'm a bit more anal than that. I go for the villains. Don't care much for the Jedi or the rebellion, but if it's a Sith, Imperial or Trade Federation member... I grab the little bastage! I'm also getting into the bounty hunters and gangsters also.
So I'm grabbing battle droids and super battle droids and Geonesian warriors and bounty hunters, yet there's one major figure that eludes me... The Dark Jedi, Count Dooku (played by Christopher Lee). He's the one I really wanted since he is rumored to be a major baddie in "Attack of the Clones". I look through the full racks and he's nowhere to be found. Plenty of Jango Fett, Dooku's bounty hunting henchman, but no Dooku to be seen anywhere.
Now, they do have Darth Tyranus, Count Dooku's alter-ego, with the "Force Flipping" action where The Count has no cape and is sculpted in a crouched "Ouch, I have spastic colon" position. Not the one I really want. Over the next few days I search other stores and he's nowhere to be seen. Rumor has it Hasbro, producers of the Star Wars figures, shorted his figure to make room in the delivery boxes for other figures. What a bunch of Knuckleheads!
I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall of that Hasbro board meeting?
Hasbro Knucklehead #1:
Ok, which figure do you guys think will be the most popular that will make us the most money and keep fans happy?
Hasbro Knucklehead #2:
I'm betting on Jango Fett. He's a cool bounty hunter and the Boba Fett fans will love him!!
Hasbro Knucklehead #1:
Good call. Anyone else?
Hasbro Knucklehead #3:
Ya know, Count Dooku will not only be popular with the Star Wars crowd, but also with the horror movie crowd AND the Lord of the Rings crowd since he's played by Christopher Lee. I'll bet he's just as popular as Jango, if not more!!
Hasbro Knucklehead # 1:
Sounds great.
Hasbro Knucklehead #2:
I'm with you on that one!! So what do we want to do?
Dropped On His Head As A Child, Hasbro Knucklehead #4:
Forget the Count Dooku figure. Cut the Dooku amount to one fifth the original amount planned and cram the market with Senator Jar Jar figures instead. I bet those will sell like hot cakes!!!
Hasbro Knucklehead #1:
Great!! Will do! And speaking of hot cakes, let's adjourn this meeting and head to I-Hop!
I make out with quite a few figures, the soundtrack and the novelization that day (I vow not to read the novel until after I see the movie and keep to my word). But still, Count Dooku is M.I.A.
May 1, 2002
There's an uneasy calm that seems to be laying over us Star Wars fans. It's like that warm stillness you get an hour or so before a tornado. We're waiting, watching, listening and sniffing for any information, ANY AT ALL, on when tickets are going to go on sale for the first showings of Episode II on May 16th. Back when Episode I was released, the movie theaters and Lucasfilm announced a month in advance when tickets would go on sale. But now, due to the fear of an unruly mob scene, local movie theaters and Lucas are keeping mum on the whole subject.
They better pipe up soon. It's just over two weeks away and I won't be somewhat satisfied until that magic ticket is in my wallet safe, sound and happy.
There is a slight rumbling. A rumor, if you will... It has been mentioned among some people claiming to be "in the know" that tickets will go on sale this Friday morning at local theaters carrying the film. Is this truth or another internet rumor run amok?
A solid, cold rain falls outside this evening and the idea of being in it tomorrow night is not all that appealing. But it's Star Wars. Some sacrifices may have to be made.
Time will tell.
May 2nd, 2002
The day moves slow. Various visits to StarWars.com, TheForce.Net and the local movie theater web sites end up being futile. There is no word on tomorrow's rumored ticket sale for the May 16th showings of "Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones". I spend much of the day pacing back and forth at my workstation driving my poor co-worker, Janet absolutely bonkers!
"SIT THE !@#$ DOWN, why don't you?" she bellows. "They may go on sale next week., for all you know." I remind her that next week we have computer training classes we have to attend to acclimate ourselves to the new data entry system here at work. "So have someone get you the tickets." she replies. I just shake my head in a subtle disgust. She just DOES NOT get it.
I go home with little information on the news of the tickets. I check my computer to see a reply to an Email I sent my fellow Star Wars fan, Mario. He tells me, "Nothing new. Sorry I haven't been able to keep in touch in response, but things have been busy. So, again. No news from theatres today. I think they're pulling our chain as well as being complimentary to the studio that put together Spiderman as well as the fans during this weekend in order to keep the convention at a successful level. I'm sure that come
Monday morning we'll know something... or even as early as Sunday to avoid the rush to leave the convention in a mad rush to get tickets."
I remember that two of the people we'll be seeing Star Wars with are at a HUGE Star Wars convention in Indiana with well over 50,000 other Jedi wanabes. I tickets DO go on sale it'll be upt to Mario and I to get the tickets for them... if they go on sale.
I delete the Email and decide to do one last check on TheForce.Net. Once the page downloads... there it is in big bold letters: ATTACK OF THE CLONES TICKETS ON SALE TOMORROW! I hurriedly fallow the links to find the official announcement from local theaters. Sure enough, it's official!! ABOUT FRELLIN' TIME!!!!
After many calls met with busy signals to the Westown Cinema, home of the ULTRASCREEN, I finally get a girl named Sara on the phone who, by the sound of it, has already been barraged with thousands of calls confirming the sale of "Attack of the Clones" tickets for opening day being on sale tomorrow. She lets me hit her up with the same question that she will hear for the rest of the evening and replies, "Yes, they are on sale tomorrow morning." Poor girl. If only Lucasfilm would have gotten their act together sooner Sara wouldn't have to answer the same silly question one hundred goobajillion times.
I get in touch with Mario. The plan is set. I'll get up at 4:55am, get ready, pick Mario up by 5:45am and head toward the Marcus Theaters Ultra Screen with an ETA of 6:00am to 6:30am.
"OPERATION: Clone Retrieval" is in full effect and set to Defcon: 10!!!!
May 3rd, 2002
When one is on an odyssey, one would expect there to be a lot of obstacles in their path. Every hero must have trials and tribulations to get through to make it to the end of his or her quest. I'm proud to report that no such obstacles were put in our path... except for one very small one. But, more on that later.
Everything went like clockwork. Got up on time, picked up Mario on time, Mario was waiting on time. Everything was as smooth as Padme Amildalla's mid-riff.
When we arrived there were about 20 guys in line already. None of us were allowed on the actual property of the theater until 8:00am. So we all stood by an alleyway next to Petworld. There was a TV crew there with a satellite feed for there morning news show so that thousands of Milwaukeeans can get a chuckle out of the geeks who actually got up early in the cold morning air to grasp those golden holy grails known as Episode II tickets. A few times the TV station's helicopter would fly over head and pause in the air to shoot pictures of us. I was expecting to hear, "Fly of the Valkries".
The whole group was a jovial bunch of guys and we all got along quite well. The three hours before tickets went on sale went quite fast with good conversations ranging form the upcoming "Matrix: Reloaded", to cell phones, to.. well, Star Wars! Rumors on "Attack of the Clones" popped up as well as theories and stories on the possible plot and some possible leads to where I could find a friggin' Count Dooku figure.
As the ticket sale time approached we moved up to the theater's doors as it warmed up and another news crew showed up to bug us. Some talked, but most of us ignored them. That's when something quite strange suddenly occurred. It was a girl. Not just a girl, but a tall blond. She slowly walked by us all to the end of the line. We all stared, slacked jawed, like we'd never seen a girl before. What was a beautiful girl doing here? This is a line for Star Wars. Not for the next Julia Roberts piece of poodoo.
For the next few minutes we theorized why she might actually be here. We hypothesized, studied the known facts and eventually... went back to talking about Star Wars.
Then at 9:00am sharp a cheer rang throughout the line. The doors opened up, the news' cameras focused in on the doors and we were slowly ushered through. That's when I saw that one small obstacle. It was one I had dealt with before. A Marcus Theater's employee I have dubbed, "Slow Hand Luke".
Now, about four months ago some friends and I went to go see "The Lord of the Rings" at the Ultrascreen. We were in a hurry to get our seats and I had to get my tickets from him. It took him at least 15 minutes to pull the tickets, of the person in front of me, from the ticket dispenser. Needles to say, he wasn't exactly the portrait of speed. I thought to myself, "By the time he's done with the people in front of us, the shows will be sold out."
