The following takes place between 2 PM and 2:01 PM on a day not worthy to receive a title.

Jack: Hey guys, the set up went well, Nina's scared stiff.

Nina: Hey wait a (she's silenced by Jack pushing her into the plane)

Kate and Marie: (sounds of squeaking gerbils, mostly "How Could you" arguments)

Mike: Hey Sherry, how have you been.

Sherry: Learning from my mistakes.

Audience: CoughBulls---cough.

Palmer: There's someone dirty in my camp, Mike, check out Roger.

Mike: He couldn't be evil, just because he looks like Palpatine from Star Wars doesn't mean anything.

Jack: Nina, get dressed. HERE! (Pulls out a boombox, plays "I Shot the Sheriff.") Nice scars.

Mason: So that's what skin looks like when it melts off. Anyway (on phone) John, come over.

John: No, I have problems with our fractured relationship.

Mason: Stop acting like Rick and come over here.

Nina: They'll kill me if they find out I'm working with you.

Jack: And the bad part is...

Mike: Hey Roger, boy that David Palmer is an a--hole. Do any conspiring against him lately?

Palmer slaps forehead.

Tony: Reza and Bob, ROAD TRIP!

Marie: I wanna come. (Tony shakes his head 'no') Well I'll follow.

Kate: I'll just dig up some dirt on dad. Hey is Ralph there?

Ralph's boss: Most likely he had to disappear.

Sherry: I'm here to intimidate you.

Lynne: Oh yeah BRING IT ON!

Kim: Hey that was my line!

Palmer: Sherry, you're busted.

Nina: Hey a gift card. Christmas is coming. OK, hey Mamud, how's it (knocks him out.)

Jack: Let's go in. The shoppers can't be terrorists with guns. (shoppers take out guns) Oh s---.

Nina: Stupid lock, I better shoot it.

Jack: Put the gun down (holds it to her head.)

Audience: Kill the b----!

Jack cuffs her.

Audience: Dammit, we have to wait!

John: Dude, you arrested me.

Mason: I'm dying.

John and Mason cry.

Audience: I can't believe I feel for a guy I thought was such an a$$ in season 1.

Kim: We're just about to leave the city so we'll be safe.

'Statements which we know won't happen' counter clicks 210.

Police alarm goes off.

Police officer: You were speeding.

Miguel: OK, just ignore the red brake fluid and the rancid smell. It's been leaking.

PO: Pop the trunk.

Trunks popped, Carla's dead body appears.

Kim: Megan, mommie's sleeping like the people at CTU; she spilled ketchup all over herself too.

2:00:57, 2:00:58, 2:00:59, 2:01:00