|*Disclaimer: Enter at your own risk. Any body/brain modification is not our damn fault. You were warned. And also for you damn PETA people, use your meager brain and seriously consider if we do actually sacrifice cats to Zonthar.|
|Some people think that to die in the name of freedom is to do your duty for your country and for the will of God. For the few of us who have truly seen the light and know the name of the true god Zonthar, such an extreme display of patriotism is not necessary. Zonthar demands but two things: that you periodically sacrifice cats in his name, and that you try not to remain the complete moron you were born as/raised to be in this predominantly brain-dead society. Most people fail the latter requirement for various reasons obvious to most of us the intellectually elite, and as for the former requirement…well, there’s a disturbing mass of people outside of The Elite called activists and the less extreme but equally annoying bleeding-heart types who defend animal rights. To show how logical their reasoning isn’t, let us consider for a moment that most people who support animal rights also support the notion that it is honorable to die for one’s country. Anyone and everyone with a web page, from average construction worker Joe to porn star Polly to business-owner Bob, usually has at least one obligatory flag or patriotic quote or graphic on their website. Yet how many of them sport kitten-maiming games or other such features?
This is where our society is so completely backward and lost! If only the masses knew their true duty to Zonthar.
So it is that we have created this website in his honor. Just as sites such as joecartoon.com mock the animal rights activists with such classic games as Frog-in-a-Blender and Hamster-in-a-Microwave, we mock the flag-waving masses with our ritualistic blowing up of plastic soldiers.
In the end, the noble death of a soldier does please the great Zonthar, but not in the sense that results from the common misconception that patriotism serves the will of God. Instead, it is the realization of the exact opposite that brings him honor through the soldier’s death. Why so? Because instead of becoming a casualty made at the hands of an enemy at war, it is we the homeland of these soldiers that sacrifices them. In coming to understand the uselessness of patriotism and symbolizing it by ritualistically blowing up soldiers, we come to the mentality that motivated the now taboo but traditional act of flag-burning. Only we are more original.
If you have seen the light and are a true believer in Zonthar or are curious about making the conversion, enter. If you choose to remain an ignorant lack-wit with closed eyes, go ahead and leave.