Needless to say, "Slow Hand Luke" was a bit more quick on the uptake this time around and Mario and I got everybody's tickets for the 11:30am showing on May 16th at the Ultrascreen for, "Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones".
It was a done deal. We had 'em! We would see Attack of the Clones on opening day at the most desired theater in the Milwaukee area!! Mario and I celebrated by having a nice celebratory breakfast at the local Perkin's.
I get home and I take a bit of a nap. I'm wakened by the phone ringing. It's my friend Spanky...
"Zangz, my friend Coreboy bought 4 extra tickets to the midnight show at the Southshore theater on opening day. It's the very first showing of the day in MIlwaukee!!! You in?"
I think for two seconds (One more than usual for the tinge of guilt that comes from being able to see it before the people I planed to see it with first at the 11:30 am showing. This guilt subsides one second later.)
"I'M IN!" And with that, my soul slides down to the murky depth of the Dark Side and I love every minute of it!!! Attack of the Clones... twice in one day... within 12 hours of each other... on opening day... my nipples? ..rock hard!
"Started, this Clone War has." - Yoda.
May 7th, 2002
I'VE FOUND DOOKU!!!!
I took a chance and returned to my local Toys 'R' Us store just to see if they had any in stock. As I walk up to the Star Wars section my eyes graze quickly across the shelves. There he is... the renegade Jedi known as Count Dooku, portrayed by Christopher Lee, wearing a brown flowing cape and armed with a red light saber that has a handle like a scimitar.
I swooped him up and took him home and now he's up, on top of my microwave with all the other Sith, Imperials, Trade Federation members, bounty hunters and gangsters from the greatest Sci-Fi movie series ever.
Later in the day I talk to a few people who attended a HUGE Star Wars convention which took place in Indiana this past weekend where Star Wars producer Rick McCallum let fans see an 8 minute preview of a huge battle scene to take place in "Attack of the Clones". Everyone who saw it had nothing but raving reviews for it. My anticipation mounts and I wonder if I will be able to make it another 8 days without spontaneously combusting.
May 9th, 2002
"A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
-Donald Culross Pattie.
"Star Wars, Ep. II: Attack of the Clones" is starting to be previewed by critics and others in the media before it hits screens exactly one week from today. These reviews are hitting magazines, TV and the internet at a rapid pace. Many of these critiques of the film are not very kind. Many snooty critics seem to delight in trashing things that they feel are over-hyped and at the top of the heap (Especially the bitter wench who critiques for Entertainment Weekly). Let's face it, most critics are bitterly failed film makers who get sucked into the cliche, artsy-fartsy elitism of film making who are under the impression that if it isn't slow, dull or has subtitles it's unworthry. They are cursed with jealousy when a simple, entertaining film becomes a part of pop culture.
Morning radio teams report the disappointment from critics with a sadistic relish that soon turns into a downright vicious attack upon Star Wars fans with statements such as...
"Don't they have lives?", "How can they sit there in line that long just for a silly movie?" and "What a bunch of losers."
I wonder to myself, "Why the animosity? Star Wars fans don't harm anybody. We don't sell drugs, we don't burn crosses on anybody's property, we don't abuse others simply because they're different, and we don't try and shove our love of Star Wars down anybody's throat (well, maybe I do with my co-workers a bit). A fan dressing up as Darth Maul or Princess Leia waiting in a line for Star Wars tickets isn't that much different than a fellow Green Bay Packer fan sitting in the stands at Lambeau Field with his bare, fat beer gut emblazoned with a big "FARVE IS GOD" painted in gold and green on it, in 30 below weather during a Packer game. So what the heck's everyone's problem?"
I break out of my reverie and hit the fan boards on the net hoping for a taste of a decent review to cheer me up. I find one right away. One fan had a chance to see a screening with other local media wousies. He wrote that it was a far better movie than "Phantom Menace" and that fans will love it and that there are a lot of surprises for fans.
I got to thinking, the word "fans" popped up a lot in many of the excellent reviews from the faithful on the internet. I'm beginning to think that being a Star Wars fan has a lot to do with being optimistic, a bit of a dreamer and having a vast imagination. Perhaps that's why we will allow Mr. Lucas to take us on a wonderful journey and the critics and naysayers, imaginative unichs that they are, will wallow in their bitterness and mundane lives.
