Jack VO: There are terrorists
planning to make LA go boom. People
inside the government may be involved (queue suspicious Michelle shot.) And my daughter is implicated in a s#itty subplot. I've been tracking this bomb since
Producer: Time is running out.
Jack VO: Hey that's great. Time is running out.
The following takes place between
Baywatch theme plays, Kim's still
running.
Producer #1: How many times do we
have to show this?
Producer #2: Until we come up
with something good for Kim's storyline.
Marie: OK, now I have to go get
the hard drive from my dad's Mac Desktop, too bad I don't have any tools to
open this. (Places one finger on CPU, it falls apart, the hard drive falls with
it. She puts it in her purse, cell phone
rings.) Hello.
Syed: Marie, go pick up the trigger at the place Marko works.
Marie: Sure.
Syed: And put on a crappy wig.
Marie: Done.
Jack: Kate, there's a nu-cle-ar bomb in LA.
'PEOPLE WHO
KNOW ABOUT THE BOMB' TALLY CLICKS TO 1324.
Palmer: We need proof to arrest Staton.
Mike: I found a breast bone in
the garbage.
Palmer: Let’s go see RFK.
Mike: He’s dead.
Palmer: Then let’s see a secret service agent who looks like RFK.
Sherry (to Lynne): Meow Meow meow.
Lynne: Fiss,
Reor!
Jack: We’re going to wait until
the service at the mosque is over and then identify Ali.
Kate: How about I go in and
panic, causing Ali a chance to attempt an escape.
Jack: Good idea,
put this hijab on.
And remember.
Kate: I know.
Jack and Kate: No letter openers.
Roger: Hey, why can’t I listen to
my Avril Lavigne MP3s?
Three military dudes: Hup hup hup
hup hup hup
hup hup.
Main MD: You’re under arrest for
treason and having crappy taste in music.
TMD take Roger. The exit.
Sherry: David, why won’t you let
me in your circle.
It’s like you already know of my devia…oh s#it. (Hangs up)
BubWarner: Grrr grrr.
Tony: Calm down Bub.
BubWarner: I need to practice my monkey for the
Kate enters mosque with an “I’m
not the woman you kidnapped and sentenced to be killed an hour ago” sign on her
hijab.
Imam: Good evening.
Kate: THIS ISN’T NAIL
POLISH! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! YOU DIDN’T TORTURE ME!! (Runs out) Syed’s in there.
Jack: We know,
we could hear you screaming.
Mike: Last call Staton made was to place an order for a bucket of the
colonel’s original recipe.
Palmer: Let me talk with him. (To
Roger) If you tell us everything, I’ll give you a full pardon.
Roger: Well Sherry is offering me
PlayStation 2. Tough
luck.
Jack: OK Syed
Ali looks like a man, wearing black, ummm. That’s it.
Get in position. Hey, don’t
position the sniper rifle at passers by.
Oh and Kate, I’m going to thank you for helping us out and provide more
foundation for a relationship between us.
Kim runs, again.
Producer: So how do we keep her
running?
Producer #2: I saw a cougar once.
Producer: Let’s put it in.
Cougar pops up, Kim runs, gets
caught in trap.
Producers #1&2: Hey wait a
minute! Why is she not running? Damn you KIM!
Palmer: Hey RFK.
Agt. Simmons: Why does everyone keep calling me that!?
Palmer: I need you to extract
information at any cost.
Agt. Simmons: You mean…
Palmer: Yes.
Agt. Simmons: I’ll call Fox.
Michelle: Tony, Reza and Agt. Richards are dyed.
Marie short her.
Tony: Yeah, what next, is she
going to wear some crappy wig and exchange sexual favors for access to a
critical piece of the bomb?
Marie: Are you the foresk…I mean foreman?
Foreman: Yeah.
Marie: Well if you let me get
access to this locker and put your job in jeopardy, I’ll give you a (whispers
at a censor friendly level)
Foreman grabs Marie by the arm
and slams the door of his office shut.
Agt. Simmons: Where’s the secret recipe?
Roger: Original or extra crispy?
Agt. Simmons turns on a TV.
Announcer on TV: 24 won’t be seen
at this time so we can bring you another 2 hour long edition of American Idol.
Roger winces in extreme pain.
Agt. Simmons: The recipe!
Roger: No, my brain, is it
original or extra crispy?
BubWarner: I don’t believe that my daughter is a terrorist. (Tony
slides a CTU report on the table, Bub looks over it)
Well, how about…no it’s there, or what about…it’s air
tight. I always though it’d be me all
along.
Jack: Do you see Syed Ali.
Kate: No, didn’t my description
help.
Jack: Kate, there are about 4
million people out there in black shirt and black pants. Let’s go in.
Jack runs in to see a guy on
fire.
Jack: We're going to need a bag
of marshmallows and some sticks, you can pick them up
down the street.
Another Agent puts out the
torched guy.
Jack: OK, if this is Syed Ali, why doesn't this scene resemble the one in the
previews where we apprehend Ali?
DAMMIT! Fox screwed up the
previews again.
6: