Friendship in Islam

By: M.A. Sheriff

The following are highlighted sections from the book that I deem useful. The information has not been altered in any fashion.

• “And who is better in religion than he who resigns himself entirely to Allah, and is righteous and follows the creed of Ibrahim, the upright. And Allah did take Ibrahim for a friend.” - (Suratun Nisa:125)
• “One who does not wish to increase his friends from amongst his brethren is in for a dissapointment.” – Prophet Mohammad (SAW)
• “The weakest person is one who fails to accumulate friends. And weaker than him is one who after obtaining them, loses them.” – Imam Ali (AS)
• A true friendship is for the sake of Allah (SWT) and is based on spiritual consideration. Friendship for the sake of wealth, fame, power, beauty and all other temporary material things cannot flourish nor serve as a support for an ever-lasting relationship.

QUALITIES TO LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND

1) Al Imaan (Belief)

• Friendship is considered a sacred relationship, highly honoured by Allah (swt)
• “Increase in the number of your friends for verily they shall be of benefit to you in this world as well as in the Hereafter.” – Imam Jaffer as-Sadiq (AS)
• (the guilty will say) “Now we have no intercessors nor any loving friend.” – (Ash-Shuara:101-102) This shows that a true friend will also be able to intercede for you on the Day of Judgement.

2) Al-Ilm Wal-Hikmah (Knowledge & Wisdom)

• Knowledge comes through acquisistion and wisdom through experience. These two are fundamental things which the Holy Prophet (SAW) taught us.
• People who do not possess the power of judgement and are weak in distinguishing between truth and falsehood should be careful lest they become influenced by misleading persons.
• Islam also teaches us to search for these two qualities in a person we intend to befriend.
• “I am surprised at the one who wishes to increase the number of his friends, why then does he not befriend the knowledgeable?” - Imam Ali (AS)
• “The best of friends are those with knowledge and forbearance.” – Imam Ali (AS)
• “Befriend the wise, sit with the knowledgeable and resist the pleasures of the world.” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

3)Al-Khulq Al-Hasan (Good Virtues)

• Islam teaches us to keep the company of those who possess outstanding virtues.
• “The happiest person is one who associates with the most noble of the people” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)
• “Do not sit with anyone except one who draws you from five bad qualities to five good qualities:
• from doubtfulness to conviction
• from pride to humility
• from enmity to love
• from boastfulness to sincerity
• from desire of the world and its affairs to renunciation of worldly pleasures.” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

4) Az-Zuhd (Abstinence/Renunciation of Worldly Pleasures)

• Zuhd does not mean that one should not possess anything in life. Rather it means that one should not be possessed by worldly things.
• A Zahid is one who renounces worldly pleasures.
• “If you see a person with Zuhd then come closer to him for verily such a person speaks wisdom.” – Imam Jaffer as-Sadiq (AS)

5) Al-Wafa (Loyalty)

• “Friendship has limits and conditions. Whosoever does not fulfil some of these condisitons is not a persfect friend and one who does not fulfill any of them cannot be called a friend at all:

a) His exterior and interior should be alike and whatever he speaks about you with his tongue should come from his heart as well.

b) He should consider your good as his own good and your bad as his own bad. Likewise, he should consider your honour as his honour and your disgrace as his disgrace.

c) If his financial status improves and he accumulates wealth or acquires a dignified position, he should not change his attitude towards you.

d) He should not be averse to assisting you to the fullest extent of his capability.

e) He should not abandon you and leave you on your own when in adversity.” – Imam Jaffer as-Sadiq (AS)

KINDS OF PEOPLE NOT TO BEFRIEND

1) Al-Ahmq (Fool)

• A foolish person normally lacks the ability to reason
• “O’ Son! Do not befriend a fool, for certainly while he will want to do good to you, he will harm you instead.” – Imam Ali (AS) told his son.

2) Al-Bakheel (Miser/Stingy)

• A miser does not have fiath in Allah (SWT) and the Day of Judgement when good deeds will be rewarded.
• “Do not befriend a miser, for most certainly he will turn away from you when you most require him.” – Imam Ali (AS)

3) Al-Kaadhib (Liar)

• “Do not befriend a liar because he is like a mirage. He will bring close to you what is a distant thing and will take away to a distance what is close to you.” – Imam Ali (AS)
• “Verily a liar distorts the truth and plants in the truthful confusions.” – Imam Ali (AS)

4) Al- Fajir (Wicked/Licentious/Sinner)

• “Verily the righteous shall be in bliss and verily the wicked shall be in hell” – (Al-Infitaar:13-14)
• There are three reasons why Islam does not permit friendship with this category of people.

a) A sinner distances one from those who do good.

§ “Associating with evil-doers leads one to think negatively about those who do good.” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

b) A sinner can easily influence others to commit sins.

§ “Do not accompany a sinner least he teaches you his sins” – Imam Jaffer as-Sadiq (AS)

c) A sinner does not honour the greatness of Allah (SWT) and will similarly not honour his friendship with others.

§ “Do not befriend a sinner because he will sell you for a morsel” – Imam Ali (AS)

§ “Do not associate with persons belonging to five categories. Do not also converse with them nor accompany them in any case.

a. Shun the liars because they are like a mirage. With their baseless words, they depict matters different from what they actually are. With their lies, they show a distant thing to be near, a thing which is near to be far-off and thus deviate you from the right path.

b. Avoid the licentious and sinners because their friendship is not dependable and they will sell you for a morsel or even lesser than that.

c. Keep away from the foolish because they may be desirous of doing you good but will involve you in hardship due to their ignorance.

d. Shun those who have dissassicated themselves from their own kith and kin and misbehave with them, because Allah (SWT) has cursed these people in the Holy Quran. – Imam Ali bin Hussein (AS) (Biharul Anwaar.)

MODERATION IN FRIENDSHIP

§ Excessiveness occurs when one confides all his secrets to his friends, especially those which can pose danger if they are divulged.

§ “Your friendship with your friend should be within the limits of moderation, because it is possible that one day that friend may become your enemy.” – Imam Ali (AS) in Nahjul Balaghah

§ “And likewise, be polite towards a person whom you do not like, for it is possible that some day your relation may cease to be strained and he may become your friend.” – Imam Ali (AS) in Tuhaful-Uqool

HOW TO MAINTAIN A STABLE FRIENDSHIP

§ Imam Ali (AS) explained a few things which friends must not do with regard to one another. He said, If you treat a person to be your friend:

o Do not dispute with him and do not be hostile to him

o Do not ridicule him

o Do not quarrel with him

o Do not crack indecent jokes with him

o Do not hold him in contempt nor consider him to be lower than you.

o Do not claim precedence and supremacy over him

These things are not suited for maintaining a friendship.
(Khisal-Saduq. Vol 1 pg. 296 Extracted from: Lessons from Islam).

§ In order to achieve a stable friendship, the following rules should be observed.

a) Accord friends the respect they deserve.

o “Respect your friends and consider them honourable and do not deal with one another in an impolite manner.” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

b) Be gentle and modest to your friends.

o “Do not turn your face away from people scornfully. Do not walk around puffed up with pride. Allah does not love the arrogant and boastful people.” – Luqman:18

c) Guard the honor of your friends during their absence and after their death.

o “Whoever lends his ears to the words of the gossip-mongers will lose his dear friend.” – Imam Ali (AS) in Nahjul Balaghah

o “A person cannot be called a true friend unless he protects the honour of his friend in adversity, during his absence and after his death.” – Imam Ali (AS)

d) Forgive the short-comings of your friends

o Everyone makes mistakes in life. A true Muslim is one who overlooks the short-comings of his brothers-in-faith and friends.

o “Accept the excuse of your friend for the wrong he has done. If he hasn’t got an excuse, help him fine one.” – Imam Ali (AS)

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