Relationships are hard. They have to be renegotiated all the time. The differences between us are primarily desires and judgement. In every relationship, there is a stronger personality. The person with the most power must resist using it in a wrong way. Power can be emotional or persuasive. Power is arbitrarily (not Biblically) assigned to the man. Agreement is the Biblical approach. The stronger person should use his power to obtain agreement. 

Green Beans Principle ~ If one person likes green beans at point four on a scale of one to ten, and the other likes them at point six, this creates tension. In time, the tension increases the differences (this applies to judgement, sex, and many other things as well). As the differences increase, we are not our true selves.

Poets are more critical, and should guard against this. Save opinions for people who agree with you. Decide strategies together. We are allies against differences.

Four Horsemen of Revelation ~ The progression of the destruction of relationships is: Criticism brings defensiveness that brings contempt that brings withdrawal. The answer to criticism is affirmation, "I" messages, real hearing and honesty. The best debater should advocate the other's position.

Prov. 24:26 ~ A true answer is like a kiss on the lips. The answer to defensiveness is true communication. The answer to contempt, (symptoms-considering someone a "jerk," stupid, etc.), is respect. God commands us to respect each other. Every one who is truly seeking God deserves our respect. God considers them wise. We can respect a wise, loving person who wants to do right. The fear of God is a true basis of respect. We hold onto respect by faith. We need supernatural words of wisdom and words of knowledge to appreciate each other. Contempt can change into respect. The answer to withdrawal is partnership and friendship.

Love is not always nice Also, nice people can be very evil. Hitler was nice to his family and friends. Relationships can only work if both people want to do the right thing. Love is not always incenses. It is the desire to do right over selfishness. Righteousness.

Wisdom changes laws to goals under grace. Laws create a worse condition that progresses to lawlessness and indulgence. Law is performance based. Grace results from favor. Law increases pressure. Grace increases joy and desire to do right. Indulgence is not grace. Indulgence allows evil motives. Grace allows wrong if the motives are right.

Rubberbanding ~ and code tones and actions We often associate words or tones with previous attacks. Go back and clear the non-verbal communication by asking questions.

Commit to take what the other person says at face value. Often we misinterpret the offense. Make appointments for honest communication. Never handle it on the spur of the moment. We seldom can resolve things in haste. "Can we bring this up in our friendship group?" Timing is very important. Don't joke about it in public.

Relationships are a battle against division and disunity. Friends can provide mediation. If you don't fight division, you will be fighting each other. Both wars are costly. Both take time and energy. Remember the good times.