"RIGHT NOW, TERRORISTS ARE PLOTTING TO ASSASSINATE A
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, MY WIFE AND DAUGHTER HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED, AND PEOPLE
THAT I WORK WITH, MAY BE INVOLVED IN BOTH, I'M FEDERAL AGENT JACK BAUER, AND
TODAY IS GOING TO BE THE LONGEST DAY OF MY LIFE."
The following takes
Ted: Hey, we're not going in the right direction.
Jack: (gun drawn) No we're not.
Ted: I don't know anything about your wife and
daughter or Ira Gaines.
Jack: I didn't ask.
Ted: I'm just a normal businessman with a cool
little knife to gut people like you.
Jack: Oh yeah, well I can remove your stomach
lining with this towel.
Ted: What kind of man are you?
Jack: A hero. Didn't you see the ads?
Nina and Tony: Nope.
Andre: Half an hour before our uncharismatic
villains takes over. Either that or get Jack. And kill the women.
Rick: Time for me to be the hero. (looks around)
Wow, nobody to tell me to shut up! Here girls, here's
a gun not ready to shoot for when Eli comes to kill us.
Ted: You deserve this. (Jack fights him) Hey, I'm
a Serbian terrorist and all, but I have a heart problem.
Jack: I'm scared.
Ted: You will be. You will be. (heart
attack...dies)
Jack: Oh well. Here comes Kevin.
Kevin: Hey Ted.
Jack: (mimicking Ted like a puppet, high pitch
voice) Hello Kevin, how are you?
Kevin: Hey, you're dead.
Jack: Sorta. It worked in Weekend at Bernie's.
Now it's time for me to go 50 mph in this garage, make sharp turns and abrupt
turns while tossing you around like a rag doll.
Palmer: So, you took care of the evidence?
Carl: Yes.
Palmer: Nothing sneaky?
Carl: Do I look like a lizard for nothing?
Eli: Hey girls, I'm here to kill you.
Teri: This is for your tiny...perspective on the
world. (bang) They're expecting two (bang, Kim stares at Teri, begins to
applaud)
Jack: Where are we going?
Kevin: To get some sugar cookies.
10:59:57,