SCENE I:

At midnight, behind Billy's garage the shadow of Squatt is sneaking around in the dark near Billy's garage/room/laboratory/bomb shelter. Squatt approaches Billy's new invention--a mind reading machine and begins tampering with the wires.

Squatt: Hehehehehehe... Blue Ranger's brains are gonna be more scrambled than a disintegrated omlet! Hehehehe, HUH?!?!

A giant alarm system goes off and a beaming light hits Squatt's face.

Synthesized Voice of Alarm: INTRUDER! INTRUDER!

Alarm Recorded Billy Voice: Come out with your hands up! And if it's Kimberly, come out with your brassiere off!

Squatt: Ooh, I better get outta here!!

Squatt dashes out of Billy's place rapidly.

SCENE II:

At Ernie's Junk Food Bar, Billy is sitting at the counter talking to Kimberly (who happens to look extraordinarily ugly this episode).

Billy: Well, it's my latest invention.

Kimberly: Well, whatever it is, I don't wanna hear about it.

Billy: Why?

Kimberly: Because, the last time you introduced me to one of your pieces of metal death, I wound up embarrassed in school.

Billy: Yeah, I do remember my Electric Undresser; but that unexpectedly went hay-wire. Listen, Kim; this is different, it's just a simple mind-reading machine.

Kimberly: Wonderful. Why don't I just donate my diary to you?

Billy: Would you really?

Kimberly: No-wah! Besides, I don't want you diggin' in my thoughts.

Billy: Well, you test my stuff, or no sex. Tommy doesn't get on this show until the next episode.

Kimberly: Oh, alright.

SCENE III:

At Rita's palace, Squatt faces Rita...

Squatt: Well, Rita; I'm sorry I failed.

Baboo: Failed? Looks like you screwed up Billy's stuff pretty good.

Rita: I specifically asked you NOT to get caught!

Squatt: But I didn't! Billy's Nazi Association of America's Totality of Alarms kicked me out!

Rita: That doesn't make any sense! Now get outta here. FINSTER! FINSTER! I want you to MAKE me a monster, and now!!

Finster: Sure, my queen. Here's the cookbook.

Finster dumps the dusty encyclopedia in Rita's hands.

Rita: WHAT!?! _You_ make it!

Finster: No, you make it. According to Phill, today is my day off, witch.

Rita: It may be your day off, but I can still fire you!

Finster: Oh then I take it back, my queen. Ahhhhh!! Here's something I found; it's Aladdin's lamp; I stole it before they were able to make plans to create "The Return of Jafar."

Squatt: Why do we repeatedly steal?

Rita: I won't even DIGNIFY that with an ANSWER!

Squatt: Okay. I'll just get some porridge.

Finster: Well, my monster is the Genie of Nightmares; whenever he comes out, he bombards its opponent with giant cobwebs until they can't see. Very complex plotline.

Rita: This should work!!

Finster: I doubt it.

Rita: What-chu say, Finster?!?

Finster: I said I'll send him down.

Rita: Good!!! Maybe I'll sprinkle some pepper in Squatt's porridge this time as a thank you!

SCENE IV:

In Billy's garage, Kimberly and Billy enter Billy's garage. Billy presses his hand up against a handpad-security system interface when a blue glowing bar scans his fingerprints when the doors open and Kimberly and Billy walk inside.

Kimberly: What was all that hoopla for?

Billy: I'm not the most popular kid in school. I wised up and built an alarm after some kid put crazy glue on my locker door and gave me an early birthday party complete with cakes with candles that don't blow out.

Kimberly: Ha ha! That was funny!

Billy: No it wasn't.

Kimberly (continuing): ...hahaha...oh. Well, let's just get this over with.

Billy: Okay.

We pan over to Bulk and Skull down in the bush creeping behind.

Skull: Oh wow! Oh wowy! Oh wowy wow! We lucked out! When they leave, we can just sneak in!

Bulk: Yeah, then I can smash up Billy's stuff and be the first one to vandalize Billy's dumpyard.

Skull: What a geek.

Bulk: What a nerd. Hey, what's that thing he's using?

Billy: ...it's actually a mind-reading machine, Kimberly.

Kimberly: You just said that.

Billy: Ya I know, I just said it loud enough so Bulk and Skull down there could hear me--basically for the plotline.

Kimberly: Ya know, we could've just foregoed putting Bulk and Skull in this episode, ya know.

Billy: Yeah, but they were slated for 15 episodes this year. So we have no choice.

Kimberly: 'kay.

Skull: I can't wait to mess with his stuff!

Bulk: Shhh! We wait...

Skull: Bulk, what's that?

Bulk: Duh, duh...

Three large Doberman Pinscher's approach Bulk and Skull and jump them and shredding, biting, rolling, screaming and a lot of yelling is heard as we pan back up to Billy and Kimberly, who are hooking each other up into their mind-reading machine.

Kimberly: What's that noise Billy?

Bulk & Skull (in the background): Woah! Help! HEAL! UGH! UHN! AGH! OH!

Billy: I don't know; seems like some lousy punk is trying to break into my stuff again. It pays to be an eccentric brainiac. Now anyway, let's go back to what we were doing. Are you ready?

Kimberly: Has this been tested on any animals? Has it been patented? Billy: Relax, love muffin. Just go for it.

Kimberly: Okay.

Billy affixes the ice-cream bowl-like head-helmets on him and Kimberly and flips the switch and all of these odd electrical sparks fly and then the thing stops and makes a loud break-down noise and the machine prematurely dies out.

Looking at each other sternly, Kimberly yanks off Billy's glasses. Billy and Kimberly's brains were switched--making Kimberly be in Billy's body and Billy in Kim's body.

Kimberly: Ya know, after this episode, I'm rendering Phill a sick, twisted and perverted psycho.

Billy: Hey, Billy; what are you doin' in my bra?

Kimberly: And what are you doing wearing my underwear?

Billy: Wai... Wait a minute; we're not...

Kimberly: My machine messed up and uhh... 'fraid to say this, but ah, your brain is in my body and mine is in yours.

Billy and Kimberly: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Billy: Well we're not just gonna scream about it, what are YOU gunna do about it, genius?

Kimberly: Get a life and let me think. And after I'm done, could we like--change?

Billy: Yeah, and then the kids in school will wonder about us.

Kimberly: Oh good grief.

Kimberly/Billy and Billy/Kimberly exit Billy's garage when torn up Bulk and Skull begin limping towards Billy's mind-reading machine.

Bulk: This geek is such [pant, pant] a prick! Come [pant, pant] on, Skull, let's read each other's minds.

Skull: Very well, but first, I have to get my hip in place.

Skull begins turning his torso in a circle while the meager sound of a crackling noise is heard.

Skull: Ahhh... That's better. Okay, I'm ready.

Bulk: Great!

Bulk and Skull set up to use his machine.

Bulk: Now, think of something, Skull.

Skull: Okay, Kimberly naked, oiled up and on my bed. Ah...

Bulk: You're not supposed to tell me, half-wit!!! Try it again!!!

Skull: Oh, okay. You didn't say that.

Bulk: Do I have to explain everything!?!?!

Skull: Yeah if you really want what you want.

Bulk shrugs off Skull's dim-wit and activates the machine causing the transformation to begin (what a gruesome, ominous sight) until they setup out of the machines. Soon enough realizing that they have switched their minds.

SCENE V:

At school, Kimberly/Billy is doing a horrifically monstrous attempt at putting lipstick on and all the girls are laughing at her.

Girl #1: Hey, sister; what's the matter? Not feeling so pretty today?

Kimberly: Go away!! Lemme alone!

Kimberly can't put the lipstick on and smears it all over her face and she looks like a nightmare.

Kimberly: Screw it. Makeup is highly over-rated for men anyway!

SCENE VI:

At some kid's house... Billy/Kimberly is trying to fix this kid's computer problems.

Billy: What do you expect me to do?

Kid: Fix it. I'm gonna go watch cartoons while you fix my computer.

Billy: Oh no you're not, punk. And don'tcha go squeezing my bosoms either.

Kid: But you don't have any, Billy.

Billy (realizing): Oh, right, right; I'm supposed to be Billy. [To student]: Okay, ummm, well, now why don't you push this little grundgy key in the corner here.

Kid: That'll erase my computer's entire memory.

Billy: Just chill. 's no biggie. Now, um, just go enter that in.

Kid: Whoa-kay.

The kid pushes the button and the computer starts making strange noises and the monitor begins (unrealistically) shaking.

Billy: Uh oh.

SCENE VII:

In Miss Appleweed's class, smeared-makeup wearing Billy in Kim's body is attempting to prepare a dish before the class.

Kimberly: Now uh... You just dump in these cheesy things in this bowl and ahh, this white-like stuff after you ummmm, ahhh... {Sweat trickling down her face} throw in a dash of this red saucey like stuff.

Appleweed: Geez, Kim; you cook like my husband.

Kimberly: Well look, men weren't made to cook!

Appleweed: Huh?

Kimberly: Oops, hehe; can't use that excuse no more.

Kimberly dumps all these ingredients into a bowl and then puts it in the microwave for about 10 seconds--takes it out and then a giangantic cheese bubble begins growing bigger and bigger and increasing into a large bubble.

Kimberly: Uh oh.

SCENE VIII:

Billy/Kimberly is using a fire extinguisher on the kid's computer while the kid is hosing it down as it begins smoking until it blows up.

----------

...while in class; Kimberly/Billy's cheese sufl‚ blows up and cheese is splattered over everyone in class.

SCENE IX:

At Rita's...

Rita: Hahahahaha!! It worked! Billy and Kimberly don't know left from right!!

Finster: Should I send down my monster???

Rita: Yesss, hm-hm-hm!

SCENE X:

In the gym at the all-purpose Youth Center, all five rangers are approaching the hallway as Billy/ Kimberly is walking farther away from Kimberly/Billy in disgust. Billy is wearing panties with a kilt on and Kimberly is wearing overalls, a T-Shirt and briefs.

Billy: ...don't believe this; Look at my clothes, look at my makeup, YUCK!

Kimberly: Listen, idiot; it's not MY fault.

Billy: Oh no? You didn't test it on ANYTHING.

Jason: Hehehehehe, I knew you were gay, Billy.

Billy: I am in no mood for you, Jason.

Trini: Really, what converted you? You saw Miss Appleweed naked?

Billy: No-wah. Billy's an idiot and his stupid garbage mind-reading machine switched our brains.

Kimberly: Speaking of which, I thought we agreed we'd dress normally.

Billy: Yeah, well I can see by that clown act you got going there that you didn't exactly oblige by the agreement. And besides? Why should I be a disgusting, gross hairy monster? I shaved my legs.

Kimberly: Oh that's just great, what's gunna happen to my reputation as a man when we get our brains back.

Billy: What makes you so sure we ever get our brains back to their rightful bodies?

Kimberly: That's what really scares me. I'm tired of you playing with MY banana whenever you're alone.

Billy: Well you returned the favor by rubbing my boulders.

Trini: Excuse me, I don't mean to barge in on this freak fest; but, what are you people talking about?

Billy: What does it sound like? Billy's junk doesn't work.

Trini: You mean, you're in...

Billy: That's right.

Trini: Billy? Are you in there?

Kimberly: Shut up, Trini.

Jason: Well, personally, I find this hilarious.

Billy: Good, then maybe I'll switch your brains with Trini's.

Zack: That's a horrible thought.

Kimberly: Well, we can't play with each other's thingee's because Phill said this was meant to be a clean episode.

Billy: That makes no sense. If he didn't want us to fool around with each other's rare, and in fact never to be known privates, he wouldn't have switched a male with a female.

Jason: Although I find this hilarious, it can also become repulsively disgusting. So I hope you guys clear this up soon.

Bulk (wearing Skull's clothes, in a larger size of course) and Skull (wearing Bulk's sagging clothes); they wonder into the Youth Center (seemingly their favorite hang-out).

Bulk (really Skull): Hey, Kim; wanna go on a date with me?

Kimberly: Yeah, cause then I can tell you a secret.

Bulk/Skull: Ooo, this should be kinky.

Kimberly: Yes, [said sensuously]=> I was once a guy.

Bulk/Skull leaps up in surprise.

Bulk/Skull: Yeull!!

Kimberly: Now go away.

Skull/Bulk: My brains are mixed up with Bulk's, whaddya gonna do about it?

Billy: Let you rot in fury. Maybe it'll teach you a lesson.

Skull/Bulk: Aw no.

Bulk/Skull: I'm gonna be livin' in you for the day?

Skull/Bulk: Good grief.

Zordon (conveniently) pages them after Bulk and Skull/Skull and Bulk leave.

Jason: Yeah, Zordon?

Zordon: We have a serious, yet complex plotline on hand--and it has to do with Rita.

Zack: This sounds serious, man.

Zordon: 'fraid so. Teleport immediately.

Jason: Okay, got any Popeye's Chicken?

Zordon: Get in here already.

Jason: All right.

SCENE XI:

In the command center...

The rangers teleport inside.

Jason: What's the problem?

Zordon: Rita has released a wicked monster--otherwise known as Jafar.

Zack: Isn't Jafar the bad guy in Aladdin?

Alpha: Stupid, huh?

Trini: Words couldn't describe how stupid.

Zordon: He's an evil genie whose cob webs will really, really, put you in a bind. They'll blow you up and drain your powers too.

Trini: Well, let us know when he shows up.

Alpha: He's already here, you sap!

Jason: Aw man. I knew I should've beat up Billy when I had the chance. Now I'm gonna get creamed. Oh well; IT'S MORPHINE TIME!

Zack: Majormess

Kimberly: Pterodorky

Billy: Tribladdertops

Trini: Sabertoothed-Alley Cat

Jason: Trashosaurus

The rangers arrive in the park ready for battle, as does Jafar.

Jafar: Hahahahah! Let the battle begin, Pathetic Whimps!

Jason: You'll never take us down!

Zack: 'Cause our underwear smells so bad, you'll be forced to retreat!

Trini: Take us down, you'll be sorry!

Billy: Fer Sure, like yer totally threw, girl.

Kimberly: Yeah, if you approach us in an offensive manner, we'll maneuver by...

Jason: ...cause we're the Pathetic Rangers!

Trini: Listen, you creep; how come you're the monster? Shouldn't it be a nicer looking genie?

Jafar: You expected me to look nice?? I'm makin' a cameo. The cameo of your grave!! Haw haw haw haw!

Jafar throws his spider-webs on the rangers and blows them to smithereens.

Jason: This is NOT working!!

They take their BladeBlaster's and destroy the web and gets free.

Rita: Grow, Jafar!

Rita makes Jafar grow.

All: Ooooo!!

The rangers lean backwards when they see the monster grow.

Trini: Why are we acting like we've never seen a monster grow?

Jason: Beats me! But I know we NEED DinoJunk Power, Now!!

They ask for their zords that crash together.

Jafar: Alright, let's get down and dirty!

Jason: You're on, ugly! Let's do it!

MegaJunkaZord swings a punch at Jafar(tm) and misses, Jafar roundhouses

MegaJunkaZord and ends up crashing down onto its back.

All the rangers fall out of the MegaJunkaZord and into the park.

Rita: In your face, Rangers! NYEA!

Zack: Aw no, it's Rita!

Billy: I hate it when she decides to make public appearances.

Rita: Hahahaha, we're gonna have A Lot of fun!! Break-dance style!

Rita makes Jafar smash around the city destroying everything.

Trini: Hey look what I found!

The rangers approach Jafar's conveniently unattended magic lamp that previously wasn't there.

Jason: What are we s'pposed to do with this? Wish for gold bars?

Trini: NO! Don't be an idiot, Jason. Sheesh! Looky here, this might be the key!

Zack: No, it is the key, we can't afford for this parody to get any longer, otherwise we'll have to break it up into a two parter. Which'll run up Phill's bill. Especially since he's already dumped a cool mil. for Green With Vomit.

Trini: Stop yammering, Jafar has taken a giant bite outta the city, and he ain't gonna stop. Let's teleport this to the command center.

Kimberly: Very well.

Zack: You're contracted to talk like an intellectual idiot to distinguish who is who.

Billy: Hey!

They teleport.

SCENE X:

The Rangers teleport into the Command Center with the Lamp ending up on top the computer control console in front of Alpha.

Zack: This is whack, this is MESSED Up!

Zordon: Status report, Rangers.

Trini: Hehehe, because of Billy's machine designed to spy on other's minds...

Kimberly: HEY!

Trini: ...that went a fluke because of some idiot's tampering with the wires, Kimberly's mind is in Billy's body and vise versa.

Jason: Yeah, and they've been playin' with each other's goodies in between commercial breaks.

Zordon: Too bad for Billy, no way can a female reach a sexual peak in 2 1/2 minutes (oh, what am I saying), Ahem! Rangers, Squatt broke into Billy's place and tampered with Billy's project causing this little mishap.

Billy: Little?? We're talking about a total social disaster.

Alpha: Rita did this because she wanted us to be distracted away from that [pointing to the Viewing Globe] huge Genie systematically destroying City Hall.

Zordon: This Genie's power is originating from the Lamp, destroy it and the Genie will return to Buena Vista Inc.

Alpha: GREAT! I'll Zap it in the Teleporter!

Zordon: Not so fast, if you destroy the lamp, you will annihilate the entire Morphing Grid and everything in it. Meaning, the Pathetic Rangers, the Command Center and you and I will vanish forever.

Phill's Assistant: Hmmm, Alpha, Go For it! :)

Phill: No no, we need these idiots to keep our show on the air.

Phill's Assistant: Oh all right.

Jason: Well we can't have Jafar going nuts on the city's water tower.

Trini: Yeah!

Zack: We've gotta get back out there and stop him!

Zordon: Good luck, Rangers; and may the Power protect you.

Billy: Uh, right.

Kimberly: Mm hm.

SCENE XI:

The Rangers somersault over each other and pose.

All: PATHETIC RANGERS!

Jason: Alright, Team; enough is enough!

Zack: Right, we're going to get the locomotive going the SLOW way!

Trini: Huh?

Zack: Well, nevermind...let's do it team!

Jason: WE need DinoJunk power, now!

The Zords put on an individual performance of arriving. The Rangers leap up inside the Zords. The Rangers power up the lollipops, yaddy-yaddy-yaddy and MegaJunkaZord is formed (whoopy).

Jason: That was nice and dull.

Zack: Well if you liked that you're going to love this part, too!

SCENE XII:

Back at the Command Center, Alpha is kicked back in a fold-up chair reading a copy of Saban's Women in the Buff.

Alpha: Awhoogah!

Zordon: ALPHA!

The chair snaps and re-folds and Alpha falls out of it.

Alpha: Oh what? I was trying to find out what was behind that staple!

Zordon: Well, Alpha; putting the computer on self-control to automatically increase power little-by-little on the Lamp until it vaporizes isn't my idea of a suspense filled episode.

Alpha: So what do you want me to do about it?

Zordon: Turn it up all the way, this episode is shot.

Alpha: Will do, Zordon.

SCENE XIII:

MegaJunkaZord is seen on its back with a black-eye, in an arm-sling with bandages; Jafar's over it with this frightening dental drill making this annoying whining noise which is gunning for MegaJunkaZord's appendages.

Zack: Jason, what are we going to do?

Jason: We're kinda waitin' on Alpha.

Kimberly: That could take an aeon.

Billy: Didn't we already get the PlasticSword?

Jason: Yeah, we're holding it in our free arm.

Trini: LOOK!

The monster shrinks into a white ball and swishes around in a circle-formation (similar to a flushing toilet) until it disappears.

Jason: I told you we could do it!

Zack: Yeah right, you didn't do Anything!

SCENE XIV:

At Ernie's Junk Food Bar...

Jason: C'mon, Billy; let's go to your laboratory and straighten you guys out.

Trini: Yeah, knowing Jason, he'll get a headache still trying to figure out who is who.

Jason: Be quiet, Trini.

Billy: But before we do, could we like, go into the men's room?

Kimberly: And the ladies room?

Jason: Whatcha gonna do? Make kissy faces until the other people vomit.

Zack: Think, Jason. What -- would a male AND a female be doing in the restrooms? They're gonna play with themselves once more because they know they can never ask to do it again without getting slapped.

Kimberly: You do know how to kill the mood, don't you?

Billy: I still wanna mess with your banana.

Kimberly: Go ahead, I'll just fool around with your bosoms.

Billy: Hey, I've got an idea.

After 20 minutes later of doing it...

Kimberly and Billy exit the room.

Jason: Are you idiots done yet?

Kimberly: Yeah. I told you it wouldn't take that long.

Jason: I aughta slug the both of you idiots. Now c'mon!

Billy: Alright.

SCENE XV:

In Billy's garage...

Billy: Alright, flip the switch.

Kimberly: I haven't re-wired it yet, bonehead valley girl!

Billy grunts. Kimberly fixes the wiring and they get their bodies back.

Kimberly: Well good thing you didn't shave my pits.

Billy: Oops, forgot to tell ya, I did those too.

Kimberly: Ya know, Kimberly; I'm not going to forget this.

Billy: It was YOUR fault.

Trini: It was Squatt's, stupid. Remember? God, you guys act like you suffer alziemer's disease.

All: Be quiet, Trini!

Trini: Fine, I don't really have to take this abuse. I'm just gonna leave. HMMP!

Bulk and Skull wander in with their mixed up brains.

Bulk: We need your help! This is Skull!

Skull: And I'm Bulk, geek.

Billy: Ya know, you idiots, I really shouldn't do crap for you, buttheads seeing is you're a bunch of punks who treat me like sticky snot.

Bulk: Please! We beg of you.

Billy: What's in it for me?

Skull: We'll do your laundry for a week?

Billy: Mmmmmm...

Bulk: Uhhh, wax your car for 6 months?

Billy: Well?

Skull: Uhh, uh... We won't make fun of you for the rest of the season?

Billy: All right. Step right up.

Billy has Bulk and Skull step into the machine and transfers each others' minds back to their original locations (probably the trashcan).

Skull: Oh thank you thank you thank you!!

Billy: Well since Trini's a dweeb, I'll have to defend myself--again. So, [yelling]: if I ever catch you two stupid-asses in here again, I'll call the police and have your butts thrown in the SLAMMER, GOT IT!?!?

Bulk: Uh, yeah yeah, we got it!

Skull: Definatey!!

Billy: Now get outta here!!!

Bulk and Skull dash out in fear.

THE END

(C) 2003 Phill. Enterprises

NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS...

It is Hobby Week at Angel Grave High when Trini shows Miss Appleweed her collection of over-priced, dusty dolls.

Trini: I collect dolls. See this $760 one?

Bulk: Rich bitch.

Trini: Anyway! I collect dolls. This is my favorite, Mr. Ficklesneezy.

...Rita sends down Squatt to steal this doll because of its magical Music Box and its ability to capture things...

Finster: I have the cookbook. It says here he collects stuff in his magic 1965 Music Box, except he's captured one thing, I don't think is very pleasent.

Rita: What's that?

Finster: Mariah Carey. But other than that, this is a total foolproof plan. Difficulty rating, oh, 76 percent.

Rita: Huh?

Finster: Dah I mean, 2 percent my queen.

Rita: Uhhh.

Finster: Always hunting for easy money.

Will this dummy be a dummy and be Rita's slave for cheap? Is Zack a pervert for liking Trini and wanting to see her do something private? Do any of the other Rangers have a part in this show other than getting blown up by an obnoxious monster? Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!