Standard Disclaimer
HELLO AGAIN
zen here and I'm finaly getting off my butt and starting on requests, hope you ppl like
and if you have any requests just ask, and i've started taking special requests with whom
does the msting, so feel free to ask that as well, BUT one thing is they have to be from eva,
maybe ONE from another anime, but thats pushing it, well enjoy
Sitting in the living room after supper. One week after the group finished TOILI
( yes i know its not realy done but in the story time line it is so THEIR!!!)
Shinji: I'm glad I cooked supper tonight, Misato-san was so drunk.
Asuka: 'Still in post Toili condition' yeah..'smiling' lets watch a movie.
Shinji: Are you sure? 'she's still all mushy after that last one.' It'd be just us.
Asuka: 'Gives him a preditory stare' I'm counting on it, a nice romantic one about us.
Doorbell sounds.
Asuka: DAWM! WHO IS IT!
Hikari: It's me, its so boring tonight, thought I'd stop by maybe watch a movie,
brought one with me.
Asuka: Sure....I love your taste in movies.
Kensuke/Touji: Hey! don't forget about us. We brought something too.
Shinji: You guys came too, were only missing Rei.
Rei: No you're not, I cannot abide by that trash we watched last week.
Asuka: Dumb bitch, can't like good cinima. 'Damw why did she have to come to.'
Kensuke walks into living room puts his tape in: It's a comedy.
Touji:Hilarous.
Asuka/Hikari: Ah we wanted a romace movie.
Shinji sits on the floor: A comedy could be good too.
Rei: I agree, I have only seen a few with the commander.
Asuka: You saw movies with that old fart?
Rei: Yes.
Touji: OOOOOHHHHHKAYYY, lets start this thing ok.
Touji, Hikari, and Asuka take the couch. Rei and Kensuke the chairs.
Kensuke pushes play: Let the mayhem begin!!!
(begin Mst comments, if you don't know its >>>)
Jusenkyo Productions Proudly Presents
A Neon Genesis
Rei is a What?
>>>Asuka: A doll.
>>>Kensuke: "Cursed Springs?" odd name.
>>>Rei: I recommend the second go swimming there.
*Ano... Slight warning. None of the people in here are actually acting like they
should be. At least I don't think they are. And this probably counts as a lime, pretty
sure it does.*
>>>Shinji: Lime? whats that mean?
>>>Touji with slight nosebleed: It means its somewhat good, not as good as a lemon thou.
>>>Hikari: Suzahara!!!
>>>Kensuke: SOUR and it feels so GOOD!!!
'Ah, sweet relaxation,' Shinji thought to himself. 'No angels, no father,
no loud-mouthed German girl,
>>>Rei: Life would be good.
>>>Asuka: What can I expect from a movie a stooge picked out. 'But what IS a lime?'
just me, my SDAT, Pen-Pen, and a complete set of Life Sized Electric EVA Pilot Blow-Up Dolls
(With fully removable plug-suits and head spinning attachments that play Fly Me to The Moon);
life is gooooooood!'
>>>Shinji blushing: Since when did Nerv make things like that?
>>>Rei: Last year, I have the only male model made.
>>>Asuka: What version?
>>>Rei: 2.01
>>>Asuka: Should get 3.2 it has notible improvements.
>>>Touji: Man! Mega-playboy again.
>>>Kensuke: You're just mad they didn't make one of you.
>>>Hikari: YEAH!
>>>Shinji: HIKARI!!!
While contemplating just how to, ah, interface with his new Rei EVA Doll (TM NERV),
>>>Asuka: IKARI NO BAKA 'slaps the back of his head'
>>>Rei blushing lightly: You only need ask Ikari-kun for the real thing.
>>>Shinji: We need psycologist to keep you two in reality and not loosing yourselves to the
>>>screen.
Shinji casually pressed the play button on his SDAT, fully expecting to hear the glorious
strains of Bach. It was understandable then, when he started clutching his head and started
screaming as heavy metal cords started to pound his eardrums as if they were bongos.
Doing a remarkable impression of Unit-00, he turned and started to pound his head against the
wall. When that didn't work, he tried the doll, at least that felt better.
>>>Touji: GO SHINJI GO!
>>>Asuka: WOW! you me that closet now.
>>>Shinji: Stop it! why not try the stop button?
>>>Hikari: That would make sense.
Pen-pen looked up from where he was blowing up his Life Sized NERV Operations
Commander Doll (with Beer attachment and choice of formal or black mini-skirt uniform)
to raise an eyebrow and go back to his blowing.
>>>Touji/Kensuke: I WANT ONE!!!
Some things are just more important that a friend trying to pound his head out against latex.
Besides, with Shinji it just might be a new move he found on the Net.
>>>Asuka: Shinji...just a question, what were those boxes that arrived from nerv today?
>>>Shinji: I..um...you see...um..beer for Misato. 'Please Kami help me, that bird will get me
>>>killed.'
>>>Asuka: Sounds about right.
>>>Touji: Yeah...right...we need to talk later.
The door to Shinji's room slammed open. His face a mask of terror, Shinji turned to see
who has just discovered his private vice, was it Misato? Ritsuko?
>>>Shinji: I doubt they would care.
>>>Kensuke: Maybe..dare I say it, JOIN YOU!!
>>>Rei throws pillow right in his mouth: Keep that their or I shove it deeper.
>>>Kensuke: Eeep (well if he could actually make a sound)
His father?
