The following takes place between
Guy being tortured: I won't talk.
Torturer #1: OK then. (pulls
out 'Victor Drazen's Greatest Bargoning
Cheeps'!)
GBT (same initials as Guy Behind
Tony): A bomb's going to go off today!
Keith: Isn't this supposed to be a suburban $#!+hole?
Palmer: Dunno. How's
mom?
Keith: Drinking the blood of the innocent.
Bodyguard: The $#!+ gonna hit Mr. President.
Suburban house, LA.
Kim: Relax, Meghan.
Captain Pervert: Hey Kim wanna f---?
Kim: No.
CTU
Paula: Hi Tony, I did all those things you liked,
so can I go write "Mrs. Paula Shaeffer
Almeida" in my notebook 1000 times?
Tony: Sure.
Mason: We need to get Jack back.
Tony: (like a whiny kid) But I wanted to be
number one here. Jack always gets to be number one.
Mason: Relax, I'll take
you for ice cream later.
Tony: YAY! With Sprinkles?
Mason: Oh $hit, someone's going to blow up LA.
Tony: Is that why you have plane tickets to
Mason: Shut up.
Palmer: Rayburn, I think I'm going to go hate you
a lot today.
Rayburn: Some guy faked his death and is involved
in a bad group unofficially sponsored some middle east
country.
Palmer: Glad we're officially sponsored by Ford. Ford, built FORD tough.
Capt. Perv: Hey Kim, I
found my old Prince albums. Let's f--- to celebrate.
Kim: No.
Jack: Hey I finally get to show up. OK, long
scraggly beard, check, hand gun next to dyed wife's picture, check, unkempt
apartment, check. OK, I got the mourning husband thing down! Kim, I wanna make up?
Kim: I don't feel comfortable. You're creeping me out.
CP: Make out? Did someone say make out?
Palmer: Prime minister, call off your attack.
Prime minister with fiendish accent: No.
Palmer: Please, I'll be your friend?
PMWFA: No.
Tony: Jack, can you come back to CTU?
Jack: No.
Palmer: Please.
Jack: No.
Mason: Pretty please with sugar on top?
Jack: No. (looks at some
a girl and kid) OK, Kim, get out of LA.
Kim: No.
Jack: Oh, it's going to be a long day, how about
we bring in a witness to a terrorist and I'll kill him and chop his head off so
I can gain the terrorist's trust.
Mason: Sure.
Other Pervert: Hey, I'm a pompous jacka (gets shot, dies)
Jack: IIIIIIT'S HACKSAW TIME!
Mason: Mother f---!
Palmer: What's the expected casualty number?
Rayburn: I'm not saying we won't get our hair
mussed. I'm saying no more than 2-3 million people killed. TOPS!
Palmer: Don't be doing anything sneaky today
Rayburn.
Rayburn: OK (calls in secret meeting.)
Palmer: What'd I just say?
Reza: I'm so happy for the wedding.
Marie: Me too.
Kate: Are you sure he can be trusted?
Bob Warner: Yes he can.
(Phone rings)
Guy on the line: No he can't. He's linked to
people who do naughty things.
Paula: I can't handle this.
Michelle: Shut up Paula.
CP: Not only am I too horny, but I'm a violent
jerk too.
Kim: Where's Rick to help me? Rick? Rick? Rick?
Jack: Ouch, I nicked myself. Oh yeah, let's go
kick some @$$.
8: