Lost in Cary or the Legend of WWD
Coming Out - A Need and Trial of Faith
My Makeover Adventure - February 4, 1999
I was all excited when I woke. This day I was going to see Mary Jane, a professional Make up artist in Fuquay-Varina NC. Though it was rainy I could not be anything but happy; except maybe that I was dressed as my evil twin brother. I did bring a wig and some femme apparel though. After all, I was going to find a new Bobbi. The trip went smoothly until I hit the Raleigh area. Now it looked like I'd be late; maybe even miss the appointment. No, not that, anything but that! As it went, I arrived about an hour late and was lost, though Mary Jane had given perfect directions, I in my frustration, turn the wrong way when I got to Fuquay-Varina. I stopped at a drug store and called her. Thank God, she answered the phone and redirected me. Finally, I got to her shop and met the cutest little woman I'd ever seen. Mary Jane was very friendly and understanding. We immediately got to work on this old face. As she worked her magic, she explained what she was doing and let me hold a mirror to better see what she was doing. We were done in a little over an hour. Now there stood a strange but incredibly feminine woman in the mirror. I was thrilled. Mary Jane took some pictures, that did not come out so well. They are on the More Bobbi page.
I decided to go all the way home en femme, a first for me. Mary Jane gave me a better route home and I was off. A few miles down the road I stopped for gas, ensuring that I could pay at the pump. I was careful to pull in at a pump with no one next to me. Ah, safe! Oopps! A car pulled in next to me. Maybe he won't look, I thought. Not only did he look, but he talked to me. In my bubba outfit I may have already given myself away, but I answered him in my finest bubba voice. He didn't give it a second thought. Just went about his business. I was on a high the rest of the way home, getting looks from an occasional guy. Mostly nobody even looked. The next stumbling block was my arrival home. No one in the neighborhood has ever seen me as Bobbi. Heck, I just pulled in and confidently walked into my apartment building, happy I was neither seen nor confronted. A wonderful day came to an end and I planned to do my own makeup the next day armed with some better techniques and some new makeup products. Well, I had to take some pics too! See them on the Just Bobbi page.
For those of you not familiar with the Veronica, it is a shape enhancing device for the hip and buttock area. Go to
Classic Curves for details. When I first tried mine on I was thrilled with the womanly form it gave me. Really fills out a pair of jeans. I was not used to that much body in those areas and bumped into a few things at first. My good friend and Kappa Beta sister Leilla commented positively on the appearance it gave me in jeans. "Nice Butt"
The other garment, Diva bra, gives a natural looking cleavage. If you don't wear low cut dresses or tops, there is no benefit (DUH!) Also if you don't have a fair amount of pectoral tissue, you will not benefit either. Both items are moderately expensive. If you decide to order either of these, make sure that your measurements are very accurate. The woman's waist measurement can be a couple of inches smaller than a relaxed waistline since the waist band will act as a cincher to some degree. Takes about 4-6 weeks for delivery.
Spring may be my time of year. April started a whole new chain of events for me, as well as sparking a renewed energy. Let me regress a bit before I tell you about a very special weekend. In January 1999 I decided to reach out to the transgendered community. So many people had helped me to gain confidence in myself and understand who I am, that I wanted to extend the same love and understanding to others. For that purpose I created a website, which has blessed me with many new friends and allowed me to touch the hearts of a few who needed assurance and love. In addition, I have learned so much more about peoples feelings and concerns. This enabled my love for people to grow.
A very special weekend in April, the annual "Spring Fling" put on by Ms Dyana Lea in her home for Kappa Beta, sparked me even further. The weekend began at the Holiday Independence in Charlotte on Friday, where my close friend Leilla and I shared a room for that night. We had a wonderful dinner at the Thai restaurant in the company of Drew and Nicole and of course closed the Marilyn Monroe bar to cap the day. The next morning Leilla and I checked out and went to a computer show before heading for our motel in Hickory. After checking in and changing into appropriate lady's attire for the day. we started our journey to the beautiful home of Dyana Lea.
Once we arrived, we were greeted warmly by Dyana and moved out to the open porch, overlooking a beautiful pond stocked with trot as I later found out. There were about 10 people already there, chatting and sipping their favorite drinks. What a perfect country setting for sharing with new and old friends. Before too long our lot had grown to near 25. I saw a few new faces and had to meet them all. Dyana layed out a marvelous array of snacks including a well stocked bar to keep us satisfied until dinner time. During that time I met all the new girls and spent time strengthening old relationships. A special highlight of the day was the celebration of Denise's birthday. Denise first came to Kappa only one month after me and we had a special connection early on. We all talked and talk until late evening. Toward the end as everyone was departing for there homes, Jan, a close friend of Dyana, were talking with Dyana. During this conversation Dyana asked if we were coming back tomorrow. I said yes, I'd love to. I really did not want this weekend to stop. Shortly thereafter Leilla, Jan and I departed for our motel rooms.
