Ranma is having a bad day.

It starts with his father. “Wake up boy!” Note the strategic placement of Ranma’s futon directly below the open window of the Tendo guest room. Note also Genma’s foot as it prepares to make contact with Ranma’s futon.

“I don’t wanna!” A splash into the koi pond and a change of sexes later Ranma already is feeling a little irate.

Then there is breakfast….Akane’s breakfast. “I stayed up all night making these octopus puffs special for you Ranma, so you’d better eat up!”

Note the consistency of said breakfast. The “puffs” referred to here are more acurately described as multi-colored smears of quivering geletin. Ranma, making this discovery does not wish to consume them. “I ain’t gonna eat that!” A table whack to the head gives Ranma a unique perspective on life for a few minutes before she is shocked back into reality by a teakettle filled with hot water that changes her back into a male.

Walking toward school next to Akane, Ranma is doused with water. This is the fault of an elderly lady who feels it is her civic duty to wash her section of the street in the most tedious manner possible. She has been trying to get Ranma’s attention for the past six months because she has a cure for Jusenkyo curses and all she wants in return is someone to talk to. “That ladle lady did it to me again!” Ranma says exasperated as she walks past her without so much as a hello.

“Honestly, Ranma, are you a martial artist or aren’t you? You should be able to avoid that!”

“It’s the curse, it makes me a water magnet!”

“Hmm maybe…” Said Akane sounding a triffle mischievious, “or maybe you actually like it!”

“Dammit Akane! How many times do I have ta say it? I’m a guy okay? ‘Sides ain’t you always tellin’ me I ain’t got no feminine modesty?”

“Niether does Shampoo…”

Shampoo and the devil have one thing in common…. “Airen! You dump violent girl and have date with Shampoo yes?”

“Urph!” Is Ranma’s reply as she is currently between asphalt and Shampoo’s bicycle tire, which is a very hard place.

Shampoo misinterpretes Ranma’s incomprehensible sounds and performs an intricate maneuvre allowing her face to replace her bicycle wheel as the object of Ranma’s discomfort. “Aiya! Shampoo so happy!”

Ranma staggers up trying to get some leverage. “In fact,” Akane says as she readies her mallet, “you two get along a little TOO well!” With a swing worthy of McGwire, she knocks Ranma into LEO

Ranma’s voice trails off saying “WHAT’D Ya do that fooooooor…?’

Ranma now gone, Akane is alone with Shampoo. Akane sighs “How are we ever going to get her to accept her female side, Shampoo?”

“Shampoo not know but she think aversion therapy working. Soon we have too, too sexy lesbian lover and we can do special trick in Amazon Kama Sutra!”

“Yes, and in the mean time we have each other.”

“That true.” Shampoo agrees holding Akane’s hand and smiling. Akane laughs suddenly. “What you laugh at, Akane?”

“Oh I was just thinking…trust a girl named Shampoo to use a technique based on classical conditioning!” The two girls laugh and walk the rest of the way to Furinken, talking about martial arts and how stupid boys are and the benefits of refering to oneself in the third person.

Meanwhile Ranma’s bad day is progressing nicely. Ranma is quite angry at the moment. In fact, one might say he is peeved.

This is Ranma peeved: “Stupid tomboy, Stupid Shampoo stupid Pops, stupid curse! Why does everything always happen to me! Why can’t I just have a nice, quiet day for once!” Notice how when Ranma gets peeved, she talks to herself. Notice that Ranma is still a she. “Guess I’ll go over to Tofu’s after I land.” Ranma’s landing is performed without injury, as there are a multitude of matresses that Ranma has set up in a remote lot in a bad section of Tokyo. This is typical.

The bad section of Tokyo that Ranma lands in is rife with people who have no idea what goes on in Nerima, which is of course rivaled only by Jubaan in wierdness. This is true despite rumors you may have heard that Nerima is actually fairly normal. Visitors to Nerima are begged not to reveal Nerima’s true nature, as Japan on the whole is a fairly conservative nation and Nerimans, like most other Japanese, would like to fit in.

An analogy may now safely be made concerning square pegs and round holes.

Ranma, finding herself in a bad section of Tokyo, immediately sees if there is anyone to fight. A largish gang of stupid-looking people is skulking nearby. Orbiting them are their girlfriends, who have clothing hanging off them and chains dangling from various places to give them the look of slaves and/or pieces of furniture. This is considered sexy by the stupid gang boyfriends. This is of course typical.

Ranma approaches the gang. The leader, who looks like he must have been a Rottweiler in his previous life, notices her and says the required greeting for any apparently defensless female entering gangspace. “Hey girlie, come over here, we’ll show you a good time, won’t we boys?” The stupid looking people grunt, smile, and nod in agreement. If one of them were to moo or quack it wouldn’t seem out of place.

Ranma smiles and says “I’m having a bad day… and I’d just love to knock the stuffin’ outta all of you so you best stay outta my way.” Ranma knows that they won’t. She already knows in fact what the next words out of the gang leader’s mouth will be.

She moves her lips along with his unconciously as he says, “Ooh I like a girl with spunk!” Looking at the slaves and pieces of furniture that stare into space placidly with half lidded eyes Ranma seriously doubts the validity of the gangleader’s remark. Ranma subsequently beats up the gang. She does this carefully, limiting herself to slow, graceful movements that are not in any way supplemented by ki. The gang members proove their lack of intelligence by repeatedly running full force into her outstretched arms and legs. Smiling at the pile of pain that she has created, Ranma jumps onto a roof to run towards Dr. Tofu’s.

Ranma is feeling a little better now, but this is only a temporary reprieve as she is having a bad day, not just a bad morning.

When Ranma reaches Tofu’s clinic, Kasumi is there.

“Oh my!” Kasumi says predictably when Ranma enters the room.

“Oh why hello Ranma! I’ll just go get you some hot water then okay?” says Tofu, his glasses fogged all the way to opaque. “Betty-chan! What are you doing in the tea kettle?”

“Tofu-sensei, you’re so silly, that’s the closet!” Kasumi offers her assistance.

“Oh so it is! I’ll just find my way to the kitchen then!” Tofu exclaims heading off toward the bathroom while swingdancing along with Betty. Note that Betty is in fact a skeleton, and has been in Tofu’s closet. This is either funny, profound, or sad, depending on how you look at it.

“Uh, its okay, Tofu-sensei, I’ll get it myself.” Ranma goes into the kitchen area and runs the hot water, waiting for it to get hot enough. One of the benefits of living in Nerima is hot and cold running water. However, for some reason, not all of its citizens are in the habit of taking full advantage of this commodity.

Suddenly there’s a large crack and a gushing sound.“This teakettle is a lot heavier than I thought it was!” yells Tofu from the bathroom. Ranma tries to will the water to get warmer as she hears Tofu stomp toward the kitchen. Just when the water is the right temperature Tofu enters carrying a western style toilet. “Well I guess I just set this on the range then!” Before Ranma can get a glass and fill it with hot water Tofu places the toilet in the sink. “Now what was it you wanted, Akane?”

“I’m Ranma, not Akane!” Ranma growls.

“Oh well then this is for you!” Tofu grabs the toilet and upends it over Ranma.

It should be noted that the Tofu clinic is a public building and that not all the people that use said clinic are in the habit of flushing. (see above comment on the use of running water)

“Oh my!” Kasumi says smiling. “Tofu-san, I just wanted to drop off that book you lent me I’ll come back later when you’re not so busy.”

“Okay Ranma!” Tofu waves toward Kasumi. Ranma is shocked, female, and stinking and at the moment unsure of how to reset her blast potential from kill to stun when Tofu notices her again. “Betty-chan! I thought I left you in the bathroom!” Ranma wisely pulls a Shampoo and runs through the nearest wall toward the dojo. Tofu follows for several blocks looking like a human spectacled version of Pepe le Pieu…until he runs headlong into a metal pole.

Yes this is indeed a bad day for Ranma. This is also, of course, completely normal.

Ranma begins to wonder why Kasumi chose this day to leave the making of breakfast up to Akane and go visit Dr. Tofu. She wonders if it might have something to do with the large hole in the living room from last night’s fight with P-chan… She decides that Kasumi is just too nice and too naïve to ever be so devious. Reconciled to this, she enters the Tendo household.

“Growf” says a panda as it holds up a sign that reads [Aren’t you supposed to be in school, boy?]

To which Ranma replies, “Aw give it a rest, Pops. I had…several…accidents on the way and I just need ta use the furo is all.”

Soun Tendo, who is playing shogi with the panda, speaks to Ranma without looking up from the board. “Kasumi said to let you know that the hot water’s out.”

“Fine I’ll just heat up a teakettle on the range after I wash up.” Ranma said as she started toward the furo.

“Stove’s not working either.” Informs the Tendo patriarch.

“Okay…I’ll just use the microwave.”

“Akane-chan broke it.”

“I’ll build a fire out back then!”

“We need a permit to do that.”

“THEN I’LL SET A METAL PAN OUT ON THE ROOF AND LET IT WARM IN THE SUN!”

“Gonna rain today.”

Ranma is starting to get suspicious. “Do you WANT me to be a girl, is that it?”

Soun and Genma are silent.

“WELL?”

“Ahem…er…no, of course not, son,” says Mr. Tendo, “It’s just... well, the constant whining ‘gimme hot water, I need hot water! Lemme take a bath!’... frankly, it’s beginning to get on everyone’s nerves.”

Ranma turns to her father:“Pops? What about you?”

Genma holds up a sign in response: [You need to learn to accept your curse, as I have.] He turns his panda head toward Ranma and smiles.

“This is ridiculous!” Ranma says throwing her hands up and stomping off to the washroom. While she is trying to get the smell of urine and feces off her skin with the soap and ice cold water, she hears Kasumi come in through the door. In light of Tendo-san’s confession Ranma decides to go ahead and try the furo, but unfortunately there was some truth to what Soun had said after all.

Ranma dries off and goes upstairs to dress when Kasumi calls up “Oh Ranma! the new assistant principal called. She said that if you were late again today she would register you as a girl and you would have to wear the proper uniform or you’d be expelled. I should of told you earlier but it slipped my mind.”

“Yeah, well I’ll believe it when she tells me to my face!”Ranma shouts back. She winces afterward. She didn’t mean to be so rude to Kasumi...

“Okay, well I went ahead and packed it in your backpack…that you forgot.” You can actually HEAR the pleasant smile of Kasumi as she says this.

“Packed…what?” Ranma asked.

“Your uniform.”

“…..” Ranma looks out the window as she has a uncomfortable revelation: “She IS angry at me!”

Ranma dresses in some clean chinese clothes on the off chance that the irrascible new assistant principal might listen to reason. As she does so she begins to think of what an angry Kasumi could mean. Everyone listens to Kasumi. No one suspects her of being capable of any wrong. She has the ear of nearly anybody she wants to listen to her. NABIKI always does what she says. Not even Happosai crosses her. If she wanted to, she could do any number of nasty things, and NO ONE WOULD KNOW.

This is bad.

Dressed, Ranma heads downstairs. Her stomach chooses this moment to make Ranma aware of its emptyness and need to be filled on a visceral level. Witness the utter horror that passes over Ranma as she considers the possible repercusions that asking Kasumi for food would now entail. Observe the cold sweat, the accelerated heart beat, the weakening of the knees. This, yes, this is true fear. Ranma decides she will provide for herself, but even to tread in the kitchen, the domicile of the hidden tigress that strikes unseen, could mean death. “K-K-Kasumi-san?”

“Yes, Ranma-chan?”

Ranma winces at the honorific atatched to her name but boldly continues “Is…I mean…would it be alright if…I …that is…I’d like to fix something…to eat. D-do you want anything?”

“Oh well a cup of tea would be lovely.”

“I thought…the stove…I mean…Tendo-san…samma?…Tendo-san said that…itwasntworking!”

“Oh well of course it isn’t silly, you have to turn it on first!”

“Oh very true! You j-just sit here, on the couch...or where ever HA! and I-I’ll make some up for you.” It is at this moment that Ranma learns the horrible secret of Dr. Tofu’s behavior. It is not love that drives the good doctor to such reckless acts…It’s fear. Ranma finds herself wishing she had her own skeleton to dance around with…

In the kitchen Ranma tries to calm down. “C-calm down Ranma,” she says, “its not like there are any cats around.” A new revelation strikes Ranma as she realizes that given the choice between a cat and an angry Kasumi, she would much rather deal with a cat. In fact she finds thinking of cats to be strangely calming. As she thinks of flesh being torn off violently by starving half-crazed felines she realizes “At least with the cats I knew where I stood. I knew what they wanted. They were hungry, I was their food. Simple.” Ranma turns on the stove and prepares the teakettle. “Oh shit, does she want Earl Grey, Darjeerling, or green tea???”

Opting for the traditional green tea, Ranma makes a sandwich for herself and one for Kasumi as the water heats up. Then, allowing the tea to steep for a bit, he carefully asks Kasumi if she would like a sandwich while she waits.

“Oh! Well I suppose if you already made extra I might as well!” Kasumi smiles sweetly

Ranma thinks of cats. Big mean, hungry cats.

When the tea is ready, Ranma suddenly loses it.

Japanese tea serving is a pass fail situation even with liberally-minded Japanese. All that Ranma ever knew about tea she learned from martial arts. And this usually involved sitting on one’s knees and sliding about the floor with the aid of one’s feet. The actual tea making part of it is largely lost on the teenager. Ranma would confidently serve tea to his mother even if failing meant seppuku. She would serve tea to the emperor of fuedal Japan during an uprising if she had to, but Kasumi, who gave no indication of her true feelings until it was too late, who could probably end Ranma’s life in a thousand horrible and painful ways were she so inclined… Ranma dare not attempt to even try. But she had to… but what if… but…Kasumi’s sweet smile fills Ranma’s mind. It overloads him, taxes his reservoirs of sanity. Deep within the inner reaches of his subconcious a voice cries out “I will help you!” and Ranma clings to the voice… allows it to take control…

“Oh my!” Ranma says as she considers what to do. She trully had made an awful mess of things already. Look at what cups she was going to use! That simply would not do…

About a half hour later, Ranma is splashed with hot water, turning him back into a man and shocking him out of the Kasumi-ken. “What happened?” He asked woozily.

“You were acting like a fool boy! Sweeping, picking up things, dusting! These are not the actions of a true martial artist, much less a male one!” Genma works through a kata of prostrations as he lectures his son.

“Dad…” Ranma interrupts, “Could we get a cat?”

Genma is silent for a long while as he processes what his son has just said. “Son…A lot of weird things happen to you all the time. I am well aware of this. I will not ask you to explain yourself now, I will wait until I am sure that whatever has affected your mind is gone from your system or has become permanent. If you need me I’ll be the dojo…meditating.” Genma leaves the room. A concerned Soun asks what was wrong to which Genma replies “He called me…Dad!” and starts crying happily. Not wanting to miss out, Soun joins him shortly thereafter.

Meanwhile Ranma takes note of his current situation. He is now male, however he is also wearing a dress… and extremely uncomfortable undergarments. He tries not to think about this too much. The dress is one of Akane’s, an ultra-conservative number that the tomboy probably got for Christmas one year and never wore. Which is just as well because it’s quite ruined now. The longsleeves are threatening to cut of the circulation to Ranma’s arms. On a positive note Ranma is no longer affected by the nekoken.

Unfortunately he now has a negative response to Akane’s oldest sister.

Fortunately there is only one Kasumi.

Unfortunately Ranma lives with her.

Ranma looks outside. The Sun is just barely clearing the trees. It is almost 10:30! He is going to be late for second period now too! Not to mention the mess he has in store for him if the Assistant Principle is good on her word. Ranma briefly considers staying home, but he knows that sooner or later his father would make him go and then it would be worse than if he had gone in the first place… and there is his newfound phobia to be taken into acount…

Yes, on the whole, Ranma’s bad day is still going on strong.

He climbs back up the stairs painfully and finds his clothes. Ripping the dress off of him and putting on his chinese outfit once again he gets his backpack and sets out for school once more.

It isn’t long before he hears a familiar battle cry. “Prepare to die, Ranma!”

Ranma just can’t handle it. Any other time, fine but this is just cruel. “Okay.” Ranma says with a shrug as he closes his eyes.

“What are doing? Did you come up with a new chi move or something?” Asks Ryoga after minute of staring at Ranma.

“No, I’m just doin’ what ya wanted me ta do. Preparin’ ta die. So kill me already.”

“I’m not going to be fooled! This is just one of your tricks!” said Ryoga warily.

“No tricks, Ryoga. You wanna kill me so bad, go ahead’n kill me. I’ve been having a really bad day today and you killing me would top it off quite nicely.”

Ryoga looks confused for moment or so.

“You’re not gonna kill me, are you.” Ranma sighs.

Ryoga scratches the back of his head, a little nervous. “So…what happened?”

Ranma opens his eyes to see Ryoga, not attacking him. In fact, he just offered to hear Ranma’s point of view. Ranma wanted to be friends with Ryoga and end their feud since the day he showed up at Furinkin, and it turns out all he had to do was call his bluff. Getting over his considerable surprise Ranma says, “Well, if you really wanna know…why don’t you walk with me to Furinkin and I’ll tell ya about it. Then you can see Akane if you want.”

“Er…okay…sure.”

And with that, they start walking.“First off,” Ranma began, “Let me give you an important bit of advice. Don’t ever, under any circumstances, make K-K-Kasumi unhappy…”

By the time they reach Furinkin they both are in agreement that Ranma’s been having one shitty day. “You really have been having a shitty day haven’t you, Ranma.” Ryoga says.

“Ya can say that again.”

“I still think my life is the worse one over all, but I have to admit today you’ve got me beat.”

Ranma looks at the sun through the trees, “Maybe someday you and I can get our act together and finally have something good to tell one another for once.”

“Yeah that’d be nice.”

Finally they both reach the sign that reads Furinken High School. “Welp, looks like we’re here. You wanna go inside or do ya feel like chancin’ it out here?”

“I think I’ll go inside if that’s all right, but Ranma?”

“Yeah?”

“Could we go back to pretending we hate each other? Talking’s nice and all, but well it’s kinda depressing.”

“Good ta know if you ever need to do a shi shi hokodan.” Ranma nudges Ryoga in the ribs goodnaturedly.

Ryoga however looks quite serious as he says “I…don’t have any problem with that, Ranma.”

“Yeah, well maybe you should tell me about that sometime. But for now, I agree. We should go back to killin’ each other.”

“Bitter enemies?”

“The bitterest.” Ranma says with a slight smile.

When Ranma and Ryoga enter the high school two things will become apparent. First, Ranma’s day is not going to get easier, and second, that Ranma really should not have entered the high school with Ryoga.

When Ranma and Ryoga enter the high school the first thing Ranma sees is a gigantic banner proclaiming “Saotome Ranma wa onna no ko desu yo!” “Ranma Saotome is a girl!” in bold, violent characters. The first kanji of Ranma’s given name, which on his birth certificate and on every thing he or his father signed was Ran, meaning chaos, has been changed on this banner to Ran, which means orchid. This makes Ranma quite irate, but preventing him from tearing down the offensive paper is the second thing he sees. The Assistant Principle, Mrs. Washi. A reedy, frumpish woman in her sixties, Mrs Washi has piercing eyes and a hooked nose, unusual for a Japanese woman, that makes one think immediately of a hawk, and then shortly thereafter, of a witch. Her steel gray hair comes to a painfully tight little bun in the back of her head, which makes one wonder if perhaps her hairstyle is the reason for her sour attitude. Her pockmarked face gives the impression that she is not so much aging, as eroding. “So Saotome Ranma finally cares to grace us with HER presence. And what’s this? SHE brings a boyfriend! I guess SHE thinks that her SEX LIFE is more important than her education!”

Before anyone asks, yes Mrs. Washi is in fact related to the Kunos. She is Principal Kuno’s half sister. She is some fifteen years his senior. When she still had her youth she married Mr. Washi. Mr. Washi died several months later of…mysterious causes. Then Mrs. Washi joined a convent for a while…Well you get the idea.

By now we’ve given Ranma enough time to get over the shock of being called a girl while still in male form. Now we can start on the time for him to recover from being called Ryoga’s girlfriend.

The banners were done by all the students during home room. It was considered a school wide experiment to see once and for all if Ranma was a man or a woman.The idea being that if Ranma was responsible enough to be a man, he would show up to school on time. The protest of a few progressive feminists aside, this experiment had the overwhelming support of the student body, who, if nothing else, was fed up with not knowing which personal pronoun to use in place of Ranma in English class. Now something was finally going to be done and everyone could go to sleep again at night, knowing that their dreams were not obscenely perverted, or that they, in fact, were. Akane knew about this, as Kasumi had told her, thus the malleting into LEO. If she wanted Ranma to be REALLY late she would have kicked him.

“Look at me.” Ranma says evenly as he tries to stay calm. “Do I look… like a girl to you?”

“You could be binding your breasts like the Kuonji girl,” posits Washi-sensei, a hand on her mottled chin, “She had me fooled at first too. But I know that you do look like one when you get splashed with cold water, and there’s more cold than hot water in our world so it stands to reason you are more girl than boy.” Having thusly explained herself Washi-sensei places her hands on her hips in a commanding position. “Now march down to the rest room this instant and change, young lady, or you will be expelled.”

Unfortunately Ranma can’t just beat Washi up. First off she’s a girl, even so Ranma would be happy to make her an exception if she had the slightest skill in martial arts, which she doesn’t, making a second reason why he couldn’t beat her up. Finally, she isn’t threatening violence... Instead she is threatening being shunned by society, wandering the streets for odd jobs and handouts, lost in mind and body, and winding up alone, broke, and starving.

“What’s so bad about being expelled?” asks Ryoga seriously.

Ranma is considering it. But he knows that once he goes down that road he can never turn back. If he stays in school there’s a chance he can get the rule changed back or find some way around it. But if he is expelled, he’d have to pay for his education which would be tough, as he has no money and little resolve, and he admits begrugingly, while students might accept a martial arts sensei without a college degree, there is no way they’d accept one without at least a high school diploma. He has to play by Washi’s rules, at least for today.

Ranma imagines gigantic cats ripping Mrs. Washi to pieces and smiles. “Don’t worry, Ryoga, she’s weak. She just wants to pretend she has power over me. Let her.”

“You serious? You’re going to go through with this?”

“Yeah, if I don’t then she’s won, and I’ve lost, and Ranma Saotome never loses.”

“Well…be careful.” Ryoga says as he heads down a hallway.

“Don’t worry, Porky I won’t do anything you would!”

In response Ryoga extends his middle finger pointedly. “Just you wait, Ranma!”He proceeds in walking in exactly the wrong direction to find Akane. Don’t worry he will find her…at precisely the wrong moment.

“Are you quite finished?” Asks the hawk lady. No one appreciates being called weak.

“Hai,” says Ranma “I’ll go change now if that’s alright with you, Washi-sensei.” Ranma bows as one does to an opponent, eyes on Washi the whole time. Revenge will come soon enough, and it will be sweat. Sweet. The revenge will be sweet.

Or at least that’s what Ranma thinks as he stands before the the door of the women’s restroom, although, for the life of him he can’t figure out what he could do to the woman. Luckily he knows who would…Nabiki Tendo.

The women’s restroom of Furinkin High is a place Ranma will not go, even in girl form. It is one of those lines he does not cross lest he lose some indefinable part of his manhood and never gain it back. Sure he’s LOOKED in there before. Everybody’s LOOKED, but he never went in there for business purposes. Until now.

Mrs. Washi is eying his every move, and she will pounce on him as soon as he acts out of place. Sighing away the ward that kept him from entering this forbidden realm Ranma steps through the door into the little girls room.

Ranma quickly splashes himrself with water so as not to embarrass herself more than she already is going to. Opening her backpack she finds a note: “Watch out for the pins, Ranma” it says. It’s signed Te Ka. Ranma can tell it was added to the backpack sometime after teatime. Shivering a bit at what she nearly suffered, Ranma takes the package out of the back pack. Included in the package, are appropriate undergarments, shoes, unnecessarily long socks, blouse, and of course the dress. Ranma is now rethinking getting expelled, but its too late now. She is in for the long haul.

Ranma dresses.

Looking at herself in the mirror over the hundred odd pins she placed on the sink throughout the process, Ranma is reminded of the first time she pretended to be Ryoga’s girlfriend. She wore glasses, but otherwise the outfit was more or less the same. Somehow that was okay. She was playing a role then. It wasn’t real. Now everyone will know that the girl in the uniform is Ranma Saotome.

If she doesn’t hurry, she’ll be late for the next period of class.

When she leaves the restroom Mrs. Washi hands her a new schedule. “This is your new schedule, Saotome,” she says. “I trust you will attend the rest of your classes on time?”

“Hai, sensei,” Ranma replies through clenched teeth. She looks down at the next class on her schedule… Home Economics. Yes, Mrs. Washi is gonna get it but good…whatever “it” is.

When Ranma enters the classroom she finds Ukyo there looking as miserable as Ranma in her girl’s uniform. Since there’s an empty seat Ranma sits next to her. “Hey, Ucchan...it’s me.”

Ukyo’s hand goes to her mouth as she gasps. “Ranchan? Oh no! I didn’t think she actually meant it! How did she get you?”

“I really don’t wanna get inta that right now, Ucchan. We gotta find some way ta get rid of Washi.”

“Ranchan, I am with you one-hundred percent.” Ukyo makes a fist and slams it on her desk “The bitch must die!”

“Right... Hey I know why I don’t like her but what have you got against her I mean you’ve worn a girl’s uniform before...”

“So have you.” Ukyo responds icily. “There’s a reason why I don’t wear girl’s clothes.”

“What’s that?”

Ukyo sighs takes a gigantic wad of crumpled papers and slams it on the desk. “Read.”

Ranma reads. [Ukyo, I love you!] says one. [Ukyo-samma let’s make babies together in the moonlight!] says another, [Ukyo! You make me wish I was a man so I could kiss every centimeter of your body and then shove my hard, wet....] Ranma feels she has the picture now. “Ah, I see”

“That’s not all. Do you know about work permits?”

“Uh, nope beats me.”

“Well APPARANTLY you can’t work and go to high school at the same time legally without one. No one cares usually but if some BITCH happens to mention it to the cops... POOF no more Ucchan’s! What’s worse is that I can’t get a work permit except throught the school and GUESS WHO’S RUNNING IT?”

Ranma shifts in her seat. You can’t sit in a chair the same way when you’re wearing a skirt and be comfortable. Ranma’s bra is itching too. “The bitch must die,” she asserts.

Ukyo nods.

First though, Ranma and Ukyo have some cookies to bake...

The teacher walks in. She has her hair styled in a long black pony tail put together with a blue scrunchy. Her hair hangs all the way to her waist. She has a thin bony body and a face that looks nothing like a mouse, but immediately makes you think of one. She is not young, there are clear wrinkles on her face, but she is still attractive in an odd, motherly sort of way. Sort of like the mother in the Shining but oriental and with longer hair. “Good afternoon class.”

“Good afternoon Futago-sensei!” say all the students except for Ranma and Ukyo. Futago-sensei smiles slightly.

Then lines apear above her nose as her eyebrows come together and she turns from mouse to a more vicious rodent as she barks “STAND!”

The girls and Ranma stand.

“BOW!”

They bow.

“SIT!”

They sit.

Futago-sensei smiles slightly.

The room is a large one, with many ovens complete with grills and microwaves. There is one oven/desk in a back corner sectioned off in orange hazmat tape. There have been stories of girls who have ventured into this area and have never been seen from again. One girl accidently put her hand on the counter of this desk. When she took it off again, it was a pulsating red color and seemed to have one too many digits. This area is known as “Akane’s Spot” because when ever Akane is feeling the urge to practise the culinary dark arts she is assigned that spot only. So far, only she has been able to withstand standing there for any length of time. Strangely enough though, as long as she’s cooking there, her food isn’t half bad.

Futago instructs the class on how to bake the cookies providing her assistance as needed. When everone’s cookies are baking in the oven she adresses the class.

“Today, class,” Futago-sensei begins “Is a special day. Today we have two new students!” She smiles wider here. She seems for all the world now like she’s teaching kindergarten as a opposed to High school. She apparently is a stout believer in the carrot and stick philosophy and has made it into a way of life. “Now I’m sure you all know their stories, but I for one would like to hear it from their point of view. Saotome-san? Would you like to start?”

“Um...really I’d rather...” Ranma doesn’t feel like standing in front of everyone wearing a dress...

“GET IN FRONT OF THE CLASS NOW!”

Ranma gets in front of the class.

Futago-sensei smiles. “Now then, tell us all why you have been pretending to be a boy for so long.”

“Uh...I think you got it confused...Ukyo’s the girl...I’m really a...”

“IF YOU’RE IN MY CLASS, YOU’RE A GIRL!”

Ranma closes her eyes. She reminds herself that she doesn’t want to get expelled, and that beating up a teacher would therefore be a mistake. She opens her eyes “Right...well...”

Futago sensei smiles.

Ranma suddenly realizes that she had just agreed with what Futago-sensei said. “Wait! No! I didn’t...”

“It’s okay!” says one of the girls in the class, “I always knew you were really a girl!”

“Yeah!” agrees another, “A boy would never have helped us with Happosai so much!”

“Or have such good fashion sense!” The girl who says this has two pigtails curled up princess Leia style on her head. Make any conclusions you wish from this.

“And we all know Akane hates boys!” says Sayuri, Akane’s friend. There are nods all around. “Remember that speech she gave at last years competition?”

“Why I Am a Lesbian” someone provided. She had a mallet tattooed on her right hand. “That speech changed my life.”

“NANI?” Ranma has been trying to think of a way to respond to the unwanted compliments but this new information has her shocked, “Akane’s an alien?”

“Now now,” Futago takes in the class with her eyes as she smiles and ignores Ranma’s question, “Akane’s speech was eloquent and she had a few very good points, but we must all remember that what we hate controls us. As women we must strive to be the ones in control.” Futago now turns to Ranma, “Why don’t you start by telling us all the times you were hurt by men?”

“Uhh...” Ranma thinks for a moment, she DID have one or two experiences...

~~~~~*~~~~~

“...and every time I did somethin’ he didn’t like he told me I was actin’...like a girl!” Ranma bursts into tears.

Futago-sensei smiles. “Thank you, Ranma-chan. You may sit down now.” There is a round of applause.

Ukyo puts her hand on Ranma’s arm when she sits down. “I had no idea...”

Ranma wipes the tears from her eyes. She stares at Ukyo’s hand on her arm. It’s a strong hand. A comforting hand. Ukyo was always there for her. Always offering advice, always offering food when Akane was bent on cooking. Even though she had feelings for Ranma she still stayed her friend. Why hadn’t she noticed before? Without thinking she lightly squeezes Ukyo’s hand over her arm. “I’m so sorry, Ucchan. I’ve been such a jerk!”

“Kuonji Ukyo, could you stand in front of the class please?” Asked/ordered Futago-sensei.

Ukyo got up.

“Now then it’s your turn. Why have you been pretending to be a boy for all this time?”

“Huh? I thought everyone knew I was a girl. I mean I don’t wear the bindings outside of school and if anyone asks I...”

“How many here thought Ukyo was a boy until today?” Futago asks sweetly, interrupting Ukyo.

Half the class raises their hands.

“NANI? But I wore a girl’s uniform one day, and you’ve seen me with Ranma all the time without my bindings!”

“Yes, but when was the last time you wore a leotard?” One girl asked.

“Or gym shorts?”

“Or a bunny outfit?” the leia girl asks.

“And how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”some one in the back heckles.

“But I do have a boyfriend!” Ukyo protests.

“Oh yeah? Who?” someone asks.

“It’s Ra...” The realization hits Ukyo. Everyone in the classroom thinks Ranma is a girl. Furthermore, even if they DID think Ranma is a boy, Ranma is right there in the room and in the current context, fiance and boyfriend aren’t necessarily the same thing Ranma might be fine with being called a fiance but boyfriend was a different story.“Er...nevermind.”

“ANSWER THE QUESTION!” Futago-sensei demands.

Ukyo answers the question. “My father made a deal with Ranma’s father to get us engaged. My father put up his Okonomiyaki cart as a dowry. Genma kept the cart and left me. My father made me give up my girlhood, made me live as a man so that I could avenge the wrong that was done to my family.”

“SO! YOU THINK YOU’D HAVE TO BE A MAN TO EXACT VENGEANCE?”

“Um...no. My father did though...”

A girl in the front row asks, “Excuse me, I couldn’t help noticing you speak in the past tense, is your father not around anymore?”

“Um...no he’s... still in Okinawa...”

“Futago-sensei, may I please use a curse word?” the girl asks.

“Okay just this once,” Futago smiles.

“I think Ukyo’s story is bullshit. I mean I understand about giri and all but if her father was really concerned about it I would think he’d go with her. And its been a long time since she’s come here and she seems to have given up on it anyway. Besides the whole thing sounds like something out of a silly manga. I don’t think she’s been pretending to be a boy because she was forced to, like Ranma-chan. I think she pretends to be a boy because she LIKES it.”

“Hey, cut it out already!” Ranma exclaims. She doesn’t like how Ukyo’s being treated. She also doesn’t like that the class seems to think Ukyo is more of a man than Ranma, but this is only in the back of her mind right now. “So what if she likes actin’ like a boy. She’s probably used ta it by now or somethin’”

Ranma doesn’t expect the evil glare that Ukyo gives her. It softens but there is still a hardness in the eyes. “Maybe I do like it a little. Maybe I like not getting pornographic love letters every morning...” One or two of the girls in the room start to blush and glance around the room guiltily, “Maybe I enjoy not having to spend hours getting ready for school. Maybe I’d rather not worry about what too many muscles would do to my physique, and maybe I like not being condescended to. But that’s not the main reason I act like a boy.” Ukyo seems to speak directly to Ranma. She looks straight into her eyes. “My father is dead. That Okinomiyaki cart was his livelyhood and he entrusted it to Genma in the hopes that he could continue his school. He knew he was sick. He didn’t want me to see him die. But I did. I heard his last words, barely coherent, pass through his parched lips. ‘Continue the school’ he said. ‘Continue the school.’”

A lump grows in the back of Ranma’s throat as she tries to lean back away from Ukyo in her seat. “I’m sorry, Ukyo, but I didn’t know. You never talk about it or anything.”

“Just like a man” Someone in the back mutters.

“Hey look,” Ranma snaps suddenly, “Why can’t Ukyo act like a man if she wants to? Why can’t any of us? What’s the big deal? I mean...” Ranma adjusts in her seat, “I should be able to wear whatever I want no matter what sex I am and so should Ukyo! ”

Futago smiles. “Yes, Ranma-chan, you’re absolutely right. Congratulations, you are a feminist.” There is silence in the classroom. “You see, class,” Futago continues, “we must not hate men, because if we hate them, we will seek to distance ourselves from them. We will limit ourselves and strengthen the very stereotypes we would wish to suppress.”

“Hey!” Ranma protests, “I ain’t no feminist!”

“Ranma-chan,” Futago addresses Ranma with a bemused expression, “do you know what a feminist is?”

“It’s got somethin’ ta do with bein’ a girl I bet!” Ranma snapped back.

“Actually, you don’t have to be a girl to be a feminist, you just have to believe that women should have the same rights as men...You do believe that, don’t you Ranma?” Futago smiled.

“I dunno,” Ranma mumbled.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘YOU DON’T KNOW?’”

“Well, it’s just...it depends on the rights.” Ranma knitted her brow and continued, “I mean, I like...ice cream...and it just seems ta me...well, SOMEBODY should get ta eat it.”

A girl with blonde hair and watery eyes grabs Ranma’s arm. “You mean...guys can’t eat ice cream?”

Ranma nods. “Not if they don’t wanna be laughed at.”

Suddenly Ryoga bursts through the door. “EXCUSE ME! I am looking for Tendo Akane! Is she here?”

“I’m afraid Tendo-chan isn’t here.” Futago-sensei informed with a smile.

“Oh...” Ryoga sees a classroom full of girls. Two of them in particular strike him as being particularly beatiful. Unfortunately he quickly realizes that they are Ranma and Ukyo. Ryoga’s subconscious mind, which likes to make fun of Ryoga any chance it can get, brings up an image of Ranma-chan naked in the bath. Ryoga tries not to look at Ranma, but his eyes naturally gravitate toward the red hair. “Umm...I guess I’ll get going then.” Ryoga edges out of the room.

“HOLD IT!” Futago sensei yells.

Ryoga freezes in mid step.

“We have a question for you.” Futago smiles.

“Ohhhkay.” Ryoga turns around. He manages to not look at Ranma by staring at Ukyo’s breasts.

“We were discussing something...and we could use a male opinion.”

Ranma almost protested once again not being considered a male, but she knew by now it was pointless.

Ryoga’s subconscious had another stab at him by extrapolating, based on the shape of Ranma’s uniform and the appearance of her naked form and the similarities and differences between this and Ukyo’s uniform, what Ukyo would look like naked. “Gah! Uh yeah sure! Whatever!”

“Do you eat ice cream?”

The oddness of the question made Ryoga temporarily regain his senses. “Huh? Ice cream? Um...no I don’t eat that. That’s for girls.”

Ranma wonders if she should mention that Ryoga has had plenty of ice cream as a pig. She decides it wouldn’t be a good idea just now.

“That’s it,” said one of the girls in the back of the class, “I’m getting married and living at home. I mean I’m all for independance, but...no ice cream? How can a person LIVE?”

“Hey I don’t think Ukyo’s ever eaten ice cream either!”

“Shh!”

Futago smiles at Ryoga sweetly “Thankyou, Ryoga-kun. You’ve given us something to think about. Would you perhaps like to join us?”

Ryoga looks around the class. This is Home Ec isn’t it? Why would he want to be here? Then his subconscious answers him by giving him an image of every girl in the class naked.... “Ah HEH HEH HEH! I really would like to but...um I’ve got to go bye!” Ryoga

Furinkan no shakai no shinpo-teki na feminisuto-tachi

Fushashife