Memorable Lines

Guilty Pleasures

There's nothing like ruining the calm of a hundred-year-old vampire to boost a girl's morale. (p22)

"You smell of other people's blood, ma petite."
I smiled at him sweetly. "It was no one you knew." (p30)

The holy item check girl was waiting for me at the door. I gave her my cross. She gave me a check stub. It wasn't a fair trade. (p31)

"I think she is being sarcastic," Jean-Claude said. "She can't be hurt too badly if she's making jokes. (p45)

He grinned at me, brilliant, heart-stopping. The grin was his very best harmless good ol' boy smile. I could never decide whether the smile was real or jsut another mask. Would the real Edward please stand up? Probably not. (p79)

Great. Vampires, not Edward. The day was about fifteen minutes old. Not a very promissing beginning. (p80)

Everyone has their weaknesses. Some people smoke. I collect stuffed penguins. If you won't tell, I won't. (p80)

I would bet on me against any human bad guy my size. Trouble was, there just weren't many bad guys my size. (p85)

"Bert would take money for a hit on the Pope if he thought he could get away with it." - Anita (p92)

As long as he didnt flash that smile at the wrong time and get molested by nuns, we'd be safe. --about Phillip (p98)

The smell of pine-scented Lysol was thick and almost nauseating in the small, dark hallway. You could probably have eaten off the carpeting if you had wanted to, but you would have gotten fuzzies in your mouth. No amount of Lysol would get rid of carpet fuzzies. (p100)

I walked back past the coffin and hesitated. I had an urge to knock on the smooth wood. Anybody home? I didn't do it. For all I knew, someone might have knocked back. (p102)

"Besides Bert's going to have to pay for overtime and bribes. I always love the look of pain when he has to part with money." -- Ronnie (113)

I hate to shop. I consider it one of life's necessary evils, like brussels sprouts and high-heeled shoes. Of course, it beat the heck out of having my life threatened by vampires. But wait; we could go shopping now and be threatened by vampires int he evening. A perfect way to spend a Saturday night. (p114)

I don't care how many times you've seen women carry guns on a thigh holster on television, it is damn awkward. You walk like a duck with a wet diaper on. (p118)

I had a baker's dozen worth of vampires to pacify and a one-hundred-year-old corpse to raise. I could only handle a zillion problems at a time. A zillion and one was beyond me. (p139)

This was at least a twenty-thousand-dollar job. I doubted I'd get paid tonight, unless living til morning was payment enough. Yeah, I guess it was. Here's to seeing another dawn. (p140)

I talk to myself every once in a while, Give myself very good advice. Sometimes I even take it. (p179)

Guilty Pleasures treads a thin line between entertainment and the sadistic. The Circus goes over the edge and down into the abyss.
And here I go inside. Oh, joy in the morning. (p180)

"I'm going to set the shed on fire." [Anita]
"With us inside?" [Edward] asked.
"Yes."
"I'd rather shoot myself, if it's all the same to you." (p211)

I shook my head. "This is too easy."
"Don't worry. Something will fo wrong soon." [Edward] (p222)

She giggled. The sound made my teeth hurt. If she really wanted to torture me, all she had to do was lock me in a room and laugh at me. Now that would be hell. (p229)

The Laughing Corpse

I didn't know what he was so sore about, I hadn't said the really insulting stuff out loud. (p5)

Surely being in love doesn't cause you to loose your sense of good taste. If I ever buy a gown with sequins on it, someone just shoot me. (p11)

I know you see thigh holsters on television, but does the word "chaffing" mean anything to you? (p82)

My Nova seemed underdressed. Maybe I should get some buggy whip antennae or plaster 'Zombies R Us' on the side of the car. Bert would probly get mad. (p82)

I was the vampire's equivalent to the electric chair. They didn't like me much. Surprise, surprise. (p105)

Burned alive or eaten alive? Is there anything else on the menu? (p115)

I had finally found something that scared me more than vampires. Death didn't bother me much. Strong Christian and all that. Methos of death did. Being eaten alive. On of my top three ways not to go out. (p116)

We would go down to the Tenderloin. Pimps beware. I was bringing the Master as backup. It was like carrying a thermonuclear device to kill ants. Overkill has always been a specialty of mine. (p187)

What did they think I was going to do, steal a body? If I wanted to, I could empty the damn place and get every corpse to play follow the leader. Perhaps that was why I needed watching.(p225)

I felt like shit, but it was happy shit. (p254)

Circus of the Damned

"Most women complain that there are no single straight men left. I'd just like to meet one that's human." (back cover)

"Good-bye, Mr Inger, it's been really unpleasant."
Ruebens stopped in the doorway and hissed at me, "You are an abomination before God."
"Jesus loves you, too," I said smiling, (p6)

"Jesus, are all vampires over the age of 200 perverts?"
"I am over 200," Jean-Claude said.
"I rest my case." (p41)

"He'll answer your questions now," I said. "But keep it simple. He's been mostly dead all day."
The lawyers didn't smile. I guess I didn't blame them. (p152)

If your "talent" was strong enough, you had to raise the dead or risk the power coming out at odd moments. Does the term roadkill mean anything to you? It meant something to my stepmother Judith. (p187)

I wanted to wipe the grin off his face with a fist. I resisted the urge. Who says I have no self control? (p225)

It was an hour before dawn. When all the Whos down in Whoville were asnooze in their beds without care. Sorry, wrong book. If I get to stay awake until dawn, I get just a tad slaphappy. (p226)

"Trust you to bring Death to the ball, ma petite." (p306)

The Lunatic Cafe

"You don't volunteer for slugfests with vampires. It shortend your life expectancy." (back cover)

Ah stupid me. Some preternatural expert offering silver to a lycanthrope. (p21)

"This little bit of a girl has over a dozen vampire kills under her belt?" There was alughter in his(Sherrif Titus) voice.
I shrugged. It was actually higher than taht now, but a lot of them were unsanctioned kills. Not somehting I wanted the police to know about. (p52)

The vampires called me the Executioner, but they called Edward Death. After all, I'd never used a flamethrower on them. (p108)

Curiosity killed the cat.Here was hoping it didn't do the same for animators. (p109)

That left one revolver, two automatics, and a high-powered rifle> It was enough. Dream team that we are, Edward and I had our limits. (p342)

Bloody Bones

"I don't think I like your attitude, Ms Blake."
"I know I don't like yours," I said. (p22)

Asking Jean-Claude not to be a pain in the ass was like asking rain not to be wet. Why try? (p159)

"You're an irritating son of a bitch."
"Ah, ma petite, how can I resist you when you whisper such sweet endearments to me?" (p162)

"The problem, Lionel, is that I'm not sure I can raise zombies this old without a human sacrifice. Even I have my limits."
"So nice to know," Jean-Claude said softly. (p165)

The Killing Dance

My life was a cross between a preternatural soap opera and an action adventure movie.Sort of As the Casket Turns meets Rambo. (p12)

Jean-Claude was a world-class pain in the ass. It wasn't like him to be a good boy. (p126)

The Master of the City couldn't imagine anyone not being won over eventually. Not if you had access to his lovely body. He kept offering it. I kept refusing. (p130)

"The great Jean-Claude driven to celibacy by a human. People are laughing behind your back."(Liv)
"Celibacy?" I asked.
Jean-Claude glanced at me, then sighed. "Until you give up your nunnish ways, ma petite, I am playing monk." (p137)

"I said no sexual innuendo, remember."
"As I remember, you said no sexual innuendo until after you were clean." He smiled at me, "You're clean."
I signed. "Trust you to be literal." (p334)

Burnt Offerings

Blue Moonn

Obsidian Butterfly

Narcissus In Chains

Love: "If it works out, it's the best thing in the world. If it doesn't work out, it's like having your heart torn out and chopped up into little pieces while you watch." (p205)

Maybe they know what I know, that the true way to a man's heart is six inches of metal between his ribs. Sometimes four inches will do the job, but to be really sure, I like to have six. Funny how phallic objects are always more useful the bigger they are. Anyone who tells you size doesn't matter has been seeing too many small knives. (p207)

To Jean-Claude: "On important stuff, your word is great, but when it comes to primping, you have no sense of time." (p356)

The fact that I'd even thought of answering my door with it (uzi) on my person was probably a bad sign. If I needed more than a 9mm to answer my own front door, I should just leave town. (p395)

Cerulean Sins