PAYHEMBURY
A payhembury is that small but noticeable fault that renders an otherwise beautiful face or body ugly. For example, Miss Venezuela's hammer thumb, or the single black hair which has snuck out of Sophia Loren's nose at the press conference.

CHATTANOOGA
You're at the railway station and your train leaves in 10 minutes. However, you cannot wait a moment longer to move your bowels, so you go into the toilet by the platform. Nine times out of ten you can finish in under five minutes. But this time, it transpires that you have galloping diarrheoa. Chattanooga is the feeling of panic you experience when you realise you're going to have to leave the toilet half-way through your stool or miss your train.

SKOKIE LAGOON
Skokie Lagoon is when, after experiencing chattanooga, you discover there isn't any toilet paper in your cubicle.

MISSISSIPPI
When someone brings out a book like 'The Meaning of Liff' and you think, 'Why the hell didn't I do that book first?!' you're actually experiencing mississippi. Silver medalists invariably exhibit this emotion.

DUNSTER
Jealous anger. Acute mississippi more often than not tips over into dunster.

CAMBERWELL
A camberwell is a cloud of foul-smelling air resembling old gorgonzola which inhabits the inside of cinemas. With the passing of the newsreel theatre in the sixties and the drastic fall in cinema attendances, camberwells are relatively rare today. Rich camberwells can still, however, be found in the porn theatres around 42nd Street.

SELBY
This is a person, usually male, who goes to the movies alone. He is a selby, however, only if he sits through two or more consecutive showings of the same film. A selby usually changes his seat every twenty minutes or so between naps. Selbys are the largest single source of camberwells.

FLAMBOROUGH HEAD
The little protuberance on the inside of your cheek that, once you have bitten it, you keep on biting.