The following morning after checking out of the motel, Leilla, Jan and I shared breakfast at a Waffle House close by. Leilla had planned on visiting her Mother. After our goodbyes Jan led me back to Dyana's. Once back in paradise, we were warmly greeted by Dyana and began another fabulous day. I had to ask right away if it were alright if I stay the night. This has been a long time dream, to stay with some friends ( CD friends) for a quiet and private weekend, sharing ourselves with good conversation as ladies. What a grand day of girltalk we had. We ate from the previous days repast all during the day as we got to know each other very well. Part of the afternoon we enjoyed a NASCAR race together, during which our conversation continued. Our great friend Beverly arrived during the race. She had just come back from a planning session for SCC in Atlanta and wanted to tell Dyana what had gone on. I got to see Dyana's central computing room. There Bev helped cure a problem with the e-mail setup. All of us talked for a few hours more, then Bev had to go. We finally finished yesterday's food for dinner and continued to discuss ourselves, where we'd been, our dreams, our fears. . . as soft beautiful music played in the background. We retired modestly early, for both Jan and I had long drives homes the next day.
The following morning we finished packing and shared breakfast. With warm hugs and happy ( and partly sad) hearts, Jan and I departed for our homes. All the way home I replayed this most wonderful weekend in my mind as joyful music echoed in my heart. What a blessing it is to have gotten to know these wonderful ladies so much more. The "Joy" of this weekend remains in my heart.
"Lost in Cary or the Legend of WWD"
Perspective of
the Baronette Bobbi Jean Hewitt
The Tau Gamma group really knows how to have fun. We don't just have regular meetings or events, we have adventures. One such adventure occurred during our April 1999 family campout (an en homme event for members and their families).
Friday started off calmly. As everyone arrived, we chose our cabins and later had a wonderful supper prepared by Norma. She's an A#1 cook. After our delicious meal, the evening was spent playing games and just getting to know each other better. The plan for Saturday was to, of course eat again, then about 1 P.M. go to Apex, where one of our members, let's call him Choo-Choo, was participating in a train exhibition. I'll tell ya about that later.
Early Saturday afternoon, we all gathered in the dining hall in preparation for our excursion to Apex. We all got in our vehicles and with Dean in the lead, started to exit the park. Oops, Where was Paul? He'd gone on a nature walk and had not return by the time we were ready to leave. My group went back to find Paul. No Paul to be found. Sadly, we proceeded back to the others and off to Apex we went.
You must know some history before we proceed. Dean and Tom often go out looking for places for the group to go. As often as not, they wind up getting lost and blame each other for the folly. Remember now, Dean is in the lead; Danel Boone he ain't. After about 20 minutes we were in Cary and crossed Route 64 and Route 1 on the way. Another 20 minutes passed and we're still in Cary, having passed Route 64 again. Do you see a pattern here? Finally, we reach an area that Tom recognized as being far out of the way. Just then Dean pulled into a drugstore parking lot. "Ok, I admit I’m lost" Dean said. "Just get me to down town Apex then I know where to go from there" You don't believe that, do you? Tom took the lead and in about a half-hour we were in downtown Apex.. Gosh, now Dean is in the lead again. Heaven help us!
Guess what, in a matter of seconds we were going the wrong way again. There's that Route 64 sign again! Finally we all turned down the right road and arrived at the train exhibition. Talk about a Gilligan trip! The only thing we were missing was Ginger and a few coconuts.
Most of us had never been to such an event and were excited as we entered the complex. There was a really railway system with about a mile and a half of track twisting through a wooded setting. The tracks were about 7 inches apart and the locomotives were about 3 to 4 feet long, pulling proportionate sized cars, some with seats for passengers. The whole layout was very realistic, including switches, bridges and even a roundhouse. We all found Choo-Choo and he explained all about his engine, a coal burner, and about the layout at Apex. Some of the other locomotives were diesel or electrically powered each built buy the owner. Many of us rode on Choo-Choo's train (not a bad pun). What a blast and didn't cost a dime. Was the adventure over yet? No, we still had to get back to the park.
This time Tom led the pack. We were almost back when the first two cars turned right and . . . you guessed it, Dean went straight. Well, we all did get back, even Dean. After and during another wonderful feast from Norma's kitchen we spun yarns about getting "Lost in Cary" and the "Legend of WWD" (Wrong Way Dean) If you have a lot of time and want to take a vacation that may never end point your browser at http://wwd.com/whatatrip
On the weekend of August 20th I celebrated my one year anniversary with Kappa Beta. Its been such a joyful year. I met and befriended many new girls. One of my greatest joys is being able to help other crossdressers coming out for the first time. In honor of this grand occasion I've written this coming out story.
As transgendered people, we feel we must tell someone about ourselves. Like anyone else, we want our friends and family to know who we are, not who they think we are or who they'd like us to be. Our hopes are that they will embrace our second selves the same as the person they already know and love. After all, we are a single entity,now wanting them to see one more aspect of our being. If everything were all right in our current relationship, why would we want to tell them? There are several reasons I've thought. You may see the same or differently, but each must decide for themselves.
