SCENE I:

Back at Queen Bowel's...

Queen Bowel: Deadmite... present yourself.

Deadmite (only heard): Hang on, Queen! I'm in the shower!

Queen Bowel: Come out now! I need to hear of your progress gathering energy from the earthlings on Earth.

Deadmite: Oookay, but I'm indecent.

Deadmite is seeing running into the living room in nothing but a wet towel dripping with water.

Deadmite: Well... it's a crude plan, but anyway... I discovered that humans exhaust a great deal of energy on some thing which they label, "love."

Queen Bowel: Get to the point.

Deadmite: I intend to take advantage of this using another minion of mine.

Queen Bowel: Excellent. But do not fail me miserably the same way you did the last time. Otherwise, I will give you a de-merit and be very disappointed. Yes, very disappointed indeed.

Deadmite: Yes, my Queen.

Queen Bowel: That is all. Leave before I release the hounds.

Deadmite: Huh?

Queen Bowel: Just go.

SCENE II:

On the air... all over the city is a radio show with a soft-spoken host.

Host: Welcome once again to another instalment of, the Love Line, with your host, Lovey Larry.

Serena's in her room, listening to the radio, in her jammies, on her bed, squeezing a pillow.

Serena: Oh he's so dreamy.

Lovey Larry: Our first special love letter is from a very special girl. She says that she hasn't had sex in over 3 and a half years and is ready and willing. Now, I wouldn't want to name names, just say her first name is Patricia B. Or, rather, Ms. P. Balloona.

Ms. Baloona is her room listening.

Ms. Baloona: They could've stuck with Patricia B. Jeez! Didn't have to go spreading my sex life all over the world! Oh well, anyway, YIPPY!----------

Serena: Ms. B. sent something in to the Love Line? But she hasn't even been glanced at by a guy in 2 years!

Lovey Larry: Before I read this letter, I would like all the readers to know that if you write us and we read your love letter on the air, you'll get a romantic prize.

Serena: Oo! Maybe a date with Tuxedo Trash!

Tuna walks in the door.

At the radio station, an unshaven fat man with a major beer belly and messy hair, smoking a cigarette is seen talking soft and sweetly at the microphone. This man is Lovey Larry.

Lovey Larry: But first, this commercial break.

Lovey Larry puts his hand on the microphone and plays a commercial and his voice goes to a scruffy, New York style voice.

Larry: Eeeughl. This letter's gonna make me barf. Who writes slop like this?

Mysterious Voice: Just read it. What do you think I'm paying you for?

Larry: Yeah yeah, sure, whatever.

Larry goes back on the air, coming back with his suave, soft-voice.

Lovey Larry: Here goes... "Dear long lost love, my nights are cold without your body giving me the warmth it takes to sleep. It would make me happier than the richest woman for you to return to my heart..."

Tuna: Shouldn't you be going to bed instead of listening to this sap?

Serena: Tuna, I've got my mom to tell me when to go to sleep. You're suppose to be the talking cat who aids my rebellious activities.

Tuna: I am a talking cat here to repeat to you your destiny and make sure you do the least amount of fun things you'd like to do. And guide you to your destiny.

Serena: Yeah, right, sure sure. Anyway... I want to be a love-line DJ.

Tuna: Give me a break!

Serena: I'm serious!

Tuna: That hyper voice of yours could jumpstart the dead.

Serena: Hey, there's no reason to be rude.

Tuna: FORGET IT!

Serena: Hey man, what's your problem? Did I forget to spay you or something?

Tuna: Listen... I'm simply fed-up with a certain someone who keeps forgetting about her important mission to fight the Segaverse!

Serena: Leave me alone.

Tuna: Stop dreaming up these impossible, highly unlikely aspirations and start thinking about your mission to fight the Segaverse. When will you get it?

Serena: Listen, kitty! Maybe I don't wanna fight the stupid Segaverse!

Tuna: You're hopeless.

Serena climbs into bed.

Serena: Party pooper.

Tuna: Sigh.

SCENE III:

The following morning at Serena's house, her father is sitting at the dining room table reading his newspaper.

Dad (pretentiously): Oh, I wonder why this Saturday is circled in red marker.

Mom: Oh I don't know.

Dad: I betcha it's real special.

Mom (nodding): Uh huh.

Dad: Like...

Mom: Like...

Dad: Uh...

Mom: Our an...

Dad: Ances...

Mom: ..iversary.

Dad: Uh, yeah! That's right, I'm mean. Yes, that and the special something you're going to enjoy that day.

Mom: Ooo, I can't wait. What are you going to give me?

Dad (slyly): 20 minutes instead of 10.

Mom: What!?

Dad: Dah, uh, er... Uh, Dinner, I mean. At a fancy restaurant.

Mom: That's more like it. Now say "ah."

Dad: Ahh...

She sticks a buttered slice of toast in his mouth when suddenly Serena screams.

Mom: Oooo! If it's that Peeping-Tom I swear I'm really going to use the iron.

Serena runs into the room.

Serena (quickly): Hi mom, hi dad, late--gotta run. See ya.

Dad: That girl is always late.

Meanwhile, in front of school...

Serena: Oh please don't ring yet...

Serena arrives in class but Ms. Balloona hasn't arrived yet.

Serena: What is up? Ms. B. never misses class.

Molly: Hey, if she's out we don't have to stay.

Serena: Kewl! Free day!

Melvin: Hey this is good. Now maybe I can give an unabridged version of my book report on "Love and War."

Serena: Melvin, have you ever considered Valium?

The class looks as Ms. Balloona drag herself into the classroom with dark circles around her eyes followed by bags hardly able to keep her eye lids open. She trips over and just manages to keep herself from falling to the floor. She then turns around to face the class.

Balloona (sounding drugged): Hi.

Melvin: What the...?

Balloona: Whoever's here, please raise their hand. Ugh.

Ms. Balloona drops her book on to the desk.

Balloona: Who cares. Tell ya what? Read as many chapters as you want in whatever book you want and wake me up when the last bell goes off. [Yawn.] Nap time.

Ms. Balloona sits down in her chair and goes out cold on the desk while a special flower on her lapel glows a bright purple. The whole class stares at Balloona sleep.

Melvin: Wha!? Maybe one of us should go get the principal so we can hurry up and get back to that Calculus lesson she was about to give us. We're getting seriously close to missing it!

Molly: Are you cracked?

Serena: We are gonna stay here and watch Ms. B. snore away, possibly take pictures and play portable video games!

Melvin: How'd you get those in here?

Serena: None of your business.

Melvin: Fine then! I'm going to the principal's office to...

Molly: Oh no you're not!

Melvin: And who's gonna stop me?

Melvin gets up and Molly pushes him back into his chair.

Melvin: Ow! Please don't hurt me, girls.

SCENE IV:

Meanwhile, Tuna is out getting fresh air and taking a walk while complaining to herself.

Tuna: Of all the screwed up situations in the world, I spend my life searching for a brave, strong, tough young teenager conveniently very beautiful, blonde with an impossible waist line and I wind up with this cry baby, lazy do-nothing wimp who cannot understand her role as the champion of justice! If this is some kind of joke, I must say that I am hardly amused.

Phill: Well I am. Ha ha ha!

Tuna sneers at the writers. A garage door opens being the entrance to a mini-mall arcade place. A blonde elderly teenager looks at Tuna.

Andrew: Hello. Aren't you cute. You're Tuna, right?

Suddenly Tuna assumes an absurd wild take.

Andrew: Wow, no need to go rabies on me. I won't torture you.

Tuna (thinking): This must be the kid Serena likes so much.

Andrew: What are you doing here all by yourself?

Tuna smiles.

Andrew: I would imagine you were still in the alley behind the shopping centre foraging around in dumpsters for stale meat.

Tuna frowns.

Andrew: You must be hungry, or a video-attic like Serena. I'll go in and look through the garbage cans and see what I can round up.

Andrew walks into the store.

Tuna: Thank you very so much. Sheesh! Well... this will be a great place to communicate with Serena since it's just next door to the school and she's always going here.

Tuna hops off. Andrew returns with a platter of an old, half-eaten chicken on it.

Andrew: Tuna? Tuna. Where'd you go? Oh well.

Andrew throws the chicken back in the trashcan. Tuna walks down the street when she hears an ambulance going down the street. Then a police car behind it. Then an army tank.

Tuna: A tank??

Phill: Just yankin' your chain.

Tuna: I greatly dislike you.

Phill: Yeah yeah. Whaddya gonna do.

Melvin is found running down the street with Serena and Molly chasing him.

Molly: You chicken! Come back here!

Melvin: Nuh uh!

Serena: You shouldn't have told the principal! Now the ambulance is gonna help her and we're gonna have to go to school next week!

Molly: I told you we should've handcuffed him to his desk.

Tuna: What's going on?

Miss Balloona is seen being carried off on a stretcher while the class gathers by a window and watches Balloona be put into the back of the Ambulance.

Melvin: Maybe she has sleeping sickness.

Molly: I wonder if you just talk because you like the sound of your voice? I certainly don't.

Serena: This is weird. I've never seen or heard of a teacher falling asleep at her desk before. I know I have, but never the teacher.

Molly: Maybe she stayed up way too late listening to that new talk show on WDUH, Love Line. I'm feelin' kinda beat myself, it went on way past midnight.

Serena: [Gasp.] Maybe, they read her letter on the air and her special prize was getting laid all night by the talk show host after the show!

Melvin: Oh my virgin ears.

Serena: Oh please.

Miss Balloona continues to snooze as one of the paramedics wipe drool from her cheek.

Serena: Well now that school's been cancelled, I suppose I caught up for nothing. No matter, now I can go to the arcade and give another crack at that Sailor Whee game I've been trying to beat.

Melvin: Don't forget, we have more than one teacher for the other classes.

Serena (insistently): Yes, but the kids will be _so_ shaken up by this _unfortunate occurrence_ that the nurse will order everyone home, hence no more school.

Melvin: But nobody cares!

Molly: Hey Melvin, how would you like to get another wedgie?

Melvin: Oh no! Not that! I have to re-arrange my under pants and I despise moving my hands below my belt unless it's to pick something up off the ground.

Molly: Then how do you shower?

Melvin: I wear bathing trunks and use gloves when it's time to do the unspeakable task of cleaning my unmentionables--then I burn them.

Serena: What planet did you come from, Mars?

Melvin: Technically speaking, there is no scientifically proven sign of life on that planet thus leading to the conclusion that it would be impossible for me to have come from there.

Serena: You are a complete loser, Melvin.

SCENE V:

Meanwhile at WDUH, a man is sitting at a desk with another man standing in front of it in an office.

Program Director: Yes, sir. Did you want to see me?

General Manager: Yes. I want you to explain to me why we've been getting thousands of fan letters daily for a show we don't even air??

Program Director: I don't know, but everything from 11:00pm and 4:00am has been devoted to network programming. We don't know what comes on that time slot anymore.

General Manager: I knew firing Bay Reams was a bad idea. Well find out what's going on.

Program Director: Yes sir, I'll get on it right away.

Mysteriously Pale Woman: Do you have any letters for the Love Line?

General Manager: You know about this craze?

MPW: Of course.

General Manager: Who are you anyway?

MPW: I'm from... The network.

General Manager: Which one?

MPW: The one that broadcasts Love Line.

General Manager: Makes sense. Proceed.

SCENE VI:

Meanwhile, in the City, Molly and Serena are walking home from school together.

Molly: Serena, I've got a very special project I'm working on.

Serena: Going back to acting class so you can do your ADR recordings using a less fake sounding accent?

Molly: No, silly. I've got to write the perfect letter so it will get read on the air.

Serena: But you're a virgin!

Molly: Shhhh! I'll just make up a story so it will wind up on Love Line!

Serena: Oh I get it! So you can meet the perfect guy. Ooo! Wish I've thought of that; there's just this really totally cool guy...

Serena bumps into an impossibly tall man. Molly turns around and sees Serena fall onto her bottom. She then gets up.

Serena: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Molly: Dairenn, how are you?

Dairenn: Ahahaha!

Serena looks up and finds out it is Dairenn.

Dairenn: What were you saying about that someone who is totally cool?

Serena: Ooooooooooo!!!!!

Dairenn: Was it your rubber ducky? Or possibly even your brother?

Serena: Ooooooooooo...Oo!!!!!

Dairenn: Well we can be sure it isn't you. Say, shouldn't you be home doing your homework?

Serena: You are not my Father... No, you're not my Mother. Dairenn--go milk a cow!

Dairenn: I would, but then you'd slap me.

Serena: How would you like my foot 12 feet deep up your butt?! Oh wait, then I'd have to step in your mouth.

Dairenn: I gotta go, Cheeseball head.

Serena: Don't call me that! Ooo! I just wish I had a _rock_ to throw at his rotten walnut of a head!

Molly: I just got the inspiration for my Love Letter.

Serena: You better not be talking about Dairenn because he is a total and complete lamer!

SCENE VII:

In her room, Serena slams a notepad into her desk and sits down and begins stretching herself.

Serena: All right! Time to get serious! Gotta warm it up and get serious. This is gotta be hot.

Tuna: I can't believe you're going to start working without eating anything. And when will you start doing your chores and homework without being told?

Serena: Quiet you babbling cat or I'm going to ram an apple in your mouth!!

Tuna: Oh, sorry.

Serena: Hmmm, now let me think here. I've gotta get them flowing in their undies. Hmmm.

Tuna watches Serena think... Moments later, Serena is found balancing her pen on the grove of her mouth.

Tuna: You don't know what to write, do you?

Serena: I THOUGHT I SAID I WAS GONNA RIP YOUR GUTS OUT!

Tuna: My you're cranky! Uh, how about this. I'm going to go out and get some air?

Serena: Don't go, I need something to rub on.

Tuna: Nice to feel appreciated. You're not going to touch me in private places, are you?

Serena: Of COURSE not, what kind of question is that anyway?

Tuna: I don't know, you just might want to get inspiration.

Serena: What kinda pervert do you take me for??

Tuna: You'll never get anything done at this rate.

Serena: You're absolutely right, why didn't I think of this sooner?

Tuna: Beats me.

Serena: Cork it. I'll go there myself and present myself in person! It'll be great!

Tuna: Oh I don't _believe_ this.

Serena: Come on, Tuna.

SCENE VIII:

Meanwhile, at WDUH, Serena is found arguing with the guard at the gate.

Serena: Are you sure? But this is the station that airs Love Line.

Guard: Listen lady, I'm not gonna tell you again. There isn't any Love Line at this station. Go home.

Serena: I'm going!

Serena walks off.

Serena: So weird. I know I heard right.

SCENE IX:

In Serena's room, she is found in her PJs when her alarm clock strikes midnight. She listens to the Radio.

[Radio]: (Singers) 11.70, W-DUH, Chat Radio! It's twelve o'clock.

Talk show Host: It's the midnight hour and time for romance.

Phill: Oh please.

Talk show Host: Welcome to the Love Line, with your new host, Larry Lovebird.

Serena: I knew it was on this station! That doofus guard doesn't know anything!

Tuna: This program is pretty new all right. It just started three days ago. So, how come it's not in the Entertainment Section? It's not even listed in the radio listings.

Serena: Oh, Tuna. Nobody cares about stuff that comes on the Radio any more.

Tuna: I don't buy that for one second.

Talk show Host: Tonight, our secret, anonymous mystery letter is from Molly.

Molly: D'oh!

At the Radio station, Deadmite is seen broadcasting on the air. Deadmite picks up the first letter on a pile of others that happens to be Molly's and takes the others and throws them in the trash.

Pale Woman (thinking): With all the fan mail this show has been getting, there should be enough energy for the Segaverse. Queen Bowel will be most pleased.

Deadmite (on the air): Remember, listeners. One special letter will be read tonight. And the vict..uh..winner, will receive a lucky prize.

Deadmite is seen fondling the evil rose while laughing evilly.

SCENE X:

In the class... Molly is seen in the class room with a small, coloured gift box. Other girls are surrounding Molly.

Molly: Look at what I won! He read my letter and gave me a special prize!

Serena: Let's see!

Molly opens it and it's the same purple rose that Ms. Balloona got.

Molly: Hey! It's the flower Ms. B. got!

Serena: How cheap. He could at least have given different prizes. Why couldn't it have been a gift certificate for two to a fancy restaurant.

Molly: Oh well. He said it's special so it's really cool.

Girl: Wow, it's so cool!

Suddenly, the flower begins glowing and spreading some kind of fog.

Molly: Woah am I sleepy.

Girl: What's going on?

Serena: Molly? What's the matter?

Molly: I think I'll go to sleep.

Molly leans back in her chair and falls asleep.

Serena: What is this??

Serena sniffs the fog and feels sleepy herself and goes into a dream state. Serena is flying in the sky with the moon behind her. She sits on clouds and sees Tuxedo Trash in nothing but a skimpy-red g-string, his top-hat, bow-tie and mask.

Serena: Tuxedo Trash?

Tuxedo Trash (smiling): Yes.

Serena: Wh, what are you doing in my dream?

Tuxedo Trash: Why, you have the hots for me. Of course I'm in your dream. And you really turn me on, babe. I can fulfil your wildest dreams.

Serena: Oooh! Does that mean you'll have a chocolate shake with me and then give me a private strip show?

Tuxedo Trash: Your wish is my command, Sailor Goon.

Serena (jumping up and down): WAH HOO! YIPPY! YOO HOO! YA HOO!! WHOOPY! Ahem... uh... now, um, does this mean you'll reveal you are to me?

Tuxedo Trash: I'd much rather remove my g-string. But whatever you wish.

Tuxedo Trash begins to slowly remove his white mask.

Serena: Oooh. I can't wait.

Tuxedo Trash reveals 75% if his eyes. We zoom in on Serena's gleaming eyes with her mouth open. Tuxedo Trash reveals 95% of his eyes. We finally zoom in on Serena's mouth watering. When Tuxedo Trash finally tears off the mask and what is seen is Tuna screaming at Serena in reality.

Tuna: SERENA! STOP DREAMING AND WAKE UP!

Serena: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Serena jumps up into the air and falls down on her hospital bed.

Serena: Tuna! Don't do that!!

Tuna: Well, nice to see you got your strength back.

Serena: Lucky for ME I don't have a heart problem. That wasn't the BEST way you could've waken me up!

Tuna: Look at Molly.

Serena goes over to Molly's hospital bed.

Serena: She looks awful. Look at that drool.

Tuna: No, Serena! It's the Segaverse!

Serena: Now what do they want?

Tuna: A lesser mind would leave it up to you to piece it together, but I don't see the benefit in that. Therefore, I will again tell you the obvious.

Serena: Hey thanks.

Tuna: Ugh. That flower is behind it all. We have to go to that radio station and figure out what this is all about.

Serena: Right.

SCENE XI:

Serena comes up to the radio station with Tuna and sees that same guard sitting in a booth.

Serena: Oh! There's that stuff-shirt guard again. What am I gonna do?

Tuna: I've got it.

Tuna does that fancy schamncy back flip and out pops a pen with a red crystal on top.

Serena: What is this? Another silly gadget?

Tuna: You could say that. It's the Tuna pen. It's a very powerful pen. It has the ability to transform you into whoever you wanna be.

Serena: Really? Wicked cool! I wanna be Vanna White!

Tuna: Something tells me you're going to start abusing this just like you abused the toaster oven.

Serena: Relax, kitty. I'm gonna like this pen. Hee hee.

Tuna: Just yell "Disguise power."

Serena throws the pen up.

Serena: Disguise power! Transform me into... um, a traffic reporter with really cool shades.

Serena is changed into a woman with long, krinkly blonde hair wearing bell-bottom shoes and high-heels with green-tinted sunglasses.

Tuna: Tell me this is a joke.

Serena: No way, they're sure to let me in now.

Tuna: Traffic reporters don't come in at night.

Serena: Yeah right. Of course they do.

Tuna: Do you know what you're doing?

Serena: Sure, why not? I am a sophisticated traffic reporter.

Serena begins walking smugly in the high heels.

Tuna: Maybe she can pull this off.

Serena: Waaaaagh!

Serena trips in her shoe and falls on her rear and begins crying.

Tuna: Or maybe not.

SCENE XII:

Deadmite (over the radio): ...my love is endless. Who needs dying when you have a heart to go to heaven...

Tuna (looking in studio through door): Ugh. I think I'm going to puke.

Serena: Whee! I'd love to have a job like that! Seems so exciting! Ahem... well, maybe not. Everyone's asleep.

Tuna: No way.

Serena: See for yourself.

We see a shot of a bunch of radio engineers fast asleep.

Tuna: They're not suppose to go to sleep. They sleep during the day so they can get to their jobs!

Serena: I bet the Segaverse came in with a baseball bat and beat the living...

Tuna: We've got to check this out.

Serena: Right! Mmph!

Serena rolls up her sleeve and busts into the door.

Mysteriously Pale Woman: Hey! Who are you??

Serena: No time for formalities.

Deadmite: ...and my love...

Serena: Hello, Larry Lovebird. Show's over.

Deadmite: Who do you think you are?

Serena: I am your new traffic reporter.

Deadmite: I don't need a stupid traf...

Serena: And I have a few things to say about this bogus radio show.

Deadmite: Everyone, don't listen to her. She has yeast infections.

Serena: Creep. How dare you?

Deadmite: How dare YOU?!?

Serena: Don't listen to him. He never cared about any of you. Turn off your radio if you know what's best for you. And throw away that god forsaken flower especially.

Deadmite: No!

Serena: It's poison I tell you! If he ever got a chance, he'd kill you and everyone you ever cared about. He only cares about himself.

Deadmite: Shut up! Turn off her microphone!

Serena: Oh no! He's coming after me... he's trying to hurt me! Somebody call for 9-1-1! Don't take your anger out on me!

Deadmite: Huh?

Deadmite becomes increasingly annoyed.

Serena: No! Stop it! Get away from me with that baseball bat! No! Larry Lovebird! No! Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!

Deadmite turns off the microphone.

Deadmite: Did you think that was funny?

Serena: There's nothing funny about this.

Deadmite: You're going to be very sorry you did that.

Tuna: Look out behind you! A really ugly pale lady is coming after you!

Serena: Huh? Aah!

Mysteriously Pale Woman bashes through the glass window and begins flying in the air with an evil smile/laugh.

Serena: Eeek!

Tuna: Get the heck out of there Serena!

MPW turns into a nasty Monster (Monster #2).

Monster #2: Hahahaha! You won't get away from me, you no-name little scrawb!

Serena runs out the studio and a blast of fire comes before her and she's blasted into the air with Tuna.

Tuna: You know! Sailor Goon would be good around now.

Serena: That's just what I was thinking. Goon Gizmo power!

"The Music" begins as Serena throws up her hand. Her fingernail polish begins to glow, causing the pigmentation of her hand to fade as it became replaced by a blend of colours flowing constantly. Her eyes open as her now nude body spins around through the alter-dimension; the locket on her chest projects glowing dark pink ribbon as it ties around her body to become a special body suit and bow with a sailor flap on the back. Serena brings her arms above her head crossed at the wrists. Dark pink ribbon wraps around her arms until it becomes taught and turns into gloves. To her feet, more dark pink ribbon become her boots as she spins through the air with her knee in the air after her skirt is formed. Her tiara is affixed around her forehead and two red balls appear in the two balls on the left and right side of her hair. She finally strikes a pose with a crescent moon appearing behind herself.

Monster #2: Hahahaha!

Sailor Goon: So you thought that was funny, huh? Well......

…..strikes more poses.

Sailor Goon: I am Sailor Goon! Robots in disguise! All Go Voltron Force!

Tuna: THAT'S not how it goes!

Sailor Goon: Oh right (silly script swapping), I mean... On behalf of the moon, I will right wrongs and triumph over evil! And that means you.

Deadmite: Oh that's really cute, little girl, but somebody in there just messed up my show so I'm in a real bad mood.

Sailor Goon: Your show was plenty messed up before I got in there.

Deadmite: Oh so now you're insulting me and my show, is that it?

Sailor Goon: Uh huh, yep.

Deadmite: Well! That sounds like a challenge to me...and I accept! Monster number two! Finish her off, leave the body behind, I think I might be in the mood for something very sick tonight.

Phill: You are a real sleaze sack.

Deadmite: What do you want from me? I'm a real bad guy, if you want fake, go look at Masked Whiner.

Phill: Mmmm...carry on.

Deadmite: Muahahahahahahaha!

Suddenly Monster #2 leaps through their air with its claws extending one inch per foot she moves as she breaths brown air. Sailor Goon and Tuna are seen flung through the air by the sheer density of her foul, odious breath. Sailor Goon takes Tuna by the tail and throws her at the ceiling blasting a hole through it as she leaps through it. The monster pouts, runs up under the hole and leaps up through it. Sailor Goon lands on one of the towers next to the transmitter.

Sailor Goon: Safe!

Suddenly, Monster #2's laughter echoes all around her as she turns around and looks at the hideous thing and screams.

Sailor Goon: What the hell do I do now??

Tuna: Run!!

Monster #2 breaths more brown beams of stench at Sailor Goon as she takes off running. Abruptly, the monster appears before her hovering above the ground as Sailor Goon stops dead in her tracks. Monster #2 raises her hand to the air when very suddenly five very sharp, curved claws appear upon its fingers as she swipes down at Sailor Goon. She panics, takes off her boot, knocks the monster in the face, puts it back on and runs again.

Tuna: Sailor Goon!! Do you remember what I taught you in the first episode?

Sailor Goon: To cry?

Tuna: NO! Use your tiara!

Sailor Goon: Oh, okay.

Sailor Goon removes her tiara while gasping for her life.

Sailor Goon: Goon Tiara...Magic!!

Suddenly the spinning tiara appears, flies at Monster #2 in a streak of blinding yellow light as it heads off WAY left field while the monster, Tuna and Sailor Goon watch the Tiara head out of sight.

Monster #2: Thanks to your bad aim, I will finish you! Rahhhhhh!

Sailor Goon: Uhmmmm... Tiara return!

While the Tiara is speeding through the air the beam suddenly curves while making a screeching car noise as it turns around and takes off towards Sailor Goon. The monster gets in front of her when suddenly it turns around and sees the tiara heading for it.

Monster #2: Hey! Nobody told me about THIS!

The Tiara suddenly slices through the monster as it is destroyed.

Deadmite: Argh!

Sailor Goon: Well! Now that I've plunged your monster down the drain of life, care to give up or should I make you in to Sega chunks just like I did her?

Deadmite: Why would I do a stupid thing like that?

Sailor Goon: 'cause...you look pretty stupid.

Deadmite: NOW you've made me angry! I'm MAD!

Sailor Goon: You sure are...

Deadmite: Ugh! That is it, I'm sick of your insults. Now I'm going to have to break your body in THREE vital places using my semi-cosmic g-force powers!

Suddenly Sailor Goon throws the tiara at Deadmite when suddenly Deadmite just blows just slightly out of his mouth causing the tiara to stop glowing spin around in the air and then hit the ground as it rotates constantly, faster and faster until it stops.

Sailor Goon: Oh...crap.

Deadmite: Yes... Crap indeed, Sailor Grapes..

Sailor Goon: Alright, I'm through playing around! I'm going to make you into crap. Which shouldn't be so hard to do since you already are! Heeeeeeeeee....

Sailor Goon runs up to Deadmite and leaps into the air coming at him with her foot pointed at his face.

Sailor Goon: ...YAHHH!!!

Suddenly Deadmite lifts his pinkie while his arms are crossed causing Sailor Goon to fly backwards through the air and hit the ground. Sailor Goon just barely picks herself up off the ground. Deadmite walks anxiously up to her. Sailor Goon continues to snivel and sob as she watches him take out a small whip behind his back with this evil grin on his face.

Tuna (putting paws over eyes): I can't watch... I KNEW I should've cast my vote to use longer skirts in the sailor uniforms!

Sailor Goon (lips curling): Mmmm, hu hu hu...

Deadmite: Hmm hmm hmm muahahahahahaha!

Sailor Goon (cracking voice): Looks like this is it...

Deadmite:Muahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

Suddenly, a rose cuts through Deadmite's whip and sticks in the floor next to his shoe.

Tuxedo Trash Voice: Damn. Knew I should've aimed for the crotch.

Deadmite: Who are you and what do you want? This is a private mauling.

Tuxedo Trash: Not anymore, you sick little bag of frog vomit.

Deadmite: Clever speech, Tux-Man, but I have things to do.

Tuxedo Trash: Sailor Goon, get off your cheeks and run! Don't let him do the vile, vicious things that keep popping into his head as every second goes by! You can't give in!

Deadmite: Looks like this guy's hot stuff. Oh well. It's no fun maiming someone in front of company. I'm outta here. See ya soon, Chicken Goon.

Deadmite floats into the air and a black vortex appears behind his back and begins trying to suck Deadmite in back to the Segaverse but has difficulty.

Deadmite: Oh Sheesh! Pull me in already!

Deadmite is then finally sucked into the vortex and disappears. Sailor Goon stands there, still sitting on the ground, with puffy eyes looking at the rose.

Sailor Goon: That rose must have some magical power. It's Tuxedo Trash! Thank you! Thanks for scaring the mean man away!

Tuxedo Trash flies away into the moonlight (puke, puke). Suddenly, everyone who was knocked out unconscious by the evil rose wakes up with major hangovers.

SCENE XIII:

Serena is at school writing in a paper.

Serena (reading what she writes aloud): Tuxedo Trash, you are my hero. I love every minute I'm around you. You are the most cool, hunky guy I've ever known. But why did you pick the name Tuxedo Trash? Well, if you're waiting for the right time, let your first time be with me, please...? And...Molly snatches Serena's paper.

Molly: Hey, watcha writing in here? A sexy love letter? Ooo, "My beloved Tuxedo Trash, you are my hero, I love every minute I'm around you..." Ooo! Smooch smooch! This is so hot it's practically singeing my fingers.

Serena: Give me that back!

Ms. Balloona returns to class.

Ms. Balloona: Hi everyone. So sorry about embarrassing myself and every one of you by sleeping in class. But I'm back now, and glad to see your gleaming, smiling faces and...

Serena: Give me that, you snoop!

Molly: Uh uh! Not until I'm through reading it!

Serena is chasing Molly around the classroom.

Serena: Give me my, uh, homework!

Ms. Balloona: Homework? Serena do homework? This is an unbelievable event! Lemme see!

Now suddenly Ms. B. is chasing Serena, who is chasing Molly.

THE END

© Phill. Enterprises 1999