Film Fun is ever ready and eager to rush out and in where angels fear to trip and gather, what in newspaper circles is called a beat. A beat is not a vegitable all of the time. As in this instance, for example, a beat is a scoop, and a scoop is not only a beat but a jump on other newspapers. And that is what Film Fun is doing from day to day, thus making it the kind of periodical that is not only up to date but slightly in advance of it.

So when my editor tells me to go out and getr the news of tomorow and points east, it is my duty to blaze trails hitherto unblazed.

"Get an interview" sez the editor, and it isn't mine to question the why and the wherefore, but to get an interview.

Everybody knows that when a dog bites a goldfish that is isn't what is termed news. Notatall. But if a goldfish should bite a child, that is news.

So when I go out to interview, do I interview the usual. No. Notatall. I interview the hard to interview.

So I jumped into a flivver and hustle to the cow barn wherein Brown Eyes dwells and has her cud.

Brown Eyes, if memory serves you, is the young lady bovine which is the polite for cow, who plays her first lead opposite Buster Keaton in "Go West".

"pull up a milk pail," sez Brown Eyes when she sees me approach her stall, "and make yourself comfortable. I can't offer you a shot o' Scotch," sez she, "but if there is anything in the whey of milk I can give you what your heart curdles, from skimmed milk to ice cream."

Thanking her in my heartiest manner, I sat and got the old lady talking about herself.

"I don't like this here now motion picture business," said she, "The screen aint no place for a respectable lady. There's too much rough stuff to suit me. You see I was raised in a genteel atmosphere, far from the city's cabarets and such like palaces of vice. From sunrise to the going down thereof, I have lowed about the lea and meadow, dingle and dell, munching the sweet clover and herb to my heart's delight. I was never so muuch as photographed before or behind in my life. No spotlight ever searched out the innermost secrets of my mind. No man with a megaphone ever got fresh with me. I never heard a nifty or a sassy word in my born days. Imagine then my suprise when these here extras and small part guys called me by my first name and made advances on me. No. When you come to think of it a lady's place is in the meadow giving her fourteen a day and counting that day lost who's receding sun has set upon a pail unfilled."

I don't want to appear sentimental, but I left Brown Eyes with the feeling that a few of my feminine friends ought to share her philosophy of life, and if they did this world wouldn't need a better five cent cigar or anything else.