Later this evening, I meet up with some others that I'm going to the 11:30am Ultrascreen show with (Leslie, Bruce, Hope, Mario) to have dinner, hear about the big Star Wars convention Bruce and Leslie went to and make tentative plans for the big show.
After much discussion and little debate it is decided that we will meet the morning of the 16th at 7:00 am. A full 4, 1/2 hours before the show. This will be a busy day.
I pop the news that I will be seeing a midnight showing several hours beforehand. I get a mixed reaction. Mostly smiles and chuckles and one "JERK!" But any ill will is quickly subsided by a quick trip to Toys R Us. Remember when I said that I just collected the villain action figures? Well that whole economic plan fell apart quicker than the Clinton administration's. They had so many cool-as-heck Jedi that I had to start a new trend...
"I, Zangz, of sound mind and body, do hereby decide that I shall now collect the Jedi order also!"
With that declaration I grabbed up about 12 Jedi including, Mace Windo, Anikin Skywalker, Yoda and several new Jedi with wild names like, Nikto, Plo Koon , Shaak Ti and Spaz-Tastik (I added that last one). Everyone of them with one or two light sabers in their hands in tough as nail posses that said, "Don't frellin' mess with the Jedi order, or we'll have to break open a can of Whoop-Ass on your Separatist's skulls!!! The Mace Windo figure had an especially cool, screaming in anger, expression.
I keep finding cool Jedi after cool Jedi as my head got light and my pulse races. I wondered if it was like this for the guys in Aerosmith back in the days when they were snorting up half of Peru. I swear to you! These figures are like crack-cocaine! ...without the vomiting of my own blood and being found blue and cold in a dumpster.
ONE WEEK!!!! ONE WEEK!!!
May 15th, 2002
Isn't it my luck that the day before the midnight showing of "Attack of the Clones" I get a terrible head cold. I mean, the works! Major stuffed head, constant sneezing that reacts like machine gun fire, clogged ears and a constant, heavy post nasal drip that flows down the back of my throat down into my stomach where it creates bedlam with my digestive track (Hungry yet?).
I've been sneezing and blowing my nose every 10 minutes for the last 24 hours, but after a Nyquil induced coma, I've waken up this morning feeling a bit better. I darn well better feel fine by this evening! Hopefully by 9pm me, Spanky, Coreboy and a few others hope to be in line for the 1st showing of "Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones" at its midnight screening at the Southshore Cinema. It is now 2:30 pm, only 8, 1/2 hours until magic and Spanky still hasn't called me to tell me what the heck-o-roonie the plans are. I've already reminded him twice to make sure he has our tickets. Let's hope all goes smoothly.
The group of people I'm seeing the 11:30 am showing at the Ultrasceen are already all planned out and ready to roll at 7 am. We're bringing games, chairs and bagels. We're all set.
Finally at 3:40pm, Spanky calls and says he'll pick me up at 8:45pm so we can get to the theater around 9 pm for the midnight show. Please, please, please remember the tickets!!!
Spanky calls around 7 pm telling me he's too psyched to wait 'till 8:45 pm, he tells me he's going to pick me up in a half hour. I hang up and put on the necessary uniform. The usual blue jeans and tennies will do, but I have to do something special for this event. I put on my Darth Maul tie-die shirt and over that I put on my new camouflage button down short sleeve party shirt. I look particularly geeky.
I make sure I relieve myself of any wasteful liquids in my body (I sat through half of "Monsters Inc." with a full bladder and won't do that again).
My head cold has gone south for now. Let's hope it stays that way for the foreseeable future!!!
Spanky calls me again, and after much conferring we decide that getting there a little earlier might not be such a bad idea. So Spanky picks me up at 7:30pm and we head off to South Milwaukee where we will rendezvous with Coreboy at his apartment.
Now, anybody that's ever ridden with Spanky at the wheel knows how short life can be. He's not a raging, overly aggressive speed demon. Oh no. He's just the opposite. Doing 45mph in a 55mph zone... on the interstate... in the left hand lane (!) could get you killed. If it doesn't, it will get a lot of motorists to give you the finger as they fly by in the right hand lane. It doesn't help if you have a bit of a habit to wander into the right lane either. Perhaps he thought I wouldn't notice by blaring his new Van Morrison CD. In any case, we made it to Coreboy's apartment in the picturesque South Milwaukee township of Cudahy in one piece.
As soon as Coreboy gets in the car the two are at it like Abbott and Costello. Back and forth they trade insults and criticisms as if they were sworn enemies, but their best friends. That's the dynamic of these two. Go figure.
We arrive (again in one piece, thank god) at the Southshore cinema just after 8:15pm. There are two roped off areas with small lines of people waiting in them. We go into the one that has a sign marked "12:01am" (It's also marked "For nerds" - They must have heard that Spanky, Coreboy and myself have arrived!). This is the first midnight show in all of Milwaukee. There are only about 20 people in line ahead of us which guarantees us good seats in the theater.
The others in line seemed to have been there quite a bit longer than us. One group had a card table out, one person was dressed in full Jedi gear while the people right next to us had a portable TV. As we all watched the news on it, they had a story about fans waiting in line to see the midnight show at the Utrascreen, the same screen I would be seeing the movie on tomorrow at 11:30 am. They had a shot of the line at 9:15 pm and it was HUGE!! It was about 50 people long and 7 people across. If you would have put them all in goofy white suits, they would have looked like the clone army. I was glad we picked a much more subdued setting in which to see the movie, hoping that tomorrow's showing wasn't going to have as much craziness.
One by one, more people in our group start to show up. Three I remember from Gen Con and the Billy Dee William's fiasco (See "Zangz's Gen Con 2001 Journal" elsewhere in the Journalz section), another person I haven't seen since high school and didn't even know they were a part of the group. Small word!
Time went quite fast as we spent time playing Spanky's palm pilot games and talked about... well, Star Wars. Spanky bought us a vat of pop corn. One person in our group was nice enough to get us all bottles of Mountain Dew soda. If I wasn't getting edgy enough yet, the Dew would certainly help. With little time to spare I guzzled the Dew quickly so as not to cheese off the Jedi dressed attendants at the theater when we would be let in.
At 9:00pm we were let into the theater, our tickets proudly in hand. We make a b-line for the 2nd row off the floor in the center. Great seats!! Now would come the longest hour of our lives. We watch the rotating slide show ads on the movie screen. After they rotate through them once they start all over again. Nothing new. However, we are entertained by the plastic light saber duels that are taking place between fans in the front of the theater. Cheering ensues and everyone is put into a festive mood. When was the last time you saw that just before one of Robert Altman's bore-fests?
The Mountain Dew I consumed starts to take effect. I start to get jittery. I look at my watch every 3 minutes to see how much time has passed. "Damn, only 3 minutes!", "Damn, only 3 minutes!", "Damn, only 3 minutes!" The monotony of it quickly subsides as my bladder tells me it's time for a stop in the men's room. When I get back I sit down and look at my watch. "5 more minutes", I announce to the rest of the group. I start to sweat a bit. My foot is tapping on the floor at an excessive rate. It's only a movie, fer crissakes!!
May 16th, 2002
12:00 am
The lights of the theater go down. A small cheer goes through the audience. They start to play a bunch of very unnecessary commercials for cars, Pepsi and other crap. Save it for the TV!!! Then the previews start. The first one is for the new Ben Aflek, Morgan Freeman movie, "The Sum of All Fears". Seen this before. Let's move on, please. The next one is one that ROCKS!!! James Bond's "Die Another Day". At the end of it, however, some ding dong yells, "How about it dies right now?" (Would someone please escort them out to the parking lot and place them in the trunk of a car to be buried alive in a shallow grave at a latter time, please? Thank you!) Then comes another cool one, "The Matrix: Reloaded"! Sadly, this one is pretty quick and the shots are edited super-fast. So you don't get a real good look at everything. But what you do see, looks frellin' cool!
Then the theater plays its way-too-long promo about the snack counter and being quiet in the theater... blah, blah, blah.
Then... complete silence. The THX graphic and sound come on.
Then... complete silence. The 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm logos come on.
Then... "a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away".
Then... complete silence. 3... 2... 1...
Then... It starts... STAR WARS, EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES!!! The crowd cheers and waves their plastic light sabers in the air. The three year wait is finally over... The magic begins!!!
(If you want to understand what I bore witness to, there is a review at the end of this story. Please highlight it to read so as to not ruin any surprises. There are spoilers.)
Two hours and 12 minutes later we leave the theater in a light drizzle. I am quite giddy. The consensus is that this film is WAY better than Episode I was!!! We stand in the rain for a bit discussing the wonder we had just seen. A smile plasters itself across my face. Lucas has done good!!!
We get into Spanky's car and head back home. All the way we discuss, argue and contemplate over what we just saw. I get dropped off at my apartment and realize I have just 3 hours before I'm to pick up a freind for the 11:30 am showing at the Ultrascreen. So much for getting any sleep.
I bide my time by playing "Dark Forces" on my computer until I have to go and pick up my friend for the next Star Wars adventure!! At 6:10 am I head out to Waukesha. Now, when driving in Waukesha, one must realize that its townsfolk have a slight driving problem. They don't know how. I don't know why this is, but every time I'm driving through that town, I'm cut off at least 2 or 3 times or I have the ultra slow minivan in front of me while the BMW is right on my tail. I can't win driving in that town.
So to get to my friend, Jen's place on time, I leave at 6:10 to get there at 6:45. This gives me 35 minutes to play Road Warrior with Waukesha's finest. Of course when I expect trouble and over plan, sure enough, I have a very smooth ride to Jen's and end up there 5 minutes early. She answers the door with a smile which quickly turns to a blank stare, so as to send me the message, "I love Star Wars, but its 6:45 in the morning and we're going to the 11:30 show." It's amazing what Jen can do with a look.
We head straight to the Ultrascreen where there are already 10 or so people in line ahead of us. Four of these people are Mario, Hope, Bruce and Leslie, who are a group of die hard Star Wars fans wich just so happen to make up 5/6 of our Star Wars RPG group (for more info on that, click on the "R2D2" graphic just bellow this journal). I'm hoping that the gang like it as much as I did.
Leslie pulls out the bagels, Jen pulls out the Orange Juice while I try and keep awake and warm. Leslie wakes me up a bit by presenting me with the autographed 8x10 of Carrie Fisher she ordered for me. It rocks and I am quite thankful for it.
An hour into the wait some knucklehead from the theater finally tells us that we should be waiting in the alleyway in the roped off area they have provided for us around the corner. Ya know, a sign on the doors would have helped the matter a bit. So we move our base of operations to the side alley way where the theater has prepared a maze like queue with ropes and poles. Yep, that'll hold us. Snicker, snicker.
Well, we all get along quite well and tell each other stories and have a great time. The line starts to grow around the first turn and Jen, Hope and I want to visit the Target next door so I can check the action figures and the girls can use the facilities. I hit the toy isle and see nothing new. When the girls are done with their business they join me and look for themselves.
The damage is $14 total and 2 sets of Lego Darth Vader/Emperor Papatine are bought (Vader and Palps are on top of my monitor as I type this.) We get back in line to find that it has grown substantially since we left it. Bruce's cousin, Suzy has joined our brood. Unfortunately she isn't the only addition to the line. It seems some idiot who has been waiting in line from the start has let a bunch of sleazball friends sneak up to the front of the line with him, including one shifty-eyed loser with a Danzig hat and a Pantara T-shirt who's beady little eyes are looking left and right at the crowd, hoping no one has noticed him appear at the front of the line. We do, and a bunch of us stare him down. Every time he notices us he looks away, like a little child who knows he's done wrong. But this doesn't seem to give him the impetus to do the right thing and go to the back of the line. Oh well. We don't make a fuss about it. It's no big deal and he's not worth creating a big stink about it. But here's a bit of line etiquette you may want to learn for future reference: If you get in a line and wait four hours for an event with a ton of people who have also been waiting almost as long as you have, it's ok if you save a place in line for two or three friends. But not seven or eight morons who get there less than an hour before they open the theater.
The rest of the line is festive. One guy brings out his laptop and plays some of the downloaded promos from "Clones" for some of the crowd. I start to get excited and anxious, even though I saw the movie 11 hour earlier.
They finally let us into the Ultrascreen theater in groups. Of course the jerk-knocker in the Pantara shirt skips everybody, but it doesn't matter. We get really good seats despite the fact that the theater is nearly pitch dark. I immediately go into my Ozzy impression, "Sharon, I can't... I can't... I can't find the seat. W-W-W-Where's the f#$*@%n' seat, Sharon? SHARON!" Nobody laughs. My humor is wasted. But we got great seats!!! The wait goes quickly and once again I'm happily plunged into a galaxy far, far away.
It's interesting to see how one crowd reacts differently to each of the showings I went to. They laugh in different parts and cheer in different parts. But there's one part of the movie that everyone goes absolutely bonkers over! But I won't say what it is. You'll have to see the film in a big crowd of Star Wars geeks to find out.
During the big climax of the film Jen leans over and says, "Now this IS Star Wars!"
At the end of the film there's much applause and the Jen then tells me, "Ya know, I almost started to weep during the end of the movie. Not because of what was happening on screen, but because it brought me back to the first time I saw "Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope" when I was a child." Her revelation then got me a bit teary eyed. I'm such a FREAK!! But I wouldn't change a thing about it.
"Star Wars" has returned for the better. I will see the film at least once more this weekend. It's worth it! The only major problem I have right now is that we have to wait three long years.
THREE..........LONG..........YEARS!
The End
Zangz
ZANGZ'S REVIEW OF STAR WARS, EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES
A lot of so called movie critics are going out of their way to lambaste this movie. They're placing themselves on pedestals and trying to knock down something much bigger than the feeble, little, shallow worlds they immerse themselves in. Everyone forgets that Star Wars movies aren't made for critics, they are made for the fans. It's the fans' opinions that matter. and here's how one fan feels about it...
All in all, this is a GREAT Star Wars movie!! Not quite up there with "Empire" but it can certainly stand along the side of "Jeid" and almost up there with "A New Hope". And most importantly it is FAR better than "Phantom"!!
This Star Wars film slowly lets go of the child-like qualities that beleaguered "Phantom Menace" and moves more into darker territory. COOL!
The movie does start out a bit slow, that's not to say that the first half isn't without its action sequences, but for some reason I found myself waiting for something I could really sink my teeth into and thoroughly enjoy. Perhaps this is because they kept switching back and forth from a cool mystery caper involving Obi-Wan's search for a potential assassin and the romance between Anakin and Padme. The love story plods along a tad too slow and the dialogue between Anakin and Padme, I found, quite cheesy at times.
The movie really picks up speed when Obi-Wan and bounty hunter Jango Fett go head to head in a rain storm. After that the movie is pure entertainment and joy!!! The audience is treated to some truly nasty creatures and villains including Christopher Lee's renegade Jedi, Count Dooku. This guy is becoming one of my favorite actors!! After the Hammer horror movies, "The Lord of the Rings" and the Bond film, "The Man With the Golden Gun", Lee is certainly a formidable villain and plays it with great relish.
Other scenes that will stick with fans are the arena scene, the huge battle scene and my personal favorite, Yoda's big scene. I wont give it away, but I haven't been in a theater where the entire audience is almost out of their seats, cheering and applauding like mad until I saw just how much of a Jedi Master that little green bastage is!!!
There's also some cool little revelations in this one. We see the lynchpin being pulled back when it comes to Anakin's fall to the dark side. We see the embryonic version of a major villainous device that we've seen utilized in Episode IV-VI. We also get to find out some interesting facts on the subject of past Jedi and who their Padawans were (pay attention to Count Dooku when he's talking to Obi-Wan and again when he's in a discussion with Yoda - Very Cool!)
"Attack of the Clones" more than makes up for its Disney-esque predecessor, "The Phantom Menace" in leaps and bounds. Though it starts a bit on the slow side with a generic love story, the action sequences and coolness of the villains in the second half well make up for it!!!!!
A MUST SEE for Star Wars fans!!! CLONES RULES!!!
'Nuff said.
Zangz
