The Feeders by Glenda Kay White

Standing in the middle of a very long line, I wondered if any of us had a chance to be chosen, and from so many, felt I had not reason to believe I would be. Many finer women stood before me, and behind. My husband and I had walked some five days so that I might stand in this line and take my turn in the court. I guess I am getting ahead of my story and need to back track some.

I am from a village high in the mountains of a country controlled by one King and his court. Our village is poor and wages are none, one must live off what bit of land owned by one's family. Only none of us own the land any longer, as the King has claimed it his own, we are allowed but one percent of the food and grain we raise to live on, the rest goes to the court to be bid and offered for goods from other countries near and far. Ships with goods enter this China Sea, and some trade well and others trade with bitter reminders that we are cut off from mainland and under the care of our King and nothing more than his slaves, slaves to do with as he pleases and to use for his pleasure or needs. We are no longer a free people, we no longer have a self worth.

My husband has done well for us these past few years of our life as one. He, being a farmer with a special talent, has found favor with the King's men with his goods. My husband is a farmer of bees, and he plants special crops of flowering plants to feed a special nectar to the bees so that the honey he harvests from the special pot hives he makes for them, is the best anywhere to be had. The King's men have traded well with him in the past and his Honey, it is said, has brought many riches to our King and his court. Our village is a beautiful place, in the warm seasons and all in bloom, as others have since taken to plant as does my Husband and also to house and harvest the honey form these well fed bees.

My Husband makes his pots for the housing of the hive from clay he digs from beneath the ground near a cave higher up the mountain. It shines when baked in the Sun, a sparkling texture that attracts the bees and at the end of the warm season also butterflies, as do the sweet smells of the flowers from his gardens. His garden is large, covering that 20 times the size of our village with homes and all, in this garden he has wound a maze of rock covered path to walk upon, and each section like that of a hand pieced coverlet has a hive. The hive in the clay pot housing sits in the center and the flowers are all around so the bees do not have far to go to gather their nectar. My Husband claims this helps them to be able to make more honey, as they are not so tired from the harvest of the nectar. We also raise goats and rabbits, and for the soul purpose of feeding the plants so they in turn can feed the bees. I like the goats as we also get the sweetest milk form them and rich as well so that the cheese is good and filling.

I am never allowed to pick the flowers from the plants, but can walk each day along the path in the early of the morning or the late of the evening when the bees are at rest. I should walk softly so as not to disturb them. I am allowed to make coverlets for the housing to keep the bees from freezing in the cold season, it is an honor for me to have work to share with my Husband, he is most pleased that I am willing to help him and rewards me nicely when he harvests the honey, I always get cloth and goods for our home. This year, I was honored, as he gave me extra cloth because I was growing his child inside me. I long but for soft cloth, not the ruff cuts we have in our village, but the price is to dear and feel badly that I was not satisfied with what I was given. Still would be nice to wrap my first born in silk.

We received word just before I birthed our daughter, that the King's bride also was with child. That she was frail and there was word she would not be able to feed the child, so there would be a need for a feeder. By the time the news reached high to our village, the post had gone out and names were already on the list. I had no thought of applying, we live so far from the court, how could I even be considered. Then my Husband insisted that I be tested for the position, saying to me that my milk could bring us the price to own our land again, clear and free and not have to give the larger portion of our Honey to the King's men. So when my child was born, the tester arrived in our village and my milk stood in the tumbler beside the same amounts of a cow's milk and that of our own goat's. At the weighing, my milk offered up more cream and was richer than either of the other's and I was placed higher on the list and told to report to the King's court on the day before the second moon of the fifth month, this is when the King's child would be born.

So with our new daughter, now not three months into her earth life, we have traveled here so that I can stand in this line and wait to be offered for service. My mind is confused, one day a wife and new mother and the next waiting for service. The women chosen will feed the babe twice a day as needed, and then be allowed to feed their own child later so that the King's child will receive the richest and best milk of the day. I feel unworthy of this honor, as my heart aches for my own child to receive the best of my milk, I am her Mother, she is my Child and my milk flows for her, yet this other child would not live were it not for the feeders. I know it is an honor to my Husband and I to even be considered, and it has taken much for us to come this far, but in my heart, deep in my chest I secretly hope the child will reject me.

Now as I stand here, in the new cloth my Husband gave me, and wait, I feel both shame for my thoughts and pride that I am in this line of the possibilities. To make sure the child is not offended by my body, I soaked each day for three days in goat's milk with Honey added to it. This has made my skin smooth and soft. Now my Husband brings to me dampened cloth to wash my skin, my breast and keep them clean as even my own child rejects me if I am covered with sweat. Holding tightly to the small vessel that contains an amount of the Honey from our hives, I tire as the day goes on. Woman after woman goes into the court yard and on into the castle, and woman after woman is brought out and led away in shame by her husband. We have had no word that the King's child is born, so why then are they being turned away?

