The following takes place between
David: Ron has cooties!
Reporters: EW!
David: That bought some time.
Nina: Jack, the whole me killing your pregnant
wife thing, my bad.
Jack: (sees sniper, for script purposes, named
John) John, a little to your left.
Nina: What?
Jack: Nothing, I'm gonna
go for a walk.
Nina: Don't move Jack.
Jack: Nina, could you step forward a few inches.
Nina: OK. (gets shot,
arrested)
Jack: Nina, (chopper noise)
24 fan #1: What did he
say?
24 fan #2: Hmm I want to
know.
Sound guy: Wow, I totally messed up the sound
boards and it's considered a great plot element.
Jack sees a coral snake tatooed
on a soldier's wrist.
Reza: OK, we need to look through BubWarner's computer, let's see, porn, porn, porn, oh,
nope, more porn.
Mohsen: Tell me what you know.
Kate: I already did.
Mohsen: Kate, have you ever listened to KBilly's
super sounds of the 70s?
"Stuck in the Middle With
You" starts to play.
Jack: Mr. President, Colonel Samuel's is running
a dirty op which took our plane down and it's connected to NSA.
Palmer: Colonel Sanders? I am kinda
hungry.
Mason: Michelle, find who makes you happy.
Michelle: What?
Mason: Oh come on, everyone knows you want to get
with Tony since
Michelle: No I don't.
Mason points to Michelle's 'I love Tony Almeida'
shirt. She leaves.
Palmer: Roger, do you know Coral Snake?
Roger: Um (looks at hand, large letters in
Sharpie spell 'NO' on his palm) No. (Leaves)
Palmer: I want him arrested,
we've had the Ambassador's Plane get shot down, Weiland's
escaped custody, LA's milatary evacuation have all
happened since he arrived.
Sherry: You forgot I returned.
Palmer: What?
Sherry: Nothing.
Palmer: OK, Mike, get some information so I can
arrest him. (Mike exits)
Miguel: Let's start a little fire, this guy isn't
going to freak out and overreact causing the car to flip over and possibly kill
me and him but somehow leave you unscathed.
Kim: OK. (puts burning
bag inbetween the front and back of the car, cop
freaks out and overreacts, causing the car to flip over and possibly kill
Miguel and Cop, somehow leaving Kim unscathed. She picks up the radio.) We got
a cop and kid who are hurt really bad, now I've got to run. Oh Miguel, since
you're paralyzed and possibly dying, who am I going to have hours upon hours of
the steamiest, hotest sex on the planet?
Elishaians 1-10000: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elisha runs, Baywatch theme plays again, scene goes to slow-mo.
Producer #1: Hey, this is a real time s.........
Producer #2 puts sock in P#1's mouth.
Kate: God, you're the s---iest
ear piercer on the planet.
Agent Richards: Reza, if you don't show me
anything, we'll chain you to the roof of CTU so you can have a front row seat
when the damn thing goes off.
24 fan #1: Oh good some character development, we
know he'll stay for a while.
Marie: Hi honey. (Kisses Reza)
Reza: I'm so glad that you're not some evil
terrorist b---- who'll kill me at the top of the hour in some interesting plot
twist.
Richards: Excuse me, but you need to leave.
Marie: OK, I'll be in the next room in case you
find out too much.
Mohsen: Something bad's going to
happen.
Kate: American Idol's going to pre-empt 24?
Mohsen: Worse.
Kate: No I can't picture worse.
CTU Agent waves Hi. Mohsen
shoots up the wall. Jack gets a boombox, starts
playing Kelly Clarkson. Mohsen swallows cyanide.
Jack: Was that Syed
Ali?
Kate: No. That was that girl from Americ...
Jack: No, what'd he look like.
Kate: He had black clothes on.
Jack: That narrows it down to 5 million people.
Kate: He said salut,
which means pray, or he just called me a s!ut.
I learned that when I lived in
OBVIOUS HINT SIGN BLINKS.
Jack: We need you to ID Ali, since we don't know
what he looks like, and therefore be around me to
create a potential love interest slash chemistry.
Sherry: There's a secret conversation line Roger
reopened a month ago, and I could access it.
David: Sherry, I'm so glad you aren't secretly
working against me in some kind of plot twist.
Michelle: Tony, want to go out for dinner and
movie after this nuke thing?
Tony: Sure.
Audience: Awww (1/2 the
cute awww, the other 1/2 the frustrated awww.)
Roger: (picks up phone) Hello.
Sherry: Hey, just thought you should know I'm
still an evil b----.
Reza: I was away when these files were accessed, the only person who could have access was........
Agt. Richards: While you're making that suspenseful pause,
I'd just like to muse about the fact that I've played a black agent, and it's
been six episodes and I haven't died yet, I guess I'm a regula...
(Marie shoots him) I guess not. (dies)
Reza: Marie how's that for irony, you know we
could still get married and...I guess it's my turn to go. (Marie shoots him)
5:
Tune in for the next episode of 24.........in
three weeks.
Troll #1: Uggh,
me no like uhmeruhkun eyedul, me go start fight!