>>>Shinji: Bet the sick bastard would be proud.
>>>Rei: 'After knowledge of toili' maybe.
Maya? Or could it even be his mind whispered, Rei? He screamed again, this time in horror
at what he saw. For there, on the other side of his room, in the middle of the other side,
away from everything else on the other side, stood Asuka. Dressed in her 'therapeutic'
red leather dominatrix suit that was high slit, low cut, missing a lot of it, and what it
did have was mostly stringy... with kawaii puppy dog eyes and tears flowing down her face.
>>>Touji: Whow! the devil herself makes her new apperence. sick.
>>>Asuka: SHUT YOUR EYES IF YOU VALUE THEM!!
>>>Asuka pats Shinji's head and opens his eyes.
>>>Shinji with slight nosebleed: 'hushed' wow 'I should like that....but.....'
>>>Rei: I do it better.
>>>Hikari: The quiet ones...wait that would mean you and Shinji..
>>>Shinji: I specialize in whips.
They flowed softly, gently, and, well, kawaiily. (SD Nene: Is that even a word?)
"Shinji!" She boo-hoo'd, "It's terrible! It's awful! It's the End Of The World As
We Know It! (SD NERV Staff: And we feel fine!)"
>>>Kensuke: I suddenly think I need to sleep.
>>>Touji: Why?
>>>Kensuke: Don't know, but i can't get R.E.M, out of my mind
She advanced on Shinji who backed up even farther into 'Rei', shaking his head.
"What shall we do Shinji? What shall we do?" Asuka pleaded.
"WHAT?" Shinji bellowed.
A look of annoyance crossed Asuka's face;
>>>Kensuke: Whats new?
>>>Hikari: Why would she be running around like that?
>>>Asuka: Giving people what they want, a beutiful girl.
>>>Touji: I think its an open portal to hell.
she pulled the earphones off Shinji, causing the boy to yelp in pain. "I said, what shall
we do, Baka-Shinji!" Then she stopped as she heard, 'Hello it's me again! It's been so
nice talking to myself' from the phones. "Oh, is that were I left my disc?"
Shinji blinked, Pen-pen blinked, behind them 'Rei' blinked.
>>>All Assembled: What the hell was that?
"Come again, Asuka?" Shinji asked after a few minutes.
"I said it's the END OF EVANGELION! (SD NERV Staff: And we are confused!)"
>>>Shinji: Whats that mean?
>>>Rei: It means we finaly get some.
>>>Shinji: What?
>>>Asuka: I don't realy care.
>>>Voice: Thats because you're dead!!!
>>>Hikari: You hear something.
>>>Touji whistling.
"I'm sorry," Shinji immediately said, thus once again displaying the 'take charge'
kind of action that he was famous for.
Asuka's eyes narrowed dangerously, "And what do you know about it?"
"Know what?"
"It!"
"It who?"
"Huh?"
>>>Asuka: SHUT UP!
"What?"
"IT YOU BAKA!"
"Which it?"
>>>Rei: SHUT UP!
>>>The others look at her.
>>>Rei: What?
"The only it!"
"Oh, so you mean it?"
"YES!"
Asuka blinked, "Ano... Who's turn is it now?
"I don't know! (SD Washu and Skuld: Third base!)"
>>>Kensuke: Who the hell are Washu and Skuld, and why are they doing Abbot and Castello?
>>>Touji: Ken...your japanese.
>>>Kensuke: Oh yeah, who are abbot and Castello and why are Washu and Skuld saying that.
>>>Shinji: Better.
Shinji and Asuka both blinked. Silence, except for the frenzied puff-puffs of
Pen-pen's blowing descended on the room. Finally, slowly and with great clarity, Asuka spoke,
"The end of the world has come. Someone has been going through Tokyo-3 and stealing our most
important treasures."
"You mean the EVAs?" Shinji squeaked with fright.
"No!"
"Tokugawa's sword?" Shinji asked fearfully.
"Wrong!"
"Oh no! Not the One True Ring!" Shinji said, his voice laden with terror.
>>>Kensuke: Souron's BACK NOOO
>>>Asuka: You are a geek.
>>>Shinji: Hey the Lord Of the Rings is a classic.
>>>Hikari: Um...but why would it be in Japan?
>>>Kensuke/Shinji: Good point.
"Anata baka? It's not that!" Asuka blinked, "Besides, didn't they toss that when
I went volcano diving?"
>>>Asuka: THEY MADE ME A GEEK!
>>>Rei: Good. I like this story
>>>Hikari: Why so far you've only appeared as a latex toy.
>>>Rei: Yes...but I am the object of his affection.
>>>Touji: Pen-pen survived just to be killed here.
Shinji's eyes grew wide with fear; his face was a rictus of horror, "Y.y.you mean
that they actually..."
Asuka nodded sadly.
Shinji gulped and continued, "They took... They actually took"
Asuka just gazed at him with understanding; it was hard on her too. For the first
time, she felt sympathy for her fellow pilot.
"They took my father's glasses?"
Then again, maybe not. "No, our 'other' greatest treasures." Asuka said.
>>>Shinji: BAKA!!!
>>>Asuka: Wow...backbone.
>>>Kensuke: Why are the Commander's glasses important?
>>>Touji: They give you the powers of bastard man, and the ability to seduce fake blond
>>>doctors.
>>>Kensuke: I want a pair.
Shinji looked at her blankly; someone had forgotten to draw in his eyes.
(SD JG: CUT! Redo it, and someone give the kid back his eyes!)
>>>Shinji: I have my doubts about the compidency of this movie.
Shinji looked at her blankly, "Which other greatest treasure are we talking about
Asuka?"
Asuka sighed with longing as she thought about it, "Just the most wonderful thing
in Japan." She turned her usual glare at Shinji, "Come on, Third Children, I'll show you."
She flicked a glance at 'Rei' "You too Wonder Girl." When 'Rei' didn't answer, Asuka just
sneered with contempt, "Fine, just stay there like the doll you are!"
>>>Touji: They make those dolls realy lifelike don't they.
>>>Asuke/Rei: They voices are bad 'look at each other.'
>>>Hikari: Shinji-kun who do you feel about that?
>>>Shinji: Scared..very scared, sometimes i hear odd sounds from Asuka's room. "shivers"
Dragging Shinji by the ear, she plopped him down in front of the TV and with a
flick of her whip, turned the set on. On it, a cute Japanese girl with a face that was
almost cat like and brown hair was announcing the news.
>>>Asuka: I love cat people!! (namely Natski-hyper police, Aisha Clan-clan Outlaw star
>>>because she's the voice actress for each)
"Police are still continuing their inquiries into the rash of thefts that have
been sweeping Tokyo-3 in resent days. The victims of the crimes have not seen the thief as
he or she was robbing them. The only clue police have had to go on was a brief glimpse made
by this local student.
The camera panned to show Aida Kenusuke standing there with his ever-present camera.
"So young man, what did you see?"
>>>Kensuke: THATS ME!!!
>>>Touji: So?
>>>Kensuke: My first apperence in this movie.
>>>Asuka slaps him: Speak only when it's important...or in your case never.
>>>Hikari: Agreed
Kenusuke, standing at attention barked out, "Yes ma'm, I was on patrol when I
noticed the store, Greatest Treasures of Tokyo-3, had been broken into. I went to check it out
when a red, white, and blue'ish blur shot past me."
>>>Rei: That is original, "Greatest Treasures of Tokyo-3" with a name like that one is asking
>>>for a burlery.
>>>Shinji: You're so right. But red white and blue?
The reporter nodded, "And what do you think it was?"
"Obviously it was a patriotic American streaker."
The reporter sweat dropped, so did everyone else in Tokyo-3.
>>>As did our cast.
The girl quickly recovered her composure, "The super secret NERV organization
that is run by the UN and we're not supposed to know about had this to say."
>>>Touji: How could you not know about nerv?
>>>Rei: It is the executive branch of the U.N. which would make its existence common
>>>knowledge.
>>>Shinji: Maybe...selective amnesia?
>>>Asuka: I call it a plot hole.
The screen cut to a news conference in the GeoFront. Standing behind a podium with the
NERV logo on it, in front of a banner with the NERV logo on it, reading from notes stamped with
NERV logos, and wearing a NERV uniform with NERV logos sewed on, Lieutenant Maya was reading
the following statement. "NERV, which we can neither confirm or deny the existence of, cannot
comment at this time of the thefts, but promises any and all cooperation, that it may or may
not have, to the local authorities, assuming an Angel, which we are still not commenting on the
existence thereof, attacks." Maya put down her notes and looked directly into the cameras.
"But as for myself, I'm saying that we need to hunt down the bastard who dared stole our
treasures and destroy them utterly!
>>>Shinji: I say we make this movie, if it exists or not disappear.
>>>Rei: Miss Ibuki is realy upset.
>>>Kensuke: You mean the Maya that may or may not exist.
>>>Asuka: And the beating your about to recieve may or maynot be on record.
>>>Touji: Bitch or devil.
>>>Shinji: That didn't fit Touji.
>>>Touji: I don't care, I made my money I don't care anymore.
>>>Asuka kicks him off the couch and drags Shinji in his place: Much better.
We should grind their bones to paste! We should kill them all and murder the bodies!
We should force them to clean Misato's apartment!" Shinji and Asuka shuttered at that idea.
>>>Shinji and Asuka shudder, just she shudders towards him but finds she can't.
>>>Rei: 'an AT field has its uses.'
"We should..." Maya trailed off as Ritsuko came on the stage and whispered something into the
girl's ear and tried to drag her off.
"But Sempai!" Maya whined for the cameras, "Whoever it was stole my complete collection
of Sailor Senshi plushies! They even stole my Sailor Moon fuku that you made for me and they
took your Mars one!" Asuka started to weep silently in communal pain for her fellow fan's loss.
>>>Asuka: SAILOR MOON! BULLSHIT!
>>>Touji/Kensuke: Agreed, sailor moon sucks, they don't even get naked.
>>>Misato: Hey, don't let me hear you bad mouth sailor moon.
>>>Kensuke: MISATO-SAN HELLO
>>>Misato-Sailor Moon is a great series, the best, she's so beutiful and talented (oh, need i say
>>>they have the same voice actress?)
>>>Touji: For you, I'd believe anything.
>>>Rei: I find it comical that the Doctor likes this show, I find it annoying.
>>>Shinji: I like it.
>>>All but Misato: WHAT!
>>>Shinji: Hakura is the best! (oh, same voice actress again, and yes i mean actress shinji's
>>>voice is done by a woman namely Ogata Megumi)
Ritsuko turned as red as the aforementioned Sailor's fuku and pulled Maya off the stage.
The picture cut back to the reporter who looked like she just wanted to go off somewhere
and die. "And there you have it, Tokyo-3 being rocked by some nameless and faceless thief who
has been stealing any and all Sailor Moon items. And now back to Takahashi-san with more on
the strange disturbances in NeoGotham."
>>>Shinji: NeoGotham?
>>>Asuka: Holy stupid set ups batman, I sence a tie in.
>>>Touji: You mean Mega-playboy.
>>>Kensuke: Where did Misato-san go?
>>>Rei: Away.
Shinji looked at Asuka who was still crying, "Sailor Moon?" he asked.
Asuka nodded.
"You're upset because someone is stealing Sailor Moon stuff?"
Shinji got up off the floor and headed back towards his room where some rather
particular squawking could be heard. As he passed Asuka, he shrugged once,
"It's just Sailor Moon after all."
>>>Asuka: EW!!! and that thing saw me in the shower!
>>>Kensuke: Poor bird.
>>>Shinji: BUT ITS MY ROOM!!!
>>>Hikari: Maybe...he'll clean up after himself?
"Just Sailor Moon?" Asuka asked from between firmly ground teeth.
"Well yeah, it's just one of those silly shoujo things." Shinji started down the
short hall to his room, not hearing Asuka's low growl, nor the whistle of her whip. He DID
hear himself crash through the door of his room, and felt it too of course. He landed in a
heap on top of 'Rei', which started spinning on her head while singing 'Fly Me to the Moon.'
>>>Rei blusing again: I can't do that.
>>>Touji: If you could I bet Kensuke would have one that last bet.
>>>Shinji blushes deeply: They make me look like such a pervert.
>>>Hikari: Don't pay it any attention Ikari-kun.
"Moonies," he said with some disgust before Asuka came into work out some of her
stress over the thefts and Shinji's indifference to them.
>>>Asuka blushes: Um..close your eyes again...this isn't a pretty sight.
>>>Touji: EW! S&M.
>>>Kensuke: Sailor Moon?
>>>Rei: No, a sick fetish for angery people, and poor unfortunate males that can't be set free.
>>>Hikari: Thats a bit discriptive Ayanami.
>>>Shinji: GULP
**********
In a dark dark base there is a dark dark room. And in that dark dark room there is
a dark dark table. And around that dark dark table there were some dark dark monoliths.
And those dark dark DARK monoliths
>>>Asuka: Are very very stupid.
>>>Kensuke: Are dark dark pictures of Asuka whipping Shinji.
>>>Shinji: A dark dark box, and in the dark dark box...AH!!!!
>>>Hikari: Weird...all of them
were getting down and funky to the jpop version of 'Fly Me to the Moon for the Thirtieth Time'.
(SD JG: Um, sorry to the Dancing SEELE at AX2000) A single light pierced the darkness,
illuminating the scene. SEELE's members froze. "Uh," Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki said, clearing
his throat, "Would you like us to come back in 20 minutes?"
>>>Shinji acting as Seele: Um..yes...and bring me a shrubbery.
>>>Kensuke: Then cut down a tree with a fish.
Gendo hid behind his gloved hands, "This is not going according to the plan,"
he said softly, everyone ignored him.
>>>And their was much rejoicing, all : yeah.
SEELE01 cleared it's throat, "That will not be necessary. What is it Ikari?"
"The Terror has struck before we were ready for it," Gendo replied.
If it could, the monolith would have blinked, "Of course it has. The Angels are back."
Fuyutsuki shook his head, "No, not the terror, the Terror, with a capitol T."
>>>Shinji: Oh, that makes all the difference, and here I was wetting myself.
>>>Rei: You didn't read the brochure did you Ikari-kun.
>>>Touji: The welcome to Nerv one and how to make your fellow pilots lust after you, right
>>>shinji?
>>>Asuka: Nope, I've go the only copy.
>>>Rei: I have a new one.
>>>Shinji: 'be like a stone be like a stone.'
"Oh!" SEELE chorused, "The Terror!"
"But the Terror was not supposed to have appeared till after the 28th Angel,"
that was SEELE04
>>>Asuka/Rei/Shinji: 28TH thats SUCKS!!
"Correct," SEELE03 this time, "The fact that it has struck now is completely against
all our scenarios. Ikari, what is going on?"
"It is not going according to the plan," Gendo said from behind his gloves again. The
rest of SEELE sighed.
"No matter what, Ikari, you must stop the Terror before its reign destroys us all."
SEELE01 finished.
>>>Hikari: By stealing Sailor Moon stuff?
>>>Rei: By stealing it, the economy crashes as Sailor Moon makes up 95% of are income.
>>>Shinji: I understand it now.
"Yes, now we must get back to our important meeting," Bob the Janitor said.
>>>Kensuke: I thought he was supposed to be SILENT.
>>>Touji: If he was the stoner would be here and that would mean....'no plug suits for the
>>>women.' GET THE STONER.
>>>Rei: I know that look Suzahara, you will be put in a confinement cell.
SEELE blinked, Fuyutsuki blinked, and Gendo said, "It is not going according to
the plan."
"Sub-commander Fuyutsuki?" SEELE01 asked.
"Yes?"
"Hit Ikari, he's stuck again."
>>>Shinji: BITCH SLAP HIM!!!
>>>Asuka: Personally I'd kick him in the ballz.
>>>Touji: Dragon?
>>>Rei: Thats the other 5% of the economy, she cannot break them.
************
When Shinji finally was able to get himself freed from the ropes, chains, pulleys,
and three cats that Asuka had attached to him and attached him to, it was late. He could hear
the sounds of Tokyo-3 going to bed and waking up for the night shifts; the sounds of insects,
the dull roar of cars, the soft sounds of the Phantom playing 'The Music of the Night',
the loud belches of Misato getting wasted in the kitchen.
>>>Rei: The symphony of the night.
>>>Shinji: You know Misato can belch "Fly Me To The Moon"
>>>Asuka: Its track 20 on the special.
>>>Hikari: Sick.
Wait a minute.
Straining his ears, he could just make out the sounds of crashes and splashing over
the piano. Desperately he sought the calendar that hung like a Cloud o' Doom
(TM) on the wall. Today's date was highlighted in red lamb's blood. Not only was it
Misato's turn to cook, no, this was far worse.
>>>Asuka/Shinji: HER TURN TO CLEAN!?!?!?!
It was Misato's turn to cook AND Kaji's birthday. Misato had gleefully offered to cook the
Japanese Man of Mystery's birthday dinner. It was unknown if this was out of revenge for past
wrongs or if she actually thought she was doing him a favor. The jury was still
out on that one... with massive heartburn. (SD Everyone: 'GROAN!')
>>>Shinji: Contrary to believe, its not heartburn.
>>>Asuka: It eats away the stomach lining and the walls.
>>>Touji: I'd eat it.
>>>Kensuka: Me too
>>>Hikari: We'll have to feed you then.
>>>Rei: Later, we are out of body bags.
>>>Asuka: Too bad.
Without looking, he grabbed the bag with his survival kit in it. With any luck he
could be out the window and away from Tokyo-3 before Misato noticed that he was gone.
He quickly opened his bag making sure that the pictures of Misato sleeping in her underwear
were still tightly sealed in their protective cover. He would use them to bribe NERV security
into letting him flee the country till all of the leftovers had been disposed of or had crawled
away.
>>>Asuka/Rei: That better be the reason.
>>>Shinji:Hey every guard at Nerv would let me go for them.
>>>Touji: I'LL GIVE YOU 1,000,000,000 yen for them
>>>Kensuke: I'll double it!
Securing his climbing gear, once again silently thanking Kaji for giving him lessons
on how to escape a bedroom when those who would terminate your existence lurked nearby, he
opened his window and with a fearful look backwards (which didn't turn him into a pillar of
salt), went out to meet his destiny.
Which turned out to be really soft, kinda bouncy, and, given this is not only an
anime but also one done by Gainax, went 'boink' when Shinji ran face first into them.
>>>Touji: LET ME FEEL YOUR FACE!!
>>>Shinji: Stop it, what are you doing, we don't know anything yet.
>>>Rei: Wrong the gainax comment.
>>>Asuka: Yeah!
Shinji froze again, he knew who this was. One, because it wasn't latex that he ran into,
>>>Asuka: LIE!!
>>>Hikari: Impossible.
>>>Rei: Fake.
>>>Touji/Kensuke: Heaven.
and two, only Kaji's melons were bigger. Besides, only one person in Tokyo3 had breath that
smelled like a freshly open can of beer.
"Now Shinji," a voice said by his ear, "You know you're not supposed to be doing
this until the movie when I have to use my body to get you into the EVA."
>>>Touji: Thats the next movie we get!
>>>Asuka: I'd sooner kill you.
>>>Rei: I feel inadaquite.
>>>Hikari: Latex.
>>>Shinji blushing agian, 'Do they realy make movies like that? reminds me of a dream.'
Shinji gulped, "Uh, sorry, Misato-san," he tried.
Misato grinned, "That's ok Shinji. You're a growing boy after all."
Shinji smiled weakly, he was willing to put up with teasing if he could just manage
to get away from here. "Y.yes, I guess."
>>>Touji: And smashing you head in her cleavage doesn't hurt does it.
>>>Asuka: Wrong 'smacks Shinji' it does.
"Now then," Misato continued, as if holding a conversation with her charge while
hanging off the side of her apartment was an everyday event. "Why are you sneaking out the
window?"
>>>Kensuke: The drug store for condums...so we can get the FUNK ON!!!
>>>Rei walks over to Kensuka pushes a pressure point and he falls to the ground' told him.
'Ut-oh, got to think fast, I have to run away.' "I was going to get some food you
forgot?" Shinji attempted. It had worked before.
"Nope, I ordered everything, including Kaji, off the Internet and had it delivered
two days ago. Want to try again?"
>>>Asuka: What site, I'll order 10 Kaji's.
>>>Rei: I can use another ikari doll, mine is almost broken.
>>>Shinji: I need more antacide pills.
"Um, an Angel is planning to attack?"
"And I wasn't informed? Right."
"Asuka wants me and I'm saving myself for Rei?"
>>>Touji: Mega-playboy can handle many woman, and why pass up a free lunch?
>>>Rei: I like what he said, 'smiles'
>>>Asuka: He's never get away from me.
>>>Hikari: Maybe you need a cold shower...both of you.
Misato paused to consider that one for a second; it WAS plausible. "Nope, not
after that grope. Sorry Shinji, good try though."
>>>Shinji: Which one?
>>>Asuka: How many grope's are their?
>>>Touji: After some of these things, to many to count.
>>>Hikari: He's got a point.
Shinji also paused for a second, "If I whine enough about being abandoned by my father,
and that I have no friends, choice, self esteem, and a spine will you let me go?"
"We will not let you go."
"Let me go"
"Will not let go."
"Let me go."
"Will not let you go."
"Let me go-o-o-o-o."
"No! No! No! No! No!"
>>>Shinji: Bealzibub, has the devil got a sack for me...for me... for ME!!!
>>>Touji plays kensuke's head like a drum.
>>>Asuka: OH!! BABY...CAN'T DO THAT TO ME BABY!!
>>>Hikari: JUST GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!
>>>Rei: Stop, you've butched a classic american song.
Misato reached around Shinji and pressed stop on his SDAT that had started playing
when Shinji had backed into the wall. (SD JG: "What? I like Queen.) "Nope, now turn around and
march into the kitchen young man. You are going to be eating with us tonight!"
>>>Rei: Or be eaten.
As Misato started to repel down the side of the building to the walkway she stopped and
looked back at Shinji, "And trying to choke your self won't work either!"
>>>Touji: What about choking....
>>>Asuka: Say it and I cut it off.
**********
Kaji and Ritsuko arrived soon afterwards to find Shinji and Asuka practicing eating with
one hand pinching their noses shut.
Kaji smiled, "It's not that bad, after all we've all lived through Misato's meals before.
I had to go one week with nothing but her cooking one time and I'm still alive."
>>>Shinji: Is that possible?
>>>Rei: Yes, the Nerv medical records show Kaji-san was in the infermory for a month.
"And that explains so much," Ritsuko murmured next to him.
"I heard that!" Misato shouted from the kitchen. Then there were some strange noises
that almost sounded like gunfire. "Don't worry, dinner's almost dea... I mean ready!"
>>>Kensuke begins to wake up.
>>>Shinji: I wounderd why it was always so bloody.
The four in the living room looked at each other apprehensively. 'If we start running
now, could we make it to the safety of the EVAs?' Ritsuko pondered.
"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Kaji asked?
>>>Rei: Yes, time to take over Shinji's room.
>>>Asuka: Time for leather straps.
>>>Shinji: Time for my own place.
>>>Touji: Time to buy a Misato doll
>>>Hikari: Look for a new boyfriend.
>>>Kensuke: Huh? wha happend
"Yes, but we could never run fast enough to escape Misato's driving and quite
possibly her dinner either."
"I heard that too!" Misato bellowed. Then "Damn-it, stay DEAD!"
>>>Asuka: What is she killing?
>>>Shinji: The demon's of alchol abuse?
>>>Hikari: Sounds like somebody that LUSTS AFTER HER NAMED TOUJI!
>>>Touji: To die by her hands...um..I mean I love you Hikari-chan.
**********
Sometime later after the police had been called in to deal with it, everyone was
relaxing around the quickly ordered take-out. The boxes littered the kitchen and almost
covered the bullet holes of the shoot out between Misato's dinner and the police after it
had taken Misato hostage and demanded asylum. The last report had it heading towards the
American embassy just two, uh, steps ahead of the police. At least they had managed to convince
Maya that the strange readings were not the result of an impending Angel attack.
>>>Shinji: That looks like what she cooks.
>>>Asuka: One got away.
"That," Kaji said leaning back slightly, "has to have been the best birthday dinner
you have ever given me, Misato-chan."
Misato smiled for a second, and then frowned, "I didn't make this though."
"Exactly."
Before Misato could get her hands around Kaji's neck, Shinji managed to change the
subject, "What are you assigned to now, Kaji-san?"
>>>Kensuke: Seducing dumb Red-heads.
>>>Asuka: KILLING OTAKU MILITARY NUT CASES!!
"I? Ikari has me tracking down the thief who is stealing all the Sailor Moon items.
Like Ritsu's Mars fuku."
Ritsuko turned bright red as everyone looked at her, "I'm going to KILL Maya for this."
She muttered darkly.
>>>Rei: Those two scare me.
>>>Shinji: I can't see Doctor Akagi as Mars
>>>Touji with a bit of drool: Sailor Venus.
>>>Hikari: thought you hated the show.
>>>Kensuke: Hentai pics don't count.
"I don't know why everyone's making such a big fuss out of this," Misato said.
"It's just another show."
Kaji's eyes twinkled, "Oh? I seem to remember that time you begged me to dress
in a tux and, how did you say it? Punish you in the name of the Moon?
Quite a few times."
It was now Misato's turn to go red as everyone looked at her.
>>>Touji/Kensuke: I'd love to do it.
>>>Shinji: She made me.
>>>Hikari: is that true Asuka?
>>>Asuka: Yeah, funny as hell, she did a good impression though.
"Any case," Kaji continued, "Ikari doth ordered so I doth do it."
"Any leads?" Asuka asked eagerly.
"Sorry, this is going to be a tough one. No pictures, no fingerprints, no clues.
And I'm not counting the speculation of a patriotic American streaker as a clue or a
lead." Kaji shrugged, "I think we're more likely to find out the real cause of Second
Impact than we are to finding the thief."
>>>Rei: Yeah..the realy reason...
>>>Shinji: Why would an American Streak in Japan?
>>>Touji: Banished.
"No! That can't be! You have to do something Kaji, before all my stuff gets taken!"
Asuka begged. "I just got the complete line up of the 2014 Sailor Moon card game anyway!"
Kaji looked thoughtful, "We could always hide a tracker in your collection. It
hasn't worked before, but it might now."
Asuka nodded eagerly, "YES! And then with the tracker I can find the thief and
punish him in the name of the Moon!" Asuka exclaimed and finished off her picture perfect
pose from Sailor Moon.
>>>Shinji: Wow you do that so well!
>>>Asuka: I do alot of things well 'smiles.' its so hard to be talented.
>>>Rei: I can do it better 'fumbles an attempt'
>>>Hikari: Um...Rei..that wasn't to good.
>>>Shinji: But she looked cute while doing it.
>>>Touji: Mega-playboy compliment.
>>>Asuka: Mega-IDOL SLAP 'slaps shinji'
Shinji snickered.
With a glare that would have punched through the GeoFront's armor, Asuka told
Shinji that he would be coming along.
"What? I don't want to!"
"Heel!"
"Yes mistress," Shinji sighed.
>>>Hikari: WOW!
>>>Touji/Kensuke: haha ahhahahaha get him a leash.
>>>Asuka: I wonder...Shinji HEEL!
>>>Shinji heels at her feet.
>>>Rei: Ikari come.
>>>Shinji walks to Rei.
>>>Asuka: Hmph, Shinji beg
>>>Shinji begins begging.
>>>Hikari: Poor Shinji, Shinji kennel.
>>>Shinji sits back down: What happend?
>>>Touji: We one Japan's Funniest home Video.
"I see she has him trained well," Ritsuko noted to Misato.
"Taught her everything she knows," Misato stated proudly.
Kaji snickered.
"Heel!"
"Yes, Ma'am." Kaji said quickly.
**********
Operation SOSS (Save Our Sailor Stuff) quickly swung into action. Kaji left the tracer
and tracker with Asuka and said good night before Misato could feed him dessert.
Asuka planted the tracer into one of her precious sailor plushies. Crying all the
while. "I'm sorry, Rei-chan, but it's the only way!" she wailed.
>>>Touji: Wow lesbian action between Asuka and Rei...odd.
>>>Kensuke: Bet shinji saw it before, right Shin-man
>>>Asuka kicks touji between the legs, he foams at the mouth then falls to the ground. Rei
>>>throws kensuke out of the room.
>>>Hikari: 'They may be right.'
>>>Shinji simply whistled ignoring both comments and actions.
Then darkness settled on the land with only the groaning of Pen Pen, who had been
feed the leftovers, the only noise to break the silence. (SD Sailor Saturn: No, not the Silence,
the silence.) Asuka was crouched in Shinji's room, with the said occupant of the room lying
bound and gagged, concentrating on the tracker she held in her hands.
>>>Hikari: Bet you two saw that before too.
>>>Asuka: HIKARI!!
>>>Shinji blushes: don't say that!!
>>>Rei: Yes.
She was sure that the thief would come after her next. She had the largest collection remaining
so no true Sailor Moon thief could possibly resist it.
Only a small tinkle of glass alerted her to the break in. The speed between that and the
tracer starting move was so short as to leave her breathless. "Come on Shinji, let's go!" she
hissed then bounded out the doorway.
Only to return two seconds later to untie Shinji from his bonds, remove the gag, and shove
him out the door
The tracker led them through the dark and deserted streets of Tokyo3. The only people
about where those unfortunate enough to have the graveyard shift, the casual mugger and grave
>>>Shinji: Wait a second..before why was i tied up?
>>>Asuka: Stress relief 'smiles.'
>>>Rei: Why not use a map?
"I don't get it, where could the thief be going? There's nothing around in this area."
Asuka complained. Shinji kept silent, he didn't want Asuka to yank the choke chain again.
With a little electronic sigh, the tracker died.
"Oh no! Now what do we do?"
"Let's go visit Old Man Higgens, he might know!"
>>>Touji weakly: Zoinks.
>>>Shinji: I suddenly feel like a snack.
>>>Rei: A cookie type one.
Asuka jerked Shinji away from the all night Scooby-Doo marathon he was watching in front
of the store.
"Baka Shinji, keep your mind on the work ok? The tracker died so that means the thief
found it. So what's near here that he could have gone to?"
Shinji looked around, "I think Rei lives near here." He noted.
"And just what would I want with Wonder Girl at this time of night." Her eyes narrowed,
"And what do YOU want with her this time of night?"
>>>Rei: Happiness, I like this movie.
>>>Asuka: Why can't they all be about me instead?
>>>Shinji: Different people.
"Away from you and in her arms," Shinji almost said, but realized that he didn't have a
spine and saying that would be wildly out of character for him. (SD Skuld: Like this whole
story isn't?) "She might have seen something," he said softly.
>>>Rei: I see alot of things.
>>>Shinji: did you see that?
>>>Rei: Yes. ( so sue me i like the simpsons he he he)
"She might have seen something," Asuka said, "Good thing I'm here to do the thinking
or else we would never catch that thief!" With a brief tug to bring Shinji back his proper place
at her feet, she started walking off, dragging him along. "Let's go!"
>>>Asuka: You make a good pet.
>>>Hikari: Wish all men were like that.
>>>Kensuke walks back in: what did i miss?
>>>Shinji: The fall of the human male.
Rei's apartment was even spookier at night. None of the lighting worked, and weird
noises came out of nowhere. The apartment itself was the only thing that looked lived in.
A small crack of light shined from under the door and muffled noises came from within.
>>>Kensuke: Using the doll?
>>>Rei: I will not tell you 'yes'
>>>Asuka: Speaking of that, Wondergirl, you have any repair kits, I bit a hole in mine.