Into the court yard strides the King, this is my first time to look upon him, he is not old nor is he young, more the age of my own Husband. Not so tall, but his body is not soft as I had visioned it to be, but strong. He walks with pride, his stance is royal and his head lifted with a smile to his lips. I say to my Husband, before the trumpet is sounded, "the King has a son". Then the trumpet sounded and it is announced that the King has an heir. Now the line is let go for the day, does this mean the feeder's have been chosen? We will know in the morrow.

The night does not bring rest to my Husband, and because he is not at ease, I as well am sleepless. This is not good, for when I can not rest, neither can our child when I feed her and if it is noticed that my child is restless, then I will not even be allowed to take up my place in the line come the light of day. I think on a soothing bath, so fill the bowl with water from the bucket my Husband has filled for us from the well in the street. As I help him to remove his clothing, he looks into my eyes much like a child himself. I did not realize how important it is to him that I be chosen as one of the feeders. As I wash his body and sooth his unrest and he falls asleep in my arms, I softly sing a song that my Grand Mother sang to me as a child. The sound of my voice seems to ease the baby and she as well falls asleep beside me. Quiet is the night and long for I am bound to a duty that my heart is not in and though there are many ways I can make sure the child will not accept me, I dare not now that I know it is not just the wish of my Husband, but his greatest desire. He is a good Husband, picked for me by my Father and settled at a fair price. I being the oldest of four daughters and my Father giving all his worldly goods to make me worthy of a fine Husband, and I in return will give to the next sister for her matching as my Husband offers me pay for my services to the needs of the village. My hand work has brought in good marks and a few coins as well and in another year the first of the other three will wed in her turn. I am in hopes she will be bonded to my Husband's cousin, and stay in our village and not be shipped off to another far away. I have had little in my life time, so my family have become my treasures and I wish not to be far from any of them. This is the longest distance I have ever been from any one of them.

As day arrives and must be met, my Husband awakes rested and eager to get me washed and dressed and back in the line. Only this day, I insist that my own child be fed first. She had but goat's milk all the day before until night and she also needs her strength. He was not pleased with this but did not stop me. As I headed for the list keeper, I turned and ran back to the shelter we had built, the two of us from skins and small limbs from a tree we came upon on the way down the side of the mountain. There I had left on the coverlet the small vile of Honey, I had to make sure I had it with me. Taking up my place in the line, after the list keeper confirmed my name was there, I listened to the groans and moans of the other women. They also were tired and we were all hungry, none of us had much food with us and for some reason the local people were not offering to share or trade food to any of us. I was surprised, not half way through the morning Sun I was escorted into the castle. My Husband was stopped at the door and sent to the side entrance to wait on me.

As I walked down the long hallway, I felt the coolness of the marble under my shoes. The smell of oils burning and flowers all along with candles lit and the reflection from fine crafted copper lit the hall. At the end of the hall I was taken by two women dressed in white cloth and faces covered where only the eye's could be seen. Neither spoke a word and I followed the motion of their hands.

The room was large and filled with fine things, jeweled wood frames held soft looking velvet cloth covered tufts to sit upon, and tables of marble that matched with the marble of the floor stood about and on each was either flowers or foods that I had never seen, much less tasted. I was led to the side of a huge bed, posters carved with deep images of lions held sheer coverings so that I could barely make out the figure of a small woman on the pillows and coverlets that were pure, white silks and velvets of deep purple and gold trim. As I stepped closer, one of the women pulled aside the sheers and my eyes met those of the woman. I fell back a bit and almost to the floor, her eyes, they were not black or deep brown like I had always looked into, they were blue like the sky on a warm day. I could see into them, deep into her mind and I could feel her concern for her child. She motioned for me to come closer, yet the bed was in the way, then she patted the bed beside her so that I knew to climb up on the bed and lean into her so she could see me more closely. As I did so, I could not stop the tears from flowing down my check, she was so weak and pale, and so worried in her thoughts that my heart ached for her. I knew at that moment she feared death and that her only concern was for her child to live and be well tended. I had been so wrong to wish to be rejected, at that moment I felt if I were not chosen my life would end without meaning. With one swift whisper of a smile and a motion of her hand she let it be known, I was to stay. She didn't speak, she reached for me and the strangest thing, she embraced me like I would one of my sister'.

