When research was performed with self-proclaimed Fag Hags these took place in the form of informal interviews, as well as with several gay men. To keep anonimity the real names will not be used. In regards to her relationships with gay men, one women, called Maria, said that one of her gay male friends once called her a mother earth fag hag. She saw herself as a Gaea type figure with little gay men hanging off her body like jewelry. She felt more secure with gay men in her life because of the commonalities in interests that she shared with them as well as the "Safety Factor".
This factor is one that kept recurring in interviews. There are varying degrees in which it demonstrates itself. Gay men are safe, firstly, because there is no sexual threat. If a woman spends time with a gay man, there is no threat of sexual tension, or aggression. They are "Safe" because each party knows that the relationship is just friendship.
One woman offered the explanation of her connection with gay men as this, "A straight man usually has a woman around, a wife or a firlfriend, and she has a lot to say about who the man's friends will be". With gay men, partners feel little threat with female friends because, just as gay an are safe to women, women are safe to gay men.
Some men interviwed talked about the fact that when growing up and discovering that they were gay, girls tended to be more interested in art, theatre, films and books. It was the commonalities they shared that made girls more comfortable to them. From the men interviewed, straight women were safe because they would not ridicule their life. Boys would be the ones calling them derogatory names, while girls would comfort them and spend time with them. Girl were less judgemental in their lives.
When Sarah was growing up, her best friend Marek was gay. She was the first person he told. Sarah knew long before he did. Both Sarah's parents and Marek's parents thought they would get married. They spent every possible minute together. The relationship was strong because they both knew the trust involved. In cases where the person isn't out to the world, many straight women feel a sense of self-worth in the fact that they have been entrusted with such an important and sacred secret. |