>>>Shinji sweat drops and tries to block the thought from his mind'
Which were suddenly drowned out by Asuka's loud banging. "C'mon Wonder Girl! We need
to talk!" She pounded the door again. Finally the pulled the door open shouting, "There's no
way you could have been slee... Eep!"
The 'Eep' came from the sudden avalanche of plushies. In all colors and sizes they
poured out of the door and buried Asuka. As one bounced over to Shinji's foot, he picked it up,
it was Sailor Pluto. Asuka struggled until she finally emerged victorious, woman over plushie.
Spitting out a small Sailor Venus doll, she started to force her way into Rei's apartment.
>>>Kensuke: Poor Touji, he'd love to see Sailor Venus.
>>>Rei: But she is clothed.
>>>Kensuke: Oh yeah, never mind.
>>>Touji:...Break...you....into....cubes.....little ...cubes.
What you could see of Rei's apartment was the same dirty walls and floors that Shinji
remembered. All two bare spots showed that. The rest was covered in a riot of color. Posters,
wall scrolls, pictures, dolls, toys, clocks, and two VERY disgruntled cats with crescent moons
pasted to their heads.
>>>Hikari: Thats abuse!!
>>>Rei: No, if we change locations their considered food.
In the middle of it, looking like a plushie herself in a Sailor Mercury fuku, Rei sat watching
the screen. On it, Sailor Moon was fighting for love, justice, and good eats.
>>>Shinji: Why not Mars, name fits.
>>>Rei: I like to be the smart one.
>>>Kensuke: That make Asuka the black heared bitch.
>>>Hikari: But why do you like the lesbian Ikari-kun?
>>>Shinji: I love her voice.
Blinking once, Rei turned to regard her two guests.
"Rei, YOU’RE the thief?" Asuka asked incredulously.
>>>Touji: Zoinks.
>>>Kensuke: Makes about as much sense.
Rei nodded once, and then went back to watching Sailor Moon.
"But, but why?" Asuka asked.
Rei was about to reply when Shinji started to cry.
"Nooooooo, it's NOT fair! First Asuka has to be a stupid Moonie and now Rei's an even
worse one!"
Rei blinked again, setting a new record for her. "Ikari-kun, you do not like this show?"
she asked.
"Of course not! It's stupid, and childish, and Usagi's voice makes me want to puke!"
>>>Touji: I like it.
>>>Kensuke: Ayanami blinked twice...wow.
>>>Rei blinks once 'I guess their right'
Rei frowned a little, "That is not true Ikari-kun, and soon I think you will see." Rei
looked over to Asuka who nodded and grinned.
Shinji, sensing what was going to happen broke and tried to get out the door, only to
be pulled short, literally, by Asuka's chain around his neck.
>>>Kensuke: AHAHAHAH bad dog, sit, stay, get the funk on!
>>>Asuka: I don't have my leather tongs.
>>>Shinji: I am not an animal...I AM A HUMAN BEING!!
>>>Rei: I can change that thought.
"Nooooo, I don't want to be brainwashed into being a moonie. Someone help!" he begged
desperately.
"I'm sorry, Ikari-kun," Rei said as she helped Asuka tie him to the chair she had been
sitting in. "But this is for your own good. Until you worship at the Church of Serenity, we
will not be a real person."
>>>Rei: You will be assimilated, your money will be added to our own.
>>>Shinji: That sounds to close.
>>>Kensuke: The borg's other side.
Asuka nodded, "Well said!"
"But... but..." Shinji pleaded.
"But nothing, Ikari-kun." Rei finished for him. Nodding to Asuka again, the two girls
stood in front of Shinji. Doing the same poses at the same time, the two exclaimed, "Tsuki ni
kawatte oshioki yo!" The pressed 'Play' on the VCR.
>>>Shinji blushes: I like this.
>>>Asuka/Rei: We'll talk.
>>>Hikari: Odd.
2 hours later, NERV security picked up the Third Children's scream coming from the First
Children's apartment.
"Lovely!"
The End.
Author's squawk box.
Yes, I know this is weird, no I don't know where it came from. I don't own any of the
above anime, songs, ideas, suggestions, confusion, or dancing monoliths. But I did have fun with
them. :)
Please, if you can, send me some C&C on this. This is, believe it or not, part of a
homework assignment.
And to make up for this monster, I promise I will write a nice serious EVA fic next.
Hopefully.
Jusenkyo Guide
(end msting comments)
Shinji: That was odd, but it was funny.
Touji: I hurt...I realy hurt.
Asuka: You deserved it.
Hikari: What do we do know?
Rei: I want another movie, I want to be with Ikari-kun.
Asuka: This isn't fairly land, they make them accurate, so only me and him
Rei: then i will take this one
Rei rushes Shinji jumps on his lap and plants a deep kiss on him.
Hikari: OH MY!
Asuka pulls Rei off him: He's mine, TOILI proves it!
Touji: FIGHT!!!
Rei: I accept
Asuka: So do I, whats the fight?
Touji: Mud wrestling
Kensuke: Best Poll Dancer?
Hikari: Twister.
Rei-Asuka: Twister it is..
Shinji: I'm afraid....very afraid
--------------------------------------
my notes
i know i'm doing another comp out but i'm in alot of pain, stupid muscle pains, like with some
of the toili msts the fun lil event will be in my next mst, hope you enjoyed it
zen