THE BALLAD OF STARMAN JASPER

Sir Jasper was a starman proud,
Who sailed among the stars
In silver cloth, and on his arm
He stitched his five red bars.

His craft was fast, his craft was sleek,
His craft shone like the sun -
The power of the gods it held
Within one single gun.

With one hand on his joystick,
The other on his phaser,
He'd flash a certain charming smile
Girls’d set ‘emselves ablaze fer.

He left his grieving wife one day
To venture to the core
Of distant stars, where ne'r a man
Had set a foot before.

The people of those distant worlds,
(Three heads they had, and grim),
Felt deep dislike for those with one,
And set to finish him!

They massed a fleet - a thousand ships,
But no beauty sent them winging,
Unless you count a triple dose
Of custards: softly singing.

But They under-rated Starman Jasp',
He was handsome, blonde, astute,
And weaved his spaceship here and there
Like a waiter with the soup.

"Heaven save us", cried a husky voice,
"it’s doomed we are, and sure…"
The war computer wimpered
As it dropped a thing-impure.

The fight was hard, the fight was long,
His battle-cry was loud,
But won the war, to prove once more,
That three is just a crowd!