The following takes place between
Van radio: MMMBop, ba dop, ba
dop, my MMMBop, a li….. (Eddie adjusts frequency)
Paramedic: Yeah, we’re on the way. What’s the
count so far?
Rescue worker: Eleven. This one guy in the
conference room had his head blown right off.
Paramedic: Eww.
Michelle: Tony? Tony!?!?! Oh, it’s just GBT.
Never mind.
Tony: Paula, can you hear me?
Paula: Yes, Tony, for the last time, your mug
isn't down here.
Tony: You don’t have to talk, just blink your
eyes if you can hear me.
Paula: I already responded, you idiot. Obviously
I can hear you.
Kim: Megan, what’s wrong?
Megan: Nothing, just gotta
add drama so we can leave and make Tony think you were lost in the explosion.
Palmer: If only Bauer had called just a few
minutes earlier…..
Lynne: Actually….. (Eric gives her ugly look)
Mason: So what’s gonna happen?
HD: Your hair’s gonna
fall out.
Mason: One to seven days? I think I must have had
this for a while.
HD: And you’ll bleed from the mouth, nose, ears,
fingertips, belly button…..
Mason: I see.
Tony: George, we need you back. Stop trying to
save your own a$s.
Mason: Too late for that. But no can do. I’ll
make your spleen turn to $#!+.
Tony: A nuclear device is set to go off!
Rescue workers: Ahhhh!!!
What?!! (all run away in fear)
Jack: Is that Wald?
Eddie: No, it’s some other guy named Joe who
wanted CTU blown up.
Jack: I see. (shoots
Chris, Scott, and Eddie, looks as car). Hmm, this is ugly. On the way to Joe’s
I’m gonna clean up and fix this windshield.
Michelle: Tony’s line.
Jack: Is Mason alright?
Michelle: No, he was too chicken to stay.
Lynne: There were extenuating circumstances.
Jack: You killed my friends, you bi+ch. Do your job.
Lynne: Do my job? Nina did her job and look at
what that did.
Doctor: The x-rays that we took two minutes ago
are telling us you have been beating Megan for several years.
Kim: Any indications of tire-iron marks or coffee
scaldings?
Doctor: No.
Kim: Then it wasn’t me.
Kate (to Bob): Let’s talk about Reza while this
suspicious pool man is listening.
Bob: What’s up?
Kate: Reza’s a terrorist.
Bob: No he isn’t. The background search I did three
years ago is clean.
Tony: What’s your password George?
Mason: Hendrix, with an x. But don’t be surprised
if when you type it in, you see 13 asterices pop up.
Jack: Let me in Joe.
Joe: What happened?
Jack: I killed them.
Joe: I see. But you killed Goren.
Jack: Eddie already said that. I just needed a
little warm-up. Why’d you hit CTU today?
Joe: Because if we hit CTU yesterday, the viewers
would be wondering what the hell happened to CTU. Attack,
boy.
PETA: He can’t kill that dog. (Jack shoots dog).
You killed the dog. You bas+ard!
Jack: Cool, I’m on camera again. Let me make a
speech about politics.
Joe: I don’t know how long I can stand this.
Carla: I have no choice but to blame you, Kim. I
don’t care if I gave you the keys and told you to get Megan out of here or if
Kim: Broken fingers and skull fractures ain’t my style, you lunatic. Stop accusing me else next
time the bacon will be out of place.
Reza: I wanna show you
something, Kate.
Kate: No, you’re Middle Eastern, so I don’t like
you, and I’m too scared of where you’re gonna take
me. And this suspicious music…. STOP THE CAR.
Reza: Hmm, quick, gotta
come up with an excuse…..Oh, here’s one. I bought this house for…uh….what’s her
name…Marie.
Kate: I see.
Mason: Where the hell is she going?
Tony: Where do you think, George?
Mason: We need her here. She has to die because
she only signed up for five episodes.
Palmer: Well, it wouldn’t be 24 if I didn’t
falsely accuse someone of something, so here goes…..Lynne, it’s your fault
those people died.
Lynne: Yes, you’re right, because if I say
otherwise, Rayburn will somehow ruin me.
Secret Service Agent: Please come with us, sir.
Rayburn: Come with you where?
Agent: The President wants to see you.
Rayburn: Later. I’m too busy with my Mac. That
makes me good by the way.
Agent: I see.
Palmer: I realize it’s obvious, but you’re fired.
Rayburn: Do you really wanna
do that? You fired Carl about four hours into season 1 and look what happened.
Palmer: Don’t worry. I’m sending you to Armus. You can pester Wieland.
Rayburn: I see.
Joe: Jack, you went to all this trouble just to
find out who gave me the access codes and schematics? C’mon, Jack, you’re not
stupid. Isn’t it obvious? (shoots self in head)
Jack: Noooo! (opens up pictures, finds folded up poster of centerfold
Jenny McCarthy). I knew it. Damn that Jenny McCarthy.
Joe: Keep looking Jack. (dies).
Jack: (finds picture of Nina) Oh my God!. What the hell happened to her hair?
11: