FUNNY JOKES. ( ONE LINERS)

They lived happily until they got married.

"What did one ghost say to another?"

"Do you believe in people?"

My friend has a fine watch dog.

At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"

"Please wait someone else is using it."

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

"Where did you get those big eyes?"

"They came with the face."

I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.

But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

Sanjay : "I passed your house yesterday."

Anil : "Thanks I appreciate it."

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."

"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"

"Yes if you're lucky."

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

"Has there been any insanity in your family?"

"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.

Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"

"I couldn't lift the table."

"My wife doesn't know what she wants."

"You're lucky. My wife does."

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.

The quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables to an 18-month-old child.

"What do use for washing dishes?"

"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."

"How is your wife getting along on her reducing diet?"

"Fine. She vanished last night."

"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"

"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"

"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

There are two kinds of secrets : one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.