"RIGHT NOW, TERRORISTS ARE PLOTTING TO ASSASSINATE A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER IS MISSING, AND PEOPLE THAT I WORK WITH, MAY BE INVOLVED IN BOTH, I'M FEDERAL AGENT JACK BAUER, AND TODAY IS GOING TO BE THE LONGEST DAY OF MY LIFE."

The following takes place between 3 AM and 4 AM, on the day of the California Presidential Primary

Pierce: Palmer, this is a serious threat against you.

Palmer: Okay, (on phone) Carl, so who is the source?

Carl: Ferragamo, Keith told him during therapy.

Palmer: Damn!

Pierce: I think we should cancel the breakfast at seven.

Palmer: No way, and miss seeing the girl who's on screen for three seconds yet the forum fans keep talking about her. We're having the breakfast.

Jamey: Hey Jack, here's a shady address from the key card.

Jack: Better go check it out.

Mason: We're now under lock down.

Jack: Okay, better get out through the back.

Inexperience Pimply Faced Teenage Guard: Sorry sir, I can't let you go. (Jack hands him a copy of Hustler, then runs off) Ooh, girls.

Kim: We need to go see Janet. She needs a doctor.

Rick: (After seeing Kim stare at him in a provocative way) Yeah, that's a good idea.

Dan: No it's not.

Rick: Yes sir.

Kim: Rick, why do you have to be such a pu$$y?

Rick: (whining like the wimp he is) Stop yelling at me.

Dan: Hey wait a minute, we need to kill Janet so she can't ID us.

Kim: No. (Rick duct tapes her mouth)

Dan: Finally, now we can listen to my Papa Roach CD.

(Rick duct tapes his ears and grabs some of the drugs used to sedate Janet and knocks himself out.)

Cop: Pull over the car.

"Alan": Geez, what did we do?

Cop: You were speeding.

"Alan": Dude, you're gonna blow my cover!

Teri: What'd you say Alan?

"Alan": Nothing. We called 911; we're looking for our "daughters." (cracks up)

Cop: Okay, well, I'm just a stupid cop, so I'm going to arrest you and then let you go when I hear the call.

"Alan": I could be at the compound now. Gaines makes the best sugar cookies!

Jack: Hey, other cop, help me get this guy.

Other cop: Okay. Hey Janitor, what'd I tell you about moving? (Guy shoots her.)

Jack: Damn it.

Dan: Okay, I think I can aim this. (shoots)

Rick: You just shot yourself in the foot.

(Dan motions to smack Rick; Rick crawls in Fetal position)

Dan: There's the ambulance. (the pain of the shot finally hits him since he's high as a kite.) Ow!

Jack: She's dead?

Another officer: Well, her brain is all over the concrete.

Jack: Sorry.

Gunman: I'm not the gay hustler from last week! It wasn't me! Oh yeah, Jack, if you want to see Kim, you'll let me out.

Jack: Wait a minute!

3:59:57, 3:59:58, 3:59:59, 4:00:00