[mercenary]
I'm trapped now
this pleasant soft cell of my own devising
where now is nothing and then everything.
at first it hurt so hard
slicing pain like they had reached inside
and severed a part of me.
my whole world shifted to some alien place
the wrong shaped senses.
we felt dirty
exiled for the wrong choice
and that money sinful tokens
nothing to us now.
I never tried to block those pictures
the sounds and smells that jerked me awake
in the hot darkness.
it was pointless - cool air and father's laugh
would seep through the gunfire
make my eyes heavy again.
today I let her smile carry me -
tomorrow is already forgotten.