Then the two women took hold of me and helped me down from the bed, I was taken to the other side of the room to a small basket and inside lay the babe. He was a fine child, his color deep brown and black hair in ringlets about his face. A plump child for her to be so thin. I was not allowed to touch him, just look and then escorted to an adjoining room. There I was drawn a bath, with oils and as I stepped in the large bowl shaped pool, two men came in, neither looked on me, but went straight to a fire place on the outer wall and using large scoops lifted hot stones and put in the end of the pool and the steam lifted and filled the room. As I stood there, one of the women removed part of her clothing and got in the pool with me. All this time, I still wore my cloth. It was removed and taken away by the other woman. Then the two men left as quickly and silently as they had entered. I was washed, from my head and hair to the bottom of my feet and then the second woman came with a soft cloth and patted my skin and as I stepped out of the pool she even dried the bottom of my feet. I was given new cloth, cut in shape and a cord to waist to hold it in place and closed, as it draped in the front to be easily opened. I had made sure they did not take my vial of Honey with my clothing, yet no one spoke to me and I wondered why? After the bath I was taken back to the bed room of the King's bride and where now the babe lay crying, the sound like that of a new born kid, only softer. I was brought one of the velvet and wooden stools to sit upon, and then the child was cradled in my arms. I held him for a moment, then knew it was time for the test. I asked that one of the women hold him for a moment, I lowered the side of my cloth and exposing my breast, took up the vial and opening it, took a small amount of the Honey on the thumb of my right hand and the pointer finger and rubbed it gently on my left nipple. Then using the under part of the lower edge of my cloth, to remove the sticky Honey from my hand, and reaching for the child. The two women looked at each other and then at me, but handed me the child that was now in full song with his crying. As I cradled him once more, and his hungry little mouth found my nipple, I started to hum and sing the song that had soothed my Husband and own child the night before. The small babe closed his little eyes, and suckled and placed one small hand on my breast and rubbed the roundness of it for a few moments, then as he fed, I sang and then he slept. The room of people now numbered 12 and the King and his bride sat up on the bed and watched, she wept in his arms and he smiled on me with kindness. After the child was returned to his basket and my cloth back to cover my body I was escorted to the edge of the bed where the royal couple sat.

The Lady looked up at me and spoke, "Thank you, he would not eat for the others, only for you." "Will you stay in our service and tend him please?" I stood there, this was the first time anyone had asked me, no one not even my Husband considered my thoughts or feelings, only the Lady. "Yes, as long as he needs me I shall stay."

When I returned to the side door where my husband waited with our own child, I told him I had been picked as one of the feeder's. He was overjoyed and showed his first public affection to me ever, he kissed my forehead and there where all the court could see. I felt a blush to my cheeks. Then the two women spoke to us, "You will stay here at the castle, there will be rooms provided for you and your husband my stay with you when he can and as often as his farming permits. Your child also will stay here and be educated with the babe and tended by nurses of it's own."

"Make known to us what you eat, for the King has said, you are to eat as you always have so that the milk remains good and clean." You will join the house tomorrow, make list of your needs and they will be brought here from your village for you." Then we were allowed to go back to our pitch, but not for long. Soon a man came and took us back to the castle and we were shown our rooms and the back way to enter and leave. I was told I could not leave without permission from the royal family. This was not good news to me, however at home I had to ask my parents and then when I wed, had to ask my Husband so do not understand why it bothered me so to now have to ask the royal family's permission to come and go, but it did.

To my surprise, the next morning I learned I was the only feeder. The babe had rejected all the others that had come in and after being so stressed from all the attempts of the day before, once he settled with me, the Lady refused to try others. Now my duty began. What was at first a chore soon became a challenge and a thing of beauty. I need you to understand now, this was a life commitment, not just a year.

The King had decided that his Son, to be pure and strong should be raised on breast milk. So as the child grew, I had more children and when I was not feeding the child, others were, but just until my milk was ready for him again. All of his days he was feed by we feeders from birth and now here he is at age 23 and almost a man. My Child, was all I have ever been allowed to call him, and address him only when he allowed, which was always. Like my own flesh he has become and I must admit, I love him dearly. Though my milk has long since dried up, he still insist on suckle in the evening to sleep and I must as always sing to him. Now some 30 years older than he, and not so sure which is the wiser. He tells me things I think he should talk with the Lady of, but even though he is also close to his Mother, it is I he intrust with his thoughts of the future. I have watched as the feeder's have come and gone, and still I am the only one that takes up the small vile of Honey that my Husband brings to me on his visits, and anoint my nipple for him I do with tenderness and understanding. He is almost a man, yet still is a child in his heart of hearts and takes comfort at having at least one stable thing in his life. He has so much pressure to take on more of his Father's duties and prepare for when he will sit as King of the land that I feel blessed that I can at least take some of the tension from him for short periods of time.

My daughter has grown to a lovely woman and so has her two sisters and two brothers, yes five children of my own I have raised and fed as well and riches they enjoy that only my being a feeder could buy them. Education at the castle, and cloth soft as a lamb's wool and a bed not just a mat to lay their bodies on to rest. My Husband owns the land of his Father now and works it and even hires others to help him harvest the Honey.

The chore I feared as feeling like a member of a herd of cattle, nothing more than a feeder, kept only for my milk. Now I feel the pride of a Nurse, like a second Mother to a child and share him with the Lady and our love has kept him alive and well these 23 years. When he is a man, and takes on a wife, he will not need me then. I am wondering what will be my position, he says I shall always tend him and his children, even if I can no longer be a feeder. We will see. It has not been so bad after all, I think the reward is now more mine than anyone's and the Lady still hugs me each day as she did the first one and each day does not end without her saying, "Thank You."

The End

Glenda Kay White

Copyright ©1998