...On the party past

NOt many people know this about me! Or rather they do? hmm but I am a huge party animal, its just that in Singapore its a ton harder to go to clubs and actually have a good time..ok its near impossible. You either end up in some dodgy old club along Boat Quay which is crammed full with underaged kids anyway, and they're all sitting around trying their darnest to look cool and it doesn't work. They're all ordering stodgy kind of drinks and laughing loudly and winking at boys or whatever. its disgusting. Alternatively, you could try fighting your way past burly bouncers into a REAL club, but then go there and feel really left out anyway because the age group is very much larger than yours. On the other hand, the music and dance is usually many times better anyway.. Its quite different in England because the scene there is just very different for some reasons. In singapore people tend to be more reserved and afraid of making huge, stonking fools of themselves but in London (or even America but i have never clubbed there before) they dare to let their hair down which is great! I remember clubbing with some friends in 93 Far East (located along London's Brick Lane in E1 in case you guys wanna go sometime..) and we just had about the wildest time... I think however it could just be me (haha isn't it always then.) because i don't have exactly have the group of friends with whom i can go clubbing with.. perhaps they're not exactly the spontaneous types and its hard for me to be into a raving mood when they're not... it'll be lame for me to go dancing with them all just sitting around staring disinterestly and pictures on the walls. So thats my bad i guess. I had an ex-boyfriend that i went clubbing with A LOT in the past but that was easy since he was so much older than me, it was easy access to a lot of places. But since that's over i guess my mad party days are over. and i'm also a huge drinker, i drink like a fish (probably to the displeasure of my current boyfriend and my parents...) and every once in a while i still crave something strong. i came quite close to becoming something of an alcoholic (by my own standards that is). alcohol was a big escape for me..not that i had a lot of problems when i was younger, it was just an excuse. i thought it was really cool that i was acting all grown up and drinking things 6 years before i was allowed to, it was all very immature. But i enjoyed it because it made one forget one's inhibitations..there are days where i recall nothing but wake up not knowing where i am with a vodka bottle in my hand. it all sounds very dramatic doesn't it? well it wasnt really, we were always scared we'd get caught (we never were, not by authorities at least) and i remember chewing on huge amounts of gum just to get rid of the smell of alcohol because my dad could sniff out things like that. until now i still enjoy drinking alot, but i try not to drink too much and i try not to take it straight because i know its not going to do me any good and i don't want to start craving it all over again. i'm ok with my friends if they're in the mood to test out drinks and i'm all game, but i'm learning to have a bigger sense of control over myself. to add to the list of do-badders, i used to smoke. (this is all getting horribly disgusting sounding, even to myself. i sound like a mad party animal, an alcoholic and a smoker.) it was just those days of riotous 'i'm all cool!' which was total crap, let me assure you. smoking is NOT COOL. it coats your lungs with tar, it messes up your insides and screws your body completely. Especially now that i'm doing biology, and reading all these things about smoking and its detrimental effects, i feel scared and freaked that for the 2 years that i smoked, might shorten my life by about 20 years. to be honest, smoking was less of a 'stress reliever' stype thing, and more of habit, more of a social thing. my friends and i would go out, sit at a cafe and take out our cigarettes and light up. then we'd slouch and drink coffee and yabber yabber and unknowingly go through about one large pack and have to run off to buy somemore. and how did we get them? we knew people who worked in places like 7-eleven and we were all these tall people who looked really old (i think smoking makes you age some..) so we didn't get into much trouble lying. one day it just kind of hit me as i was lying on my bed spraying air fresherner in my room (i never smoked in my room but on the balcony) that i was being really stupid. I was at the end of Primary 6 by then and going on to Secondary school in about one and a half months. and i just told myself that this wasn't the life i wanted and i had to stop it now. i went cold turkey, didn't meet up with my friends or antying and just hid in my room. i never chewed so much gum in my life!!! there were times when i just wanted to scream and run out and buy a pack but i told myself i would regret it. i had all these signs stuck up in my room..stuff like 'Quit now!' and 'Don't buy! don't!' the worse part is that no one in my family knew about it and i didn't tell anyone but i should have, it would have been much easier to bear the other important thing is the people you hang out with. i've gotten a close bunch of non-smoking/anti-smoking friends and that has helped me keep away from it. i don't mind people smoking as long as they don't blow it into my face and respect my right of not wanting to smoke. i keep in contact with old friends and out of the gang, only one of them continues to smoke but thats ok, i believe in time she'll stop too. i think adopting this kind of life is potentially dangerous really! i don't suggest anyone try! there is still a party animal in me dying to get out...