SCENE I:

At Ernie's so-called youth centre, Mr. Capbutt (principle of Angel Grave High)is holding a food festival featuring international foods. And we see our gang standing at a table; Jason's wearing a top-hat and arm-bands along with silk pants all colours of the American flag. Zack's wearing absolutely nothing but a huge bandanna coloured with African colours. Billy's wearing his usual blue overalls. Pig-tails wearing Kimberly's by his side in a short pink tie-end polka-dot shirt and thigh-length cut-off jeans and Trini's wearing plain loose-fitting clothes.

Zack: GREEN LEAFY VEGETABLES! COME AND GET 'EM! RED HOT VEGETABLES! OVER COOKED,

PROCESSED DEAD VEGETABLES, COME AND GET 'EM!!

Jason: Isn't anyone gonna buy this stuff?

Kimberly: Not unless they see the Jimmy Dean Beef Burgers and lard hot dogs.

Jason: Oh brother. Free burgers too!

Flocks of people begin to gather around the rangers' food to buy it.

Jason: There we go. Here are some delicious, nutritious vegetables. Here's some apples with some peaches.

Trini: Those aren't vegetables.

Jason: I don't wanna serve this fruit broccoli.

Trini smacks Jason on the head.

Jason: Ow! Ohhh. Have some of these nutritious veggies. Yummm!

Dude: Yeah, cool, got any Cheeze Whiz to put on top?

Jason: Sure, but that'll cost you 34 dollars.

Dude: Exsqueeze me?

Jason: Yeah, go away, deadbeat, go on!

Dude: Huh!

Ernie walks down the step and breaks it.

Ernie: Ow.

Three anorexic-like-looking girls in grass moo-moos gather around Ernie.

Girl: Hi, Ernie, you're cute.

Ernie: Oooh, I'll give you 20 dollars for that.

Girl: He's rich.

Girl #2: That's why he's SO sexy.

Ernie: Here's 40. Hehehe.

Girl #3: I've never met such a hot, attractive, young hunk in my life until you!

Phill: This is getting gross, let's change the scene.---

Jason: This food fest looks cool! I just hope Rita doesn't mess everything up.

Trini: Yeah you do, that's why you made us think about that witch while we're trying to have fun.

Jason: This isn't fun.

Zack: Yeah, fun to you is blowing up things.

Jason: My hobbies are of no business of yours, tower hair-do man.

Zack: Try some of this nutritious stuff.

Dude (#2): What is it?

Zack: Hell if I know. But it'll cost 21 bucks.

Dude: I could get a better deal at Burger King.

Zack: Just shut up and pay up.

Dude: Okay, what does it taste like?

Zack: Last time I tried it in 1984 it tasted something like hair-oil or something, anyway, here.

Dude: Are you sure you tried it?

Zack: No.

Dude: Oh. Maybe I'll try it

He bites and swallows it and then his mouth bulges as his face turns slightly green and he walks away with the plate in his hand.

Zack: Hey, you really oughta see a doctor about that green complexion.

Jason: Anyone want a burger?

Billy: Why is there a line of aluminium foil around the inside of the burger?

Jason: Because they won't buy it if they knew what was in it.

Billy: What is in it?

Jason: I don't know, all I know is it was made by a chemist.

Billy: Oh. Huh?

Another guy walks up to the food display.

Jason: Want some hamburgers?

Dude (#3): Great! What kind?

Jason: Charbroiled something.

Dude: Oh, what's the garnish?

Jason: Deep-fried something.

Dude: Oh, what's the patty made of?

Jason: Round something.

Dude: Oh, sounds delicious!

Jason: That'll be 14 dollars. Plus tax, packaging, research, shipping and handling, that'll come to oh, 50 bucks.

Dude: Hey man, for a burger with aluminium foil? Great deal!

SCENE II:

At Rita's...

Rita: I'm sick because of an overload of stress.

Baboo: That's because you yell too much.

Rita: What? Like *>THIS<*?!?!?

Baboo: That's exactly what I mean.

Rita: Shut up, Booboo.

Baboo: That's Baboo.

Rita: You dare correct me?!?

Baboo: No! Never mind!

Rita: Finster! You make me sick!

Finster: Why?

Rita: I don't know, I just felt like saying it, that's all. What is your new monster?

Finster: His name is Fudgy Fig, he assumed a pig exterior though.

Rita: So?

Finster: Well, he eats and eats and well, he grabbed a black hole and replaced his stomach with it. Causing him to never get his fill.

Rita: Ehk! A monster with a bottomless pit for a stomach! Sounds like a plot for a show that just began. Oh well.

Lemme see what's going on down there.

Squatt: They're having a food fest.

Rita: I hate food!

Squatt: Yeah, it's gross.

Rita: They should eat something that's nutritious and appealing like lizard lips, chicken-hips and monkey-legs;

buzzard eggs and horse gut.

Squatt: You're making me hungry!

Baboo: Yeah!

Rita: I'm not! I had a big breakfast, so you guys shut up.

Baboo: But we didn't eat anything.

Rita: So? I did. That should be good enough. Now then, this fig looking pig should consume every single bit of

gross food to make everyone starve to death!

Finster: But it isn't the best monster of mine, see, he'll eat anything but...

Rita: Well make it work, you jerk!

Finster: Oh all right.

SCENE III:

Bulk and Skull are sitting at a table in the Junk Food Bar with an annoyed face looking at all the fun everyone's having while Bulk is sitting next to this he-she looking guy with long red hair and black shades on chewing at bubble-gum.

Bulk: Look at that? Eating. Eating. It stinks. Let's waste something.

Skull: Who's the hippie?

Bulk: He's my friend, got a problem with him?

Skull: Well he does look a bit like someone from the stone age.

Bulk: Shut up, Skull; he's sensitive. Anyway, let's do something to fowl up the mood.

Skull: What do you plan to do?

Bulk: Let's take this cream pie...

Skull: ...and eat it?

Bulk: No, Numbskull. We are not going to _eat_ them, we are going to thr-row them.

Skull: But why?

Bulk: Because it's fun. And besides, we're bullies, that's what bullies do, mess up what hasn't been.

Skull: Why?

Bulk: Because I wanna.

Skull: Why?

Bulk: Shut up and throw the pie.

Skull: All right.

Bulk: Heh-heh, betcha I could score for the principal's rug

Capbutt: You kids are doing a very good job; you're concealing the food's contents and making lots of money.

Jason: Thanks Mr. Capbutt, but really I think this green stuff...

Capbutt: Now now, no need to thank me.

Kimberly: But really, this purple hair growing on the...

Capbutt: Well I have to go now. Oh, uh can I have that hot dog over there?

Billy: Sure, but it's gonna cost you 91 dollars.

Capbutt: Don't-cha think that's a little steep?

Billy: A little? We're talkin' a straight drop from a cliff. I wouldn't pay that much for a hot dog.

Capbutt: Well, I never was that hungry anyway. [Quietly] God, my stomach hurts.

Jason: Can you believe that? Capbutt's a deadbeat.

Bulk throws the pie off Capbutt's piece and onto Skull's face.

Skull: FOOD FIGHT!

Jason: Oh no!

Zack: Here's your taco, that'll cost one-hundred and... AHHH!!!!

Everyone (excluding the rangers) begin throwing food as food goes whipping around every wall.

Jason: Oh boy, hand me that barbecue chicken!

Billy: We're not supposed to participate.

Zack: I have an idea, while Capbutt isn't looking, why don't we steal the food and split?

Jason: That would be wrong.

Zack: So? No one will know, and I'm hungry.

Jason: Well, that chicken does look awfully tempting. C'mon! Let's sneak into this hall.

During the 5 minutes of wasting tons of food (that the people will soon regret)Fudgy Fig is invading picnics and dumping trashcans in his mouth yelling "I'm Hungry." Meanwhile, Capbutt is engulfed in punch and finally stops this big mess.

Capbutt: THAT'S IT!!! You people are a disgrace! You make me sick! You wasted 200 dollars of food.

Capbutt walks up to the rangers in the hall with barbecue on their mouths pigging out on chicken and biscuits.

Capbutt: And you! What do you think you're doing!?

Jason: Cleaning up?

Capbutt: Get outta that bread-basket!. Here. Clean this mess up.

Capbutt grabs the broom behind himself (not previously on the set) and throws it at Jason, whom ducks and sees the broom land behind himself.

Jason: But what did we do?

Capbutt: Nothing. Just do it!

Jason: Capbutt's a butthead.

Trini: Where did you think he got the name Capbutt?

Jason: Ugh.

They get paged from Zordon and the rangers drop their cleaning utensils.

Jason: Let's ditch this cleaning bit, it's Zordon. Yeah, Zordon?

Zordon: Bring me some of that chicken.

Jason: How can you eat?

Zordon: I don't know.

Jason: Then why do you want the chicken?

Zordon: Because it looks good.

Jason: Ugh.

Zordon: Teleport.

Jason: Why?

Zordon: Just do what I say.

They teleport.

Jason: Yeah?

Alpha: I wanted to help out, wanna see my Alpha-legs?

Billy: I think that's supposed to be frog legs.

Alpha: Who wants to eat a bunch of amphibian appendages?

Zack: I'm not sure anyone wants to break a few adult molars on a pair of electronic circuits either.

Zordon: I didn't call you here to exchange recipes with Wolfgang Alpha. Pipe down, Robot.

Alpha (angrily): Url...

Zordon: Look at the viewing globe. Rita has released Fudgy Fig. He intends to eat everything on the planet.

Alpha: Of course, Zordon has no idea what he won't eat.

Zordon: Nope. Just go out there and see what you can do.

Jason: It's morphine time!

Zack: Majormess!

Kimberly: Pterodorky!

Billy: Tribladdertops!

Trini: Sabre-toothed Alley-Cat!

Jason: Trashosaurus!

Trini: There he is.

Kimberly: Oh he's _so_ gross.

Trini: How can you be a pathetic ranger and yet be more timid than a rabbit under a ready meat-clever?

Kimberly: Cause I'm a girl. Look into it.

Trini: Urr! I wish you'd stop making jokes about my morphed scenes.

Kimberly: I'd think I'd have a problem if I felt a sag below the waist if I were you.

Billy: Hey girls! Stop yapping and help! Fudgy swallowed our weapons!

Phill: WHEN?

Kimberly: Oh gee!

Suddenly with the help of a salami sandwich, Fudgy throws the rangers in some dumb vortex and splits.

SCENE IV:

In the command centre, the rangers are teleported back to their un-morphed states.

Jason: Thanks for teleporting us. Let's do it again!

Billy: Pervert.

Zordon: That would not be very wise. While you were busy goofing off...

Jason: We were _not_ goofing off!

Kimberly: Yeah, Fudgy was snacking off _your_ weapons!

Zordon: That is not good indeed. Well, while you were taking Fudgy to lunch and spiralling in a big special effects

thing-a-ma-jig, he took off and is right now at the food fest gobbling every single piece of poultry and plant

life there is.

Jason: We have to stop him!

SCENE V:

At what's left of the food fest in the Youth Centre, everyone screams and runs after seeing the pig consume every piece of food there is. After eating everything (and making an atrocious mess) the pig runs off on a quest to eat more food when the rangers run in, on the late train.

Jason: Let's stop him!

Trini: You dolt! He ate up everything and ran.

Zack: We probably lost out on time because Billy tripped and had to tie his shoes again.

Billy: I could have cracked my glasses.

Zack: So? They're plastic anyway.

Billy: SHHH!!

Jason: Now what?

Kimberly: Gross.

Billy: This definitely does not put me in the mood with Kimberly.

Trini: Hey, do you see what I see?

Jason: Spots and pink elephants?

Trini: No, he ate everything in sight, but the cakes, cookies, pies and other hostess sugar products. Apparently he

doesn't like cane sugar with preservatives that could mutilate a young kitten's digestive tract.

Kimberly: So he doesn't like sweets.

Billy: Well we could use this information if Jason was smart enough. But since he's not, I'll have to replace his brain with mine. We'll feed him this great big cake and maybe he'll cough up our weapons.

Jason: It'll sit, he'll get sick and vomit.

Zack: Revolting, isn't it?

Jason: I'm sure. Hmmm, it's morphine time!

Zack: Majormess!

Kimberly: Pterodorky!

Billy: Tribladdertops!

Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat!

Jason: Trashosaurus!

SCENE VI:

Fudgy is hanging around outside the parking lot of a mini-market that he had recently vandalised still chanting for food.

Fudgy: Hungry! Hungry! Need food! Hungry! I'm hungry!

The rangers are standing on top of a building. Each ranger presents a plate of meat, potatoes and peas, and Trini holds a cake with a side dish of a dozen cookies on a platter along with a row of twinkles and a pie in her other hand.

Jason: Hey gross, free food! Here, eat up!

Every ranger--but Trini throws down their cuisine meal and Fudgy catches it and gobbles it down.

Fudgy: Hahahaha! Yummy! Want more!

Trini: Hey pig, ya hungry? Here.

Trini throws him down candy, cookies, muffins, pie and cake.

Fudgy: Yum, yum... UGH!

His mouth blows up with yellow gases and he starts vomiting out all the food and their weapons and starts making sick faces.

Fudgy: I feel sick. Ulll.

Billy: Let's make ham out of this hog!

ALL: RIGHT!

Zack: Power Axe!

Kimberly: Power Bow!

Trini: Power Daggers!

Billy: Power Lance!

Jason: Power Sword!

Their weapons formulate the Mega-Spitter who fires laser-spit.

Rangers: FIRE!

They use the Mega-Spitter and destroy Fudgy Fig.

Trini: Hey witch up there! It'll take more to beat us!!

Jason: Yeah, just toss down a book!

THE END

(C) 1999 Phill. Enterprises

NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS...

Trini is forced to take care of the daughter of her dad's boss, Maria; then she elected Kimberly to help her because of how mischievous she is.

Trini: Alright you naughty little ulcer, we are going on a picnic. I'm going to PAY you to shut-up and be a nice,

good little child. And if you don't, I'll beat your little butt 'til is starts to turn the colour of Billy's shirts.

Maria: Well jeez, who stuffed the rat down your underpants?

Kimberly: You did.

...but then, Rita gets the oddest notion that she can use this Wolverine with pig-tails to her own advantage to steal a chest of Morphing Eggs (kinda stupid, huh?)

Baboo: According to this book, only an OBNOXIOUS kid can open it.

Will Kimberly even TRY to help Trini find Maria? Is Billy the person developing the film for Trini's dad's boss? What does a Funky Chicken have to do with this plot? Who knows, WHO CARES?! But, we'll (unfortunately) Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!