| July 1, 2001 2:36 p.m. |
| Ho hum...break week is just about over... THANK GOD!!! Now I can go back to school and actually have a reason to be miserable and depressed. Went to see AI last night...didn't really hate it, but I didn't really like it either. I think I'm going to have to copy Taylor and put a movie critic type page on my site. This is the summer of Movies and Perkins apparently. The thesis is actually coming along now, and as much as I hate saying it, I'm enjoying writing it. Why? Becuase it's writing...duh. Speaking of writing, we're at 3 rejections now. I think I've mentioned that before. They're playing the new Christina Aguilera coke commercial on MTV now...so much better than Brittney's Pepsi commercial. Although, if she were actually drinking coke and maybe eating something every once in a while, maybe she wouldn't look so much like she belonged in Ethiopia. The Real World is getting ready to begin it's 10th season. That's so scary. At times it doesn't feel like it's been ten years, other times I thing, geez, was I in middle school then? That was sooooo long ago. A decade of my life. Ugh. I'm going to go check for gray hairs now. |
| July 7, 2001 3:26pm |
| I know I've been a journal slacker lately but there's really not much new to report. Just been taking tests and writing my thesis and wasting time. I've also discovered a new MP3 site thanks to Renee since Napster has gone to hell in the past month or so. Went to a party with Tina, Mark and Thomas last night. Lots of fun with black lights and yellow highlighters and my black-light-sensitive tongue ring. Only 20 days until I move out of my apartment. Yay! Now you all won't have to drive out to BFE to see moi. Except for Thomas who is ironically planning on moving out to this end of town. Either that or Virginia. Thomas' plans change on a daily basis, so who knows what he's planning today. :) Lots of upcoming changes to the website once I get my thesis rough draft done. Stay tuned for the Adventures of Cheap and Easy! More news when I actually have something to say. |
| July 7, 2001 11:52 p.m. |
| Well, I said I would write when there was more news, but I didn't say it would be good news. I found out that my friend Katherine was killed while she was riding her bike to work on Thursday. It's been a while since I talked to her, and now I wish I had kept in touch with her better. Katherine was one of the most amazing people I've ever known. She was kind and brilliant and so much fun to be around. I was reading the article about her death in the San Francisco Chronicle and it just seemed so...standardized. And there was nothing standard about Katherine. She was probably one of my most unique friends, simply because she was unique without trying to be. She will surely be missed. I write these things wishing I could actually say them to Katherine. I really wish I had said them when I had the chance. I'd like to think that she knew how much I appreciated her, but I guess there's no way to tell. I hate that in our society that it's difficult to be honest about how you feel. That people who show a lot of affection and tell their friends how much they appreciate them are so few and far between. I can't say that I've ever really been one to break away from this social construct myself. But maybe it's about time I did so. If you're my friend, click here. I love you all, even if I don't always show it. |
| July 10, 2001 3:52 pm |
| Happy Birthday, Daddy! Feeling a little bit better today. Getting out of the house and focusing on work for a few hours seems to have helped my anxiety a little bit. Had a great lunch with Christy during Practicum and realized that eating is a good thing that I haven't been doing much of lately. I think all I ate yesterday was a slim fast bar. Tonight it's fun with group counseling class...aka study for other classes and pretend I'm paying attention. Only 4 weeks of class left EVER...well, until I decide to finish up my Crim b.a. or go to law school or get my doctorate. Let's just say it's most likely the last 4 weeks of classes I will take in Florida. Yippee! I really hope you all have checked out my friends pages. I love you guys a lot and I miss those of you have been out of touch wtih lately. Thanks to those of you who have agreed to help me move the weekend of the 27th-29th. With mom and dad both unable to do much moving and me out of money I can use all the help I can get. Well, time to do a little meditation and writing before class tonight. Please sign my dreambook or email me and say hello. I have a higher than usual need to feel loved this week. |
| July 11, 2001 4:57 p.m. |
| I'm feeling about 100 times better today than I was at this time yesterday. I want to say thanks to Thomas and Andrew for caring so much and being so supportive this week. The depression is lifting, the anxiety is all but gone and I have this feeling of unbelievable clarity in my mind right now. It's very hard to explain. I realized around 10 last night that the reason I've been so affected by the oddity and randomness of Katherine's sudden death is that it made me feel like there is so much about my life and the lives of the people I care for that are completely out of my control. I never realized until recently how important it is for me to be the master of my own fate, so to speak. But I'm not in control of my destiny. I can't control the people that will come in and out of my life and I can't control the way things like the death of someone I cared so much for will affect me. And although I can't control the way I am remembered when my time comes, I can control the way I act why I'm here. So there's going to be some changes in me soon. I just ask that you all be patient with me and pray for me and know that if you are my friend, I do care about you, think about you, and pray for you more than you probably realize. |