| Suitemate Wars Part Due |
As the fall semester came to a close and finals loomed, the situation became more stressful, meaning they forgot to unlock the door more often and we left more hair in the shower. By now we had concluded that these were just not our type of people. (I'm sure they had concluded the same thing the minute we started blasting Bartok string quartets at them when they entered the bathroom.) So much for trying to go to the gym with them. Finally we retaliated for their latest bout of forgetfulness: we put up our own sign. "Please remember to unlock door by returning lock to the horizontal position. Thanks :-)" At least we put a smiley face, damn it -AND NO DIAGRAMS. Finals passed without another big episode, and we were hopeful for spring semester. that's what spring is all about, I suppose. |
| IT WAS NOT TO BE, however- things got bad again after spring break. [During spring break, Bryn and I took it upon ourselves to clean off some offensive graffiti that the suitemates' sorority littles had put on the brick walkways that come out of our dorm. Unfortunately, one of these walkways was under an overhang, so the chalk woudln't wash away. "Mother nature needs some help" so Bryn and I took a bucket of water and a broom and delightedly washed away the 'Ditzen and SaraLee are the best!!' lines.] BUT that was unknown to them, so it causd no incidents. The real trouble came soon anyway. It all came at once (apparently it had been building up.) One day, a roommate found not one, not two!, but THREE signs in the bathroom. I have scanned them. I would not let my roommates throw them away. well, this was enough for three of us to be mad- I was still amused. "They think we're as incompetent as they are-- they feel the need to put up three signs! hahahha!!" The roommates wasted NO time in removing the offensive signs. They then proceeded to clean the bathroom thoroughly, as there were frightening amounts of mold growing on the shower curtain. (Hair is apparently more offensive than mold to the suitemates, who never cleaned the bathroom despite our beginning of the year "bathroom duties agreement.") This was another source of hostility- a suitemate would enter the bathroom at strange hours of the afternoon and then leave massive amounts of dirt in the tub. Since they let their hair go down the drain, it became clogged and we always wound up work-ordering the tub. But the dirt, mold, standing water was no problem to them, but HAIR...... Oh the irony.. |
 |
| This was on the back of their door - staring at us as we entered the bathroom |
 |
| This was taped to the side of the trashcan. Note the picture. At least it's not labeled. |
 |
| This was on the wall opposite the shower. |
BUT I DIGRESS - Upon cleaning the bathroom, my roommates noticed that there were nearly 20 bottles of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and other useless lotions sitting around the rim of the tub. Consider: two of my roommates don't keep their supplies in the bathroom, between me and the other one there are only 3 bottles. That leaves some number of bottles belonging to the suitemates that figures in the teens. TEENS. So we gathered our 3 bottles and collected theirs in a corner and left a sign, "These are all yours. Please remove the excess bottles or they will be thrown out." Oh yes, my friends..It was war, all right. (We also recovered a pink razor of theirs that was rusty enough to give you tetanus by virtue of looking at you. I was most amused, and put it in a little ziplock bag labeled "Danger -Health Hazard," but unfortunately I threw that out when I moved home.) |
| That evening, my roommates were out, but I was there in the room to hear them when they first laid eyes on our counterattack. "WHAT THE FUCK!!?" Then I heard one of them crinkle up the paper sign and throw it at our door. In retaliation, they refused to unlock our door despite my IMs and knockings on their door. I knew they were home. I was almost perturbed. From then on, things got ugly. In my mind (and I'm telling this story), the big mistake came when they actually got me mad. As late as 2 weeks before the end of finals I was making friendly, innocuous conversation with Ditzen when I ran into her outside. BUT a severe cold ("allergies, cold, acute bronchitis, and sinusitis" was the diagnosis) and too many papers/exams put me in a less than forgiving mood for the final days. So when Ditzen thought she'd get us back for hair in the shower on May 3: 0815, she was in for it. My poor roommate had had a botany AND biochemistry final the day before, so she was exhausted and trying to sleep in on this Friday morning. Another roommate and I had an afternoon music final that day.. We were all trying to rest. I woke up around 6:30 with headache, tossing and turning - I heard Ditzen go into the bathroom around 815, then I heard a pause, then the opening of their bathroom door (ours still locked). THEN came the loud rap music. I tried to roll over and bury my head in the covers, but when I noticed my head was throbbing in beat with the noise, I got mad. Stumbled angrily out of bed (of course woke up the remaining roommates in the process - I am less than graceful before 10am), stormed over to the bathroom door, and tried to open it. Violently. Then I knocked. She was still in there(!) and after a timid moment she ventured, "yes?" "Can you please turn down your music ?!- we are all trying to sleep!" "Uh....ok....." THEN SHE DARED TO ADD, "Can you clean your hair out of the shower next time?" I was already on the way back to bed, and did not deign to answer this. I was officially mad. |
| I schemed with roommates and friends: how to provoke them into a verbal confrontation? They needed to be told off once and for all, I said. But no proper solution came to us, and we waited anxiously for the next episode. We didn't have to wait long. That Friday evening, the suitemates invited half their sorority over and had a loud, drunken orgy next door. The roommies and I turned in around 2am, but their party was still raging. Of course we could not all sleep, and two of us heard a group of them enter the bathroom around 2:30. Then there was some exchange along these lines: SaraLee: Let's spray the bathroom with beer!! DrunkFriends: yeahh!! Ditzen<having just figured it out>: Yeahhhh -- then they'll have to clean it up !! So they did this ... we heard them giggling inanely. On listening to this I was tempted to go knock on the door, but I was held in place by some sort of morbid fascination, I suppose.. SaraLee: Let's leave it this way!! Hahahahaha Ditzen: hahahah!! <exeunt> Of course, it did not occur to any of them that, being drunk, they would have to use the bathroom first. So within the next twenty minutes my roommate heard their door open, then a loud THUDDD!! then quiet sobbing: Ditzen: ....Saaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaa! <sniff> ugh- commme help mmeee...<whine> ..I fell in the toilet!!!! Amusing, but we were still not appeased -their intentions had not been changed, and I was still mad about the 8am rap. |