The following takes place between
Miguel: Tell him about the bomb.
Kim: No dad told me not to tell
anyone.
Miguel: But you told me. And that
guy at the Starbucks, the black nurse at the hospital, Meghan, everyone on your
buddy list, the guy running around saying the end is near.
Cop: Even though you’re suspect
of murder, you’re going to travel in the front seat with me since I think
you’re hot.
Jack: Has Faheen
talked?
Faheen: (from Arabic) I’m getting 72 virgins at the end of this,
what are you going to give me?
Jack: 72? Can’t top that, let’s bring him into LA.
Nina: Give me a few more minutes
with him.
Jack: No (throws her into the
car.)
Agent #1: Get away from the car.
Jack: Oh come on, at least give
me one chance to rough her up. (pause, looks at
agent’s face) Aw nuts.
Tony: We’ll interrogate you first
Mr. Warner.
Marie: That (finger twirl)
IN-SANE (finger twirl) IN-SANE.
Tony: Marie, shut the f--- up for
once.
Kate: Hey Paul, check out my
dad’s computer.
Paul: Sure (pause) Man, your dad
sure does have a lot of porn on his computer.
Sherry: Ron, sit on the story
about threats.
Ron: No.
Sherry: Please.
Ron: No.
Sherry: Pretty please with sugar
on top?
Ron: No.
Sherry: I’ll be your friend.
Ron: No.
Marko: It sure is good that we’re
transporting a nuclear bomb in a truck with good strong tires. (A tire pops.)
Basheer: You knucklehead. (grabs a set
of plyers and twists Marko’s nose, Marko makes a high
pitched squeal like Curly from the 3 Stooges.)
Marko: See this. (Puts out his
fist, Marko hits it upward and Marko’s fist hits
himself. Rubs hands rapidly over face.)
Omar: Hey isn’t it great that we
had people plan this down to making sure we had a complete tire jack?
Basheer: Where’s the handle? (hits Omar
over the head with it, makes a comic ‘clang’ noise.)
Good Samaritan Pool Guy: Hey you
guys need help?
Basheer: Soytainly.
Palmer: We can’t let him out
yet. That’ll be all Sherry.
Sherry: You can’t let me go now; I’m too good for this story line.
Palmer: OK, now if you’ll excuse
me, I need to shuffle papers to create the illusion that I’m doing something.
GSPG: OK, that tire should get
you up to this tire shop around the corner, ask for Dan and tell him Jimmy sent
you. I got some coupons in my car you
can use. They’ll practically give you
the tire away. If you want to come over
to my house and wait for them, they can put it in for you.
Marko: Aren’t you scared or mad
that we’re Middle Eastern?
GSPG: No, I just wanted to help.
(exit)
Basheer: OK, we need to get going. Marko, let’s go. (pokes
Marko’s eyes with his fingers.)
Marko: I don’t want to do
this. I want to play basketball.
Basheer kills Marko, Marko kills Basheer. Omar pees his pants.
Omar: It’s my first day as a
terrorist. I should’ve kept my job at
the Gap.
BubWarner: I deliver stuff for the CIA.
TRUTH WHICH MAY BE A LIE OR NOT
THE WHOLE TRUTH TOLL CLICKS 10.
Jack: What a great flight, good
thing we won’t get hit by a torpedo or something like that. (phone rings) Hello.
Mason, Michelle, Kim: We’re
calling to distract you while Nina kills your link to the bomb.
Jack: What?
Nina slashes Faheen’s
throat.
Jack: Oh gross. Blood. (screams like a
girl) Some of it got on me.
Nina: I know where the bomb
is. Let’s head to
LIES TO COVER THE SPEAKER’S @SS
TOLL CLICKS 34.
Tony: Bubwarner
is a CIA delivery boy.
Mason: OK, time to go apes--- on
Reza. (Grabs Reza by the throat) Who’s
your daddy? I mean, where is Syed Ali?
Tony: Michelle, I think you need
to take a break.
Michelle: I don’t think I need
to.
Tony: What’s this suspicious plot
device, I mean blood on your neck?
Michelle: It’s nothing.
Tony: And this website you run
for “Hardcore Almeida Action: Counter Terrorize this Unit”?
Michelle: OK, I’m going.
Ron: Hey everybody, I got out of
custody and I’m going to make Palmer’s life a living hell.
Palmer: Oh s---.
Kate: OK, I’m sorry I wasted your
time, luckily we won’t be kimnapped
or anything.
Katenappers: You’re going to be Kate-napped.
(Katenappers
beat up her and Paul and throw her into the truck.)
Paul: Tony Soprano kicked my @ss way better with that staple gun and the parking ticket.
Jack: Nina, just thought to
remind you how much I hate your f---ing guts. Well good thing we won’t be hit by any
projectiles.
Missle hits the plane.
Jack: Oh s--- we’re going down.
Announcer: Stay tuned for the
next episode of 24, in three weeks. Oh
wait, some writer took his sweet time making another edition of 24-a-minute. (looks at TickTock with a hacksaw.)
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