HOW YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL D-56 COLLECTORS AT THE GROCERY STORE Performed by Dick Graf at the Village Addicts Anonymous (Los Angeles) club meeting, June 13, 1998

"I don't care what anyone says, you stand these celery stalks side by side, this one's definitely taller."

"Honey, get another box of frozen waffles. This one has a funny, little mark on it, see, right here, on the upper right hand corner.^"

"I don't believe it! Every can of tomato soup is either dented or the label is pasted on crooked."

"They're all gone? They sold them all? Good customers that we are, you'd think they would have saved us at least one mushroom."

"WelI, let's look at a couple more string beans and then we'll decide which ones we want."

"You say it's the last loaf of bread they have left, and they're gonna hold a drawing for it?"

"Every box of Wheaties is smashed! Here, hold on to this one, it's the least damaged. You stay here, I'll run over to Ralph's or Von's and see what they have."

"I know they're out of moth balls, but the manager took our name down and he promised to give us a call when the next shipment of moth balls comes in."

"Have you seen the spices?" "Yeah, but I want to see the potato chip display. They say it's great." "People use so little horseradish, they oughta make it a mid-year issuance."

"1 understand what you're saying, honey. It just seems stupid to me that we have to have at least one of each size of toothpaste when we already have one of each kind of toothpaste."

"Oh, look at this adorable toilet bowl cleanser. Have you ever seen anything as cute?"

"It's a new salad dressing? Put it back, I don't like it. I don't want it in my refrigerator."

"I've checked them all out. Get this bunch of broccoli; the rubber band is cleaner than any of the others." "Look, the expiration date on this carton of milk is illegible. I gonna ask for a price break."

"They just sold their last ear of corn? Call your sister in Iowa. Maybe she can get us one. Have her get several, if they're available."

"They're out of proportion. We can't put these potatoes next to the pork chops. They're too big. The pork chops will look silly."

"I just thought of a good one. Think they'll ever retire Maxwell House Coffee or Log Cabin Syrup?"

"They love us. Over the years, we bought every flavor of ice cream. Then they made sherbet. We bought every flavor of sherbet. Next it was frozen yogurt. And we got all of them. Recently, they put out frozen sorbet. . . .we got all of them. It's scary! You wonder what they're gonna come out with next year....?"