ZHUMOUR
This webpage is FILLED with jokes and riddles… Have a good laugh and Enjoy!!!

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FUNNY LINES:

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

4. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

6. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

7. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

9. Is there another word for synonym?

10. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

11. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

12. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

13. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

14. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

15. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

16. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

17. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

18. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

19. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

20. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

21. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

22. The older you get, the better you realize you were.

23. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

24. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

25. Women like silent men; they think they're listening.

26. Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. Deal with it.

27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.

Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

28. If the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

29. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

30. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

31. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you do it?

32. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

33. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

34. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

THREE GENTLEMEN AND A PINT OF GUINESS

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together.

They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they where about to

enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and

were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him

in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and

continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too,

picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started

yelling 'SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!'

SARDAR JOKES:

"Have you ever read Shakespeare?”

Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"

Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

Sardar: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?

Because below 18 was not allowed.

How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?

Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?

Run like Hell.... he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?

Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?

Trying to hold on to a thought.

Why do Sardars work seven days a week?

So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?

They always forget the recipe.

How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?

He threw it off a cliff.

What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?

A wind tunnel.

What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?

The back of his head.

What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?

Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?

Just-one-der Singh.

Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?

It has a stamp on it.

Why can't Sardar dial 911?

They cannot find the eleven on the phone

How do you get Sardar on the roof?

Tell him the drinks are on the house.

“Oh, look at the dead bird.”

"Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them but you never see them.

Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head.

Subject: Man V's Woman

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men lived longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stall-Mate

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"may I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

3. 6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

4. 7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl
from a height of six feet. Sigh relaxingly.

5. 8. Say, "Now how did that get in there.”

6. 9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

7. 10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall
walls of your neighbor's while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

8. 11. Say, "Interesting............. more floaters than sinkers.'"

9. 14. Fill a balloon with cream corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let

10. out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about.
Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

11. 19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

EMAIL MISHAP

As you are receiving my note by e-mail, it's wise to remember how

easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes

unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of

the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for

a vacation in sun-drenched Florida. His wife was on a business

trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he

reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable

to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address,

he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed

one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's

wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the

grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor,

let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the

sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

________________________________________________

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

________________________________________________

Which CAR do you have ?

AUDI

n Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

n Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

BMW

n Beautiful Mechanical Wonder

n Big Money Works

n Bought My Wife

n Break My Windows

n Brutal Money Waster

n Business, Money and Women

n Be My Wife

BUICK

n Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CHEVROLET

n Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

n Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE

n Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater

n Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere>>

FIAT

n Failure in Italian Automotive Technology

n Fix It All the Time

n Fix It Again, Tony!

FORD backwards

n Driver Returns On Foot

n Fault Of R & D

n Fast Only Rolling Downhill

n Features O.J. and Ron's DNA

n First on Race Day> First On Recall Day

n First On Rust and Deterioration

n Fix Or Repair Daily

n Found On Road, Dead

n Found On Russian Dump

n General Maintenance

GMC

n Garage Man's Companion

n Got a Mechanic Coming?

HONDA

n Had One Never Did Again

n Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.

HUMMER

n Huge Ultra-Magnificent Mega-Expensive Ride

HYUNDAI

n Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive . . .

MAZDA

n Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE

n Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late> Everyday.

n Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover> Equipment

PROTON

n Possibly the Riskiest Option to Travel On-road Nowadays.

SAAB

n Send Another Automobile Back Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.

TOYOTA

n Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO

n Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

n Virtually Worthless

MICROSOFT IN HINDI

Bill Gates was in India a few days ago. He did announce that

Microsoft will come out with a windows version in Hindi.

Here are some Windows Commands in Hindi version shoonya bindu shoonya ek (0.01).

