He hears this song and his world is brought to a point of armageddon but with extreme painful intensity and emotion that he first imagines these scenes... maybe some dream – a father and his son facing a moment of heavy teeth grinding hand clutching, piercing, earth shaking revolting.. moment of emotional gravity, moment of truth... of who you are – holding his son from his shoulders shaking him violently implying "do you know what you’ve done!?" – though nothing was done – just that this is the moment to do that. A break up moment between one and his girlfriend – pain, suffering, then 2 childhood friends maybe grown up now the waves of destiny have changed their way of thinking maybe corrupted them a little, purity is no longer the default but something rare and precious – face this moment have you changed, or maybe I’ve changed or have we both changed. This is the truth now? He wants to literally tear himself apart when he hears this song. He thinks to himself; first I tear out the skin off my face. The mask is gone. Then I pull out my dick grab it and tear it out off my body and throw it on the ground – now that it is on the ground in the distance moving shaking incessantly then shivering before its death overcomes its last futile resistance. I am a none sexual being now. Then I tear out the rest of my skin, my flesh. All that is left of me is bones and a desperately beating heart. The stream of blood is almost drying out. Just a skeleton. The song goes on. Who am I. I cannot even cry anymore. What has become of me? I swallow my pouring tears now – a bit salty. Though I am not sad. Just overcome by a senseless emotional moment of obscurity. Morality is not in question. Suicide is. Where does all the water that produces tears come from? Because sometimes they can continue flowing indefinitely.
All the relationships he had, as special, grabbing and possessing and interesting and deep at the time that they happened, and as diverse in experience and style and background in which they’d taken place – now seem meaningless. Even the only person he considers to be his soul-mate doesn’t relate to him much following the course of events that took place between them. Maybe he is wiser now, or more sceptical or cynical or whatever…
Ziad Feb 14th 03