-You say "The City" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. -You've never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. -You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend but can't find Wisconsin on a map. -Hookers and the homeless are invisible to you. -The Subway Map makes sense. -You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. -Your door has more than two locks. -The most frequently part used of your car is the horn. -You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. -You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard. -You consider Westchester "Upstate". -You cried the day Ed Koch took over for Judge Wapner. -You walk faster than some people run. -You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking. -You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal". -You've been to New Jersey twice and got lost both times. -You pay more each month to insure your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent. -You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid. -You go to dinner at 9 pm and head out to the clubs when most americans are heading to bed. -When foreigners ask directions, you are nice to them. When other New Yorkers ask directions, you ignore them. -You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents. -You take fashion seriously. -When you pass a celebrity on the street you don't turn into pieces. -You have 27 different menus next to your telephone. -America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you. -You've stopped thinking about how many hands touched the subway pole. -You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you. -You haven't cooked a meal since helping Mom last Thanksgiving. -You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise. -Your idea of "personal space" is no one actually breathing on you. -$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag. -You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories. -You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air quality and what it's doing to your lungs. -You live and work in a building with a larger population than some american towns. Back |
You just know you're from New York if... |