May the Wind be at Your Back

Title: May the Wind be at Your Back

Author: Zenia

Summary: This is the one of the most painful times of Rick’s life, how will he manage?

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: They’re not mine, never will be. Please don't sue.

Feedback: Please, it sure would be nice.

Warning: Lots of crying, lots and lots of crying.

Notes: I just watched “May the Road Rise Up” and this story popped into my head. In this story Rick is ten and AJ is five. I have no idea how why the writers would have Jack dying in 1954, according to my calculations AJ would be two y/o. Ah well, sometimes fanon is less screwed up than canon anyway.

May the Road Rise up to Meet You

May the Wind be Always at Your Back

May the Sun Shine Upon Your Face

The Rains Fall Soft Upon Your Fields

And, Until We Meet Again,

May God Hold You in the Palm of His Hand

-- Old Irish Blessing

May the Wind be at Your Back

By Zenia

Rick listened to the rain splatter against the window and sighed. It wasn’t fair that Mom wouldn’t let him stay up till Dad got home. He was ten, old enough to stay up past his bedtime. It was only eight-thirty anyway.

Thunder roared outside and AJ cuddled up against him. He had crawled into Rick’s bed earlier when the lightening started, mumbling how he was cold. Rick stroked his hair and smiled. What a baby. He’d tease him about it tomorrow.

Maybe.

Rick flushed hot. Last time he had got on about it AJ had started crying. Just a tear or two, but Rick hadn’t liked the feeling very much.

He heard a knock on the front door and felt a thrill of happiness. Dad must have forgotten his key again. Rick wiggled out of AJ’s embrace and promptly fell off the edge of the bed onto the floor. He peeked his head up over the bed and saw that AJ was still asleep.

He gave a sigh of relief. He snuck out of the bedroom and opened the door slowly, wincing as it creaked. As he made his way down the hall to the stairs, he rubbed his feet along the rug. When he got to the top of the stairs he touched the banister almost reluctantly. He stifled a gasp at the crack of electricity and then smiled. Rick was half way down the steps when he got a full view of the living room. He paused. It wasn’t his dad who had been at the door. Two policemen, dripping wet, were talking in quiet voices to his mother. She was on the couch, looking up at them, crying.

He had never seen his mother cry before; it made him nervous and afraid. Rick rushed down the stairs and across the room.

“Mom, what’s wrong?” He hugged her and glared at the policemen. “What did you say to my mom? Why is she crying? You better leave, when my dad gets home you’re gonna get it.”

“Rick, it’s all right honey.” She wiped away her tears.

“Mom?” His voice wavered.

“It’s about your father, he—he had an accident.” She cradled his face in her hands.

“An accident? Is he in the hospital? Is he okay?” He looked at the police and then back at his mother.

“Oh Rick, Jack isn’t in the hospital. And he isn’t okay.” Her hands were cold against his face. Your father didn’t make it.”

“Didn’t make it?” Rick blinked. “When’s Dad coming home?”

“Honey, he isn’t coming home. He’s dead.”

“No, no that’s a lie. Dad’ll be home soon. He promised we’d go to the beach this weekend.” Dad promised and he never broke a promise. Never.

“Rick—”

“No, the cops are lying.” His chest ached and he tears burned in his eyes. “It’s not true.” It couldn’t be true.

It couldn’t be true. They would see, Dad would be home soon and they would find out they were wrong.

“Rick, it’s true. Your father’s dead.”

He shook his head and backed away slowly. At any moment he was going to cry and he didn’t want anyone to see that. His mom made a move to go to him.

“No.” He bolted from the room, his feet pounding on the stairs. When he got to his room he shut the door firmly behind him. Then he crawled back into bed, making sure that AJ was covered and hugged the little boy to him. He pressed his face into AJ’s hair and sobbed.

AJ struggled in his arms and said, sleepily, “Let up Rick, you’re squishin’ me.”

“Sorry.” He let go.

“Rick? Are you crying?” AJ rubbed his eyes. “Wassa matter?”

“Nothin’ just go back to sleep.” He buried his face into the pillow, trying to muffle his sobs. He tried to stop, only sissies cried, but he couldn’t.

“You are,” the boy cried in alarm. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt Rick? I’m gonna get Mom.”

“No.” Rick grabbed him by the arm. “No, I’m okay.”

AJ stroked his hair. “Don’t cry Rick, please don’t cry.” His brother’s voice trembled and before he knew it the kid was crying along with him. “I’ll get Daddy, he’ll make you feel better.”

He gathered his brother close and cradled him to his chest. “Dad’s dead AJ, he’s dead.”

And it as only then, when he had said it, that he truly believed.

AJ started to cry even louder, hugging Rick so hard that he almost couldn’t breathe. Rick let him, it made him feel better, it made him feel like nothing was slipping away. Like AJ would never slip away.

The door opened and their mother came in. She wrapped her arms around the both of them. They cried together, till they were exhausted and numb and AJ finally fell asleep, still making shuddering sounds even in his dreams.

He watched as she tucked AJ in, stroking the hair from his face.

“Mom?”

“Yes baby?” She looked at him.

“Tell me the story about the first time Dad held me.”

She smiled and gathered him close. “I had just went through 10 hours of hard labor, you were stubborn even then, and your father must have been pacing up a storm. Just seconds after you let out your first scream he was there. Oh I could see the light in his eyes. He loved you so much. And the nurse put you in his arms; I thought he was going to burst. When the nurse came to take you away, he didn’t want to give you up. I though they were going to play tug of war with you.”

“What are we gonna do Mom,” he whispered.

“We’re going to be strong because that’s what your father would have wanted.” She stroked his hair gently.

“It’s not fair Mom, it’s not fair.” He pressed his face to her neck.

“No, it’s not but life rarely is.”

She stayed all night, rocking him gently, whispering stories of his father in his ear.

The next day Rick woke up to find a bunch of strangers in the house. They were all crying, hugging him and AJ, telling them how sorry they were, and what a great man Dad had been. It was enough to make Rick wanna throw up. What did they care: it wasn’t their dad who was dead. Why couldn’t they leave them alone?

What made things worse was that AJ was acting like his tail. Not that he could blame him the way people kept pinching his cheeks and telling him how much he’d grown. The kid needed some kind of shield. But it was annoying anyway to stop suddenly and have AJ bump into him.

It was stupid, just really stupid, how people kept crying. Aunt Brenda, she said she was their aunt but Rick was pretty sure she wasn’t, kept kissing him and blubbering all over him. He tried squirming away but she wouldn’t take a hint.

He couldn’t take it anymore, he really couldn’t. “Oh, will you leave me alone!”

She pulled away, a shocked look on her face. She was turning a nice shade of red too. “Well—well…”

The whole house got real quiet, finally, except for AJ who was snickering behind him. He was pretty pleased with himself till his mother grabbed him by the arm.

“Apologize. Now Rick.”

“No.” He tensed. Last time he told his mother no he couldn’t sit for a week.

She shook him, her teeth clenched. “You will apologize.”

He lifted his chin and glared at her. “No. You can’t make me.”

“You’ll do as I say or—”

“I don’t care if you hit me, I ain’t gonna say I’m sorry.”

Mom was real angry now and he knew she wouldn’t give in. Dad would have grabbed him and tossed him in his room, but not his mom. No, she’d try to out stubborn him. Two peas in a pod when it came to stubbornness, his dad used to say.

“Go to your room. Now.” She said it quietly and Rick knew he was in trouble.

He smiled. “No.”

Aunt Brenda touched her arm. “It’s all right Cecilia. Rick’s just a little upset.”

“He had no right to talk to you like that.”

“It’s understandable.”

While she tried to calm his mother down, Rick made a run for the door. He heard his mother calling for him to come back but he ignored her. There’d be hell to pay when he got back, but he was used to it. He would go to his secret place in the park and not have to see anyone or talk to anyone. Then he could cry and yell and be mad without anyone telling him to behave or be strong.

It was okay to cry in private that way no one thought you were a baby or a sissy.

He got about two blocks away before he noticed that AJ was following him. The kid had always been sneaky.

Rick stopped and glared at him. “Go home AJ.”

AJ shook his head. “I want to come with you.”

“Well I don’t. I wanna be alone. Now go back.” Rick shoved him gently.

“No.” AJ clenched his hands into fists. “I want to come with you.”

Great, Rick thought, he’s taking lessons from me and Mom.

“Why can’t I come with you? Please.” He smiled then, shyly.

He realized that AJ looked like their father when he smiled. Rick suddenly felt very angry, like he was going to burst if he didn’t do something. So he shoved AJ again, really hard.

AJ stumbled back a few steps before landing on his butt. The kid looked up at him, eyes wide, then his lower lip started to tremble.

“Don’t cry.”

Tears began rolling down AJ’s cheeks anyway. The kid never listened to him. “I just wanted to come with you."

Rick grimaced feeling like a big jerk. He helped his brother to his feet, dusting him off. “Look, I’m sorry, I just wanna be alone. You can’t keep following me around like this.”

“Rick, I miss Daddy. Don’t you miss Daddy too?”

He looked down, feeling a lump in his throat. “Course I do.”

“I’m scared Rick. What will happen if Mom dies like Daddy did?”

Rick looked up quickly. “She’s not gonna die.”

“What’ll we do?”

“Listen.” He grabbed AJ by the shoulders. “She’s not gonna die.”

“What if you die? Don’t leave me Rick, don’t leave me.” He buried his face into Rick’s shirt. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“You won’t, you won’t be alone,” he said desperately. “You hear me, I won’t die. I promise, I won’t leave you. Do you hear me, do you?”

AJ nodded against him.

“I’ll be with you forever and you’ll be with me. I swear.” He stepped back. “Now you swear.”

AJ looked at him, eyes red and serious. “I swear I’ll never leave you. We’ll be together forever.”

Rick nodded, once, and grabbed AJ into a bear hug. This was one promise that would be kept, no matter what.