The following takes place between
Michelle: Here’s Nina’s profile.
Jack: I don’t need it, if you
have that hacksaw however….
(David enters room,
Sherry’s head spins around a la the Exorcist.)
Sherry: Hello David.
David: What are you doing here?
Sherry: (vomits pea soup) You evacuated LA military and people in your administration
are working against you.
David: Damn, Roger, Lynne, Jenny,
you guys didn’t blow up the helicopter did you.
Jack: Mason, I assure you I won’t
be hard.
Nina: (In a teasing sing song) I’m
getting off scot free.
Jack: (Slams her against a wall) You will tell me who is behind this plot or I will make you rewatch the Teri amnesia scenes all over again.
Mason: Jack what the hell?
Jack: Come on, give me a few more
chances to scare the s--- outta her.
Kate: Marie, I’m sorry.
Marie: That’s in-sane. IN-SANE!
Person on the other end: Aren’t
there 3 members of your family?
Jack: Gimme
a name. (shots twice) GIMME A
NAME!
Nina: Give me a change of
underwear.
Jack: A name!
Nina: Faheen!
In
David: Was there an evacuation?
Roger: Oh let me see. (browses through post it notes, one saying in big capital
letters “Military in LA—RUNAWAY!
David: Hey, there was an
evacuation, you think I should know that, oh well let me talk with Sherry.
Kim: Come on Megan!
Anti-Kimists:
Oh no she’s kidnapping Megan!
Pro-Kimists:
Do you want
Mason: We’re sending Miller with
you so you won’t blow her head off.
Jack: Fine, you haven’t moved the
tranq closet have you?
David: OK I believe you Sherry, we’re going to have to work together.
Silence interrupted by the collective
slap of hands on foreheads of 24 fans.
Kate: Your son is a suspected
terrorist.
Silence interrupted by another
collective slap of hands on foreheads of 24 fans.
Nina: So, didja
watch Life with Bonnie last week? I’m so
glad your coming with Jack and me. And
he won’t knock you out or anything.
Miguel: I have an idea. (walks out, steals monitor)
Police man (40
something, bald and fat): Hey he stole a monitor. Wait!
It’s INNIS! INNIS can I have your
autograph?
Reza: You’re being racist!
Tony: No I’m not, you made transfers
to terrorists.
Reza: Papa Warner did.
Tony: Mr. Warner, please come
with me.
Bob: Don’t worry, it’s no
problem. (to Reza) I’ll get you you
f---ing rat.
Kim: We’re safe.
Miguel: HeYAH! (Jumps in the air and does a Matrix like kick
in the head, camera does the 360 degree shot and everything.)
Kim: Let’s go in the car. It’s just leaking red brake fluid.
Megan: The backseat smells funny.
Ed: Can’t…speak…regularly…since…you…drugged
me.
Jack: Welcome to Jack Bauer’s
world of pain. So which finger do you
least want me to chop off.
(Nina loses bladder control.)
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