Title: Total Eclipse of the Heart

Author: Zenia

Summary: Sometimes big brothers are jerks, and sometimes, they’re not.

Rating: PG-13 for language

Email: ztovarich@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: They're not mine, never will be. Please don't sue.

Feedback: Please, it sure would be nice.

Warning: Angst and sap.

Notes: The title is stolen from a Bonnie Tyler song. I wrote this story because sometimes big brothers and sisters can be mean (I know, I am a big sister). We torture and torment our siblings but in the end, it’s still about love. It always is.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

By Zenia

It wasn’t that he disliked Carlos, because that wasn’t true. Carlos was easygoing, funny, and unlike Rick’s other friends, didn’t mind it when he hung around. But AJ still wished he would go home. Rick had promised to take AJ to the beach so that they could throw around the football. Then Carlos had come by asking if Rick wanted to work on his car.

And Rick forgot.

Not that AJ cared what Rick did with his friends. But it was a beautiful day and he really wanted to go to the beach. Mom wouldn’t let him go by himself.

AJ put his hands in his pockets and walked over to where Rick and Carlos were huddled over the engine.

“What kind of sound didja say it was making?” Rick asked.

“Sort of a clack, clack, clack.”

AJ leaned up against the car. “Did you find out what’s wrong with it?”

“Nah.” Carlos smiled at him. “I think it’s dead.”

“Well get it fixed.” Rick’s faced was smudged with grease.

“Can I help?”

“I don’t know. What do you think Ricky?”

“AJ you don’t know nothin’ about cars. Besides you’ll get dirty.”

“I don’t mind getting dirty.”

Rick looked up at Carlos. “He was the only five year old I know who didn’t like playin’ in the mud and washed his hands before dinner without bein’ told. Why don’t you go inside and help Mom make lunch. I’m getting hungry.”

AJ flushed red with embarrassment. “I can still help…you,” he finished lamely. Rick was already pointing something out to Carlos. He sighed and went back inside the house.

His mom was sitting on the kitchen table, doing bills. He sat across from her and watched silently.

“What’s your brother doing?”

“He’s outside working on Carlos’ car.”

“I thought that the two of you were going to the beach today?” She licked a stamp and put it on an envelope.

AJ shrugged. “He forgot I guess.”

She looked up at him for a minute. “Well don’t take it personally honey, he’s seventeen.”

What did that mean?

“Aw I don’t care anyway.”

“If you want I could remind him?”

“No, that’s okay.” Jeez, did she want him to look like a little kid? And it would only make Rick mad anyway. Last time Rick had teased him about it until AJ got so angry he rushed him. He got in a good punch, then Rick had him in a headlock. It was embarrassing.

Suddenly his mom stood up. “I have to pay some bills and go to the post office. Would you like to come with me?”

He scratched his nose. “Nah, I’m just gonna hang around.”

“Okay.” She kissed the top of his head and grabbed the car keys.

He sat there for a while listening to the sound of the kitchen clock ticking, then he got up and made himself a sandwich. He was almost done with it when Rick and Carlos came in, greasy and laughing.

Rick hit him hard on the back of the head, making him pitch forward. “Hey squirt where’s our sandwiches?”

AJ rubbed his head and glared. “You can make your own.”

“Where’s Mom?”

“She had errands to run. She wouldn’t have made you a sandwich either.”

Rick ignored him in favor of spreading mayonnaise on his bread. When they had there sandwiches made they sat down, chewing happily.

“Did you fix the car?”

Carlos laughed. “It’s not making a clacking sound anymore. Now it’s making this grinding sound.”

“Oh.”

Carlos turned to Rick. “So we get cleaned up and go to the beach? I talked to Ramon this morning. A bunch of them are going to be out there for a little party this evening. Should be fun.”

“Yeah.” Rick smiled. “That should be fun.”

“Can I come,” AJ asked hopefully.

“No, you can’t.”

“Aw c’mon Rick. You promised to take me to the beach today. You owe me.”

Rick blinked. “I said that maybe I would take you today.”

“No you didn’t. You promised.” AJ stood up.

“Jeez, all right, all right.” He told Carlos, “If we don’t take him, he’ll cry to Mom.”

“I will not,” AJ said hotly. “Jerk.”

“Better than being a momma’s boy.”

AJ lunged for him but unfortunately Rick was waiting for it. In one swift moment he was out of his chair and had one of AJ’s arms twisted behind his back. Then Rick shoved him up against the counter.

“Ouch. Let go. C’mon Rick, let go.”

“You started it kid, not me.” Rick yanked his arm.

“Rick, it really hurts.” He struggled violently.

“Apologize.”

“No!”

“Apologize or I bring out the picture of you in Mom’s dress and show Carlos,” Rick crowed.

“You wouldn’t!”

“Try me.”

“I apologize, I apologize.”

Rick let him go and he pitched forward painfully into the counter. He hated Rick; he hated him so much sometimes. Both he and Carlos were laughing. AJ took a deep breath and scowled.

“Careful kid or your face’ll stay that way. We leave when Mom gets home so get ready. And don’t forget your sweater, it’s supposed to get cold.”

With one last glare AJ stomped out of the kitchen.

**********

“Hey Rick do you always bring your brother as a date to parties,” Charlie called out.

“No, I thought I’d bring him to this one to look at your ugly face. See AJ that’s what a caveman looks like.” Rick collapsed on the sand beside the fire. “Pass me a beer.”

“You’re hilarious Richard.”

“And you blow Charles.”

AJ sat next to Rick and stared into the fire.

“Seriously Rick, what did you bring the kid for?” This from Karen Miller, a pretty blonde that Rick had dated once or twice.

“Aw, I promise to take him to the beach.”

“More than that I think,” Karen teased. “Did I tell you guys that Rick actually brought AJ with us on our first date.”

“Well he’s gotta get his education someplace.” Rick winked at her.

“If I remember correctly he didn’t get any education that night.”

Everyone laughed at that comment. Then for the rest of the evening he was promptly ignored. After a while he went out to where the water met the sand and took off his sandals. The water felt nice and cold against his feet. He wiggled his toes in the sand and looked up at the stars.

A few hours later when it was time to go home, Rick came and got him.

“Where’s Carlos?” He asked as the got into the car.

“Karen’s taking him home.”

“Oh.” Then he was silent as they drove home.

“What’s wrong?” Rick asked. “Cat got your tongue?”

“What do you care. Didn’t talk to me much today away.”

“Jeez, who pissed in your Wheaties?”

AJ turned to him furious. “You ignore me all day even after you promise to take me to the beach today. You embarrass me in front of Carlos and your friends. And, and you twist my arm and make me feel like…like nothing. And you ask me what’s wrong?”

“You’re being kinda sensitive aren’t you?”

“Me?”

“I took you to the beach didn’t I? I took you even though I knew all my friends would make fun of me. As for twisting your arm, you deserved it. It ain’t exactly fun having to drag my baby brother with me wherever I go. Why don’t you get your own friends and hang out with them.”

AJ felt the sudden sting of tears in his eyes. “I do have friends. Stop the car. Stop the damn car!”

Rick braked suddenly. “What, you gonna walk?”

“Yeah.”

“Fine.” Rick threw up his hands.

He opened the door. “You such an ass. I hate you, I wish I had anyone but you for a big brother.” AJ slammed the door and started walking.

Rick flipped him the bird and started driving away.

As Rick was driving away a little girl got away from her parents and darted out into the street, right into the path of the car. Rick swerved and all AJ could remember was the sound of screeching tires and metal as the car lost control and slammed into another car going the other way. It all happened so fast then as the cars spun, smashing into a power pole.

At first he couldn’t move. He just sorta stared, his mouth hanging open, unable to breathe. The little girl was screaming as her mother snatched her up from the street and someone was yelling for an ambulance. Then it was as if he had just woke from a dream and he was running towards the car. But before he could get to the door someone grabbed him from behind.

“Let go of me.” He struggled against the arms holding him. “That’s my brother.”

“Dammit kid. You can’t touch him. You might hurt him worse if you do.” The arms squeezed him more tightly.

“You don’t understand. That’s my brother. I have to see if he’s okay. I have to see if he…he’s…I have to.” He was breathing hard, squirming. “Please, I need…please!”

“If I let you go you won’t rush in there,” the man asked.

“Yes, I won’t.” He was put down. He walked slowly over to the crash. Rick was slumped back against the seat looking pale and dazed. The steering column was pressed against his chest. “Rick?”

“AJ. It hurts to breathe.”

“I know. It’ll be okay, an ambulance is coming they’ll get you out. Okay?”

“Yeah.” Rick looked at him. His eyes were bright. “Good thing you weren’t in the car huh? You always had…better…luck.”

Suddenly the air was assaulted with the piercing wail of sirens. AJ was pushed aside as men in yellow slickers rushed forward and began working on getting Rick out. He hugged himself to stop the shaking. He forgot his sweater and Rick was right, it was cold tonight.

It seemed like forever before they got Rick out and onto a stretcher. He looked terrible, his face was pale and dirty and the right leg of his jeans stuck out funny and was soaked with blood.

He started to follow as they put him in the ambulance but one of the paramedics stopped him. “He’s my brother.”

The man stared at him for a moment then nodded his head. “Just stay out of the way.”

When they got to the hospital he was pushed aside again. He was getting used to it. Pushed aside by Mom, by Rick and now the people at the hospital. They left him sitting down on one of the couches in the waiting room. Alone.

A few minutes later a woman in a nurses outfit came in with two cops, a man and a woman.

“Hello,” the nurse said. “I’m Cheryl. What’s your name?”

He stared at the coffee table in front of him. “AJ.”

“AJ, your brother was brought in? The one in the car accident?”

“Uh-huh.”

“AJ we couldn’t find any identification on your brother so we need some information from you. Okay?” She sat next to him.

“He’s always forgetting his license. Mom always says that he’d lose his head if it wasn’t attached to his shoulders. And even then--”

“AJ,” she interrupted. “What’s your brother’s name?”

“Rick.”

“Rick what?”

“Simon. Rick Simon.” He looked at her. “He’s not going to die is he?”

“No, he’s not going to die. AJ, need to contact your parents. Can I have your phone number?

AJ nodded. “554-2365.”

“I’m going to call your parents. I want you to stay with the police. They have some questions for you.” Then she left.

The policewoman sat next to him. “So what does AJ stand for?”

“Andrew Jackson.”

“Well that’s interesting. I’m Officer Jansen and this is my partner Officer Thomas. We’d like to talk about the accident. Is that all right?” She put a hand on his shoulder.

“I guess.” He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes.

“Why weren’t you in car,” Officer Thomas asked.

“Rick and me got into a fight. We were coming back from a party at the beach. He was being so mean. I got out and told him I’d walk. So he drove away.”

“He was just going to leave you there?” Officer Jansen seemed really surprised. Her partner didn’t seem too happy about her question.

“He wasn’t going to really leave me,” AJ protested. “He usually just drives for a few blocks then circles back and follows me until I get back in. He wouldn’t just leave me. But he never got a chance. That little girl ran in front of him and he swerved. And the car hit him and…and…and then he hit the pole.” He squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to let the tears come.

“Was your brother high or drunk?”

AJ’s eyes flew open and glared at the male cop. “No! Rick doesn’t do drugs.”

“Right.” He didn’t seem convinced. “What about alcohol?”

“He…he had a beer. But he wasn’t drunk. Rick would never drink and drive, especially if he was driving with me in the car. He took the beer so the others wouldn’t rag on him. He didn’t drink more than a couple of sips.”

“What about you?”

“Thomas!”

“I’m twelve, what do you think? Even if I wanted to Rick wouldn’t let me. I don’t think I want to talk to you anymore.” He turned away.

They tried talking to him again, apologizing for the comments but he ignored them and they went away.

It wasn’t too long after that his mom came rushing through the waiting room doors, her face pale and wet with tears. “AJ!”

“Mom.” He jumped to his feet and ran into her arms. As she gripped him tightly he could feel a lump of tears stick in his throat. He swallowed it down. “Nobody’ll tell me what’s wrong with Rick.”

“Shh, it’s okay honey. I talked to the doctor before I found you. Rick’s fine. Just a few busted ribs and a broken leg.”

“It was bleeding.”

“I know. The bone broke through his skin. They’re taking him into surgery now. He’ll be fine baby.” She rubbed his back and kissed the top of his head. “He’ll be fine.”

**********

They sat quietly for a few hours waiting for Rick to come out of surgery. AJ had his head in his mother’s lap and she was stroking his hair when the doctor came in.

“Mrs. Simon. And you must be AJ.” The doctor nodded at him and sat down. “Rick’s doing fine. He’s resting right now.”

AJ sat up. “He’s okay?”

“Yes. He’s going to be in some pain from the broken ribs and the leg--”

“About his leg…” His mom trailed off.

“After some physical therapy his leg will be a hundred percent. He’s sleeping right now but you can see him for a minute.”

The doctor led them into a white, plain room. Rick was lying on quietly on a bed. His color looked better than when AJ had last seen him and someone had cleaned the blood off his face. Tubes were coming out of his arm and nose bothered AJ though. Cecilia leaned over and kissed his forehead, whispering something to him.

AJ touched his hand gently, carefully trying not to disturb the tubes. “Hey Rick.” He wished Rick would open his eyes and say something.

“AJ,” Cecilia took his other hand. “I think it’s time to go home and get some rest. We can see him tomorrow.”

“Okay. Goodbye, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He let his hand linger for a moment longer then followed his mother out the door.

**********

When they had got to the hospital the next day Rick was sitting up in bed, a nurse beside him, trying to coax him to breathe deeply. “Come on now Rick, just a few deep breaths for me and maybe a cough.”

Rick grimaced and shook his head. There were tear tracks on his face. “Hurts.” Then he noticed that they had come in. “Mom, AJ.” His voice was hoarse.

“Hello sweetheart, how are you feeling?” She kissed him, stroking the hair from his face.

“Okay. What’s he doing here? Don’t you got school?”

“I--I wanted to see how you were doing.”

Rick looked away from him. “Can I talk to you Mom? Alone.”

AJ took a step back. “Rick?” When his brother wouldn’t answer him he spun around and stumbled out into the hall.

A few minutes later Cecilia came out. “Why don’t I take you home so that you can get more sleep okay?”

“He doesn’t want to see me.” AJ’s eyes stung with unshed tears. “Rick doesn’t want to see me?”

“AJ, he’s in a lot of pain right now. He doesn’t want you to see that.”

But he knew the truth. Rick hated him that was why he wouldn’t look at him. Rick hated him.

“I understand. I’m ready to go home.” He wrapped his arms around himself and started for the elevator.

**********

AJ was subtle about it, sneaking glances at Rick when he was busy flipping through magazines or fiddling with the knob of the radio. After a week and a half at the hospital Rick was finally home. It was still difficult for him to get around. The doctor told him to stay in bed for another few days before trying his crutches.

“You must be real glad to be home.” So far all attempts to get Rick to have a conversation had failed. He crawled into bed, pulling the sheets up and tucking them under his chin.

“Mm.” Rick shut off the radio with an irritated slap. Then he picked up the pain pills their mother had left on his bedside table. He frowned at them, popped them into his mouth and chased them with a drink of water. He lay back gently and turned off the light.

AJ sighed and closed his eyes. He hadn’t seen Rick the whole time he was in the hospital and even now at home he ignored him.

An hour later and he still couldn’t sleep. It just wasn’t right. Even when Rick was mad at him or even being a jerk they would still talk before drifting off to sleep. Sometimes it was important stuff, like talking about Dad or girls and sometimes it was just fun stuff, like the new movie that was coming out or baseball. AJ kicked the covers off and crawled out of bed.

He stood over Rick, watching him sleep. He felt kinda funny about it; he hadn’t done anything like it in years. Rick’s chest moved up and down with each breath and he snuffled, shifting uncomfortably. It was embarrassing. It made him feel hot and cold. It was something only a baby would do. And he wasn’t a baby but…

AJ crept into Rick’s bed, making sure that none of his movements jostled his brother. Then leaning his head against Rick’s shoulder he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

The next thing he knew the alarm clock was ringing insistently in the room. AJ’s arm shot out and shoved the offending object onto the ground where it was silenced.

Rick moaned next to him. “What time is it?’

He looked over onto the ground. “Six-thirty.” He rubbed his eyes and yawned.

“Don’t you think you’re getting kinda old to be crawling into my bed in the middle of the night?” When AJ opened his mouth to respond he cut him off. “I know you were cold. I swear it could be a hundred degrees outside and you’d be cold.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, climbing out of the bed.

“Don’t be sorry, just get your little butt over here and help me to the bathroom. I gotta pee.”

Rick hissed and leaned against him heavily as AJ got him standing. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just hurry before I pee my pants.” It was a slow trek across the room. When AJ was sure that Rick was steady on his feet he made a move to leave. “Don’t, I have a feeling I might need you later.”

So AJ waited, staring up at the ceiling till the tinkling sound stopped. Then he helped Rick to the sink to wash his hands and wet his face.

“Damn, I need a shave. Help me sit down and then grab my shaving kit.”

“Okay.” He put the lid down on the toilet and with a grunt or two got Rick comfortable. “Now what?”

“Here, hold my mirror.”

AJ held the mirror and watched with fascination as Rick lathered his face and started shaving. Even injured he did it with a practiced ease. “Rick, who taught you how to shave?”

“Uncle Ray.”

“Oh.” His hand crept up to his own smooth cheeks and chin. Then he snatched his hand away quickly when he noticed Rick looking at him with amusement.

“Don’t worry, when the time comes I’ll show you how to do it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

AJ smiled. “Thanks Rick.”

“Sure.”

Once Rick was done shaving AJ tried helping him to his feet. Unfortunately the movement was too much for him. Rick hissed and clutched his ribs.

“Rick, are you okay?”

He leaned against the doorjamb, panting. “Damn that hurts.”

“Here let me--”

Rick pulled away causing him to cry out. “Just leave me the hell alone.”

“I’m sorry.” The warmth he had begun to feel around Rick slowly bled away.

“Just…go get ready for school or something. I don’t want your help and I don’t need it.”

AJ turned and went into the room. The lump of tears was back in his throat.

**********

“Mom, I’m home,” he called out, closing the door softly behind him.

“She’s not here.” Rick was lying down on the couch.

“Oh, where’d she go?” He dropped his books on the coffee table.

“She had some errands to run.”

“Oh. Oh hey, guess what? Mr. Johnson, he’s the track coach, he watched me run today and he said that I should try out for the team this spring.”

“That’s great.” Rick yawned.

“I’m gonna make myself a snack, you want one?”

“Nah, I ain’t hungry.”

AJ sat down on the ground near the couch.

“I thought you were gonna make something to eat.”

He shrugged. “I changed my mind.”

“Whatever.”

“So what did you do today?” He knew that Rick didn’t want to talk but he was getting desperate now. The sick feeling in his stomach was getting worse and worse.

“I jumped around on your trampoline. What do you think I did all day?” Rick sat up.

“Do you hate me,” he asked, his voice thick with tears. He put his hand over his mouth, horrified that the question had come out.

Rick stared at him. “What?”

AJ shrugged. “Do you hate me?

“Of course not. Where the heck did you get an idea like that?”

“You don’t want me around. You’re always yelling at me or ignoring me. And you didn’t even want me to visit you at the hospital.” He sobbed and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “And it was my fault that you got hurt.”

“You’re fault? Stop crying. AJ will you sit up here and stop crying.” Rick grabbed him and hauled him up to the couch. “Stop it! It was not your fault I got hurt.”

“If I hadn’t gotten mad you wouldn’t have stopped and you never would have almost hit that girl.”

“For being so smart you sure are stupid.” Then he said more softly, “AJ, it’s not your fault. Hell, it’s nobody’s fault. Sometimes, sometimes things just happen. And this just happened.”

“Then why didn’t you want to see me at the hospital?”

“Aw kid…Ya know when you were little, you used look up to me. You made me feel like I was 20 feet tall. AJ I was hurting real bad in the hospital. It hurt to breathe even. I didn’t want you to see that. I didn’t want you to think I was a wimp. That’s why I yelled at you this morning. I didn’t want you to see me hurting.”

“I’d never think you were a wimp. I mean I was there, I saw the car spin around. I saw…I was so scared.” He was shaking now, shaking worse than when he had seen the accident. “I thought you were gonna die thinking that I hated you. And that’s not true, I don’t hate you. I thought you were gonna die. All I wanted to do was spent time with you.”

Rick grabbed him and pulled him against his chest. “Dammit, I’m just screwing everything up aren’t I?”

“I’m hurting you.” AJ tired to pull back from Rick but he held him tightly.

“No, no you’re not.” He brushed his lips against AJ’s temple.

“It’s got to hurt. Your ribs.” He pressed his face into his brother’s chest anyway.

“Well maybe I deserve it. I’ve been a jerk haven’t I?”

He sniffed. “Just a little one.”

“It’s hard AJ, it’s real hard. I feel so damned small around you sometimes. You got it all kid, smarts and looks and talent. And what do I got? Busted ribs and a busted leg.”

AJ pulled back far enough to look into Rick’s face. “What are you talking about?”

“Look at you. You don’t get anything less than Bs at school, and that blond hair and those blue eyes will get you any girl you want. And do you think any coach has come to me asking me to try out for a team. I need to get away from that every once and awhile.” Rick wiped the tears from his face. “It’s hard to stand close to perfection all the time.”

“But I’m not perfect,” he said. “And you’re smart and talented and good-looking too.”

Rick snorted.

“It’s true. I mean, you can fix anything, cars and my bike and Mom’s vacuum cleaner. Do you think I could do that? And all the girls in my classes ask about you.”

“Oh great, I’m glad to know that I can get a date from the middle school if my plans with Karen fall through..”

AJ ignored him and went on. “And don’t forget that you’re on the football team.”

“Not with this busted leg besides I was only second string.”

“A lot of guys never even made second string. And besides…” AJ blushed. “I’m pretty lucky to have cool brother like you.”

“Really?”

AJ nodded.

“Well, I’m lucky to have a cool brother like you too.” He smiled, shyly. “Hey, you know what’s coming on right now? A Rough Rider marathon.”

“I haven’t seen that in a long time.”

“Yeah. How about we make some snacks and watch a couple of episodes.”

“Okay.” AJ bounced up and held out a hand.

Rick took it and pulled himself up. “AJ?”

“Yeah?” He grunted as Rick stumbled and clutched him.

“You’re my best friend. In case you didn’t know.”

AJ pressed his face into Rick’s shoulder for a brief moment and then wrapped an arm around his waist. “You’re my best friend too. In case you didn’t know.”

And with Rick leaning against him they made their way to the kitchen.

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