Phile = File

Kholo = Open

Bandh Karo = Close

Naya = New

Khatara = Old

Bachao = Save

Aise Bachao = Save as

Bhaago = Run

Chaapo = Print

Dekh Ke Chaapo = Print Preview

Kaapi = Copy

Kaato = Cut

Kato = Stupid Houseguest

Chipkao = Paste

Payshul Chipkao = Paste Special

Goli Maaro = Delete

Nazaara = View

Bakwaas Nazaara = View From My Apartment

Hatyaar = Tools

Hatyaar Khamba = Toolbar

Uh Buh Kuh Duh Thik Thak = Spell Check

Isko Kya Kehte Hain = Thesaurus

Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet

Iska Bhi Naam Nahin Aaata = Database

Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit

Wondering Questions

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What's another word for thesaurus?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

Why isn't there a mouse-flavored cat food?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? [*I love this one!]

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Smileys and Emotions for E-mail
(Look at the emotions sideways, it helps)

:-) Original smiley face

:-( I'm sad

;-) (wink)Only joking

:'-( I'm crying

:-O Oh, no

:-] I'm undecided

%-( I'm so confused

:-) :-) :-) Guffaw

:-c I'm bummed out

:-7 Smirk

0 :-) I feel like an angel

:-) :-( I don't know how I feel

:-( OXO I'm so hungry

:-Q I'm dying for a cigarette

:8) Oink oink

:-{} I wear heavy lipstick

:-? I smoke a pipe

:-$ My lips are sealed

:-J Tongue in cheek

[:-) I'm listening to my walkman

:-@ Phew!

:-x Kisses

:-)=K I wear a bowtie

(:)-) I scuba dive

{{{{{:-) I sell hats

=(:-) I'm a punk rocker

C=(:-'))) I'm a mad demonic chef with a cold and three chins

:-( } I get kidded in the men's shower

:-)>xxxxx> I wear a tie

:-D I'm really smiling

:-{) I'm wearing a moustache

:-) 8 > I'm wearing a bikini

3:-) I'm a devil

:-o I'm singing

:-))) I'm overweight

L:-) I just graduated

d:-) I love basketball

: =8) I'm a baboon

(-_-) Secret smile

#-) I partied all night

@>-->-->-- A rose

{(:-) I wear a toupee

}(:-( Toupee in the wind

:-%)% I have acne

:-& I'm tongue tied

':-) I accidentally shaved off one eyebrow

:-)>- I just washed my goatee

#:-( I can't do a thing with my hair

:-{#} I wear braces

::-) I wear glasses

:> Midget smiley

(-: I'm left-handed

8:-) Glasses on my head

:-p Stick out my tongue

?-) I have a black eye

I==I I love my car

...---... S.O.S

>(o---<) Sounds fishy

:-* Oops!

8-O Omigod!

>[]:-x Hugs and kisses

:-) . I have an inny belly button

:-) , I have an outy

FAMOUS PEOPLE

5:-) Elvis

o<( :-) o o Santa Claus

/:-=) Adolf Hitler

-) Stevie Wonder

C]:-) Charlie Chaplin

=]:-)= Uncle Sam

+<(:-) The Pope

You Know You’re An Indian When:

1. They peel the stamps off letters that the postal service missed to mark up.

2. They buy 2-ply toilet paper and they tell you to use only 1 ply at>>a >>> time to make it last.

3. When your mom comes home with napkins stuffed in her purse of the restaraunt she last ate at.

4. When you become part of that viscious clan who recycles wedding gifts.

5. Take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No food allowed".

6. Make kichdi on the beach wearing saris.

7. Wear shorts with dress socks and tennis shoes.

8. Try to use coupons that expired 5 months ago and argue when the store doesn't accept them, or simply tear off the expiration date!

9. Eat half of a pizza at a restaurant and then complaining that it wasn't made right (I want refund).

10. The famous: "hamburger, no meat, water, no ice, 3 cups and 18 ketchups please".

11. Talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

12. Loading up the family car with as many indians as possible when it's a "pay per car" entrance fee.

13. Renting movies and splitting the cost with 2 other families and having the last family return it.

14. Taking 30-45 minutes deciding which indian movie to watch when it only costs 25 cents!...then asking for a refund when it sucks.

15. When you see a bath pail in a stand-up shower or tub.

16. When everyone gets the same Christmas present...a "buy one get one free" special.

17. When people show up late to a function...just in time for the food.

18. Plastic covers anything new in your parents' house whether it is the remote control to the VCR or the new living room couch.

19. Your parents only face straight when driving with both hands on the steering wheel and notice nothing but the road in front of them.

20. They have one of these three cars, an Olds Cutlass Ciera, a Honda Accord or a Toyota Camry.
(Rich desis drive a Lexus or a Mercedes)

21. When family friends come over, you have ten conversations going on in the same room at the same time very loudly.

22. You eat dinner on the floor covered with newspapers when company comes over.

23. Your parents tell you to not care what your friends think but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles and Aunties" will think.

24. You've never owned white clothing because it will be hard to take stains out of it. (That's what mom says).

25. You have a collection of used wrapping paper and bows that have been saved for re-use.

26. Your bio-data and picture have been circulated more than your resume.

27. Your parents won't let you attend college outside of your hometown because you might actually date members of the opposite sex!

1. You unwrap christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially the bow) next year.

2. You only buy christmas cards after christmas, when they are 50% off.

3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the
bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.

4. You have a vinyl table cloth on your table.

5. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.

6. You kitchen has a sticky film of grease in it.

7. You use the dish washer as a dish rack.

8. You have never used your dishwasher.

9. You eat all meals in the kitchen.

10. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.

11. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

12. You always leave your shoes at your door.

13. You hate to waste food:

a. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throwaway the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.

b. You have tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.

14. You don't own any real tupperware--only a cupboard full of used, but carefully rinsed,
margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.

15. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.

16. The condiments in your fridge are either price club/sam's sized or come in a plastic packets,
which you save/steal every time you get take-out or go to mcdonalds.

17. Ditto paper napkins.

18. You never order room service.

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than fifteen minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking.

22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

23. You majored in engineering, medicine or law.

24. When you go to a dance party, there are always a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.

25. You live your parents and you are 30 years old, and they prefer it that way.

26. If your married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.

27. You don't use measuring cups.

28. You feel like you have gotten a good deal if you didn't pay taxes.

29. Your old parents house always smell of balm.

30. You reuse tea bags.

31. You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write anymore.

32. You always look phone numbers in the phone book, since calling information costs $.50.

33. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.

34. You have acquired a taste for bitter gourd.

35. You like your meat well done.

36. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

37. Your parents never go to movies.

38. Your parents send money to their relatives in foreign countries.

39. Your parents use a clothes line.

40. You've joined a cd club at least once.

41. You know someone who you think can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.

42. You never discuss love, life or sex with your parents.

43. Your parents are never happy with your grades.

44. You save old coke bottle glasses even though you you're never going to use them again.

45. You keep used batteries.

46. You keep most of your money in your savings account.

47. You call an older person you never met before "uncle.”

48. The first thing uncle asks you is "where are your parents from?”

49. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes , you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

50. You have been asked if you are hindi, or if you speak hindu.

51. Your parents buy Sears/Montgomery Wards appliances believing they are the best.

52. No one you’re related to is a music major.

53. You sleep on the floor.

54. When you type, you put a space between the last word in the sentence and the terminating punctuation mark . ;)

55. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last
two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs.

56. When our fathers get together, no matter what the topic is each man is an expert.

57. You have a box of tissues or towels in your car.

58. You grow your own vegetables.

59. You can't park your car in the garage, because you never throw anything away and keep it there (just in case you need it).

60. You trust only foreign cars (Accord or Camry, metallic green).

61. You drive two hours and spend a whole day to get a complementary cutlery set
for listening to a sales pitch on vacation time shares.

62. You cook in bulk.

63. You have bed sheets on your sofas.

64. When dining out, your parents think $1 is enough of a tip.

65. You recycle christmas/birthday gifts.

66. You head to the clearance rack as soon you walk into a store.

67. You buy clothes from Kmart and put it in a recycled gift box from Macy's before giving it.

68. Your favorite brand name is "irregular.”

69. The few silverware you have is mismatched and plastic.

70. You know someone who owns a motel or a convenience store.

71. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

72. You think an Indian businessman will give you a better deal because he is Indian.

73. You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there.

74. You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonials no matter what she looks like.

75. Your dad thinks it is perfectly ok to hawk and spit a loogie on the sidewalk.

76. You use vicks vaporub.

77. The video tapes you rent are the 10th generation copies and have scrolling commercials in the middle of the movie.

78. You know the words of the "vicco turmeric" commercial.

79. You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train.

80. You've had to swerve around animals grazing on the road.

81. You've been in a bus where half the people are riding outside the bus.

82. All tupperware is stained with food color.

83. You have a drinking glasses made of steel, the rim of which can cut your mouth if you're not careful.

84. Experiencing 20 blackouts in a single day doesn't faze you.

85. You tape christmas cards on your walls.

86. You have a plastic rug-runner going across your hallway at home.

87. There's a pungent odor of spices as one enters your home.

88. You've never had a tanning salon membership.

89. You call florescent lights "tube lights" or a flashlight a ”torch".

90. You pronounce "wary" and "very" the same way.

91. You pack a suitcase full of toilet paper when visiting India.

92. You've tied your luggage with a rope to keep it from falling apart.

Bill Gates Meets with God

Bill Gates was killed in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God..
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell.
After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world
and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before.
In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!" Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God.
What's the difference between the two?" God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly
if it will help you make a decision." Bill Said, "Fine, but where should I go first?" God said,
"I'm going to leave that up to you." Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to
Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful
women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining
and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God, "If this
is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God and off they went. Heaven was a high
place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not
as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think
prefer Hell," he told God. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.
When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames
in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going, Bill?"
God asked. Bill responded, his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, this is
not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with
the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?" God says, "That was the screen saver".

Now this is a story all about Jeet

Who lived on New York's 14th Street

He graduated from college with a masters degree

In a field known as anthropology

He soon got a job in a research lab

But always complained "why's life so drab!"

He was constantly surrounded by geeks and nerds

With e equals m c squared their only words

He was a hard-core desi, I must say

But his wildest spirits were being kept at bay

Our desi veer could take this no more

So he decided to knock on his neighbor's door

His neighbor was a girl of Italian descent

Who spoke with an intriguing Brooklyn accent

Her name was Gina

And I wish I had seen 'er

Cause the way he had described her

Any guy would dig her!

Jeet and Gina started to date

And would hangout together till pretty late

"Meri Gori, Meri Sohni Gori" was all he'd say

"No one can come in between us - no way!"

But notorious Aunty Chugalkhor was on the prowl

She sensed something in the air - was it foul?

Oh yes yes yes –

She was definitely in luck

This, of all her stories

Would be a slam dunk!

She spotted her nephew in the mall

And that too ... oh gori de naal !!!

(AYE HAYE! Oh HO!)

Well that surely did make Aunty's day

A successful field day for her, I must say!

She headed straight back home to make a call

Undoubtedly to Jeet's mum in Balowall

Jeet's mum could not believe her ears

"Oh mera beta," she cried, wiping her tears

She tried and tried to get hold of Jeet

But each time she'd call his answerer would beep!

Where on earth could the dude be?

Well that's your imagination –

Don't ask me!

Mum's patience finally started running out

So she left a message giving him the clout

"Oh JINNY GORI noo chhadd dey

Te vapas aja aithay!"

Jeet was obviously taken by surprise

Who the hell had blown his guise?

But now was not the time to guess

He had to quickly get outta this mess

He drummed up the courage to call his mum

But before he could speak,

someone shouted "YOU BUM!"

Of course it was mother in a terrible mood

And now was not the time to be a dude!

"OH tu Amrika vich kee karda phirda

Murrh ke aja te tera viah kardiyay aithay

Ik kurrhi hagayee barrhee piyarree

Te puree seva karugee teyree!"

But Jeet was clearly not impressed

It was Gina with whom he was so obsessed

He told his mum that that was no deal

And that his piyaar for Gina was the one for real

Once again mother hit the roof

She could not believe that

Jeet was such a goof!

She hung up the phone

And in the harshest of tones cried

"Mundiya - you're now on your own."

Just the next day ...

Jeet and Gina tied the knot

And their happiness together was easy to spot

The days went on ...

But with hardly a year gone ...

Jeet Singh started to realize

What was happening

To his wallet's size!

Was Gina just after his money?

Or did she really mean it

When she'd say "Oh honey!"

A few rotten thoughts crossed his mind

But he thought he was simply just going blind

But one sad day, Gina spilled the beans

She said she was leaving for New Orleans

She had met a guy called Tom,

And so wanted a divorce

Which left our young veer in such remorse

He remembered his mum's favorite words:

"Goreeyan da koee parosa nayee hunda"

And thought to himself:

"Wasn't I a brainless munda"

The divorce settlement did take place

And he lost half his assets –

Let alone his face!

His despair could always be seen in his eyes

But everyone knows that "desiness" never dies

He soon met Mad-Mats who taught him to rhyme

And ever since then:

"ARRANGED MARRIAGE, BUSS ARRANGED MARRIAGE"

has been his constant chime !!!!!!

Producting Titanic In BollyWood

Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made in Bollywood?

The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!

Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJJack.

Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man" everytime

he sees Shahrukh. Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as

the ship's captain and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party.

Of course, he would not die. Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister

and 5 other chamchas from college plus 50 extras who are well trained

with every dance sequence in the world. The movie would only last for

7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing, there would be only 22 songs

in the movie out of 30 in CD album. The ship would be overflowing with

extras whom you normally find in movies that have a court scene full of

people or a slum full of aam-janta. The ship will start sinking, not because

of the iceberg but because of excessive on board population. The infamous

lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced with a song in the

Swiss Alps. Best friend of Shahrukh will save his sister from being

raped during chaos. The sister will instantly fall in love right after this

and she will also get a song or two. Remember Rose changing her mind about

jumping into the water? In our case, Madhuri changes her mind, since...since...

the ship is moving along a creek and the water stinks! How can we forget

the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting Madhuri's portrait with

Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors yaar!). This is to be

followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a art gallery.

Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the ship.

Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how Gulshan

troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon pee jaaoonga".

The ensuing fight would only last for an hour. There would be an antakshari

for the "drowners" conducted by Annu Kapoor instead of the trio playing the

violin. Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo" would be

yelled would be a record in the history of cinema. And the masterpiece would

be waste of time... ooops waste of money without... "Raaaabert...Captain se ja

ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda dekhna chahte ho, to naav ko Hindustaan

kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke liye bahooot door le le...!!

An Indian in a Hardware Store

An Indian who just came from India walks into a hardware store

and asks to see the chain saws. Picking up one, he asked the store

clerk, "How many trees will this one cut in an hour?" "Oh, that one

will cut about five good sized trees in an hour," replied the clerk.

"What about this one?" asked the Indian. The clerk replied, "That's

an intermediate model which cuts around ten trees." "And this one?"

asked the Indian. "That's our best model. It should cut at least

20 trees in an hour," said the clerk. "I'll take it!" said the Indian.

Two days later, the Indian returns to the store and angrily states,

"Hey, this saw is terrible. I could only cut three trees in one hour

with it!" The clerk says, "Gee, I don't understand that. This is the

best chainsaw we carry. Wait a minute while I check it out." The

clerk pulled on the starter rope and the saw immediately activated

with a loud roar. 'Hey," said the Indian, "what's that noise?"

Only in America….

Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster that an ambulance....

Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, large fries and a diet coke...

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave

useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...

Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't

miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...

Only in America...do we use the word politics to describe the process so well. 'Poli' in Latin

meaning many and 'tics' meaning blood sucking creatures.

The Senility Prayer
God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway

the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

One of the Cardinals in Rome went rushing into the Pope's office.

He said, "Your Holiness, I have good news and bad news!"

"Well, tell me the good news first", the Pope replied.

"Well", said the Cardinal, "Jesus Christ is on the phone!"

"That's wonderful", exclaimed the Pope,
"What could possibly be bad about that?"
"He's calling from Mecca", the Cardinal said.

1) (For females) You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your

midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable.

2) (For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm.

3) You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go.

4) When you were little you always wondered why your American friends waited
until after breakfast to brush their teeth when your Indian
friends did it first thing in the morning.

5) Tongue scrapers are not a new fad to you.

6) To your American friends, oil is used purely for cooking and notas a grooming aid.

8) Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with
just stop when trying to read their names.

9)You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku.

10) Your parents call all your friends "Beta" whether they are Indian or not.

11) If you aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing
their hands and proclaim that it's too late.

12) You have never met half of your extended family.

13) Either you really like Indians of the opposite sex or you can't stand them.

14) Your family measures wealth in gold and diamonds.

15) A horoscope must decide your wedding date.

16) You drink 6 cups of tea a day.

17) Your parents had eight daughters in hopes of having a son.

18) You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot".

19) Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried.

21) You own a 7/11 or a motel with a name like "Roadside Inn."

22) One or both of your parents jumped at least one year of elementary school.

23) In the smallest of subcompact cars, you still can't see over the wheel without
            a phone book. WITH the phone book, you can't reach the pedals.
24) You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know,
            but who insist they're related to you, even>> though they bear
            NO resemblance to anyone YOU know.

25) Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try
and demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.

26) You have trouble paying attention to "minor" items like your kids'
social lives, but you know the exact number of the check that
you're on in your checkbook.

27) Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.

28) When you compare your friends to yourself, your parents say,
"You>> aren't the same person as they are!"

29) You notice that whenever you go to another Indian's house, your
parents always talk about businesses...especially if they're for sale.

30) The second someone pull out of your driveway, your parents start talking about them.

31) At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to India".

32) No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.

33) When you drive by other people's businesses, your parents always count the number of cars in the parking lot.

34) Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer.

35) You're parent's always say, "It's cheaper in India".

An Everyday Survival Kit

Toothpick

Rubber band

Band aid

Pencil

Eraser

Chewing gum

Mint

Candy Kisses

Tea Bag

Here's why:
Toothpick - to remind you to pick out the good qualities in others.

Rubber band - to remind you to be flexible, things might not always go the way you want, but it will work out.

Band Aid - to remind you to heal hurt feelings, yours or someone else's.

Pencil - To remind you to list your blessings everyday.

Eraser - to remind you that everyone makes mistakes, and it's okay.

Chewing gum - to remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish anything.

Mint - to remind you that you are worth a mint to your heavenly father.

Candy Kisses - to remind you that everyone needs a kiss or a hug everyday.

Herb Tea Bag - to remind you to relax daily and go over that list of God's blessings.

Kids' Letters to God:

Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones,
why don't You just keep the ones You have? – Jane

Dear GOD, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they
had their own rooms. It works with my brother. – Larry

Dear GOD, If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. – Mickey

Dear GOD, I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world.
There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. – Nan

Dear GOD, In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? – Jane

Dear GOD, I read the Bible. What does "begat" mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison

Dear GOD, Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? – Lucy

Dear GOD, Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? – Anita

Dear GOD, Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? – Norma

Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries? – Nan

Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? – Neil

Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. – Jane

Dear GOD, Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"?
Because if You did, then I'm going to fix my brother. – Darla

Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. – Joyce

Dear GOD, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad!
He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say,
but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend, (But I am not going to tell You who I am)

Dear GOD, Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. - Tom L.

Dear GOD, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. – Bruce

Dear GOD, If we come back as something else, please don't let me be Mary Horton - because I hate her. – Denise

Dear GOD, If you give me a genie like Aladdin, I will give You anything
You want, except my money or my chess set. – Raphael

Dear GOD, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. – Sam

Dear GOD, You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. – Dean

Dear GOD, I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. - Ruth M.

Dear GOD, I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. – Elliott

Dear GOD, Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best. – Rob

Dear GOD, My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right.
They're just kidding, aren't they? – Marsha

Dear GOD, I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. - Love, Chris

Dear GOD, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they
said You did it. So I bet he stole your idea. - Sincerely, Donna

Dear GOD, The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dryland, you fool."
But he was smart, he stuck with You. That's what I would do. – Eddie

Dear GOD, I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want
You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already. – Charles

Dear GOD, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset
You made on Tuesday. That was cool. – Eugene

Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world

famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers.

"My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your
name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished."

"'A' is for academics, 'B' is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're
not here ... so leave a message. "

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent you the
money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid
institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you

owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money."

(Narrator's voice) "There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly, the
telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet

paper with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible
speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain.
The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message."

"Hi. Now you say something."

"Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to

it instead. Wait for the beep."

"Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"

(From my Japanese friend in Toronto) "He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave
message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy" message, I call sooner!“

"Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please
speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these
magnets."

"Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with
her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything
cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.

"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub. And their carpets are
clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their
picture taken. If you're still with me and haven't hung up the phone by
now, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

"This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought recording
device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling

and a number where I can reach you. And I'll think about returning your call."

"Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave
me a message and if I don't return your call ... it's you."

"Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

"You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very
sleepy now. You are gradually losing your will power and your ability
to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly
compelled to leave your name, number, and a message."

"You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice
patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use.
Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of
your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes.
There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff
of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to
further explain the benefits of our service and to arrange for your
schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the
tone. Thank you."

"Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us."

ANTIBODY: against everyone

ARTERY: the study of fine paintings

BACTERIA: back door to a cafeteria

BENIGN: what you be after you be eight

BOWEL: letters like A, E, I, O, or U

CAESAREAN SECTION: a district in Rome

CARDIOLOGY: advanced study of poker playing

CAT SCAN: searching for ones lost kitty

CAUTERIZE: made eye contact with her

COMA: a punctuation mark

CONGENITAL: friendly

CORTIZONE: the local courthouse

D & C: where Washington is

DILATE: to live longer

ENEMA: not a friend

ER: the things on your head that you hear with

FIBRILLATE: to tell lies

GENES: blue denim slacks

HEMORRHOID: a male from outer space

IMPOTENT: distinguished, well known

LABOR PAIN: hurt at work

MINOR OPERATION: somebody else's

ORGAN TRANSPLANT: what you do to your piano when you move

PARALYZE: two far-fetched stories

PATHOLOGICAL: a reasonable way to go

PHARMACIST: person who makes a living dealing in agriculture

PROTEIN: in favor of young people

RED BLOOD COUNT: Dracula

RHEUMATIC: amorous

SECRETION: hiding anything

TABLET: a small table

TERMINAL ILLNESS: getting sick at the airport

TIBIA: country in North Africa

TRIPLE BYPASS: better than a quarterback sneak
TUMOR: an extra pair
URINE: opposite of "you're out"
VARICOSE: very close
VEIN: conceited

A Matter of Punctuation

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing"
on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

"HEART ATTACK"
A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating

table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and ask if this

is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live. Upon her recovery she

decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, tummy tuck, etc. She even

has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 years

she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation

and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrives in front of God and

complains: "I thought you said I had another 30 years. God replies, "I didn't recognize you."

FIVE REASONS TO BELIEVE COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. The message "Bad command of file name" is as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you,

then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

FOUR REASONS TO BELIEVE COMPUTERS ARE MALE:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem

3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtain a better model

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

"Technologically Challenged"
The following is an excerpt from an article in the Wall Street Journal:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key"
because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control
with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't

read word processing files from his old diskettes. The customer had stuck labels on the diskettes,

then rolled them into his typewriter to type on the labels.

4. Another customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A

few days later, a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised a customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and

close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone

down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything.

After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the tech discovered the man was trying to

fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

7. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked.

He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard

for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

8. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his

computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the

computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

9. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the

technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer". The user had tried

turning the computer screen to face the printer, but that his computer still couldn't

"see" the printer.

10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell

computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician

asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed

and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to

be the computer's mouse.

11. Another customer called Compaq Tech Support to say her brand-new computer

wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20

minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she

pressed the power switch, she asked "What Power switch?"

12. True story from a Novell Net Wire Sys Op: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken

and I 'm within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to

the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped,

it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show?"

Caller: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional.

It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because

He couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load

drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

13. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support.

"I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk,

and I had some problems with that disk. When it said to put in the third disk-

I couldn't even fit it in...." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2"

meant to remove Disk 1 first.

100% True Comedy Court Dialogue

This is a composition of funny, weird or dumb things that people have actually said in court.

1) "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

2) "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

3) "Were you alone or by yourself?"

4) "Were you present while your picture was taken?"

5) "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

6) "Did he kill you?"

7) "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

8) "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

9) "How many times have you committed suicide?"

10) "When you were washing your car on Jan. 27, what were you doing?"

**********************************************************************

Alright, there we have it, ten strange quotations. Now for some short 100% true conversations.

Q: "She had three children, right?"

A: "Yes."

Q: "How many were boys?"

A: "None."

Q: "Were there any girls?"

*----------------*

Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"

A: "Yes."

Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

*----------------*

Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"

A: "I went to Europe sir."

Q: "And you took your new wife?"

*----------------*

Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"

A: "By death."

Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

*----------------*

Q: "Can you describe the individual?"

A: "He was about medium height and he had a beard."

Q "Was this a male or a female?"

*----------------*

Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"

A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work?"

*----------------*

Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"

A: "All my autopsies were performed on dead people."

*----------------*

Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"

A: "Oral"

*----------------*

Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"

A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."

Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"

A: "No, you dummy, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

*----------------*

Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

A: "I have been since childhood."

*----------------*

Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby), was Aug. 8th?"

A: "Yes"

Q: "And what were you doing at the time?"

*----------------*

Who Is ‘COLOURED?’

Dear white fella

There are a Couple of things you should know

When I'm born, I'm brown

When I grow up, I'm brown

When I go in the sun, I'm brown

When I'm cold, I'm brown

When I'm scared, I'm brown

When I'm sick, I'm brown

And when I die, I'm still brown.

You white fella

When you're born, you're pink

When you grow up, you're white

When you go in the sun, you're red

When you're cold, you're blue

When you're scared, you're yellow

When you're sick, you're green

And when you die, you're grey.

and u have the nerve to call ME colored??!!

Shaadi ke Pehle Aur Shaadi ke Baad!

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya

Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai

Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai

Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha

Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye

Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye

Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge

Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge

Shaadi ke pehle – Chandramukhi

Shaadi ke baad – Jwaalamukhi

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap

Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap

Shaadi ke pehle – Titanic

Shaadi ke baad - Kaagaz ki nao

Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?

Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Kaaran

Shaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss:-)

Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss:-(

Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki Rani

Shaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki Amma

Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhi Kabhi

Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky

Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen

Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen