SCENE I:

Kimberly is teaching a gym class at the gym section of the Youth Center (again, in a pink leotard and bike-pants) while Zack's showing off his "cool" moves near the Junk Food Bar (seemingly their home).

Jason: Hey Zack, the big night.

Zack: Yeah, I love the clog dance.

Jason: So who are you going to ask out?

Zack: Sandwicha.

Jason: Oh! That girl that wouldn't cross the street to spit in your hair?

Zack: Yeah yeah, who are you going to ask out?

Jason: My mus... Hey! It's none of your business.

Zack: I think I'll leave you two alone.

Jason: If you spread the word, you're dead meat!!

Kimberly is seen next to Billy in a random-colored spandex leotard and biking shorts.

Kimberly: So, umm, who are you going to ask out?

Billy (used to Kimberly's body): Huh? Oh, hi, Kim.

Kimberly: Who are you going to ask out?

Billy: I don't know, I haven't seen a girl that has things in common with me.

Kimberly: Well, maybe that girl would be right next to you.

Zack: Chill, Kim. Billy, if you wanna ask out a girl, you gotta do the dance moves, chics melt for that mess.

Billy: But Zack, I don't want the girls to think I'm a chimpanzee.

Zack: Billy, I resent that, I've been working on these moves for 14 years.

Billy: Wow! You're a serious little chimp!

Zack: I've had it with you, I'll just go about my business, and chics are going to be attatched to me like bees to honey.

Billy: You mean like bee-stingers to a human. Well, I don't think rhythmous gyrations of the body would get me date.

Kimberly: Excuse me?

Trini: He says he doesn't wanna get a date by dancing.

Kimberly: Where'd you come from Trini?

Trini: I'm just hangin', you know. Like from a tree.

Kimberly: Yeah, well this dance is for lonely's, not homely's. So scooch.

Trini: Hmmp! Just remember, my dad makes the best candy bars of all Angel Grave.

Billy: As I was saying...

Kimberly: Weren't you going to ask a certain girl out?

Billy: Not really, bye!

Kimberly grunts.

SCENE II:

Rita's palace. On the moon.

Rita: Let's make a monster to beat up Billy. Hehehe..

Baboo: But why? Blue-Nosed Ranger is a whimpy, weenie, puny, skimpy, sorry excuse for a...

Rita: Because I wanna, now shut up!

Finster: Rita, how's about we take another approach? Instead of using another lousy clay-monster, what if I bring my aunt?

Rita: And just who the heck is she?

Finster: Her name is Moe, she has a bowl-like hairdo, with a treasure troll crystal that can allow her to control the elements as well as drain brains.

Rita: That might work!

Finster: Not really, giver take about oh, say 15 minutes, this plan will go down the drain, but hey, you can't blame me for trying.

Rita: Bring me your aunt before I send YOU down there have you fight and get killed by the MegaZord!

Finster: DAHH! I'll do it right away, your ugliness.

Rita: That's good! Huh?

Goldar: I shall do something, too!

Rita: We don't need you in this parody.

Goldar: Aww dang, and my kids needed the money too.

SCENE III:

Some homely girl with long straight hair with a long skirt and a pinned up sweater walks into the Junk Food Bar and Billy--who doesn't notice her presence--runs into her and they both drop their books.

Billy: My apologies!

Margerine: Negative! I was unaware of my biological motions causing me to deviate from my coarse. What's your name?

Billy: Billy.

Marge: Oh, my name is Margerine, but you can call me Marge.

Billy: Well, I'm physically experiencing an over-abundance of tesgosterial influence over the optical display of your potent quintessential radiance.

Marge: Wow, neet! I too enjoy your raised faculty of reasoning and thinking. It induces lascivious emotions to engulf my central nervous system.

Kimberly: Something's wrong, Billy's talking line noise with another girl.

Trini: Mmm hm. Why don't you ask out some jock or something?

Kimberly: Well a jock doesn't fix my car for free ya know.

Jason: How's it going Billy?

Billy: Well, I'm overwhelmed by the proceeding incident of my unintentionally being unaware of my destination leading me to the inevitable collision with...

Jason: Stop your nonesensical rambling, everyone knows you've never talked this dorky until home-nerd decided to actually ask your pathetic self to the dance.

Billy: Well at least I have a real date, you're just going out with your muscles.

Jason: Hey, why try to add to perfection.

Billy: Ugh.

Billy pushes Jason's shoulder aside and walks out the junk-food bar.

SCENE IV:

Rita barges into Finster's monster-creation department and fast-food take-out.

Rita: Alright FINSTER! What in Sam Hill is taking you so long to get your aunt?

Finster: She says she wont come unless we give her roach feet and walrus tongue, how am I supposed to get this?

Rita: How should I know? Just lie.

Finster: Why does everything always have to be simple? Oh dear. Here goes.

Moments later, Madame Moe appears before the gang.

Moe: Rita, so good to see you!

Rita: She's perfect!

Squatt: I don't know.

Moe: I'll destroy the Pathetic Rangers?

Squatt: HEY, I LIKE HER!

Goldar: Silence you fool, don't you know that all Finster's realities and monster claim to do the job?

Rita: Hey, a girl can dream, send her down!

SCENE V:

At the Junk Food Bar...

Zack: Hey, where's your smoothy?

Billy: How should I know?

Zack: She's your squeeze, aren't you supposed to know where the babe-a-saurus is?

Billy: Huh?

Zack: Forget it.

Kimberly walks up to Billy in her unitard.

Kimberly: Listen, cute buns, I've had it seeing you running around with that over-stretched pizza-cheese face.

Billy: Why?

Kimberly: Don't you like me?

Billy: Somewhat, I don't know.

Kimberly: If you wanna be able to play with these [poking her barely covered chest out to Billy] again, you'll dump the nerd-girl and fix my car; it broke down again. It's your decision.

Billy: Oh okay.

Kimberly: But please, take your time.

Trini: You're pathetic.

Kimberly: So are you, aren't we lucky, that's why we get to be pathetic rangers.

SCENE VI:

Marge is just hanging around outside of the Junk Food Bar on top of a rock (ironically near a spooky, creepy cave) awaiting Billy to come for her.

Marge: Hmmmm... Billy said he'd meet me here. Oh well.

A drunken Madame Moe appears.

Moe: [Hiccup!] Who was I supposed to capture again? Oh yeah, she looks swell ta me.

Marge: Who are you?

Moe: Someone ugly and gross, shouldn't you be screaming?

Marge: Yeah, but umm, I'm a lousy actress. Just pick me up.

Moe: C'mon, let's go to the ol' dementional gap.

Rita: Ugh! That FOOL! She's SUPPOSED to be capturing the rangers, not that lamer.

Goldar: I told you this wasn't going to work.

Rita: Shut up Goldar, and attack!

SCENE VII:

Where Marge was kidnaped, Billy is all dressed up with a bow-tie with bouquet of flowers when he notices her easy-to-fall-off necklace on the ground soon realizing that she is missing.

Billy: Odd, I could've sworn she said she'd come. Oh well. HUH!??!

Several muddies appear out of the woodwork.

Billy: Great, I haven't even finished karate class and ALREADY they're sending me (who's alone) a mad posse of muddies! Ugh!

Billy, isolated on a large rock by the pond is trying to escape the Muddies surrounding the dry land in front of him, he keeps getting pushed back.

Billy: Guys!! Help! I'm being attacked by muddies!

Billy is awaiting a response from his communicator.

Jason: We read ya!

Trini: Maybe we can leave him in a ditch and tell the police his body was an accident.

Zack: It wouldn't work. Our show would be destroyed, therefore, we have no choice but to rescue the wuss.

Jason: Great, we've gabbed long enough to know Billy is probably bleeding right now.

Kimberly: Omigosh! My baby! Hurry!

==========

They eventually arrive to the lake to help Billy fend off the muddies until they're all cleared out.

Jason: Alright, our work is done. Seeya.

Billy: Listen, loverboy, Rita has _obviously_ sent someone to KILL Me!

Jason: So what are you complaining to me for? Call the police.

Trini: You are the little impassive one, aren't you?

Jason: Ugh, it's Billy's problem.

Billy: Yeah, and it'll be YOUR problem to if you don't do something that isn't stupid. Now c'mon! Marge said she'd meet me, and I found her necklace. Hmmm.

The Rangers suddenly migrate into a bunch.

Jason: Why are we all bunched up together all of a sudden?

Trini: Because, we're going to go up to Zordon's place.

Jason: Oh yeah, 3, 2, 1.

Suddenly all of their wrist communicators are paged. Jason answer his.

Jason: Yeah? Whaddya want now?

Zordon: I'm bored, so, I figured I'd bother you.

Zack: Yo man, we got things to do.

Zordon: No you don't.

Zack: Yes we do.

Zordon: Listen punk, I say you come to my place, or else.

Kimberly: Or else what?

Zordon: Just do it, stupid.

They all teleport.

Billy: What will it be? [Quickly:] Crazy 8's, Yatsi, Monopoly, Checkers, Chess, Doctor, Nintendo, Mister Potato Head, Gin Rummy?

Zordon: NO! How am I supposed to play those games? I have no hands!

Billy: Oh yeah.

Zack: You're supposed to be the brainiac of this show, you would know something like that dope.

Alpha: Aye, yi yi!

Zordon: Alpha, I haven't even told the rangers the problem yet.

Alpha: Sorry, I was just experimenting with this computer virus; pretty cool!

Zordon: Anyway, Rita's brought her college roommate Madame Moe, looks like the first stooge and has captured Margey.

Billy: This is terrible!

Zack: It is?

Kimberly: YES! All right!! I mean, uh, 'Darn, that is bad.'

Jason: It's morphine time!

Zordon: Wait a minute! First I have to tell you what this monster does. She controls weather and fire with her treasure troll crystal, meant for Billy. Right now, she's drunk, she's awfully vulnerable, and all you have to do is destroy her tummy and the rest...

Zack: Will be a sloppy mess that the janitors will wind up having to clean up?

Zordon: No, you again will get ridiculous amounts of praise.

The rangers just stand there.

Zordon: Well? Aren't you going to morph?

Jason: Oh, oh right.

Zack: Majormess!

Kimberly: Pterodorky!

Billy: Tribladdertops!

Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat!

Jason: Trashosaurus!

Polka music starts playing while they are doing their 'cool' moves.

Zack: Man, what's that annoying sound?

Jason: Sounds like our "cool music" gone hay-wire, what's going on? We'll be ruined with that dork mess.

Musicman: Oh, sorry, MOTLEY CRUE! Need ya.

Jason: That's better.

The rangers start getting tossed around like a tossed salad by Madame Moe, particularly Billy, who gets the stuffings beat out of.

Billy: You've had it, lady!

Trini: We're supposed to be rescuing Marge?

Kimberly: I have an idea, let's leave her in a dark dimension and slowly tear away at her clothing.

Billy: Jealous pig. Let's just destroy the mummy.

Jason: I'll find bean face.

Jason runs in the cave of which Marge is in.

Jason: Hey, Marge!

Marge: The Pathetic Rangers, wow!

Jason: Yeah, I am. Pretty awesome, huh?

Marge: Can I have your autograph?

Jason: Oh sure, here you go, [while writing] Red Rash Ranger.

Marge: Great, cool suit.

Jason: You think so? Yeah, it's made of spandex.

Marge: Really? It's so wonderful.

Jason: Well I have my work cut out for me.

Zack: AYE JASE! WE'RE BEING BLOWN TO BITS OUT HERE!

Jason: Gotta go.

Marge: But wait, what about me?

Jason: Oh yeah, almost forgot.

Marge: By the way, isn't Blue Nosed Ranger supposed to save me?

Jason: I guess, I don't know, c'mon.

Billy: Oh Marge!

Marge: Blue Nosed Ranger! My hero!

Billy: I'm no hero yet, I gotta mess up the drunk witch.

Trini: Well if anybody hadn't noticed, we're stuck in this weirdo dimension that Zordon happened to have failed to notify us about and the only way, according to the script, to get out is if we combine our powers to one Ranger to leave this place and destroy that china-plated faced monster.

Jason: How do we do that?

A stack of bound paper falls on Jason's head, he reaches down to pick it up (on the cover it says "The Script"); Jason opens it and reads it...when he comes to this part.

Jason: Oh no, you mean we have to do the Hokey Pokey???

Kimberly: Oh boy! [Bouncing up and down]

Trini: Uh uh, that was a planted page--THIS Is what we do.

Jason: Oh, okay; let's do it!

Zack: Majormess! [Raising his Coin by his helmet]

Kimberly: Pterodorky! [Raising his Coin by her helmet]

Billy: Tribladdertops! [Raising his Coin by his helmet]

Trini: Sabertoothed-Alley Cat! [Raising his Coin by helmet]

Jason: Trashosaurus! [Raising his Coin by his helmet]

Billy: PATHETIC RANGERS!

Billy scrunches down into a glowing blue light and leaves the dark dimension.

Madame Moe: I'm going to melt you down into blue pancake batter!

Billy: Wait!!

Billy gets out his Power Lance and starts attempting to lash Moe with it, but she keeps changing positions and using the elements to repel him.

Madame: Hahahahaha, this is the end; Blue Ranger!! Goodbye!

Madame Moe strings up a blue chain and wraps it around Billy's neck and swings him everywhere while zaping and blowing up everything around him, finally; she swings Billy up against the side of a mountain and he's in mid-air getting about 10 more kilowatts of juice arcing through the chain.

Billy: Ugh, agh! OH! OOCH! OWCH! Aarrgghh... That's IT! You've had it, witch!

Billy rolls over underneath Madame Moe and grabs her legs and swings her around and around and around until she goes face-first into the ground. Billy leaps on top of her back and pulls her head back and snatches her treasure-troll crystal and drops her head back in the dirt.

Billy: Ew!

The crystal turns to black oily gook as it runs in the sand.

Madame: No!! Not my PRECIOUS Treasure Troll crystal!!

Billy: Oh yes, you're history now!

==========

Rita: What...What's going on down there!

Baboo: Something tells me this isn't going to work!

Finster: Oh dear.

==========

Meanwhile in the cave with Margie.

Marge: So, that's why I had my ovaries removed.

Trini (turning green): Gross, that's disgusting, Marge.

Kimberly: Why'd you do it?

Marge: I was so apalled at the state of over population, I was concerned I was going to help contribute to birthing this society into being extinct.

Zack: Yo ladies, listen; I'd love to sit here and count the meals as they come up one by one listening to you, but we're sort of in the middle of a fight.

Billy's karate vocal-noises are over heard, "HUL!"

Marge: What was that?

Jason: That means our captor is about ready to bite the dust.

Trini: Hang on Marge, this is going to be a rough ride.

Suddenly, Marge with the Rangers all standing in the same position appear in a different background (outside the cave).

Billy runs up to Jason...

Billy: Okay, guys; she's out cold--but when she wakes up she'll be pissed.

Jason: All right! I did it! I defeated Madame Moe!

Billy: Say WHAT!? You take credit for _MY_ HARD Work?! You COWARD!!

Jason: Hey, what are leaders for?

Billy: Arg... Just for that, I'm gunna ask for the Mega-Spitter!

Jason: Aw shucks.

Billy: Assemble the Mega-Spitter!

Zack: Power Axe!

Kimberly: Power Bow!

Trini: Power Daggers!

Billy: Power Lance!

Jason: Power Sword!

Their weapons formulate the Mega-Spitter who fires laser-spit.

Madame Moe: I'm not licked yet!

Madame Moe, standing there knowing she's down for the count finally gets inundated with the acid laser which results in her body parts traveling at high speed in random directions until they disintegrate.

==========

Rita: I knew it wasn't going to work! You fools, and your stupid relatives! I'm _never_ hiring from your family Again!! Why, that drunk look's like a Refugee from "Mama's Family"!!!

Finster: I tried my best.

Rita: You're nothing, you're stupid, you know that! Ugh!

Finster: Oh Rita, you are absolutely right, oh!

SCENE VIII:

At the dance in Ernie's Junk Food Bar...

Billy is at a table with this wild hair-do he most likely won't fashion ever again trying to ask Marge to dance.

Billy: Well Marge, Would you wanna go to the dance with me?

Marge: I would love to, it's just that I [short pause], met some dude and got married.

Billy: What? No way.

Marge: I never liked you anyway, bye Billy.

Billy: What a rotten sack of potatoes.

Zack: Hey, Kim's offering, why don't you ask her out before she finds out you're only asking her because Marge got an attitude?

Billy: Oh right, hey Kim, wanna go to the dance?

Kimberly: Great!

Jason: Well, all and all, everyone's happy.

Trini: I guess.

Bulk and Skull walk in.

Bulk: Hey, we want a date!

Skull: Yeah.

Trini: Well, we all want miracles, but it rarely happens.

Bulk: Oh, belligerent, aren't we? We'll just have to teach you pieces of garbage a lesson.

Jason: What's the worst you could do to us? Put too much starch in our underpants? Spitting in our jock-straps? Try just running into Ernie's cake.

Bulk: Okay.

Bulk and Skull run into the cake.

Ernie approaches the two.

Ernie: Alright, you nitwits. I let it slide that you deadbeats didn't pay up for that cake you desecrated at the beginning of the show. But now, you're gonna have to pay up or get out.

Bulk: Aww, but Ernie; I...

Ernie: NO BUT'S!

Bulk: Alright, just let me consult my bank.

Bulk takes off his sock and grabs his smelly money that makes Ernie pass out.

Billy: You! You shams!

Bulk: Hey, now that he's out, we don't have to pay!

Skull: Alright!

Billy: I hope you idiots believe in Karma, because what goes around comes around.

Bulk: That's a crock. No one's feet are smellier than mine.

Trini: He has a point there.

THE END

(C) 2003 Phill. Enterprises

NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS...

Trini's old itching, smelly, stupid, so-called Karate/Scientist Uncle, who is working on an invisibility formula, decides to pay Trini a visit.

Dorky: Oops! I evaporated the toilet, oh well, no biggie. I'm bored. Hmmm, I think I'll mess with my cousin . . . cousin . . . uhh, I think Weenie. Oh well. Does it matter? Last I remember, when she was nine, all she ever did was smile.

...but Rita has taken an interest in Uncle Dorky's formula (for no apparent reason), so she commands Finster to create--out of a celebrity's poop--Dumb Warrior!

Rita: Finster! I'm angry! I want a monster!

Finster: Coming up, my queen. Ah, this one is oven baked.

...

Dumb Warrior: Hey touts, I'm out of the oven, could you stop banging at those invalids and tell me what I'm supposed to be doing?

Rita: Right, I'll deal with you toons later. Go down there and kidnap Trini's pissy smelling uncle and interrogate and torture him until he gives up the location where he put his formula.

Warrior: The monster always gets the tough job.

Rita: That's because you're scary.

Warrior: No I'm not, I just look like someone's afternoon potty accident.

Can the Rangers withstand the smell and the swarm of flies to battle this walking dirty-diaper? Will Trini finally wise up and see that Uncle Dorky needs to be put in a rest home? Will Billy stop over-acting and pull his hands out of Kimberly's blouse? Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!