Announcer: Due to graphic violence, parental discretion is advised.

Guys who love the PD warning: SWEET!

The following takes place between 4 PM and 4:01 PM, on a day not impertinent enough to deserve a title.

Ron: Yes, my sole purpose on this show is to be a big pain in the @$$.

Palmer: Who let Wieland out?

Baha Men: Woo woo woo woo woo.

Mike: Armus, check out this video.

On the screen the words 'American Booty' flash on.

Mike: Oops, wrong video.

Jack: We're going down. Nina, where's the bomb?

Philips: Do one good thing with your life before you die.

Nina: No.

Philips: Pretty please, I'll be your friend.

Jack: George, we're gonna be off we're at.............OW I got a splinter in my leg. EW, my blood.

GWLTPDW: Is this the graphic violence? This is weak.

Jack: Philips, are you OK?

Philips: Yes, just ironically save Nina's life.

Jack: OK (gives mouth to mouth, girls swoon.)

Michelle: A missile shot down the plane.

Mason: Good (nose bleeds, vomits.)

Tony: What's up?

Mason: I'm dying.

Tony: Oh, I just thought you were being an @$$hole.

Mason: It's OK, now I need to interrogate. (To Reza and Bub) You have 10 minutes to start talking.

Reza: BubWarner did it.

Cop: We're sending you downtown.

Miguel: (extra whiny) Oh no, what are we gonna do?

Kim: Remember my last boyfriend who acted like a coward? (points to Rick, who just for the sake of the story is at the jail.)

Michelle: Tony, I know about Mason throwing up in the bathroom.

Tony: He's dying of radiation poisoning.

Michelle: Oh I thought it was that Chinese we had ordered for lunch.

Sherry: I revised the speech for Day-vid.

Lynne: OK, (takes Sharpie marker, crosses out Sherry's name and writes hers.)

Jack: Hey here come the rescue guys. They even have a happy logo.

Guys with the 'Super Fun Happy "Rescue" Team' logo on their backs blow Philips' head off.

Jack: Uh oh, let's see, should I use the flare gun to signal for help, or create another cool 24 fatality.

Flare gun fatality guy: Hey I wonder why the writers titled me tha... (gets shot, sparks explode from chest.)

Jack: RUNAWAY, (realizes his injury) LIMPAWAY LIMPAWAY!

Announcer: Live from beautiful Chatworth California, in the home studio, it's the SYED ALI show! (trumpets blare) With special guests Paul Koplin, Kate Warner, Implements of torture with Not Nice Plastic-Covered guy and the NUCLEAR BOMB. And now HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE's Syed.

Syed: Good evening. Kate, tell us what you found on the computer.

Kate: No.

Syed: Well here's your buddy Paul.

Paul: I don't know anything.

(Syed makes a motion to NNPCG, who pops in a DVD and FFs.)

Teri: (on the TV) I think I lost my memory.

Jack: OK, I'm gonna give you the ammo to this gun, kill some guys and then walk ahead of you.

Silence ended by the collective slap of hands on foreheads of 24 fans.

Nina: You're my hostage, Karma's a bi-ch eh? I want to speak with Palmer.

Megan: I'm leaving with my Aunt.

Anti-Meganists: So she's gone for good? YAHOO!

Reza: I ratted out your father.

Marie: That's IN-SANE (finger twirl) IN-SANE.

Anti and Pro-Kimists: SHUT THE F___ UP MARIE. Hey, we found something we agree on.

Nina: Palmer, I want a full pardon for the future murder of Jack Bauer.

Palmer: Sure. I just hope that this earns me that Emmy nod, I mean stops the bomb.

Lynne: Here's the speech with MY revisions, not Sherry, she lies, you know she betrayed your trust.

Palmer: O-K Lynne.

Paul: We don't know of anything.

Kate: It's true.

Syed: OK, I believe you. And for a parting gift to our guest, three shots to the back. (kills Paul.) Now I'm leaving my inept assistant to kill you.

Scott Ali (Syed's son): Wait, aren't you even going to watch her? She could get away!

Syed: No, no, no. I'm going to leave her alone and not actually witness her dying. I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. ...What?

Scott: I got a gun in my room, you have one right there, we could kill her together.

Syed: Zip it.

Scott: B...

Syed: Zip it.

Scott: I...

Syed: Zip it.

Nina: Is this how you thought it was going to end?

Jack: With an Austin Powers parody? No, I thought it was going to end in oh, about 15 hours erm, minutes.

4:00:57, 4:00:58, 4:00:59, 4:01:00

PWLTPDW: Graphic violence? What a rip off.

People who hate the parental discretion warning: Oh gosh, how offensive I think I'm gonna watch Frasier now.