"RIGHT NOW, TERRORISTS ARE PLOTTING TO ASSASSINATE A
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, MY WIFE AND DAUGHTER HAVE BEEN TARGETED, AND PEOPLE
THAT I WORK WITH, MAY BE INVOLVED IN BOTH, I'M FEDERAL AGENT JACK BAUER, AND
TODAY IS GOING TO BE THE LONGEST DAY OF MY LIFE."
The
following takes place between
Kim: RUNAWAY! RUNAWAY! Where's Rick?
Rick: On the island of forgotten plot lines, with
Mandy, Jonathan,
Trucker: Hey, you look like you've been kidnapped
and threatened in bad ways all day. Why don't we go down to your dad's office?
Kim: Hey Mason, I'm OK.
Mason: Super-dee-duper.
Nina: F***, I'm in trouble.
Jack: Let me speak to my daughter.
Andre: Yes. (voice goes into a high pitch) Hello
daddy, I'm still a bargaining cheep.
Jack: That's you.
Andre: Alright, well Palmer's alive.
Jack: Someone's dirty. Oh hi Nina, the one person
I can trust.
Nina: Yeah, your daughter died.
Jack: (to audience) This is for all you girls in
the forum. (cries) Why did the Drazens fill this van with ammo?
Andre: Why are we just hanging around here,
shouldn't we be doing something like kill Palmer.
Victor: Oh yeah, better put that on my to do
leeezt. I think we can handle one little bunny.
Andre: What?
Jack crashes van into port.
Andre and Victor: RUNAWAY! RUNAWAY!
Jack: Die you not as charismatic as Gaines
Serbian jerks!
Chase ensues, Jack keeps shooting, hits Andre.
Andre: Ow!
Victor shoots Jack.
Jack: Considering how many gunfights, car chases,
rescues, I've been in today, it's odd my first injury happens in the 11th hour.
Audience: 23rd!
Victor: Now I get to keeeell you. (gun clicks) Oh
$#!t.
Jack: This one's for my wife, and my daughter
this one is for making me not sleep all day. This one is for taking out the
better villain with eleven hours to go. This one is for your accent.
Victor: I think I'm getting better. (dies)
Palmer: don't tell anyone I'm alive.
Sherry: Hey everybody, my husband's alive!
Palmer: I don't want to see you again.
Sherry: Oh yeah, you can't walk away from me.
Palmer: Watch.
I am a good man.
Sherry: (horns pop out and voice drops to evil
level) OK Palmer, you win this round. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Jack: I heard you found a girl in the water today.
Coast guard: No.
Jack: I know it was Nina. (kisses coast guard) She
broke my heart, she broke my heart.
Teri: Hi Nina, I saw you getting all nervous and
sweaty when they said Jack would be safe and reveal who the real bad guy was. I was just wandering around a high security
government office without any guards coming by and just wanted to say, what's
that.
Nina: I'm going to have to take you hostage, tie
you up and gag you and kill you for some reason.
Palmer: You know that whole me being dead thing,
well, sorry, my bad.
Jack: Give a Crispy Chicken value meal with a
coke and for God's sake hurry!
Milo-substitute: Hey Jack check out this video.
Jack: It's Nina and Jamey in the room that was
supposed to not have video links. Eww! Blood, I'm eating here.
Nina runs away, shooting everything that walks.
Jack comes in shoots car, she crashes.
Nina: You don't want to kill me, it'll be bad for
next season.
Jack: Oh yeah. Where's my wife. (runs around
office, opens door, finds Teri dead)
Kyle: Oh my God, they killed Teri.
Stan: You b-------.
Forum idiot #1: It was a miscarriage.
Forum idiot #2: She could make it.
Forum idiot #3: It was an alien baby and it
crawled out.
Jack: Will you shut up! (takes a bite into
chicken sandwich) Oh this is so good.
11:59:57,