SCENE I:

In Ernie's Junk Food and Gym Bar; Kimberly is seen practising her gymnastics in a Lycra(tm) Spandex pink bike-a-tard--as usual, while Jason is lifting barbells in a contest in which Ernie is cramming a jumbo-sub sandwich in his mouth while chugging down an entire bottle of Coke while counting each of his lifts until he breaks a winning record of 1000 lifts.

Ernie: Nine-hundred ninety-four...

Jason: Aw man, my arms are paralysed from all this lifting...

Kimberly does a bare-foot back-flip on the high-bar.

Jason: Don't do that!

Kimberly jumps down and puts on her shoes and walks over to Jason while chewing her bubble gum.

Kimberly: Ya talkin' to me?

Jason: Yeah, every-time I see your butt, all my upper-body strength goes into my pants!

Kimberly: Well then keep your eyes on that barbell.

Jason: Oh yeah, just like that. You do realise I have feelings ya know.

Kimberly: How many is he up to?

Ernie (Garbled): Nine-hundred and ninety-sic...

Kimberly: Let's try it again, this time Without the Sub-Sandwich?

Ernie (swallows it): 996.

Zack rolls into the scene with a big bang when his skateboard crashes into bubble-gum poppin' Kimberly which makes her pop her bubble gum all over her face, and has her tripping over Jason, who drops the barbell on his stomach and he gasps in pain.

Later...

Zack: Aw man, I said I was sorry; what more do you want?

Jason: You go and lift a barbell a thousand times!

Kimberly: ...and chew my bubble-gum.

Zack: Aw come on guys!

SCENE II:

On the moon; Lifeless Rita--as usual--is spying on the goings-on at the Junk Food Bar threw her Omni-present telescope and notices Jason's constant failure.

Rita: Jason can't do anything right today, ha ha!

Baboo: What are you going to do now, Rita?

Squatt: I was suggesting Rita send down a giant cucumber that smells like a dead fish!

Finster: No! I was going to send down King Jinx. His bad luck charms will Jinx that Red Rash Ranger for good.

Goldar: Isn't he having enough bad luck as it is?

Finster: That's because he petted a black cat.

Rita: Because the worse the better, right? Send him down!!!

SCENE III:

At the Junk-Food Centre...

Kimberly: I guess I'm satisfied.

Jason: Yeah, me too.

Zack: Don't you think this is a little severe?

Jason: Don't worry, a haircut would do you some good.

Zack: Aw man, not a part! No!

Zordon pages the three on their communicators.

Jason: I'll finish you off later.

Zack, Kimberly and Jason run off into some part of the Centre they're not ordinarily allowed in. Jason taps his communicator.

Jason: Yeah, Zordon?

Zordon: Rita has sent down some monster, go fight him off.

Kimberly: Right.

Jason: All right then, It's morphine time!

Zack: Majormess

Kimberly: Pterodorky

Jason: Trashosaurus

ALL: Pathetic Rangers!

They fight the swarming Muddies...

Kimberly: It's weird, it's like they're after something.

King Jinx: We are!

Rita's monster King Jinx (which looks like a giant lion with an over-shrunk face wearing an Egyptian pyramid-like head-gear on his head) fades in to fight Jason. All of a sudden a mirror falls from seemingly no where and onto the ground and it cracks (when a mirror cracks, myth has it that you have 7 years bad luck).

Kimberly: Oh no!

Kimberly is involuntarily teleported away screaming when she winds up back on her high-bar at the exercise section of the Junk Food Bar, unmorphed, wondering what she's doing there and looking at all the other fitness-nuts "sweatin' to the oldies."

Zack: Bring her back! And tell us what you creeps are up to!!

Squatt: We're not telling!

Zack: Oh yeah?? Smell this!

Baboo: Oh no! Not Jason's boots after he's done fighting in them!

Baboo and Squatt pass out.

Jason: It wasn't them, it was the Jinx!

King Jinx is laughing when all of a sudden a black cat crosses Zack's path.(Black cats give you bad luck, hence, King Jinx's evil power.)

Jason: Zack, look out!

Zack: What?

Zack is teleported away while screaming.

Jason: Bring my friends back!

Jinx: Now why should I do that?!

Jason: You got a change of heart and decided to quit working for Rita?

Jinx: Yeah right. If I did that, I'd have to get plastic surgery too. After all, you can't go around being a goody-good

with a demented face.

Jason: Good point.

Jinx: Enough talk!

Jason: You're going to pay for taking away my friends.

Jinx takes his umbrella and opens it while he and Jason are in a cave and blows up the area where Jason is. (Myth has it, opening umbrella's inside a house or building renders a person with bad luck). Jason rolls out from where the explosion was and jumps up and then magically his sword appears in his hands and then he gives King Jinx a blow when all of a sudden, while Jason and Jinx have their weapons (Jinx's being a closed umbrella), locks the move over to a wall when all of a sudden a ladder appears above Jason (standing under a ladder is another way to earn yourself a reign of bad luck) and then they are teleported to this deserted island.

SCENE IV:

At the Command Centre, Alpha, holding a Teddy-Bear, is looking up at Zordon and shaking around as if he has to go to the bathroom.

Alpha: Oh no, Jason is isolated; contact is impossible. Aye yi, yi yi, yi!

Zordon: What's the big deal? Let's go back to playing "Immoral Kumquat."

Alpha: Okay. If I last recall; I got 2,000 points for ripping out piece by piece your players' brains.

Zordon: Don't ya love senseless violence?

SCENE V:

We cut to a Sword that clashes with Jason's whose on the ground trying to keep Jinx off of him.

Jinx: Why don't you give up?

Jason: Because being a Pathetic Ranger is my life.

Jason kicks Jinx in the shoulder and strikes Jinx with his Sword. Goldar just appears and landed on the ground before using his sword to blow up Jason. Jason flies out of the way still smoking.----------In Rita's palace...

Rita: Magic Wand, make my evil unstoppable!

Jinx grows to the size of a tower.

Jason: Man, this isn't looking good.

SCENE VI:

Kimberly and Zack run up to Billy's shack garage when he's caught squeezing Trini's rear end.

Zack: You know, Billy, if Kim over there caught you doing that, you would end up with a lead-pipe over your head.

Billy: I know, that's why I didn't squeeze her breast. Although, I did discover that there actually was such thing as a

breast smaller than a golf ball.

Trini: I resent that.

Billy: No, you should resent how you were born.

Kimberly: Caught me doing what? Squeezing whose breast?

Trini: We are getting off the POINT here!

Zack: Right, Jason may need our help way more than he thinks.

Billy: Why? He'll just clobber us because he thinks he'll be humiliated if he gets any help.

Trini: Well, we can't afford for Jason to get messed up. You know we don't have any brains.

Zack: Yeah. By the way, I just got word from Phill. Central that King Jinx is the size of the AT&T Tower. I

wonder...

Zack begins to tap his communicator expecting an answer.

Zack: Jason... Jason; can you read me?

No response.

Kimberly: I'm worried, let's teleport to the Command Centre right now.

Trini: Hey, why should we? All bubble-head will tell us to do is watch the viewing globe.

Zack: This just in from Phill. Central: We should teleport because there's no way we can help Jason unless we go to

the Command Centre.

Billy (sarcastically): Of course.

Kimberly: This is stupid!

Trini: What did you expect?

Zack: Well while we're standing around here yapping, Jason could be a cardboard cut-out figure by now.

All four of them teleport to the command centre.

SCENE VII:

Zordon: It was about time you showed up!

Zack: Why didn't you call us?

Zordon: I don't have your number.

Billy: No, we mean ring our communicators.

Alpha: We didn't want to go through that comedy routine again.

Zack & Billy: Oh.

Zordon: The only way you can make contact with Jason is if you eat sour lollipops until there aren't any left. Morph

and then teleport to Jason.

Billy: But wont that give us ulcers?

Alpha: THAT doesn't MATTER now!

Zordon: Right, you must call your Zords quickly and may the power pro...

Trini: Yeah yeah.

SCENE VIII:

Goldar (who comes from no where) and Jinx are stomping around together looking for Jason.

Jason: Man, I wish I had gone to the bathroom before I morphed... Hey!

Jason's sword begins to sparkle with lasers that stretch to a mountain and causes its whole side to blow up.

Jason: Wow! I wonder what's over there?

Jason makes a LONG run to the mountain side.

Jason: I wonder if those monsters are stupid enough to let me get to what ever that is over there.

Jason makes it...

Jason: Yep. [Short pause while he's digging] All right, lollipops! Way-To-Go Zordon! Hey stupid, I want you to

meet a few of my slaves, AYE-YI!

Jason grabs his sour lollipops that electrify into four lasers that make the other rangers (who didn't morph yet but are already in costume) appear, who are ironically running.

Billy: Why are we running?

Zack: I dunno.

Trini: Why didn't we morph on the show?

Zack: I dunno.

Kimberly: Oh look at the answer man!

Jason: Now you're going to see what bad luck is all about; MegaJunkaZord Power...

The Zords take FOREVER to arrive.

Jason: All right, let's do it guys! HI-YA!

Zack & Billy: AYE-YA

Trini & Kimberly: HI-YA!

Jason: Rangers, power up your lollipops! Power up Tank mode!

"Pow-Pow" goes the cannons of MegaJunkaZord.

Jason: Try the crystal power!

Zap goes the MegaJunkaZord into Goldar and Jinx. Later, the MegaJunkaZord is rolling by when an inconspicuous black cat runs in the opposite direction of them by their side.

Kimberly: What was that just ran by?

Jason: I dunno.

Zack: It looked like another streak of bad luck!

Jason: Time to switch to Battle mode.

Jinx: Uh oh.

Goldar: Uh oh.

Rita: Uh oh.

Jason: MegaJunkaZord armed and ready. Is everybody ready? Let's nail him!

MegaJunkaZord beats the stuffing out of the puppets Jinx and Goldar.

Kimberly: What's going on?

Jason: Switching back to tank mode.

Goldar pokes his nose near MegaJunkaZord.

Goldar: Gee, I wonder what's in there?

Jason: Mind yer own business.

Goldar gets knocked backwards by MegaJunkZord's powerful lasers.

Goldar: Ugh!!!

Trini: Jeez that was close.

Zack: These dudes are START'N to get on my nerves!

Billy: Just starting? They've already completely agitated my central nerv...

Jason: Will you shut up?

Jinx starts fanning his open umbrella.

Jason: Man, we're getting no where with these guys! It's time to make them smell some feet. We need the

PlasticSword Now!

MegaJunkaZord conclusively destroys the monster.

Alpha: All right! Yah-hoo! One down and four-hundred more to go.----------

Jason: Okay, now let's finish him.

All: Right!

Goldar: Huh? Don't count on ending this season without seeing me again.

Goldar takes a powder and vanishes.

SCENE VIX:

At Ernie's Junk Food bar...

Jason: I finally beat that 1,000 lifts family record in my family.

Trini: The amazing wonders of TV time.

Jason: Boy, I sure hope my younger nephew doesn't beat me again.

Kimberly: Aw don't worry about it, everybody knows that since the writer is your cousin, they'll make it so you'll

always get everything you want.

Billy: But isn't that a bad influence on children's minds to lead them to believe everything they try to do in life will

end in success?

Zack: Yeah, but does this look like PBS? This is the FOX Network, the Fairly Obvious ex-cons Network.

Trini: So you mean, a bunch of ex-cons are airing this show?

Jason: They keep "Married... With Children" on the Air, don't they?

Zack: Yeah.

THE END

(C) 1999 Phill. Enterprises

NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS...

The school is working on getting a new paperweight so they have asked The Junk Food bar to set up a fund-raiser by selling food ENORMOUSLY beyond its rightful price.

Jason: That'll be 14 dollars. Plus tax, and packaging and research, and shipping and handling, that'll, come to oh, 50

bucks.

Dude: Hey man, for a burger with aluminium foil? Great deal!

...but Rita decides to get lazy and slave drives Finster into pumping out the Fudgy Fig.

Finster: His name is Fudgy Fig, he assumed a pig exterior though.

Rita: So?

Finster: Well, he eats and eats and well, he stole the set of "The Abyss" and replaced his stomach with it.

Can the Pathetic Rangers kick this guy into the next episode? Or will they be his Afternoon before-brunch after-snack pre-lunch? If Fudgy Fig eats away all the food of Angel Grave, will it really matter to the other 52 states? Find out on the NEXT episode of the Pathetic Rangers!