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My child has failed a skating test For causes I shall state. I've told each person I have met The reason for this fate. |
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The test was much too early, The test was much too late, My skater waited hours, My child was first to skate. The Judges' panel was all male, The panel was all ladies, The rink was zero and below, The rink was hot as Hades. |
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The light was poor, the surface bad, The ice too smooth for skating, Too insufficient warm-up time, Too long on practice waiting. Trial Judges gave my skater nerves, The chairman planned it wrong, The rink was much too quiet, The music much too strong. |
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The skating outfit was way too bright, The outfit was too plain. She skated just before "Joe Blow"; He had to follow "Jane". The skates were worn with no support, Too new for good effect. The blades too dull, the blades too sharp, The blades stoned incorrect. |
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The judges had not eaten, They took too many breaks. My tester had a headache, The accountant made mistakes. The Pro is teaching her all wrong, The Pro had her confused. Her lovelife is a terrible mess, Her schoolmates are amused. |
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She's overtired from quiz and books, Her partner was off time, The dance was too fast, the dance was too slow, It's past her dinner time. I'll tell you straight. I'll tell you fair. The facts are true as die. My skater failed this skating test, I'm trying to fathom why. |
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I've had this nagging little thought, Which does not last too long. Do you suppose that there's a chance We possibly were wrong? Do you suppose this child I love So calm, prepared and steady Who failed this latest skating test WAS NEVER REALLY READY? |
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author unknown |