A few months after coming out to the Kappa Beta group in August 1998, I was empowered to approach the issue of coming out to my family and possibly others. One thought on this matter, as I heard from a few Kappa ladies, was not to tell if there was no need to do so. I agreed with that philosophy. From there I found a need to tell at least one member of my family. Since I am a prime candidate for early death, I saw that a family member must be aware of my transgendered life. I didn't want anyone to contrive falsehoods about me based on seeing a multitude of feminine apparel, makeup, wigs and pictures openly displayed in my home. From this thinking I decided to tell my sister first.
Our love is very special. We've been close since her birth and I trusted her love to accept my second self. There was still some apprehension though. Fear of rejection, losing the love of a dear one or even diminishing that love was on my mind up to the last second. Rather than wait for the visit to come in December, I called my sister. The beginning of the conversation was about family topics, the children's activities and just joking around as we usually do. Now I had to drop the bomb. "Sis there is something I have to tell you. It's about something you never knew your brother was doing." I said. Notice I'm stalling? She hesitated and said "Okay, what is it?" "Your brother is a crossdresser " I replied. "Oh. I thought you were going to tell me something bad like you were on drugs or joined a weird cult" She giggled in that impish sort of way that I love. She asked me how long I've been crossdressing, what started the whole thing, and did I think God was okay with this. The last two questions were the most difficult, but I was confident that I knew the true answers.
Regarding what started my crossdressing, I told her that it started as a fetish with just panties and stockings to enhance the libido. Later I tried apparel and finally dressed completely. After a period of time the fetish aspect vanished and was replaced by a true love of womanhood. I discovered another side of me and I liked her. I'd seen several interviews and documentaries on the subject and it intrigued me. "Now I meet with a group of friends just like me one weekend a month. We have such fun" My sister was very aware of this affinity among men, so she truly understood what I just told her. The issue concerning my relationship with God was one she really was concerned about.
Let me regress a bit to help you understand my answer. Shortly after beginning my fetish stage, I came to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior in a Pentecostal church. Though I'd been brought up as a Methodist, I was encouraged by a very dear man to attend his church. He sensed that I had a need and that though I was a happy upbeat sort that I had some spiritual matters to settle. Even after my day of spiritual rebirth, I continued to practice my fetish for a while. As I grew, God spoke to me in His gentle way. He revealed that wearing the clothing was not the problem, rather it was the lustfulness that was growing with it that was the concern. God is not tolerant of lust in the heart. I became extremely guilty and purged those dainties from my life, vowing to never do this again. I still did not understand. The clothes were gone, but I still had the lustfulness in my heart. I asked God through prayer and Bible study to change me. The Lord revealed His disdain for lustfulness and that it was keeping us apart. I must give it all to Him and trust that He would do this. I did give it all to Him and the lustfulness dissipated after a time. Sometimes we think God works like magic. Poof and its gone. Healing takes time and continued care. God provides that on an individual basis. A few years later the desire to wear those wonderful things again crossed my mind. I was living with a couple of lady friends in their early twenties, I in my early thirties. During this time I got fascinated with all the girlish activity surrounding me. I'd watch them get ready for their dates and parties, paying particular attention to how they applied their makeup and adorned themselves. They were having so much fun. I wanted some of that, the fun and comrodary that is. I even went with them on their girl’s night out times. Gee, was I one of the girls? We often shopped together and they were amazed at my ability to pick out "perfect" outfits and accessories. I didn't know I had this natural talent. I suppose that is not impossible to believe, since I've been an observer of woman for what over fifteen years. You can guess what happened from here. An article of clothing laid carelessly about, some makeup in the bathroom, an empty house . . . be home by two a.m. . . hmmm. . . a girl is born. This difference at this point was that I loved womanhood and wanted to feel that way. Lust was not a part of it. The girls never knew, suspected maybe, and never approached me on it. As time passed, I bought my own clothes and makeup. Bobbi was just growing up. Wish I had the Knowledge and contacts I have now. Oh well, its still great. In response to my sister's concern about God and crossdressing, I told her that I had the concern too: talked it over with God and trusted that He would keep me and continue to guide my life. That's all, no Bible quotes, no Christian counseling, just trust. Trust in love is what enabled me to tell my sister and trust in God is what keeps me. Over the ensuing time I've told some friends and most recently my mother.
I still keep in mind that there should be a need to tell, but I've expanded that. The need to tell the truth is always there. If confronted by an issue and the right (truthful) answer to a question involves divulging your transgendered self, then there is a need. Truthfulness is universally important to relationships, be they friends, family or associates. Instead of telling a sales clerk that those very well match articles of clothing are for your non-existent wife or for your sister, I tell them that they are for me. Sometimes eyebrows raise and sometimes you get a new friend. If they haven't noticed the long manicured nails, pierced ears, longer hair and the fact that these clothes might even fit me, I probably do need to tell them. I'm much more open about my transgendered self now, but I am careful of who I speak to and where I am when I do reveal my good side. There are still risks, be careful. This is just one girl's opinion and it works for me.
